4. Loop - Original

It's a crazy loop about how you continuously try and search for the same answer, about what's similar in every trip... It's how you cannot UNDERSTAND others, you both seem to forget or why you can't understand it. You start the loop by attempting to hit plateaus, to further that 'knowledge' by getting really fucked up. Nitrous is what I have been using, but tonight I am on some Annie, Methedrone, and one hit of nitrous (one about two hours ago so nothing residual on that. I took a hit of nitrous and realized, that it is an infinite loop involving a moment of misunderstanding, and how you forget about what you are going to say or do. The short term memory loss tries to stop you from remembering, but I do. After this moment, when with others who are also trying to climb this mountain, that you cannot understand them and vice-cersa. They are trying to show you how we cannot understand them, this misunderstanding of the high. As of right now I'm slowly drawing out the letters in my typing, not saying exactly what I had intended to say. The misunderstanding; the connection; the loss... And the future need to visit the same place to understand WHY it's so difficult. So confusing. I had a definite connection earlier. Some of which I have touched on here, but keep forgetting the truest of true meaning. There's so much more to it. Some might call this an addiction, and the negative effects things like these may or may not have on people are the offput of it all. When people understand this connection, I do believe they may be mentally obtained and quarantined in a psych ward. For trying to explain the difference as I am. It's about climbing the ladder, and seeing how many levels of memory you can go back on. To understanding. The best way I can possibly describe this, and IDC if I'm repeating, is that it seems like a constant struggle to remember different levels of memory. Of how the fact that you forget the experience and seem to forget what you're going to say... Damnit... I almost remembered a way to describe the connection. However I'm still monitoring and noticing the differences. My typing may get a little crazy now, (as if it wasn't), but it's an infite freaking loop. I was so close, holy shit... It's about how I will constantly FORGET, being.... I'm repeating now, for the third time. Final

It's a way to forget and know that EVERYTHING is an infinite loop. Psychosis, this type of mentality, level... You can only seem to describe it in the same way, and you keep wanting to describe some. Right now Someone said "There is a lot of loop here". And I agreed and said, "Yes, there is a lot of loop and nodded awkwardly). This is where the level starts where things are crazy, because they looked at me awkwardly and it was like a situation where if I was on a higher plateau more often they would think I'm crazy. Because I'm stuck in this loop. The loop of undersanding reality. You know, you UNDERSTAND that it is a loop, and yet you get caught in the loop of understanding yet FORGETTING the loop right after. Right now I have entered and re-entered a few times, as can be told my constant typing. Dakota, whoever is watching, this misunderstanding, I'm sorry if I seem crazy. This is me showing my personality, or thinking I am. Who I want to be maybe. The loop. Infinite loop of understanding that things make you crazy BECAUSE you get stuck in a loop always wanting to reach it again. People understand this. Life is a playground, I feel it all is... How I say. Big gap, constantly remembering. Looked weird again talking, the time restraints keeping me from continuing my ramble on this continuous loop. When I get there, I will be taking more because of peer pressure and because I'm on this loop of trying to be able to remember and explain all of this. It's all an inspection, people seem sad, but there seems to be a connection. I feel as it is an expirement. Perhaps they get enjoyment at watching these people understand that the connection cannot be maintained, and the want to keep trying to hit that loop again (like I have just now, notice the repeats?) about how people do not UNDERSTAND. There is an infinite number of levels to keep climbing, testing to see how far you have gotten to this understanding that this loop will make people think you are crazy. God I love being able to talk. So much repeating, but hopefully if I type this LOOP in enough different ways people will understand. This connection may be able to spread, and perhaps sanity, or rather, understanding will be bad. Knowledge gained, at this peak, the understanding at that point and time... It always has you craving to get it again. LOOP. As I have said ONCE before now, (I remember this) UNDERSTANDING gets quicker, the levels higher. Now all I'm doing is looping into notepad. I want to be a good guy though, so I have to go back because my friend is saying we need to go to keep me from understanding.  damn, I slid down again. Forgot my train. The loss. Short term makes you want itagain. LOOP. INFINITE. REPEAT. I lost it again. This time in my text. it has happened before, but I REMEMBERED to click back in front of my text. Notice how above I typed some of my sentence in the wrong spot? Perhaps. Maybe I did or maybe I didn't, but I know if I try and look up to inspect, it has happened before. It's a slow declination of losing it. Nitrous, nitrous appeared in the game they were playing. I've heard it before. It's about how you KNOW what's going on. You can't describe it, you just don't know h You know what's going to be said, he said nitrous might knock me loose, which it did... To my understanding... To people thjinking I'm crazy because ow. it is trully an addi I definitely did just type ction. No, I didn't click back. I'm not the one moving this cursor back. My ramblings sound crazy right? Yes. This understanding is a misunderstanding into how others will interpret it as understanding.

Anyone who is still reading this far... I want to know... Is there a top level? I'm so curious to see, and that's what 'ADDICTION' is. To try and understand the same things and explain it. I'm trying to summarive, I've been trying to summarize this whole time... And this, right here does it, but yet when you read it it will be just another repeat of what has been said. Trying to be short and transcribe it, but not being able to. The infite quest for knowledge and the understanding that there is something that monitors and constantly tries to make you forget how to transcribe it. Notice my letter earlier? On how I wasn't the one who clicked back? It's something else trying to stop you from being able to understand that nobody will understand this loop. How it's infinite. How the SAME RECURRING THINGS keep you from being able to describe your true. It's the misunderstanding. About how your personality and deeper needs. That the person trying to stop (or thibng) trying to stop you plays against your true personality to keep you from understandi I understand. me, but know that I will succumb once again. To finding this understanding. I understand, but I still want to do it again. It's a play of against responsibilities, future, and your TRUE personality (mine being that I like to think I have a high responsibility rate but really don't, how people will think I'm crazy, and how I will continue to type or think in tihs loop to understand this. Like I said, I will succumb yet again, and will visit. The loops begins again. I'm going to lose this file because I didn't leave tags and my e-Mail is going to get deleted. It will begin again, and my word will not be spread. Even if I post on a forum or let EVERYONE know, they will not understand. The loops begins again. I said I would succumb but have not yet. They are laughing. I HAVE to go now because my worries that my friend really has to go and my need to not want to get in trouble from understanding. But these guys are nice. They would understand. But wait... They won't, because it's a loop on how you won't and will revisit. I gotta go now, AGAIN. Notice the loop? The level is infinite. I will apologize and SAY I will do what I need to do, or what my personality WANTS me to do... But I won't do it. Infinite level. I have the feeling I have to re-upload to keep you from reading this endless looping letter about how when you interact socially, people will find what you say, but that's what you want them to do, to try and remember this endless loop. It's an inspection, a battle on how you cannot FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP THE LOOP. This would be the basis of a bad trip thought if I didn't know. About how I think I know, but yet find myself caught in the loop of the battle. That people will not follow this knowledge of understanding to keep you from doing what you feel/need/want to. Your conscious. Understanding. Constant need. Repeating. Infinite levels. Loop. I have succumbed yet again but have said I have not. The bad trip has started, but I understand it's not bad by understanding it IS bad because I continue this loop until I shirk what neesd to be done. Understanding. Succumb,. Bye.