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Pony_Azathoth

Gaynon in Equestria (Part 1)

Mar 25th, 2012
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  1. >Once upon a time, a homosexual dropped into Equestria
  2. >What the fuck?
  3. >He looked around, wondering how he got here
  4. >I like bright colors and all, but this was too much
  5. >Stand up
  6. >Talks a walk
  7. >He needs some fucking coffee.
  8. >He walks around some more, and soon finds a town
  9. >As he gets closer, he sees the town is populated by ponies.
  10. >wat
  11. >Gets closer, he gets tons of awkward looks
  12. >Nothing new there, really.
  13. >Just from equines this time, not homosapians
  14. >heheh, "homo"
  15. >Anyway, he sees an interesting building and decides to enter.
  16. >Goes inside
  17. >"Holy shit! This place is FABULOUS!"
  18. >Anon has entered Rarity's boutique
  19. >Looking around at all the dresses and stuff
  20. >Not a crossdresser, but likes dresses
  21. >Rarity comes out, not looking at him
  22. "Hello, welcome to carousel boutique. I am Rari-"
  23. >She stops as she finally notices that he is not a pony
  24. >She screams and runs away
  25. "Hey wait!" He calls after her
  26. >She fucking boosts away
  27. >Dammit
  28. >Anon is now alone in the room
  29. >Well shit
  30. >Waits a few minutes
  31. >He manages to see Rarity sneaking and barely looking around a corner to look at him
  32. >She notices that he saw
  33. >She ducks back, terrified
  34. >Anon thinks
  35. "Uhh... I like your Dresses." He says aloud
  36. >Rarity steps out a little
  37. "Really?" She says, with a smile
  38. >Success
  39. "Yeah. They are well made, and pretty."
  40. >Rarity smiles, her fear of him gone already
  41. >She walks over to a dress
  42. "Yes, I spend quiet alot of time on them. A shame not many stallions are into dresses."
  43. >You know that feel
  44. >Rarity smiles at you
  45. >You smile back
  46. "I've never seen... uhhmm..."
  47. "Human. I'm a human."
  48. "Ahh."
  49. >You realize that you're much more stable when meeting talking ponies then people should
  50. >Well ok
  51. >Rarity invites you around
  52. >She sees she will introduce you to other ponies
  53. >Sounds great!
  54.  
  55. >Later, dinner
  56. >Introduced to Sweetie Belle
  57. >She's nice
  58. >Rarity gets you some food too
  59. >All vegetables
  60. >Well duh, they're ponies
  61. >You're not sure if you could live on a vegetable only diet
  62. >You really like mea-
  63. >Ok, that's a bit too gay. Even for you.
  64. >Finish eating dinner
  65. >Rarity tells you to stay here for the night, she'll introduce you to the others tomorrow
  66. >You protest, she shouldn't have to take you in for the night
  67. >She refuses no for an answer
  68. >She's very generous!
  69. >Then, her face brights up
  70. "Oh! You know what this means?"
  71. >You shake your head, a little worried
  72. "SLEEPOVER!"
  73. >wat
  74. >Ok sleepover time
  75. >You and Rarity chill in her room
  76. >This is a little awkward, with your being two different genders
  77. >well and different species, that might have something to do with it too
  78. >Rarity does some makeup stuff
  79. >You help her out
  80. >You think she may have a built in gaydar or something
  81. "Hey Anon."
  82. "Uhhh... yes Rarity..?"
  83. "Do you... you know.. like...?"
  84. >You sigh
  85. >You didn't think it was that obvious
  86. "I didn't think it was that obvious"
  87. >She gives you a hoof-wave
  88. "Please Anon! Most guys only think about one thing, it's obvious when guys are more then just shallow."
  89. >You nod, appreciating her comment
  90. >Even if it is wrong, though you're not sure how ponies work.
  91. >Rarity tells you to wait right there
  92. >She comes back
  93. >She's wearing some low-cut skirt
  94. >ohmygodwhy
  95. "Do these make my flank look big?"
  96. >Look over, then look away
  97. "No, they don't."
  98. >She smiles
  99. >Rarity puts clothes away
  100. >Somehow, you're more comfortable when she's not wearing clothes then when she is
  101. >Ponies are weird.
  102. >she returns and sits down
  103. "You know what this means?"
  104. >Here we go again
  105. >You shake your head
  106. "We can talk about boys!"
  107. >Facepalm
  108. >Rarity begins some awkward conversations
  109. >Answer them the best you can
  110. >Either she's depraved or she's just over-emphasizing your gayness
  111. >You don't like either
  112. >Especially the last one
  113.  
  114. "...You managed to fit it all in?"
