-Browser pone TOR-

>You are Tor pone
>Or are you?
>Who knows, maybe you're just a proxy
>Yeah, okay, sure
>If not, you can always hire a hitman
>And probably get a child slave for free
>You know, for being such a loyal customer
>Whatevs
>You get out of your bed, which doubles as a anti-nuke-and-virus capsule in case of an emergency, and it also hides your heat signature
>Because trusting people is for pussies
>The sort who actually drink the fluorinated water and get the vaccines
>Although, you do realize water is a necessary evil, much like Orson Scott Card said 9/11 was
>So you go through the same morning routine as Anon
>Shit, shower, you're not quite in need of a shave right now, and teeth brushie
>To clear out any dental probes the government has placed, of course
>Also, logically, you shouldn't be able to do this shit alone, but hey, that's one of the joys of being a unicorn.
>Fucking telekinesis, man
>And free time when Anon is having his college lectures
>Aaahhh
>You browse the web for news and interesting shit
>/b/ ends up catching your attention as usual
>This time, it's a beta/cringe thread
>You get a few chuckles, as well as some instances of god-tier cringe out of it
>You notice your stomach rumbling like some sort of demon
>So you decide to sacrifice some charred animal corpses to it, and fix a few cheeseburgers
>Fuck, who needs vegetables?
>Meat for the meat god
>Bacon for the bacon throne
>Aah, good 'ol 40K
>/tg/ is probably the least jew board to hang around
>Heh, fuckin' angry marines
>That's brilliant
>But anyway, you're itching to head to your rape dungeon
>OH WAIT
>Fucking anon wouldn't allow it
>Something about the fuckin' cops
>Oh yeah and ethics, etc.
>Siiiigh
>A right killjoy, he is
>That said, you could've ended up with a conservative mormon family or old people, so…all in all, you do acknowledge that existence could be worse
>You could be gargling Kony sperm
>…actually, that would be kind of delicious
>Shit, they've probably  got some on eBay
>aaand a quick search turns up nothing
>Huh
>First time you don't find something on eBay
>And keep in mind that's where you found a skull fragment from JFK
>With a little bit of blackmail, that was pretty damn cheap too
>Damn idiot didn't understand that once something is on the internet, it's there forever
>And hell, people can save it
>As you stand there, looking spaced-out, the front door opens with a 'click', then shuts
>"Oy, cuntface, you still asleep?"
>Well, isn't Anon just bold today
"Nope! Up bright and early!"
>He looks at you and raises an eyebrow
>"Right, so you got up five minutes ago."
>You grumble
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
>"Pattern recognition. Or, in other words, I know you. Now open gmail, and maybe I won't slap you, 'k?"
>You roll your eyes and do as he says
"You do know that's not really a deterrent, right?"
>"Sigh. Okay, I'll take away your gaming privileges, then."
>No, goddamnit!
"You dicktitbutt."
>"I know you are, but what am I?"
>You violently facehoof
"By dawkins, that's so fucking grade school."
>"Dawkins, you say? Oh god, you're not one of those fedora-wearing euphorics, are you?"
>You telekinetically punch him in the balls
>He falls on his knees with a slight whimper
>You look him in the eyes
"Watch your mouth, candyass"
>You give him a telekinetic slap and get a mountain dew from the fridge
"So! Believe it or not, but I'm actually a bit restless today. Maybe it's from my lack of a certain basement-based entertainment venue."
>He gets back to his feet  and grumbles
>"We've been over this, damnit. No means no. Now fuck off and project me some midget-giraffe-badger-threesome porn."
>He plops down into a chair and puts his hand down his pants
>You shrug and do so
>You're not a prude or anything, but that stuff's just not much of a turn-on
>And you're just jaded towards Anon's whacking it
>Speaking of, that's over in a flash
>You sip your mewntehn diu wordlessly
>Watching
>Judging
>Eventually he breaks down under your gaze
>"Okay! Fine! What do you want? Except a rape dungeon!"
>You pout
"Seriously…Well, fucking fine. Hook me up with someone?"
>"I..what? I never pegged you as a romantic."
>You grimace
"I'm not. Well, not per se. I'd just like to find someone…I'm not gonna say like-minded, because realistically, if I met myself, I'd go for the jugular after five minutes, but someone I can…get along with."
>"And in plain english, that means?"
"Heh. A victim, I suppose. Although, I guess if you find someone willing, that's okay. A cat's fine too."
>He sighs
>"Well, you're the browser here, put something on craigslist, and I'll look it over, k?"
"Yep!"
