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Jan 25th, 2011
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  1. ACT I
  2.  
  3.  
  4.  
  5. Scene 1
  6.  
  7.  
  8.  
  9. (At rise MAN is seated in a chair, center. There is an empty chair left, an empty chair right. There is a table with a chessboard upstage. MAN is reading a book to himself. He turns the page, smiles at the passage he is reading, and addresses the audience.)
  10.  
  11.  
  12.  
  13. MAN
  14.  
  15. "You are not wrong who deem that my days have been a dream." (pause) Edgar Allan Poe. (pause) "A Dream Within a Dream". (Coughs, crosses legs.) I say that our life, our lives, yes, our living is an accident. I say that what we are and what we choose does not choose us, and, no, we do not choose it. No, no. I say that it is an accident, nothing more than an accident. Accidental or incidental, coincidental; who cares? Merely an accident. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of, although, maybe despite...but no. No, that's not right. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of this, I am, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, the accidental abortionist.
  16.  
  17.  
  18.  
  19. (A crash.)
  20.  
  21.  
  22.  
  23. MAN
  24.  
  25. The accidental abortionist.
  26.  
  27.  
  28.  
  29. (A laugh from offstage.)
  30.  
  31.  
  32.  
  33. MAN
  34.  
  35. The accidental abortionist.
  36.  
  37.  
  38.  
  39. (A sound as of an explosion. A ten second blackout. Lights come back up on MAN reading as in rise. WOMAN is seated in chair right.)
  40.  
  41.  
  42.  
  43. WOMAN
  44.  
  45. I say that our birth, our being born, our birthing, yes, our birthing is an accident. How and when we are conceived, our conception is inconceivable, yes, conception is inconceivable. I say what we can and will conceive is inconceivable in its very conception, an insignificant turn of events. It does not choose us and, no, we do not choose it. No, no. I say that it is an accident, nothing more than an accident. Accidental is incidental, coincidental, transcendental; who cares? Merely an accident. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of, although maybe despite...but no. No, that's not right. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of this, I am, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, the accidental illusion.
  46.  
  47.  
  48.  
  49. MAN
  50.  
  51. The accidental abortionist.
  52.  
  53.  
  54.  
  55. WOMAN
  56.  
  57. The accidental illusion.
  58.  
  59.  
  60.  
  61. (A sound, as of waves crashing. A ten second blackout. Lightscome back up on MAN reading as in rise and on WOMAN seated with back to audience. CHILD is seated in chair left.)
  62.  
  63.  
  64.  
  65. CHILD
  66.  
  67. I say that our death, our deaths, our dying, yes, our dying is an accident. How and when we are discarded, discontinued, is disappointing,yes, our discontinuation is disappointing. Death, discontinuation, disappointment, does not choose us and, no, we do not choose it. No, no. I say that it is an accident, nothing more than an accident. Accidental is incidental, coincidental, transcendental, detrimental; who cares? Merely an accident. So and therefore, and because of yet not in spite---
  68.  
  69.  
  70.  
  71. MAN
  72.  
  73. We've heard this already.
  74.  
  75.  
  76.  
  77. CHILD
  78.  
  79. Have we?
  80.  
  81.  
  82.  
  83. (A pause. WOMAN rises, turns chair around to face audience then sits on the ground in front of it.)
  84.  
  85.  
  86.  
  87. WOMAN
  88.  
  89. I don't remember.
  90.  
  91.  
  92.  
  93. CHILD
  94.  
  95. Well, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, I am the accidental consequence.
  96.  
  97.  
  98.  
  99. WOMAN
  100.  
  101. No, that won't do at all.
  102.  
  103.  
  104.  
  105. CHILD
  106.  
  107. Well, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact I am the accidental aphorism.
  108.  
  109.  
  110.  
  111. WOMAN
  112.  
  113. I find that much improved.
  114.  
  115.  
  116.  
  117. MAN
  118.  
  119. And so it will suffice.
  120.  