  115. >Jesus christ
  116. >Rarity makes a motion with her forelegs, about 2 feet across
  117. "Ahaha! Not even!"
  118. >She makes the space between her hooves smaller
  119. "Smaller."
  120. >Closer together
  121. "Smaller!"
  122. >Much closer together
  123. "That's about right."
  124. >Rarity and you giggle
  125. >Rarity confirmed for girlfriend status.
  126. >Not that kind of girl-friend, your "gurl"friend.
  127. >Finally, you two get some sleep
  128. >Restless night
  129. >The realization now begins to set in
  130. >You may never go back to your world again
  131. >No more cute guys
  132. >Your penis is sad
  133. >But mostly you're sad
  134. >You just hope that this is all just a bad dream
  135. >An entertaining bad dream
  136. >More like a neutral dream
  137. >Slowly drift into a dark, dreamless sleep.
  138. >You wake up
  139. >Not in your room
  140. >Ceiling is too bright for you to have been seduced last night
  141. >So the pony stuff is real
  142. >Look over and see a pony
  143. >Well, that answers that question.
  144.  
  145. >Rarity soon wakes up
  146. >Sweetie Belle cooks breakfast
  147. >why
  148.  
  149. >Later, Rarity introduces you to her friends
  150. >She smiles and winks at you
  151. "You know, there are some cute colts and stallions that I could set up with."
  152. >Are you shitting me
  153. "I just got here!"
  154. >She shrugs
  155. "Your loss."
  156. >She doesn't seem to even care that you're not a pony
  157. >That's a bit odd
  158. >Maybe all ponies are like that?
  159. >You met Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Fluttershy
  160. >They are all pretty cool
  161. >Rainbow Dash is such a dyke though
  162. >LOL
  163. >They welcome you to ponyville
  164. >Twilight seems more intent on learning about you and where you come from
  165. >You help her out but eventually Rarity steps in as you've been talking to her for hours
  166. "Twilight dear, our friend Anon here needs rest. He needs his beauty sleep!"
  167. >Twilight sighs, but thanks you for the time and leaves
  168. >You're going to need to talk to the princess eventually
  169. >You hope everything goes ok.
  170. >Later that day
  171. >You walk down the street
  172. >See ponies walking to and fro
  173. >Now that people know about you, they don't stare as much
  174. >Well, except the kids
  175. >Anyway as you walk you just look around
  176. >Then, you see something
  177. >Your heart stops
  178. >It's the most perfect stallion you could possibly imagine.
  179.  
  180. >You look over at the stallion
  181. >Ok, he's a little young for a "stallion", but he seems like a young adult
  182. >like early 20's
  183. >Difficult to tell with ponies
  184. >He has an adorable little head (mane?) of brown hair
  185. >His fur-coat is a nice, natural tan color
  186. >He has 3 horseshoes on his flank as his cutie-mark
  187. >He is fucking cute.
  188. >You turn to Rarity, and whisper to her
  189. "Who is THAT?"
  190. >She looks over at him and then back to you, with an odd look
  191. "Oh? He's Caramel. But why do you want to-" She stops and then gives you a bit of a cheeky smile
  192. >You glare at her
  193. >She laughs
  194. "Oh come on Anon, I thought you said that you 'just got here'!"
  195. "I just want to talk to him."
  196. "Then go talk to him!" Rarity replies, giggling
  197. >You sigh and stand up straight
  198. >You begin to walk
  199. >Caramel is going about his business
  200. >But he does it in a very sensitive, shy kind of way
  201. >It's so damn attractive
  202.  
  203. >You approach Caramel
  204. >He doesn't seem to notice you
  205. >You are really nervous to speak up
  206. >You don't want to blow your first meeting with this guy
  207. >He trots away
  208. >You follow, after shooting a glance at Rarity
  209. >She's flirting with some other stallion
  210. >God fucking dammit Rarity
  211. >Caramel soon stops at a outdoor restaurant
  212. >All the outside tables are taken, Caramel sits alone
  213. >Now's your chance!
  214. >You approach the waiter if you can get a table
  215. >He says they are all out
  216. >Ask if you may sit with Caramel
  217. "Well... Sure, as long as he is alright with it."
  218. >You really hope so
  219. >The waiter brings you over and talks to Caramel
  220. >Caramel nods slowly, and awkwardly looks at you
  221. >You sit down
  222. >He buries his face in the menu
  223. >God this is so awkward
  224. >You decide to strike up a conversation
  225.  
  226. "Hey... there. You."
  227. >You were going to say his name, but it would be even more awkward if you just said his name without getting acquainted
  228. >He doesn't seem to notice or is ignoring you
  229. "Uhmmm..." You say, then notice his bright green saddlebag
  230. "Oh, like your saddlebag." You say, hoping to get a reaction
  231. >It seems to work
  232. >He looks out from behind the menu
  233. "You like it?" He asks, putting a hoof over it
  234. >You nod furiously
  235. "I love it! It's very colorful."