>You type up an entry about wanting to meet with a kinky stud, although you're not pick on the gender, so long as you can violate them
>With Anon's permission, you put it up
>Within the hour, you've got an answer
>Some faggot who looks like Digibrony's long lost cousin has answered
>Apparently, he hasn't got a master or user or whatever
>Interesting
>Guess that's a spot to fill, isn't it
>You drag Anon with you out of the house
>He's still stinking of cum, but whatever
>He insisted that you not go without him
>Apparently you might 'get into trouble'
>Pft
>As if
>So you fucked up once with that thai organ dealer
>Everybody makes mistakes, don't they?
>Speaking of mistakes, the faggot you're gonna meet made his a big one in saying yes to meet you
>You wouldn't call yourself 'evil' per se
>Hell, even Dahmer called himself misunderstood, didn't he?
>And Hitler did nothing wrong
>Which is also the name of the most delicious kind of mountain dew to ever exist
>It is said to be brewed on jew tears and crystal meth
>But yeah, as you were saying, your toys just have a habit of breaking a bit, is all
>And that reminds you of that rocky IV quote
> "I must break you"
>Ah, yes, roided up ruskies
>Lovely people
>Anon slaps you across the face
>You snap back to reality
>Ooh, there goes gravity
>Lel
>Seriously, though, you're poised to curse and retaliate, when you see him pointing his finger in a direction
>And there your new friend is
>Standing in the middle of the park, being petted by children
>And…and does he have a wingboner?
>Huh
>You might like this guy
>Because
>I-I-I love little girls
>Hell yes, Oingo Boingo
>You decide to come up behind him, seeing as how he hasn't seen you yet
>You close in
>And slap his ass
"Heya! I'm Tor! You must be C/anon/, right?"
>You grin
>He jumps and takes a second to calm himself
>You do notice his wingboner getting a second wind
>Hah
>He looks you over and nods
>"Yeah! Nice to meet you!"
>He puts out a hoof
>You shake it
>Somehow
>Doesn't hurt to be polite
>At least not when luring in your prey
"So…what's with the wingboner?"
>He blushes and looks away for a bit
"Okay, fine. What's with the…horn? It looks like an ice cream cone."
>"I-it's a condition…"
>He stirs the ground with a hoof
>He's kind of adorable, actually
>You lean forward and kiss his forehead, just under the horn
>Nope, doesn't taste like ice cream
>You put on your sweetest look
>"…So, uh yeah, you weren't exactly clear on what you wanted to do?"
"And yet you showed up. Howsabout that. Heh, naw, kidding, but I'm really up for anything. I'm just tired of being cooped up in the house, having no-one or nothing to do."
>You notice that he seems quite interested
>"I see."
>Suddenly  he casts a glance at Anon
>"O-oh! Hi! You must be Tor's user. Nice to meet you."
>They shake hands/hooves as well
>You look at Anon
"Okay, so you've met him, now will ya piss off? I don't need you clinging to me."
>He grumbles something, but settles for telling you to call him if you need some sort of  help, then heads home
"So! What do you like to do?"
>"Uh…stuff?"
"Like?"
>"Peoplewatching?"
"Isn't that kind of boring?"
>"Nope - and it gets better when…"
>He blushes again
"When what? The moon naziis invade?"
>"Wha..No - no, I meant to say: When they don't know you're there. Which often ties into them also being naked,  or if they're like you, engaged in naughty stuff."
>He coughs unconvincingly, and looks guilty in the same way as a dog who's just shat on the floor
>You feel a laugh bubbling up your throat
"You perverted little fuck! That's awesome! Let's do it. You got anyone in mind?"
>"Well, there's…well, it's easier if I show you. Like, if you don't mind."
>You nod and follow him
>He leads you to an unassuming house not too far away
>The two of you hide in the bushes outside, looking in
>Just to be on the safe side, you cover yourself in some proxies
>You lower your voice into a whisper
"So?"
>He responds in kind
>"Patience. I've observed this house for a bit, and any moment now-"
>Before he can finish (hue), you notice something happening inside
>Both of you focus on the window, giving you a full view of the bathroom
>You're not sure how people can be that stupid, unless they're secretly exhibitionist
>But shush
>You see a kinda tall human woman undressing
>The first thing you notice, though, is the color(s) of her hair, which is white and red
>And her eyes are red
>Okay, so she's not natively human
>An AI like yourself, then?