  121.  
  122.  
  123. (WOMAN and CHILD move upstage to chessboard.)
  124.  
  125.  
  126.  
  127. WOMAN
  128.  
  129. Pawn, B5.
  130.  
  131.  
  132.  
  133. CHILD
  134.  
  135. Pawn, E3.
  136.  
  137.  
  138.  
  139. WOMAN
  140.  
  141. Pawn, E6.
  142.  
  143.  
  144.  
  145. MAN
  146.  
  147. Check.
  148.  
  149.  
  150.  
  151. WOMAN
  152.  
  153. I beg your pardon?
  154.  
  155.  
  156.  
  157. MAN
  158.  
  159. Check.
  160.  
  161.  
  162.  
  163. CHILD
  164.  
  165. Check.
  166.  
  167.  
  168.  
  169. WOMAN
  170.  
  171. I don't think I like this game anymore.
  172.  
  173.  
  174.  
  175. CHILD
  176.  
  177. Your strategy is lacking.
  178.  
  179.  
  180.  
  181. MAN
  182.  
  183. I agree.
  184.  
  185.  
  186.  
  187. WOMAN
  188.  
  189. I see. (A pause) Ah, yes, I will take this time to castle.
  190.  
  191.  
  192.  
  193. CHILD
  194.  
  195. You're out of check. Let me see, let me see. Ah, yes. I can move my bishop like so. I will move my bishop here, see. And that will work, I think.
  196.  
  197.  
  198.  
  199. MAN
  200.  
  201. Check.
  202.  
  203.  
  204.  
  205. CHILD
  206.  
  207. I beg your pardon?
  208.  
  209.  
  210.  
  211. MAN
  212.  
  213. Check.
  214.  
  215.  
  216.  
  217. WOMAN
  218.  
  219. Check.
  220.  
  221.  
  222.  
  223. CHILD
  224.  
  225. I don't think I like this game anymore.
  226.  
  227.  
  228.  
  229. WOMAN
  230.  
  231. I've said that already.
  232.  
  233.  
  234.  
  235. CHILD
  236.  
  237. Have you?
  238.  
  239.  
  240.  
  241. MAN
  242.  
  243. I don't remember.
  244.  
  245.  
  246.  
  247. CHILD
  248.  
  249. Ah, I see. Then, I will say that I am finished with this game.
  250.  
  251.  
  252.  
  253. WOMAN
  254.  
  255. I find that much improved.
  256.  
  257.  
  258.  
  259. MAN
  260.  
  261. And so it will suffice.
  262.  
  263.  
  264.  
  265. CHILD
  266.  
  267. I don't think you understand how to play chess.
  268.  
  269.  
  270.  
  271. WOMAN
  272.  
  273. That's a hateful accusation.
  274.  
  275.  
  276.  
  277. MAN
  278.  
  279. But you don't. The knight can move only in an L-shape. (Makes an L-shape in the air.) Like this. An L. You've never even moved a knight. You have to move it in an L-shape. Like this. (Makes L-shape again.) Like so. Do you see?
  280.  
  281.  
  282.  
  283. WOMAN
  284.  
  285. I've never moved a knight.
  286.  
  287.  
  288.  
  289. CHILD
  290.  
  291. You haven't.
  292.  
  293.  
  294.  
  295. WOMAN
  296.  
  297. Are you sure?
  298.  
  299.  
  300.  
  301. CHILD
  302.  
  303. I don't remember.
  304.  
  305.  
  306.  
  307. WOMAN
  308.  
  309. I am quite sure that I would definitely have to, at some point during that game, have moved a knight.
  310.  
  311.  
  312.  
  313. CHILD
  314.  
  315. Then you've done it wrong.
  316.  
  317.  
  318.  
  319. WOMAN
  320.  
  321. I see.
  322.  
  323.  
  324.  
  325. MAN
  326.  
  327. You know, some people might say that chess, in its very essence, is often used as an existential metaphor.
  328.  
  329.  
