MG PSA - Devil Bugs

	“Oh god why? Why would you do this to me? Of the forsaken things in this cold lifeless universe, you made these monstrosities. You made these bastard children of man and roach. Damn you. Damn you all to the depths of Tartarus.”
 “Mr. Nemo?”
“Ughh of all the, what is it Sally?”
“You heard of the Devil Bug problem?”
“HEARD OF IT? I got like 80 of those fuckers in my house, so yes I’ve heard of it.”
“Don’t put that tone with me mister. You’re not the only one with that problem. Everyone in the city’s dealing with this chitinous blight.”
“I’m putting my foot down on this. If they expect me to say ‘Oh look these monstrosities of nature may be the antithesis of all that’s good in the world, but they have feelings too.’ I’m gonna’ pull out their spines out their ass.”
“Actually Mr. Nemo, they hate them too. They just want you to tell everyone how to get rid of them.”
“Oh, well, uhh, my apologies Sally.”
“I’d be ticked off too if that happened to me.”
“Wait what do you mean, ‘if’?”
“Even a Devil Bug knows not to mess with an Amazon.”
“Fuck it I’m just gonna start.”
“Harsh language, Mr. Nemo.”
“Oh shut up.”

This is an emergency broadcast do not change the chann- yer damn right yer not gonna change the dang channel.

This is about Devil Bugs. They hide in attics and basements, somehow are as big as a grown man, and their group numbers are couple dozen in a single nest. Simpleminded they attack men in swarms, not resting until everyone has their wretched way with their victim. (I swear to god if anyone from the MG Society of Arthropods complain, I will personally head down there and smack them upside the head with a zap racket.) Resorting to base instincts more powerful MG’s such as Ryu and Oni’s tend to be free of this plague. And then they swarm up in the hundreds and they too can’t even fucking deal with shit motherfucking hell.
“Mr. Nemo, you’re swearing like a drunken Irish sailor.”
“What’s that Sally, I can’t hear you over the sound of me being angry?!”
Grr, okay, calm down. I can do this. As these MG’s live in damp, moist areas cleaning your houses would be most appreciated. I’m serious. Clean that shit and mop that fucker until even the Chief God would be honored to be in your humble abode of filth. Hiring heavy duty cleaners to exterm- I mean escort them out of the premises is highly advised. As this is a public health issue the city is more than willing to hand out these services for free.

Now if you are currently living in an area where cleaning solves nothing, I’d like to say “tough shit son”, but that wouldn’t be helpful, would it? Unsurprisingly as they group in swarms targeting the individual would be entirely useless. To cleanse your home of these disgusting vermin complete these series of steps. Step one, mix soap and water. Step 2; spray every damn surface and every attic down the basement. Spray like you’re a priest in a vampire movie spreading holy water to cleanse this bitch. Like vampires soap water is highly toxic to Devil Bugs, often leaving en masse once in the presence of this sacred mixture.

Once they evacuate the premises make like Bugs Bunny and board up the place. Fix every leak and close any and all gaps to your home. If you have a ground basement, be sure to triple layer board the entrance. Head to the roof and stay there. Once they are trying to get in, screeching and scratching, you’d probably scream for help.

Don’t. Any sounds will cause them to be able to focus on your sweet candy ass. Call for help, and you’ll be safe. Your local emergency services and the Paladins of Cleanliness will purg- I mean transport the Devil Bugs (Never has there been a more appropriate name) out of the area, allowing you safe passage to a hospital for any trauma.

This menace will not be here to stay; I swear that we will conquer these crawling crimes against humanity.
“Mr. Nemo?”
“Can’t it wait; I just need to sign off?”
“The Devil Bugs are in the studio.”
“Wait, I thought you said that they avoid strong MG’s?”
“You said that they’d get a bigger swarm if that happens.”
“Oh yeah, oh shoot.”
“Security!!!”