Darragh Chew
heya
we didn't get to talk at leahs
is there anything you wanted to say to me?
Laura Anderson
15:05
Laura Anderson
yh sorry I just couldn't do it this morning
um I know the answer to your question that you asked me this morning bc I've had the chance to think
Darragh Chew
15:06
Darragh Chew
Which question?
Laura Anderson
15:06
Laura Anderson
you said did I do anything to hurt you last night and I said I'm not sure bc I can't remember anything yet
Darragh Chew
15:06
Darragh Chew
Ok
Did I do anything to hurt you?
Laura Anderson
15:07
Laura Anderson
I wasn't hurt by anything I want to say first, but I've managed to work out like what I was actually upset by and what I was upset by lyk in the moment/drunk that isn't actually upsetting for me
which I can explain if you want or we could just move on bc quite dramatic last night anyway
Darragh Chew
15:07
Darragh Chew
I'd like to know
because I care about you
Laura Anderson
15:10
Laura Anderson
okay
I'll explain what was drunk ness first
Darragh Chew
15:10
Darragh Chew
ok
Laura Anderson
15:13
Laura Anderson
it's basically more generally like being upset to see you with pip at the beginning, like that was bc it was j a bit difficult bc quite soon and at the time being drunk I didn't see it as you two are best friends so ofc you're going to be talking and stuff, I was j thinking of the worst kind of but that was bc I was drunk so I'm sorry about that, and I've also worked out that I wouldn't even mind if you two did go out like it would be quite sad if it was rn bc quite soon but eventually I wouldn't even be upset bc I want you to both be happy and as long as pip just picked one boy then it would be fine
Darragh Chew
15:14
Darragh Chew
I understand
I'll be completely honest with you Laura
there's something special between both you and I and Pip and I
but I think they're different
I think you'll always be one of my best friends
but you have to be completely honest with me
Laura Anderson
15:17
Laura Anderson
okay well I'm just saying like mb not immediately but if you ever did then it wouldn't actually upset me as long as pip had chosen one person and I got upset about that side of things last night only bc I'm drunk I'm 100% sure of that
Darragh Chew
15:17
Darragh Chew
Pip and I were both talking about it and we wouldn't do anything ever if it would hurt you
Laura Anderson
15:18
Laura Anderson
yeah I know but neither would I, like this is me being honest, please don't do anything rn bc it's quite soon :') but eventually if that's what you both want then you can and it wouldn't hurt me I promise
Darragh Chew
15:19
Darragh Chew
I believe you
and we were never going to do anything now
Laura Anderson
15:21
Laura Anderson
yeah I know that, it was j becos I was drunk that I was thinking those things yesterday
but now I've though about it properly that's the truth what I just said
Darragh Chew
15:22
Darragh Chew
do you promise?
swear to me
Laura Anderson
15:23
Laura Anderson
I don't know exactly when, but eventually I swear to you that I wouldn't be hurt if anything happened between you and pip
Darragh Chew
15:25
Darragh Chew
I believe you
Laura Anderson
15:25
Laura Anderson
ok well that's that bit then
Laura Anderson
15:32
Laura Anderson
Are you waiting for me to explain the Other bit?
bc we can just leave it tbh if you want
Darragh Chew
15:33
Darragh Chew
I would like to know the other bit
but you don't have to tell me
Laura Anderson
15:34
Laura Anderson
I'm going to tell you but I don't want you to take it in the wrong way and you can disagree bc mb it's just a misunderstanding that i didn't really see bc of other things I was upset about ok
Darragh Chew
15:34
Darragh Chew
Ok
Laura Anderson
15:39
Laura Anderson
so basically I was saying to pip this morning how I was looking after quite a few people and there was no one left to look after me, and the bit that upset me was you saw me panicking, you're one of the only ppl that actually knows the depth of it and you still stayed with pip most of the night, then you pushed me away when I was trying to talk to pip and I said why did you do that and you said bc she had to see that,  which i don't really understand but again mb that's assuming the worst, and after I finished cleaning the blood off you I said do you want me to leave and you said yes just in such a way i can't really explain so basically it was more the friends side of it that upset me bc in know you tried to help me with Alice but after that idk you kind of just looked after pip and mb that's really selfish of me and I'm sorry if it is you can say if it is
Darragh Chew
15:41
Darragh Chew
I'll never call you selfish, but I'll disagree with you that I stayed with pip most of the night
I spent the same amount of time if not more with you
Laura Anderson
15:41
Laura Anderson
no not most of the night
Most of the time from lying on the sofa with her, taxi and Leah's house
Darragh Chew
15:42
Darragh Chew
Ah
Darragh Chew
15:45
Darragh Chew
I honestly didn't know how you were feeling about me that night and when you asked me to help you I came straight away but Alice miller was always there and she feels as if I have some kind of vendetta to hurt you, which I hate, everything I do I do making sure I won't hurt people, you didn't see me getting off with anyone for the fun of it, I just wanted to be there for both of my friends and then when they were both talking to other people I felt kind of worthless and second bested ; I wrote out a text I was going to send to you pip and Ben that basically said I just wanted you all to leave me alone because it seems as if everything I do hurts you and I care about you all to much for that to happen, especially when it felt like none of you needed me to be there for you in the first place; like I let you go off with Alice because in my honest opinion I was the better friend in that scenario in the field, I recognised how much she cares about you but she refuses to recognise how much I care about you too
Laura Anderson
15:47
Laura Anderson
okay I thought it might be about the thing with Alice on the field so pls can I explain
Laura Anderson
15:50
Laura Anderson
when I stayed with her that was 100% Not to prove a point against you or anything, that was bc she needed me as a best friend and mb that made you feel then like Id chosen her above you or Something, but I've actually chosen you above her twice, both times at Leah, especially the second time bc I chose to trust you instead of what she was saying to me, ive known her my whole life and I've know you less than half a year and I still trusted you above her, so please don't feel like your second best or that I stayed with her to prove something against you, it was just that in that moment in time I had to be there for her, I'm really sorry I just had to be
Darragh Chew
15:52
Darragh Chew
I didn't feel as if you chose me above her I just kind of recognised how much she cares about you when she hates me for "hurting" you, which I never want to do
Laura Anderson
15:53
Laura Anderson
I'm sorry darragh but I don't know what I can do about that apart from promise you that it's coming from her and not something she's got from me, when I told her about like what pip had said and that your feelings had changed I even said to her it's not darraghs fault please don't blame him
Darragh Chew
15:54
Darragh Chew
and yet she does
whatever
she's painted me as this monster
I don't give a shit
well ofc I do
it just sucks
Laura Anderson
15:57
Laura Anderson
also please never feel worthless, I will never ever forget how much you helped me that week with my parents, Alice doesn't even know about that, you're the only person I turned to about that and mb I am being selfish by saying this but when I was getting panicky last night it was you that I wanted, last night was the first time I've even told Alice that I think I have some kind of anxiety, I really don't know what to do about Alice apart from say that, I know this isn't an excuse or anything but it might make it better idk, she was drunk and also v upset about something else