Citizen Fluffy

>You are President Obama.
>You have a country to run and have been way too busy to campaign.
>Seriously, Uzbekistan declares war on Paraguay and you’re supposed to show leadership?
>They both mobilize their armies at their borders and those assholes at the UN want you to broker peace.
>You can’t believe it took three months before anyone noticed they were land locked countries on two different continents.
>What the hell did anyone think they would do to each other?
>And now you have missed the entire campaign season.
>But you have complete confidence in your campaign staff and you are meeting with them today.
>A young man with bright eyes and a huge smiles walks in.
>”Good to see you Mr. President! Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!”
>You motion for him to calm down, “We’re in the oval office, there is no crowd to pump up here.”
>”Oh! Sorry Mr. President, hehe. Just excited to be part of history! Re-electing the greatest president ever!”
>”Ok, that’s fine and all but what I need to know is how is the campaign going?”
>”It is going just fine and super dandy sir!”
>”We have hired a new campaign manager to show we are truly the big tent party!”
>”I’m sure you will be pleased!” He is shaking with excitement.
>He seems very enthusiastic, you have a good feeling about this election.
>”Sounds good, let me meet this new campaign manager then.”
>You set back as the young man runs to the door.
>”He has been running the campaign for months now, I know you’ll be satisfied!”
>He opens the door and a fluffy pony waddles in, “Fwuffy wan pway!”
>You glance at the pastel colored fluff ball then look back at the door.
>You wait a minute then say, “So where is this new man in charge of the future of our great country?”
>The fluffy pony walks up in front of your desk, “Fwuffy am hewe.”
>The young man squees, “Yes, he has been doing a bang up job sir! We decided to make a statement by putting a fluffy pony in charge.”
>You look down, “Wait a minute… the presidential election… the most important election in politics…”
>”You put a fluffy pony in charge of that… to make a statement?”
>”Fwuffy am gud campaaa… shampain… fwuffy hewp nice hoomin!”
>”He went and studied hard for it sir!”
>You look down at the ball of fluff, “You… studied? Where did you study?”
>”Nice hoomin teww fwuffy ‘bout pwesiment! Nice hoomin under ewefant!”
>”Just wait until you see the commercial sir! We have been running this in all time slots and channels across the nation!”
>”I think it really makes a statement!”
>He rolls in a TV and puts in a DVD disc.
>The screen goes black and a voice starts to talk, “Are we better off than we were four years ago?”
>The screen illuminates and shows a bright red ball. “Baww! Fwuffy wan!”, “Shhh, be a good fluffy, he’s watching!”
>”Isn’t it time we elected someone to fight the status quo, not a Washington insider.”
>”We need a president for change.”
>The screen turns to a big bowl of spaghetti.
>You see the fluffy run onto the screen and start to eat it being chased by a stage hand, the screen goes black again.
>”We need someone to reform Washington! We need someone to bring change to these troubled times!”
>”We need Barak Obama in the White House!”
>”Vote out the past and vote in Barak Obama!”
>The screen goes back to the now empty bowl and a ball bounces across the screen. “Ron Paul…”
>”I’m Barak Obama, and I approved this message.”
>The screen goes black again.
>You stare at the TV, your mouth agape.
>”My political science teacher said attacking the incumbent’s policies is a sure way to get elected!”
>”Fwuffy wan baww! Whewe baww!” The fluffy pony is scratching at the TV screen trying to get in.
>You finally compose yourself, “The failed policies?”
>The fluffy runs in front of your desk, “Fwuffy say yoo betteh dan dum dum hoomin aweady dere!”
>Rage rising, “You do realize I am the incumbent right?”
>”Wha incwument mean?”
>”Don’t worry sir, we made a statement!”
>”The presidency of the United States, and you decided to make a statement….”
>”and Ron Paul…. Ron Paul is a fucking Republican!”
>”Fwuffy hewe hoomins wike Won Pauw. Fwuffy say name!” He jumps around happily.
>”And the election is tonight and this has been playing all over the nation…”
>”We are taking the fight to them sir! Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!”
>You look between the fluffy pony and the young man.
>You calmly get out from behind your desk and walk in front of the young man.
>He hasn’t even paused to breath in his chant.
>You smile at the young person and then kick him as hard as you can square in his nuts.
>His face contorts and his voice goes high pitched, “Four… more… years… Arrgghhhh!”
>He falls over holding his bruised manhood.
>”Ahhh! Why nice hoomin hewt fwuffy fwen?”
>You just smile at the ball of fluff.
>You walk back to your desk, you always wondered why your predecessor had a broom attached to its side.
>Today you will take advantage of it.
>You pull the broom out and start to walk toward the fluffy pony.
>He shrinks back, “Fwuffy am gud fwuffy… pwease nuu sowwy stick…”
>You ignore him and swat him across the room.
>It screams in pain and leaves a trail of shit behind him.
>You walk over and start to poke its body hard with the handle.
>”Waahhhhh! Fwuffy sowwy! Pwease nuu hewt fwuffy! Bahhhhh!!”
>You continue the assault for an hour only to take breaks to kick the young asshole in his nuts again.
>You call in the secret service, “Take this asshole and throw him out in the street and put the fluffy pony in a sorry box and send him to Gitmo tomorrow!”
>They grab up the whimpering man and crying fluffy and roughly take them out.
>You look at the shit stained oval office.
>”Fuck it! That rich mother fucker can pay someone to clean this shit up!”
>You walk and go to sleep, you’ll write your concession speech tomorrow.
>When you wake up you turn on the news, “-a total sweep of all fifty states! Barak Obama is re-elected!”
>You perk up, “What?” You start flipping channels.
>”I’ll vote for anyone to get that asshole out of office!”, “Even if that person is Barak Obama?”, “Damn straight!”
>*click*
>”We don’t need yes men in there! We need an outsider to-“
>*click*
>”Ron Paul! Ron Paul! Ron Pau-“
>*click*
>”I was going to vote for that nice Romney man, but my fluffy pony was really excited for Barak Obama so I voted for him. Can’t be any worse than who is in there now”
>*click*
>”-and in a fit of rage, kicked a fluffy pony across the stage. This picture of Mitt Romney will be the lasting reminder-“
>*click*
>You turn off the TV, you can’t believe it.
>You jump up not even getting dressed and run out to the secret service area.
>”Is that fluffy pony still here?”
>”Yes sir, we were just about to send him out.”
>You see a box in the corner with whimpering coming from it.
>You run over and open seeing the fluffy pony curled up and crying in it.
>You pick him up, “Are you sorry?”
>Fluffy starts to nod furiously, “Fwuffy am sowwy… pwease no mo sowwy stick… no mo sowwy box…”
>You know he will forget what you did quickly, “Good! Because your country needs you!”
>You look at the secret service, “Is that faggot still outside?”
>”Yes sir, he still laying crying where we threw him. Surprised h hasn’t been run over yet.”
>”Good, go get him and make him clean up the Oval Office!”
>”Yes sir!” The men start to run off.
>You yell after them, “And when he’s finished throw him out again!”
>You look at the shivering fluffy pony, “Buck up there guy, you are about to be my senior advisor!”
>He looks at you weakly, “Fwuffy am gud fwuffy?”
>”As long as you keep me up in the polls, yes.”
>Four more years!