Funbun Season

>Nick beats Judy to work by a few minutes
>is idly chatting with Clawhouser when he sees her come in and waves in his usual smug way
>she stares for an awkwardly long moment before scampering off toward the bullpen
>a look of dreadful understanding crosses Clawhouser's face while Nick is just confused
>Clawhouser awkwardly tries to explain what he'd read about rabbits in some women's interest magazine

Nick blinked, not quite comprehending. "Wait, why were you--"

Clawhouser held up a paw, cutting him off. "Ahp ahp ahp! Doesn't matter! What does is that...ahaha...you, my friend..." He steepled his paws, grinning in nervous sympathy.

"...YOU have a problem."

"Me," Nick repeated flatly, folding his ears back a bit. It was Carrots' private life, as far as Nick was concerned. He'd already heard all the rabbit jokes and wasn't exactly

new to lewder side of the web. He knew the odds that even a naive little fuzzball like Judy didn't have a few "release valves" hidden under her bed were laughably low. Nick

just didn't want his partner's sex life to be watercooler talk. Or the idea that she was something he had to "fix," wherever the hell that was coming from.

"Yes!" Clawhouser extended both of his chubby arms as if pleading with Nick. "When bunnies feel the need to, well, breed, they don't go looking very far, if you get what I'm

sayinnnngggg...."

He trailed off suggestively. Nick frowned, tilting his head and squinting at the fat cheetah. Then he jerked back, eyes snapping wide open. Clawhouser just clicked his tongue,

slowly shaking his head as the objections came pouring out.

"What, are you nuts? I'm a fox! She's a bunny! We can't even...I mean, why would she even--"

"It doesn't matter. Bunny hormones~" Clawhouser sing-songed out, fingers now crisscrossed beneath his double chins, his considerable weight propped up on two elbows. Then he

started singing for real. "You are a guy. She is a girl. Could it get aaanymore oobvious?~"

Clawhouser's impromptu cover mercifully fuzzed out along with everything else. Nick's mind reeled as the implications really hit home. He wasn't sure whether to be annoyed,

angry, or appalled. It was like he'd been plopped down into one of those "progressive" modern sitcoms FruFru kept trying to push on him. With his best friend and partner, Judy

Hopps. Who was probably waiting for him in the bullpen. Apparently horny as hell and completely off her rocker.

Nick swallowed back a powerful urge to throw up, and the world slowly swam back into focus. Along with Clawhouser.

"...but the rest of the song is kind of a downer, you know? So maybe I should have gone with something from Tyger Swift. But, like, half her stuff is about nasty break-ups, and

I just don't like thinking about that kind of thing--"

Nick turned and stalked off toward the bullpen, leaving the oblivious butterball to prattle on alone. Nick ended up pausing in front of the door, staring at the metal knob with

an intense distrust. If Clawhouser was right--and Nick suspected he was--this was about to get really awkward, really fast. Because Nick sure as hell did not know how to handle

this. A very uncomfortable scenario began playing itself out in his head.

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"Oh, h-hey, Nick. Beat you again, today, h-hah...hah...." Judy glanced away, clearly hot-under-the-collar about something and completely unlike her normal self. Nick tried not

to grimace as he pulled himself up into the chair they shared. He was suddenly rethinking the merits of little their seating arrangement.

"...Yyyyup."

There was an awkward pause. Nick stared ahead and pretended not to notice the furtive little glances Judy kept sending his way. Then he felt her scoot a fraction closer. And

then another. And another. Her shoulder touched his own. Nick flinched and forced down yelp.

Judy's voice was softer than he remembered. Breathier. "Hey," she murmured, leaning in just a little. To Nick, it felt like a whole hell of a lot. He risked a glance down at

the rabbit.

Judy was smiling up at him, those big violet eyes almost sparkling. The worry that crumpled his brow wasn't deterring her in the least. "I was thinking, after we're done with

whatever Bogo's got...." She shrugged a little too casually. "Maybe we could, I dunno, do something together?" She inched closer.  "Tonight?"

Nick usually liked when Judy's little cotton tail got all wiggly. He found it pretty adorable--and maybe just a tad more fascinating he should. But right now it was only

fueling his growing sense of dread.

"Oh, I don't know," Nick quickly chuckled out, not quite hitting the languid note he'd been going for. The fox tore his eyes away from the bunny, throwing up his old smug

persona even as he internal screaming began. "I've got...plans. With Fennick."