  330.  
  331. WOMAN
  332.  
  333. I believe some people think far too much.
  334.  
  335.  
  336.  
  337. (A pause.)
  338.  
  339.  
  340.  
  341. MAN
  342.  
  343. Do they?
  344.  
  345.  
  346.  
  347. (A pause.)
  348.  
  349.  
  350.  
  351. WOMAN
  352.  
  353. Yes. Yes, they do.
  354.  
  355.  
  356.  
  357. MAN
  358.  
  359. I agree completely.
  360.  
  361.  
  362.  
  363. CHILD
  364.  
  365. Some might say that you're a metaphor.
  366.  
  367.  
  368.  
  369. MAN
  370.  
  371. No, no. That won't do.
  372.  
  373.  
  374.  
  375. WOMAN
  376.  
  377. That will not do.
  378.  
  379.  
  380.  
  381. CHILD
  382.  
  383. How can we be sure that we're not?
  384.  
  385.  
  386.  
  387. WOMAN
  388.  
  389. I forget. But there is a way. I promise.
  390.  
  391.  
  392.  
  393. CHILD
  394.  
  395. But you're just an illusion.
  396.  
  397.  
  398.  
  399. (MAN rises, turns to CHILD slowly.)
  400.  
  401.  
  402.  
  403. MAN
  404.  
  405. We promised not to talk about that.
  406.  
  407.  
  408.  
  409. CHILD
  410.  
  411. But she is!
  412.  
  413.  
  414.  
  415. MAN
  416.  
  417. We promised not to talk about that.
  418.  
  419.  
  420.  
  421. CHILD
  422.  
  423. So am I!
  424.  
  425.  
  426.  
  427. MAN
  428.  
  429. No, no. You're an aphorism. Which is an entirely differentthing altogether. Entirely!
  430.  
  431.  
  432.  
  433. WOMAN
  434.  
  435. What is an aphorism?
  436.  
  437.  
  438.  
  439. MAN
  440.  
  441. She is.
  442.  
  443.  
  444.  
  445. WOMAN
  446.  
  447. Oh, yes. I'd forgotten.
  448.  
  449.  
  450.  
  451. CHILD
  452.  
  453. I don't think one can be an aphorism. I think that one can embody one, yes, but I don't think that one can be an aphorism. No. No, it simply can't be done.
  454.  
  455.  
  456.  
  457. MAN
  458.  
  459. But you have.
  460.  
  461.  
  462.  
  463. WOMAN
  464.  
  465. Yes.
  466.  
  467.  
  468.  
  469. CHILD
  470.  
  471. Because we're illusions! We're imaginary! We're not even real!
  472.  
  473.  
  474.  
  475. MAN
  476.  
  477. We promised not to talk about that.
  478.  
  479.  
  480.  
  481. CHILD
  482.  
  483. You promised, maybe.
  484.  
  485.  
  486.  
  487. WOMAN
  488.  
  489. I don't remember promising.
  490.  
  491.  
  492.  
  493. CHILD
  494.  
  495. It's because we're illusions. We don't have to promiseanything.
  496.  
  497.  
  498.  
  499. (MAN turns suddenly, quickly, and begins walking away. CHILD yells after him.)
  500.  
  501.  
  502.  
  503. CHILD
  504.  
  505. Right? Am I right?
  506.  
  507.  
  508.  
  509. WOMAN
  510.  
  511. I don't even know where I am.
  512.  
  513.  
  514.  
  515. CHILD
  516.  
  517. I don't even know who I am.
  518.  
  519.  
  520.  
  521. MAN
  522.  
  523. Would you like me to tell you? (Sits.)
  524.  
  525.  
  526.  
  527. WOMAN
  528.  
  529. I feel that you've told me before, but I've--
  530.  
  531.  
  532.  
  533. CHILD
  534.  
  535. Forgotten.
  536.  
  537.  
  538.  
  539. WOMAN
  540.  
  541. Yes.
  542.  
