My Lady Knight

	I was 15 when my parents first brought my little sister and I to the renaissance fair. I'd never been all that interested in fairs and parks, besides Disneyland because Disneyland is hands down the best. But overall, they were loud, dusty and included way too much time spent standing in a line.
Well, I changed my mind when my family changed course from the food court to the jousting tournament. I had thought to myself as the jousting started, no way this could be real. There'd be lawsuits all over the place (15 year old kid, first thing he thinks of at a medieval tournament is lawsuits. I watched way too much t.v).
	But that's when the tournament started. The riders spurred their horses to charge, the lances descended, and smash! The smaller riders shield broke apart. In hindsight it broke way too easily, must've been rigged for effect but I didn't give a shit at the time. It was awesome.
	The riders circled, righted themselves. The smaller one, maybe a head shorter than the giant man opposite, threw away the shattered remnants of his shield. Then they charged again.
	The big rider fell. It happened so fast I barely had a moment to register the blow. In the last moment, the smaller rider had twisted in his seat so that the tip of his opponents lance glanced off his side. His point drove right into the big mans shoulder and down he went in a heap. The audience cheered, I cheered...
Then the rider took off his helmet.
Actually, it was her helmet.
	Time froze for me as she pulled off her tie and her long black hair fell in glorious waves over her shoulders. She smiled and waved at the crowd while I struggled with a personal maelstrom. I couldn't even process what I was feeling. It was so strong and so sudden, I'd never felt anything like it. As she rode by the crowd, she glanced down at me. Me! And she must've seen my awestruck face because she gave me the slyest, most conciliatory wink I'd ever seen anyone give anybody ever.
	As she hopped down to give her opponent a friendly helping hand to his feet, I stood in shock and awe wondering how exactly I was so dumbfounded. I'd seen pretty girls before. I'd...you know, entertained myself at night to the thought of them. This was very, very different.
	She bowed and waved to the crowd and the announcer, a jovial chubby guy in bright green livery, announced her as the victor, Elena. Her name echoed in my head as her wide happy smile entranced me.
	That night I sat cross legged in my dark room well past my bedtime, picturing the events of the day over and over again. I thought of Elena and I was aroused in such a strange, nearly uncomfortable way yet I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I just thought of her riding up and stretching her gauntleted hand out to me, lifting me onto her horse and hugging her arms around me. Which, frankly, were scary and embarassing thoughts to have. Men were supposed to be the knights, right? I was supposed to be the one to grow up to pick up ladies. I was thinking the purely opposite way- dangerous thoughts. I was ashamed, which in a strange way made me want her more.
	I felt sick for being so damn excited about it at the time. I didn't want to look at her in that way and so, after much contemplation, I set such lustful thoughts aside. I convinced myself that what I was feeling purely admiration and respect. Which I was, of course, but I didn't want to be a manipulative hungry, horny pig like other men. What a damn chore that must be for beautiful women, to be accosted left and right by those types. I didn't want to be that at all, and yet I wanted to be around her all the time.
	It was such line of thinking that brought me to proposing an apprenticeship at the ren faire to my parents. It was the beginning of summer and I had all the free time in the world considering I had refused any and all programs my parents had suggested. To tell the truth, they were concerned with my social health. A glorious opportunity, because as soon as I suggested it they jumped on the idea like sharks to fresh chum.
	It didn't take long for my parents to work out a program with whoever they were talking to at the faire. The man in charge was friendly and enthusiastic about new people joining, especially people who were younger such as myself. I tried my best not to seem too eager to work with anyone I particular, but I did mention that I was a fan of “that lady” who won on the day I was there. I tried my best to sound aloof. I didn't want to risk sounding too eager.
This all sounds like I was very manipulative and careful, but I didn't really pay too much attention to my actions at the time. It was more like this: She was amazing, I wanted to be around her. That was as far as things went in my adolescent consciousness. Add in my denial over my true feelings, and it makes for a very confused, but resolved, teenage boy.
Within a week I was being led on a tour through the ren faire by a young man named Eddie who at the time was a bit sour someone out bid him in an auction for a hand forged bastard sword. I didn't like Eddie much: he cared for the horses and somehow managed to small worse than them.
Since I had requested to be trained as a squire Eddie wrapped up the tour and introductions to all the irrelevant people brusquely and I soon found myself in the outer gardens by the tourney grounds.
I hadn't thought my plan through too well, and to my dismay I found myself being led towards the big burly man that Elena had unhorsed days prior. Wielding a great wooden broadsword, he hacked with great, powerful strikes at a series of straw training dummies. So powerful was he that it seemed one out of every four blows sent one of the dummies (held down by large concrete blocks mind you) reeling back.
I felt hollow inside as Eddie explained that it was him I'd be squiring for, and not Elena like I had so subtly requested.
“Jason!” Eddie called as we approached, “quit breaking the dummies dude.”
Jason turned, sweat cascading down his face. He was broad shouldered and tall, as I had mentioned. He looked fierce, a deeply furrowed brow and his eyes...he had crazy eyes. I dreaded having to be within fifty yards of the man. Yet, his harsh features relaxed as he spotted us, and immediately he seemed the kindest person ever.
“Salutations Edward!” he boomed in an irish brogue, smiling broadly. “I see we have a young friend to join us today.”
“Are you going to keep the accent up forever?” Eddie asked.
“You don't have to spoil the fun for everything you know.”
“I'll take that as a yes,” Eddie sighed. “This is Matt,” he said with an awkward flourish in my direction. “He's volunteering to squire.”
“Pleasure to meetcha Mattie boy,” Jason said, taking my hand in his and shaking it furiously. “Life of a knight the life for you, eh?”
“Y-yes,” I managed to stammer. I was so far out of my element I half expected to vomit. I then realized how poorly I managed in social situations. I realized that I had made a terrible, terrible mistake.
It's curious looking back on how absolutely terrified I was. At that moment, I had believed that I had entrapped myself in a situation I did not want in any way (not that hanging out at a ren faire wasn't going to be totally awesome, just that...you know). You can imagine my relief when I heard her voice call out Eddie's name.
I turned and there she was in a tanktop and jeans, her dark hair tied into a ponytail. She walked in a steady, even purposeful march with a scabbard and sword gripped in her right hand.
“Ah, there she is,” Jason said. “Remember that sword you wanted?”
Eddie looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on him. “No way.”
“Yes way.”
Elena let out a huff as she stopped. “I've been looking around for you all day idiot. Happy birthday, from me and Jason.”
At this point I was too completely and utterly nervous to care to notice how Eddie let out a whoop and gingerly took the sword from Elena's hands, or how Jason clapped him on the back and told him it wouldn't be completely embarassing if Eddie passed out from excitement. I just paid attention to Elena, and how she laughed when Jason said that. He laugh was...
I don't have the words.
Then she noticed me, and when she did her eyes lit up.
“Hey! You're the kid from the tournament last Saturday!”
How she remembered me I had no idea no one remembers me I was freaking out.
“Uhm,” I said.
“You're the volunteer? Nice,” she reached out a fist and I stood there dumbstruck. “Fistbump dude,” she said with a smile. I hurriedly obliged.
“Yeah, I have to train him with stuff,” Jason said. “No clue what to do honestly,” he said.
“Hey man, pass him over to me,” she said. “I need plenty of help with the horses.”
At that point my mind had switched to total sensory overload. Details were fuzzy. Where it comes back, I was following her back to the tents where they had a small cake waiting for Eddie.
And I could have sworn that as I walked behind her, anxious and sweaty, that she gave me a sideways glance. And winked.