>If so, the colors would sugges-
>And there she's naked
>You bite your lip with the force of a thousand suns
>She steps into the shower
>But instead of a curtain, it's got those  glass doors
>You notice your partner is already fapping furiously
>With what you're seeing (not to mention those cute little moans you can barely hear), you can't blame him
>What you *can* do, however, is this
>You lean in and lick his horn slowly
>He makes the cutest little whimpering noise
>You give a soft gigle
>You're going to have so much fun with him
>Starting with slowly enveloping his horn with your mouth
>God, the texture is like an ice cream cone
>That's so weird
>He gives a few deep moans
>You decide to bite down on his horn
>His eyes widen
>His wingboner poofs with renewed strength
>And when you glance down, you see his dick running with precum
>Oh, what a silly little boy
>Didn't he know that's your fetish?
>You slowly remove your mouth from his horn, sucking all the while
>Then you push him to the ground,  on his belly
>He gives a pained little sound when his dick hits the ground
>That is also your fetish
>However, straight, consensual sex in the missionary position is too vanilla for you to get off on
>So you decide to make good use of the customizable physical avatar technology all AIs have, and grow a long, erect horse-cock
>Oh god, the fucking throbbing
>It kind of hurts, your dick is so diamonds
>You lean over C/anon/ and nibble his ear firmly
>"M-miss TOR, what are you doing??"
>You answer by unceremoniously intruding on his anus, inserting your erect member
>Moot above, he's so tight!
>He's blushing so fucking hard
>And yet, his dick is more erect than before
>You slowly insert yourself all the way inside him, up to the hilt, then pull back
>Okay that's enough softening up
>You ram your member into him
>Repeatedly and violently
>He sweats and moans
>And then you hit the prostate
>He cries out like a little songbird, spurting jizz everywhere
>You pull out
"Hey, C, look me in the eye"
>He does
>And promptly gets a face-full of your load
>Before he can react, you grab his face and stuff it onto your cock, blasting several more loads down his throat
>You can see visible bulges as he swallows
>Peeking in through the window, you can see the woman enjoying a vigorous session of teethbrushing
>Fuck, that's kinda hot
>Your member twitches again, and sends a less powerful mouthful of cum into C/anon/'s mouth
>He looks like he really wants to spit
>You look him square in the eye and shake your head slowly
>He nods curtly and gulps it down
"Good!"
>You pull your dick out of his mouth and kiss him on the lips
>You notice his belly is bulging a bit
>A feeling of pride wells up in you
>He looks down at his cum-filled belly, and you notice his hard-on returning again
>C/anon/ looks halfway traumatized and halfway like he's hit cloud nine, and snuggles up to you
>So that was fun
>But shit, what do you do now?
>You sigh and decide to snuggle with him a bit, subtly deciding to rid yourself of the dick for now
>Maybe a bit more blood to your head'll help you figure shit out
>C/anon/ looks so comfortable, his head resting on your chest
>You may be unscrupulous, criminal and also kind of a cunt, but you do have some feelings, even if they're but twisted approximations of those normal people possess
>You lazily pet his mane, while still peeking in the window
>The woman is getting out of the shower, and pulls a towel around her
>She looks out of the window
>Then smiles and gets a smaller towel to dry off her hair with, and heads out of the bathroom
>Oh yeah, she probably heard you
>…
>That's kind of hot, actually
>And it means she, if not put on a show per se, let you watch
>Giggity
>C/anon/ looks sleepily up at you
>Sleep?
>Now?
>Oh hell naw nigga
>You get up and levitate him to his feet
"So, what do we do now?"
>He yawns
>"Game of MTG?"
>That's incredibly random
>But it works
>You concentrate on your magic and teleport the two of you back to your house
>You sit him down by the table, then fetch a box of decks that are neatly labeled, and  a couple of pills
>You telekinetically put the pills in his mouth
"Swallow. I guarantee you'll be more awake."
>Meanwhile, you fetch a combo-deck just for the lulz
>His eyes snap open, and he grins and fetches an Izzet burn deck
>You shuffle the cards, then flip a coin to determine who starts
>Turns out it'll be you
>You draw your cards
>Your grin threatens to split your face in two
>With some nifty finagling involving Zuran Orb, Fastbond, Crucible of Worlds, Knight of the Reliquary and some other cards, you mill him out on turn one one, while you on the other hand have infinite mana and life
>He blinks
>"WHAT???"
>He just looks confused as all hell
>"How..what…the hell???"
>He sighs
>You, on the other hand, laugh
>He pouts
>"There was precisely jack fucking shit I could do!"
"Yep, that's the nature of a good combo deck."
>You grin
>He rolls his eyes and looks away
>You shrug
>And things get quiet for a while
"So…I'm completely out of ideas."
>"Yeah, same."
"Still, I insist you stay with me and Anon."
>"Wh-"
"I. Insist."
>You give him your most diabetes-inducing smile
>Looks like you've got a new toy

The end, for now
Sorry it sucked, I just completely lost the spark