  543.  
  544.  
  545. MAN
  546.  
  547. Yes.
  548.  
  549.  
  550.  
  551. CHILD
  552.  
  553. It's okay, though. We have all the time in the world.
  554.  
  555.  
  556.  
  557. WOMAN
  558.  
  559. How do you know that?
  560.  
  561.  
  562.  
  563. CHILD
  564.  
  565. I don't know. I just do.
  566.  
  567.  
  568.  
  569. MAN
  570.  
  571. I am retired.
  572.  
  573.  
  574.  
  575. WOMAN
  576.  
  577. You are?
  578.  
  579.  
  580.  
  581. CHILD
  582.  
  583. We know this.
  584.  
  585.  
  586.  
  587. WOMAN
  588.  
  589. We do? I've forgotten.
  590.  
  591.  
  592.  
  593. MAN
  594.  
  595. No, I am telling the story. That is the beginning of thestory. "I am retired".
  596.  
  597.  
  598.  
  599. WOMAN
  600.  
  601. I see.
  602.  
  603.  
  604.  
  605. CHILD
  606.  
  607. That's not a very good beginning, I don't believe.
  608.  
  609.  
  610.  
  611. MAN
  612.  
  613. Oh?
  614.  
  615.  
  616.  
  617. CHILD
  618.  
  619. No. You're starting with the present time. You shouldn't ever start a story with the end. It ruins the surprise.
  620.  
  621.  
  622.  
  623. MAN
  624.  
  625. That isn't the surprise.
  626.  
  627.  
  628.  
  629. WOMAN
  630.  
  631. There's a surprise?
  632.  
  633.  
  634.  
  635. CHILD
  636.  
  637. He's spoiled it.
  638.  
  639.  
  640.  
  641. MAN
  642.  
  643. No. No, that is not the surprise. That is a statement. It isn't even the ending, see? The ending is the present time as well, but that was just background information.
  644.  
  645.  
  646.  
  647. CHILD
  648.  
  649. Why not start at the beginning?
  650.  
  651.  
  652.  
  653. MAN
  654.  
  655. The beginning? But you've never asked me to before.
  656.  
  657.  
  658.  
  659. CHILD
  660.  
  661. But I am asking now. A good story starts at the beginning.
  662.  
  663.  
  664.  
  665. MAN
  666.  
  667. I don't know how good this story is. It's just something you would like to know. The desire to know something doesn't guarantee that you will receive positive or even entertaining knowledge. I will, however tell you, since you're so insistent.
  668.  
  669.  
  670.  
  671. WOMAN
  672.  
  673. I know you've told us before, but I don't--
  674.  
  675.  
  676.  
  677. CHILD
  678.  
  679. Remember.
  680.  
  681.  
  682.  
  683. WOMAN
  684.  
  685. Yes, remember.
  686.  
  687.  
  688.  
  689. MAN
  690.  
  691. Very well. I was born in--
  692.  
  693.  
  694.  
  695. CHILD
  696.  
  697. No, not your beginning. The beginning of the story.
  698.  
  699.  
  700.  
  701. MAN
  702.  
  703. Oh. Of course. (He pauses. He folds his hands across his lap, clears his throat, and begins.) When I was some years younger, out of high school, I wanted to be a doctor. I went to college, then to medical school. I became a doctor. I wanted to help people.
  704.  
  705.  
  706.  
  707. CHILD
  708.  
  709. This beginning is much better, much improved.
  710.  
  711.  
  712.  
  713. WOMAN
  714.  
  715. I agree, I find it much improved.
  716.  
  717.  
  718.  
  719. CHILD
  720.  
  721. And so it will suffice.
  722.  
  723.  
  724.  
  725. MAN
  726.  
  727. You will find the remainder of the story something of a letdown, I'm afraid.
  728.  
  729.  
  730.  
  731. CHILD
  732.  
  733. Don't ruin it! Tell the story. Tell it properly.
  734.  
  735.  
  736.  