The excuse sounded lame as soon as he said it, and Judy almost pounced on the chance to blow it full of holes.

"You liar," she whispered. It sounded husky, almost naughty. "We both know he's still mad at you for that parking ticket last week."

Nick couldn't stop his eyes from darting back down, a slick little diversion suddenly springing to mind. His ticket out of this lusty bunny madness. Those words died on Nick's

lips as he realized his greatest mistake yet. Judy's little button nose was so very close to his neck now. Then it wiggled. Oh, God, it wiggled. Nick nearly died.

That pause was all Judy needed. "Hey, listen." Nick's body went rigid as she settled her weight against his side. He was suddenly very aware of how much warmer she felt.

"It doesn't have to be anything big. Just...come on over to my place, you know?" Something came over her, then. An almost sly little look that scared the hell out of Nick. Ears

laying back, she went in for the kill.

"I'll make it worth your while~"

Every bit of fur on Nick's body stood on end. He scrambled back, away from the bunny with bedroom eyes, letting slip a very foxish, very undignified yip.

His retreat was futile. Judy was propped up on one arm now, her shoulders angled saucily. She giggled. And much to Nick's horror, the bunny came slid right back up against him.

Forcing the panicked fox all the way back until he hung over the chair's edge.

"What's the matter, Wilde?" she cooed, reaching up and oh so gently stroking the underside of his muzzle. Nick felt himself shudder, just barely. Judy clearly didn't miss it.

Her sensual smile turned into a lustful grin.

"Afraid of having a little fun with your favorite bun...s?~"

Nick couldn't answer even if he trusted himself to try. Judy pressed the advantage. Along with her cheek, right into Nick's chest. Her arms wrapped around the fox and held him

tight. He couldn't breathe.

"How about it, Wilde? Hmm? Wilde~"

"...Wilde?"

"Wilde!"

The clipboard smacked Nick right in the cheek. Glorious reality jolted back into place as he staggered away, blinking and rubbing the side of his face. The fox was back outside

of the bullpen, with a very annoyed Bogo towering over him. Nick had never been happier to see the guy.

"Wilde." The chief blew a bit of air out his nostrils, frowning down at Nick even harder than usual. "If you're done blocking my door...?"

He pointed at the bullpen's doorknob with that same clipboard. To Nick's credit, his dumb stare only lasted for maybe half a second.

"Uh, right. Yeah. Sorry, Chief." Nick cleared his throat and nimbly stepped aside. No especially witty excuses came to mind just then. "Was just thinking about...uh...."

Bogo's eyes went half-mast as he grabbed the doorknob. "Wilde, I don't care, don't want to know. And can already guess just fine."

The water buffalo gestured down at the fox's pants. "Get yourself under control before you head in. I don't know how Hopps can work with you, sometimes."

After that wonderful exchange, an embarrassed Nick had paced back and forth out in the hall, thinking very hard about his pronounced distaste for everything grapefruit. He shot

a glare back toward the front desk. Toward the one who put all this madness in his head in first place. Clawhouser, bless his soul, was too busy chatting up a fellow officer to

notice. Nick just growled under his breath and glanced down. At least that was one problem out of the way.

About a minute later, Nick slipped into the bullpen and quietly took his seat. Bogo continued what he was doing at the front board and ignored him. More unexpectedly, so did

Judy.

Nick pretended to pay attention as the announcements began. But his gaze kept sliding back to Judy. She was staring straight ahead, ears up and alert, both paws folded neatly

on the desk in front of her. The irony of the reversal wasn't lost on Nick, but it was odd behavior for the rabbit. He frowned a little.

"Hey, Carrots," he whispered, giving her a little nudge with his elbow.

Nick felt her stiffen. "H-hey." Those violet eyes met his own for just the briefest moment. And Nick's heart skipped a beat.

Was that fear he saw?

Maybe he was imagining things. Judy was back to listening as Bogo droned on about 'that damn sloth again' as if nothing had happened. But then there was that tiny little gulp

that followed. And the way she kept scooting away little by little. By the time Bogo finished handing out assignments, Judy was already teetering on edge of the seat, away from

Nick. When the group was dismissed, Judy was the first one out the door. She didn't even give her partner a passing glance.

As he sat at the desk, the rest of the force filing out around him, Nick just stared after he vanished bunny. This hadn't gone at all like he'd feared. In fact, everything had

worked out smoothly. Very easy, very tidy, all without him even trying.

But Nick wasn't sure he liked it any better.