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- >Day SWAG in Equestria
- >You are Anon
- >The muthafukkin swaggest human ever to grace the Equestrian landscape
- >Wake up
- >Shit, shower, shave
- >Throw on your backwards multi-color hat, shutter shades, wifebeater, loose-as-fuck jeans hanging off your ass, and an open sweater
- >Swag +351
- >Level up!
- >Promoted from Douche to Swaggot!
- >Your hair is instantly gel-spiked up
- >Swagwalk down the stairs over to your kitchen
- >Grab a bowl of Yole-O’s and dig in
- >Swag +53
- >Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door
- >You get up, and saunter over to the door
- >Cracking it open, you notice that yellow hoe Fluttershy
- >You raise your eyebrow to her
- >She meekly hides behind her mane
- >”G-Good morning, Anon…” she says with a nervous smile
- >You cross your arms
- Ay yo, Bananathang. What’s you doin’ all up over my house so early anyways?
- >You already know, though
- >This girl’s been trying to get in your pants ever since you got here
- >But bitch, you got standards
- >And she ain’t meetin’ up to them
- >”I was just wondering… if…”
- >She reaches behind her, and pulls out a rubik’s cube
- >”If… if this was your fetish?”
- >You laugh out loud
- Bitch! You even tryin’ anymore? What, gurl, you fin’ that thing on yo walk ova?
- >”Well, um, I—“
- Do I look like sum mathematronic geek? Gurl, I ain’t got the TIME to mess with that shit!
- >You grab the cube from her and chuck it as far as you can
- Now ‘scuse me, G, I got sum thangs to take care of, ya hear?
- >You push past her and begin walking to town
- >Wow! Incredible!
- >Geek insult AND successfully avoiding the yellow menace!
- >Swag +289
- >Level up!
- >Promoted from Swaggot to Hashtag Swaglicious!
- >Gold chains form around your neck, rattling as you do your retarded walk
- >Fluttershy is left mouth agape, staring at you as you mosey your way toward town
- >Her eye twitches a little…
- >…something may have snapped…
- >You arrive in town, eager to reach your destination
- >You heard through the grape vine that there’d be some swagarific accessories on sale at the market
- >As a connoisseur of all things stylish and swag, you had to check them out
- >Maybe even add something to your collection
- >As you saunter through town, you suddenly here a shrill shriek
- >Clasping your hands over your ears and gritting your teeth, you turn your head to see Rarity, the marshmallowy fashion p0ny, staring at you in horror
- Ay gurl!
- >You yell, releasing your grip from your ears
- What’s yo deal, homie? Tryna bust mah ear drums or sumthn? I need these muhfuggas, ya dig?
- >She scoffs
- >”What. Are. You. Wearing?!”
- >You look at her questioningly, then down to your duds
- >You lift your shutter shades and give her a queer look
- You mirin’ or what?
- >She gags and nearly throws up
- >”I don’t know WHAT Fluttershy sees in you, but if you’re to be her significant other, you NEED to change those clothes!”
- >Change your duds?
- >Date Fluttershy?
- >Oh HELL naw!
- >This bitch is going down!
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8TdhrqIc9c
- >Rarity blocks the path!
- >What will you do?
- >…
- >Anon uses Battle Cry!
- YOLO!!
- >Anon’s Offense increases!
- >Rarity uses Dress Shirt!
- >SMACK!
- >27 damage!
- >What will you do?
- >…
- >Anon uses Bling Swing!
- >52 damage!
- >Rarity uses Hair Brush!
- >Your do is ruined!
- >36 damage!
- >What will you do?
- >…
- >Anon uses Summon!
- >Anon summons Mike Jones!
- >…who?
- >MIKE JONES!!
- >Mike Jones demands a grill!
- >Rarity is confused!
- >Mike Jones threatens to rob the jewelry store until they make him a grill!
- >Rarity hurts herself in confusion!
- >Mike Jones flashes his bling!
- >It’s super effective!!!
- >Rarity is defeated!
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YCN-a0NsNk
- >Anon gained 702 Swag Points!
- >Level up!
- >Promoted from Hashtag Swaglicious to Lord of Swag!