  737. MAN
  738.  
  739. Very well. I wanted to help people. People, as a general rule, are beyond help. I did not believe this at the time, but I believe it now. Time is good for disillusionment. Time is good for changing your mind.
  740.  
  741.  
  742.  
  743. WOMAN
  744.  
  745. Oh, oh! I think I've changed my mind. I'm afraid to hear this story now. It scares me.
  746.  
  747.  
  748.  
  749. CHILD
  750.  
  751. You haven't a mind to change.
  752.  
  753.  
  754.  
  755. WOMAN
  756.  
  757. I think I do.
  758.  
  759.  
  760.  
  761. CHILD
  762.  
  763. You don't. You're going to hear this story as you've heard it hundreds of thousands of times before because he needs to tell himself the story.
  764.  
  765.  
  766.  
  767. WOMAN
  768.  
  769. That's selfish of him.
  770.  
  771.  
  772.  
  773. MAN
  774.  
  775. Whenever you're ready?
  776.  
  777.  
  778.  
  779. WOMAN
  780.  
  781. My apologies. Continue, only don't.
  782.  
  783.  
  784.  
  785. MAN
  786.  
  787. I will continue. I wanted to do one thing, which was help people, but my life led me in quite a different direction altogether. The people who came to see me were unhappy, and they left relieved but ruined. I thought I was doing a great service, but I wasn't. I mean, ultimately, I was,yes. To these patients, however, I was the last resort. I was a symbol of ruined worlds, broken dreams. Sometimes, they would tell me stories. At first, I listened. Then I also became afraid. Everyone has a story that would break your heart, but most of the time they keep that part of themselves hidden. The world is a much better place for this. When you're at the end of your rope and have lost all of your hopes and drive completely, you figure you've got nothing left to lose, and you tell someone. I was someone once. They told me their stories.
  788.  
  789.  
  790.  
  791. WOMAN
  792.  
  793. Their stories? Like an autobiography?
  794.  
  795.  
  796.  
  797. MAN
  798.  
  799. Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes they were stories, fiction. Stories they'd heard at bedtime during childhood. Sometimes they were stories that never happened, that were never going to happen, that they couldn't let go of. Dreams, you see.
  800.  
  801.  
  802.  
  803. CHILD
  804.  
  805. They told you their dreams?
  806.  
  807.  
  808.  
  809. MAN
  810.  
  811. They told me a lot of things. Now, continuing my story---
  812.  
  813.  
  814.  
  815. CHILD
  816.  
  817. No, please.
  818.  
  819.  
  820.  
  821. MAN
  822.  
  823. You don't want to hear anymore?
  824.  
  825.  
  826.  
  827. CHILD
  828.  
  829. I do. I just...I want to hear some of their stories. So that they're not lost forever. I want to know their dreams.
  830.  
  831.  
  832.  
  833. MAN
  834.  
  835. They really don't go with the rest of the story. They're disjointed, chaotic. They're a part of my patients' stories, not my own.
  836.  
  837.  
  838.  
  839. WOMAN
  840.  
  841. But aren't we all a part of the stories of everyone we meet? Aren't the stories related if that is the case? All of the stories?
  842.  
  843.  
  844.  
  845. MAN
  846.  
  847. If that were the case, this story would never be over.
  848.  
  849.  
  850.  
  851. CHILD
  852.  
  853. Yes it would. It would be over because you don't know their whole stories. Just the parts they told you. And that is a part of your story.
  854.  
  855.  
  856.  
  857. WOMAN
  858.  
  859. I agree.
  860.  
  861.  
  862.  
  863. MAN
  864.  
  865. You agree?
  866.  
  867.  
  868.  
  869. WOMAN
  870.  
  871. Yes. I agree.
  872.  
  873.  
  874.  
  875. MAN
  876.  
  877. It is certainly a fresh perspective on the matter. You've never asked for their stories before.
  878.  
  879.  
  880.  
  881. CHILD
  882.  
