If all U.S. Presidents, at the age they were elected, were t

If all U.S. Presidents, at the age they were elected, were told to fight each other to the death, who would win?

Round 1
Franklin Pierce over Martin Van Buren
Pierce was a nice 49 upon inauguration with service in the Mexican American War. Van Buren was a career politician. Easy win.
Herbert Hoover over Franklin Delano Roosevelt
FDR had polio. Insta-lose.
Grover Cleveland over James K. Polk
Cleveland abstained from Civil War duty and misses out on a surefire justification for a win, but his 5'11 260' frame going up against the 5'8 Polk produces a visible mismatch.
Rutherford B. Hayes over Millard Fillmore
Hayes saw combat during the Civil War so I'm giving him the edge over the similarly sized Fillmore. No, militia service doesn't compensate for it.
Thomas Jefferson over John Tyler
Almost nothing to go on here. Both were career politicians and what one lacks in weight he makes up in height, vice versa for the other. I'll give my vote to Jefferson, he was a fan of martial arts in his youth and might know a few tricks to trounce Tyler.
Jimmy Carter over Chester Arthur
Navy Lieutenant over career lawyer? I'd take that every day.
Benjamin Harrison over Calvin Coolidge
Harrison has a better build and saw combat in the Civil War. Trounces Coolidge in an easy bout.
James Buchanan over James Madison
An upset, albeit with these two nothing is too exciting. It is little known that Buchanan participated in the War of 1812 and fought during the Battle of Baltimore. Madison is also tiny in comparison to Buchanan.
Woodrow Wilson over John Adams
I don't know why I'm handing this to the pacifist at heart, but Adams' size and experience means he gets walloped in almost any matchup.
Bill Clinton over Ronald Reagan
Although Saint Ronnie has all the past experience as a WWII enlistee (though he saw no combat), age has caught up to him. The 47 year old Clinton wins....barely.
William H. Taft over Andrew Johnson
TAFT SMASH!
Round 2
Theodore Roosevelt over Franklin Pierce
The victorious Pierce runs into the #1 seed overall, a Spanish-American War vet and general badass. It's not even close.
William McKinley over Ulysses S. Grant
Another upset, folks. McKinley had extensive service in the Civil War and fought much more than Grant ever did at the front lines. Grant smash can't overcome his throat cancer and fat bubble.
Herbert Hoover over John Quincy Adams
(Note: I don't know why I didn't give this seed to B. Harrison. Deserves it much more). Another snoozer where the younger fighter wins. Hoover somehow sneaks into Round 3.
Grover Cleveland over James Garfield
Close again, but Garfield's endurance is put into question after his assassination. Cleveland limps into Round 3.
Rutherford B. Hayes over James Monroe
Hayes clobbers another career politician. Nothing to see here.
Gerald Ford over Dwight Eisenhower
Although we think of Ike as an army guy one must note that officers aren't as fit and combat ready as enlisted guys. Ford, an All-American center and linebacker for the University of Michigan clobbers Ike in this one.
George W. Bush over Thomas Jefferson
Height can't save TJ here. Bush ekes out a win on age. And hey, maybe they did do jumping jacks in the Texas National Guard. Oh, and there's this, courtesy of /u/BZH_JJM.
Zachary Taylor over Harry Truman
Taylor led from the front and was a decorated war hero. While Truman also saw time his crappy eyesight gives in here.
Andrew Jackson over Jimmy Carter
Jackson's a notch better than Taylor, having once stopped his own assassination attempt, so Carter here is just a cupcake along the way to stardom.
John F. Kennedy over George H. W. Bush
Two giants face off early in the 2nd round, and JFK notches his first win. Both were badasses during WWII, but the balls JFK showed on PT109 outshine anything Bush did in his Avenger.
George Washington over Benjamin Harrison
GW is another politician who's seen substantial time on the fronts, and was hardened during his disastrous trek up to the Monongahela. While Harrison also has combat time it was for noticeably less time than Washington. Age is roughly the same, while Washington also towers over Harrison by 8 inches.
James Buchanan over William H. Harrison
Old Tippecanoe was stricken by pneumonia the day after inauguration. Not so solid now, eh?
Woodrow Wilson over Warren G. Harding