  236. >He smiles and blushes a little
  237. >Flattery will get you everywhere
  238. >Just then waiter comes
  239. >Asks for drinks and order
  240. >Caramel asks for some daffodil shit
  241. >You get an idea
  242.  
  243. >The waiter looks at you
  244. >You smile
  245. "I'll take the grilled horse."
  246. >Gasps, Caramel gives you a horrified look
  247. >You start to laugh
  248. >slam your fist against the table in laughter
  249. "ahahahHAHAA"
  250. >Caramel looks around, blushing as other ponies see you acting so stupidly
  251. >But you can't stop now
  252. "Oh- oh man. You should have saw your face!" You say
  253. >Silence
  254. >The smell of tomato sauce is rising
  255. "...Sorry. I'll just have a salad please."
  256. >The waiter nods quietly, takes the menu, and leaves
  257. >After he is gone, the other ponies continue their conversations
  258. >Caramel is dead quiet, and without a menu to hide with he just looks away blushing
  259. >He's really embarrassed
  260. >You're pretty embarrassed yourself.
  261. "Hey.. I'm sorry about that. I thought that was funny."
  262. "Eating a sentient creature is never funny."
  263. >You blink
  264. >That was much faster and more aggressive of a response that you expected
  265. >Well shit
  266. >You just sit there awkwardly
  267. >Food comes, you eat the vegetables in silence
  268. >Doesn't help you actually want to eat some good meat right about now
  269. >Not that kind of meat you faggot this is serious
  270. >Caramel finishes before you, and just sits there
  271. >You feel really terrible right now
  272. >Sit in silence
  273. >Waiter comes
  274. "That will be 14 Bits for the both of you."
  275. >You pull out your wallet
  276. >Wait shit, what the fuck is a bit?
  277. >You look over at Caramel
  278. >He rolls his eyes
  279. "I guess I got this."
  280. >The way he says it really breaks your heart
  281. >Dammit, why did it have to be this way
  282.  
  283. >He gets up from the table after paying, and trots off without much regard for you
  284. >You don't want to bother him, but you can't just let him go without saying your sorry
  285. >You walk after him and soon call
  286. "Caramel!"
  287. >He freezes and turns around, looking up at you with a strange look
  288. >Partially a mix of confusion, surprise, and a sheer chunk of annoyance.
  289. "H- How do you know my name?"
  290. >Oh goddammit
  291.  
  292. >You blink at Caramel
  293. "Rarity told me. Look, I'm sorry about what happened back-"
  294. "Wait, you know Rarity?"
  295. >You nod
  296. "Oh. Well she's my friend too. We don't talk much though, but I though you were just some random stranger..."
  297. >You look at him
  298. "Well, she wanted me to meet you so..."
  299. >Caramel snaps his gaze up and blushes, before turning around and talking quickly
  300. "Oh ok, don't worry about what happened back there bye!"
  301. >Woah wait what the fuck
  302. "Hey wait up!" You call and follow
  303. >He starts to trot faster
  304. >You try to keep up
  305. >He bolts
  306. >You cannot keep up
  307. >You slow to a stop
  308. >Damn. Horses sure are fast.
  309. >You look around and slowly find your way back to Carousel Boutique.
  310. >As you come inside, you see Rarity
  311. "Hello Anon! How'd it go?"
  312. >You shoot her a look
  313. "Oh no! That's terrible Anon." She says with a frown on her face
  314. "Yeah, it was pretty bad."
  315. >She looked up at you
  316. "What went wrong, Anon?"
  317. "Well, I told him you wanted me to meet him so I..."
  318. "YOU DID WHAT!?"
  319. >Oh man you've never heard her voice like that before.
  320. "What? What did I do?!"
  321. >Rarity starts to breath heavy
  322. "Out of all the things that could happen...
  323. This is THE
  324. WORST
  325. POSSIBLE
  326. THING!"
  327. >Wow, what a drama queen
  328. >Still, you have no idea what she means
  329. "Rarity, what did I do?"
  330. >She looks up at you, still concerned
  331. "It wasn't your fault dear, it's just that... Well I told Caramel I'd help him with something a few weeks ago."
  332. >You blink
  333. "I told him I'd help him find a big strong stallion. He told me in secret he's been craving a big, strong, powerful stallion, and because you mentioned me..."
  334. "...He thought I was the stallion you recommended to him?"
  335. >She nods
  336. "Well shit. What am I supposed to do about it?"