- >A grill manifests on top of your teeth!
- >The defeated Rarity stumbles back into her boutique
- >You sigh a relieving sigh
- >That was a close one…
- >You almost lost your swagnificent style!
- >Can’t have that!
- >…
- >What’s that noise…?
- >You turn your head and lift your shades for a better view
- >…some yellow blur is bolting toward you
- >…oh shit! That’s Fluttershy!
- >She looks pissed, and is screaming at the top of her lungs
- >She’s got the eye of the tiger!
- >A tiger that’s eager for some rape!
- >Shit!
- >You turn around and sprint away
- >Your baggy pants nearly falling from your waist
- >You gotta find the market!
- >You dash and weave in between a crowd of p0nies, your bling rattling and jingling loudly
- >You can hear the rush of Flutterbutter’s wings not too far behind you
- >Gotta go fast!
- >You dart around buildings, quick to get her off of your tail
- >Alleyways, yards, whatever you can make your way through, you do
- >You think you gave her the slip!
- >Until suddenly
- >You round a corner into a crowd of busy p0nies
- >All kinds of tents and booths are set up
- >The high pitched jingle of bits being exchanged nicely compliments the chatter of bartering
- >The market!
- >You made it!
- >You push your way through the p0nies, using your superior height to eye out the booth you’re looking for
- >Until…
- Aha! That shizz looks like it might be the real deal!
- >A booth with all kinds of bling and accessories is set up
- >#Yolo shirts and all kinds of swag are set up with it
- >The p0ny running the booth is doing Snoop Dogg’s Drop-It-Like-It’s-Hot wheel turning dance
- >You glance behind you to double check if Flutters is on your tail, then dart your way over
- >You slam your palms down onto the table, your chains dangling back and forth
- >Peering over the top of your shutter shades, you stare at the shopkeep p0ny right in the eye
- >He stops his dance, gapes his mouth, and stares deeply into you
- >”Ay homie… that aura I’m feeling… what it is you feelin’, ay? Y’all simply OOZIN’ swag!”
- ‘ts right, dawg. I’m Duke Swag IV up in this bitch, you feel me?
- >He reels back in surprise
- >”Then them stah-ries we’ve been hearin’ ain’t full ‘a shit after all… you… I know jus’ what yo lookin’ for, holmes.”
- >He dips down under his counter and rummages
- >Then finally, he pops back up, with a multi-colored patched T-Shirt
- >It looks straight out of the 90’s
- >”Shit’s straight from the ol’ world, G. Back when King Swiggidyswag XVI ruled the land of Equestria.”
- >You hold your hand out to the heirloom
- >Such powerful levels of swag are radiating from it…
- >Right as it touches your hand…
- >”AAAANOOOOON!!”
- >You dart your head to the left
- >Shit! She found you!
- >Her eyes burn with the desire for nonconsensual human-on-p0ny coitus
- >She bolts with blinding speed to you
- >The shopkeep sees the fear in your eyes
- >”Homie, quick! Put the shirt on!”
- >You lock eyes with him
- >And nod
- >You whip off your open sweater and fling the relic onto your body
- >Suddenly, it feels like the world has stopped
- >The mass amount of swag radiating from the shirt seeps into your bloodstream
- >You can feel the power course through you
- >A bright light emits from you, blinding everyp0ny around
- >The shopkeep shields his eyes
- >”It’s true!” He screams, “the second comin’ of our swag lord is here!”
- >You can feel yourself morphing
- >Your ears jut out the side of your head like an airplane’s wings
- >You grow taller, lankier, sexier
- >Your hair curls tightly, then stacks up high, like some kind of odd Frankenstein Monster hair do
- >Your transformation is here!
- >Swag +26475683
- >Level up!
- >Promoted from Lord of Swag to
- [spoiler]>The Fresh Prince![/spoiler]
- >You drop to your knees, the new form overwhelming you
- …damn, G! This shit’s for real!
- >”WILL!!!” you hear from your left
- >Fluttershy has transformed into Uncle Phil!
- >Oh shit!
- >Get up and start running manning away
- >The shopkeep has transformed into Jazz, and begins obnoxiously playing the drums
- >Today was pretty standard
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