A kind of laid back guy, I doubt Harding would have any way of getting through a fight alive. Wilson's momentum carries him through.
Barack Obama over Richard Nixon
Nixon served in WWII but saw no combat. Obama hasn't served at all but at election he had a noticeably ripped body. Obama wins here.
Bill Clinton over Lyndon Johnson
Johnson may have a Silver Star from WWII days but the manner he got it in was quite lame (plane carrying him came under fire). Clinton wins on age here.
Abraham Lincoln over William H. Taft
Taft smash gets derailed here as Lincoln's height gives him the advantage. Oh, and he came under fire from Confederate bullets during his presidency in 1864. He's got the skills.
Round 3
Theodore Roosevelt over William McKinley
It's close, but Ole' Teddy seems a bit more rounded-out than his Presidential predecessor.
Grover Cleveland over Herbert Hoover
Another snoozer, Cleveland wins on measurables.
Gerald Ford over Rutherford B. Hayes
You don't brawl with a football player. Ever.
Zachary Taylor over George W. Bush
One of these two saw extensive combat time as both an enlisted soldier and an officer. The other failed Air National Guard physicals.
Andrew Jackson over John F. Kennedy (originally John F. Kennedy over Andrew Jackson)
It's close, but at his age Jackson was already bullet-ridden from duels and wars. JFK is fresh and ready to fight. Comments other people have made about Kennedy's earl childhood (which I do know about, just didn't fully remember) have me putting Jackson over JFK in this redo.
George Washington over James Buchanan
The soldier wins again in this bout.
Barack Obama over Woodrow Wilson
One of his idols. How touching. Obama's got the youth and the power to knock Wilson out of the running and advance to Round 4.
Abraham Lincoln over Bill Clinton
Practically a 6'3 guy with the weight to back it up. You don't mess with Abe.
Round 4
Theodore Roosevelt over Grover Cleveland
How is this all Group 1 has to offer? TR easily trounces this matchup.
Zachary Taylor over Gerald Ford
Ford has had his glory days but his bum knee has to give in soon. It does here and Taylor wins and advances to the semis.
Andrew Jackson (originally JFK) over George Washington
57 at inauguration, I don't think Washington can handle the young Kennedy. His competition hasn't been much up to this point. Both are up in years at inauguration, but Jackson was in the thick of a lot more conflicts that George Washington. He gets the win here.
Abraham Lincoln over Barack Obama
I don't think Obama would consent to fighting Lincoln, of all people, but I'll play along and hypothesize. Most likely Lincoln outstacks him just like the ones before Obama, but this one's closer.
Round 5: SEMI FINALS
Theodore Roosevelt over Zachary Taylor
Age plays a big part here. 43 when he took office, TR was still young enough to beat Taylor. If they both were the same age I might give this to Taylor.
Abraham Lincoln over Andrew Jackson (originally John F. Kennedy over Abraham Lincoln)
Kennedy finally comes close to matching up inch for inch and pound for pound, so I'd say his service gives him the W here. This is a close match against two contestants, each more than justified to get to the title match. I have to hand it to Lincoln, though, as his wrestling history (never knew about that!) brings more to the table than even Jackson's brawling history.
Round 6: Final Round
Theodore Roosevelt over Abraham Lincoln (originally Theodore Roosevelt over John F. Kennedy)
Roosevelt comes out on top in the numbers category and while JFK has his "pull a guy with your teeth" story TR has shown that even when shot in the neck he can finish reading long speeches. It's a close one, but I go TR. Lincoln was a wrestler, and a successful one at that, but a bit lanky for his height. Roosevelt is an all-around guy, taking safaris, building canals, and has a bit of an age advantage. I'm going to have to say Roosevelt here.
(Oh, and Jackson over Taylor in the 3rd place game)
EDIT: Points have been raised that I have Kennedy way too far due to health concerns. Redone is as follows: Jackson over Kennedy (it was close to start with), Jackson over Washington (Jackson's in better shape and saw a lot more fighting than Washington did), Lincoln over Jackson (wrestling went unnoticed by me), TR over Lincoln

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