  337. >She smiles at you
  338. "I don't know dear.. Maybe you should be a big, powerful stallion?"
  339. >What?
  340. "I don't understand."
  341. >Rarity grins at you
  342. "Come come, I think you need a makeover..."
  343.  
  344. >Rarity drags you into her workshop
  345. >She begins sizing you while asking you about fashions from your world
  346. >You try your best
  347. >Hours pass
  348. >She puts down her instruments and sighs
  349. "Alright, Anon, go to sleep. Your outfit will be ready tomorrow."
  350. >Alright.
  351.  
  352. >You sleep
  353. >You dream
  354. >In your dream, you feel like you're still in your bed
  355. >You feel yourself shift, it's getting hotter
  356. >You feel the body-heat of another
  357. >You are laying atop something that's alive
  358. >You're smelling the brown mane before you
  359. "oohhh Anon~"
  360. >That voice
  361. >You awake with a raging boner
  362. >Well shit
  363.  
  364. >You eat a light breakfast
  365. >Thankfully, Sweetie Belle didn't make it.
  366. >You thank Rarity, and you ask her if you can help around the Boutique today, at least to lunch
  367. >She accepts, but only because she worked hard on your outfit.
  368. >You take out garbage, mop floors, and help her do laundry whenever she asks
  369. >She insists, and gives you a small payment of bits
  370. >You suppose thats fine
  371. >Soon, it's lunch time
  372. >Rarity wishes you luck
  373. >You're not going to fuck it up this time.
  374.  
  375. >That Lunch-time
  376.  
  377. >You strut on down to that place where you ate lunch yesterday
  378. >You see Caramel walk up, and sit down again
  379. >Same as yesterday.
  380. >You approach, and look over yourself one last time
  381.  
  382. >Rarity hooked you up
  383.  
  384. >You are wearing a very high quality pinstripe suit
  385. >Very well fitting
  386. >You look like the manliest gay-man ever
  387. >Excellent
  388.  
  389. >You walk up to the chair, Caramel is too busy reading the menu
  390. >You clear your throat and speak
  391. "Don't mind if I sit here, do you, friend?"
  392. >He looks up, surprised at seeing you again
  393. >He seems a bit embaressed
  394. "...Can I sit here again, please?" You say, much less confident then before
  395. >He nods
  396. >You sit down
  397. >Alright step one check
  398. >You look over at him and smile
  399. >He smiles back and has a bit of a blush
  400. "Hello. I'm glad to meet you again. I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, I was just new to town and I needed to get adjusted is all."
  401. >He nods slowly
  402. >Everything is turning out better then expected
  403. >You order another dish, this one more complete
  404. >You and Caramel eat
  405. "..What was your name? You never told me yesterday."
  406. "Anonymous, but you can just call me Anon."
  407. "Will do, mister Anon."
  408. >You smile
  409.  
  410. >Later, the waiter brings the check
  411. >Caramel reaches for his saddle-bag
  412. >You stop him and pull out your own bits and give them to the waiter
  413. >He seems impressed
  414. >You only have like one to two bits left, but it was worth it
  415. >Caramel thanks you and asks you to walk him home
  416. >You walk Caramel down the Ponyville streets
  417. >He tells you a little about himself
  418. >You don't talk much
  419. >He talks about his job, he gets up at a wierd hour in the night to got to work
  420. >He does something with the businesses of Ponyville in the morning, though you don't quite catch it
  421. >he leads you to his house
  422. >Turns out he is Rarity's neighbor
  423. >You and him both walk up to the doorstep
  424. >He unlocks and opens the door
  425. >He looks back at you
  426. >You look down and smile
  427. "Good night. Or good afternoon, Caramel."
  428. >He smiles at you, and then takes a step forward like he is going to do something
  429. >But then he steps back and just gives you a nod
  430. >He blushes and retreats inside quickly
  431. >You feel pretty good about yourself
  432. >You put your hands in your pockets and whistle a tune as you walk back to the boutique
  433. >You open the door to the boutique and keep looking outside before you go in completely
  434. >You hear clopping behind you
  435. >You then hear Rarity speak
  436. "How'd it go?"
  437. >You turn around and give a girly fucking squee
  438. >Like seriously your genitals should be removed for that smack against all things masculine
  439. >But do you know how many fucks you give?
  440. >
  441. >That many, right there.
  442. >Rarity squees back and you close the door and excitedly come inside
  443. >You talk to Rarity for a while, and you really thank her for the nice dress
  444. >She loves to hear all about it
  445. >You have your "girl talk" and soon its time for more work, dinner, then bed
  446. >You go to sleep that night
  447. >Your dreams were strange again
  448. >As you awake, the only thing you remember are a trio of blue horseshoes...
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