  883. It seems like today is an important day. Not at all like the others.
  884.  
  885.  
  886.  
  887. MAN
  888.  
  889. You're quite right. Not like the others at all.
  890.  
  891.  
  892.  
  893. CHILD
  894.  
  895. Well, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, I am the accidental aphorism.
  896.  
  897.  
  898.  
  899. WOMAN
  900.  
  901. You've said that already.
  902.  
  903.  
  904.  
  905. MAN
  906.  
  907. You have. I applaud your self-awareness, but you stated it entirely out of context.
  908.  
  909.  
  910.  
  911. CHILD
  912.  
  913. Self-awareness is never out of context.
  914.  
  915.  
  916.  
  917. (MAN and WOMAN clap politely.)
  918.  
  919.  
  920.  
  921. MAN
  922.  
  923. Bravo!
  924.  
  925.  
  926.  
  927. WOMAN
  928.  
  929. Bravo!
  930.  
  931.  
  932.  
  933. CHILD
  934.  
  935. I think, though, that it may have been false.
  936.  
  937.  
  938.  
  939. MAN
  940.  
  941. Oh?
  942.  
  943.  
  944.  
  945. WOMAN
  946.  
  947. Yes, oh? Do tell.
  948.  
  949.  
  950.  
  951. CHILD
  952.  
  953. Well, I think that self-awareness is knowing yourself. If I feel as though I was just born today, I can't know myself very well. Can I?
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957. MAN
  958.  
  959. Mm.
  960.  
  961.  
  962.  
  963. CHILD
  964.  
  965. Can I?
  966.  
  967.  
  968.  
  969. WOMAN
  970.  
  971. Perhaps I'd have known the answer on another day, but for now I can't--
  972.  
  973.  
  974.  
  975. MAN & CHILD
  976.  
  977. Remember.
  978.  
  979.  
  980.  
  981. MAN
  982.  
  983. We know.
  984.  
  985.  
  986.  
  987. CHILD
  988.  
  989. Well?
  990.  
  991.  
  992.  
  993. MAN
  994.  
  995. Well, what?
  996.  
  997.  
  998.  
  999. CHILD
  1000.  
  1001. Can I know myself?
  1002.  
  1003.  
  1004.  
  1005. MAN
  1006.  
  1007. Let me ask you a question.
  1008.  
  1009.  
  1010.  
  1011. CHILD
  1012.  
  1013. I suppose that would be all right, but you still haven't answered mine.
  1014.  
  1015.  
  1016.  
  1017. MAN
  1018.  
  1019. I'm getting to that. But first, I must ask you a question.
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023. CHILD
  1024.  
  1025. All right, then.
  1026.  
  1027.  
  1028.  
  1029. MAN
  1030.  
  1031. Are you aware of your thoughts at this present moment?
  1032.  
  1033.  
  1034.  
  1035. CHILD
  1036.  
  1037. Yes.
  1038.  
  1039.  
  1040.  
  1041. MAN
  1042.  
  1043. Yes, good. Another question. Are you aware of what is happening right now, and have an idea of how it relates to you?
  1044.  
  1045.  
  1046.  
  1047. CHILD
  1048.  
  1049. Yes, I suppose, but I still don't see--
  1050.  
  1051.  
  1052.  
  1053. MAN
  1054.  
  1055. That's good. You are rooted in the present. You know what's going on right now, in the present time. We are all unsure about the future, but some people might dwell on the past. You know nothing of your past. You are more self-aware than most everyone in the world.
  1056.  
  1057.  
  1058.  
  1059. (WOMAN breaks into applause.)
  1060.  
  1061.  
  1062.  
  1063. WOMAN
  1064.  
  1065. Bravo!
  1066.  
  1067.  
  1068.  
  1069. CHILD
  1070.  
  1071. That is an interesting perspective. I thank you for it.
  1072.  
  1073.  
  1074.  
  1075. MAN
  1076.  
  1077. So you are self-aware?
  1078.  
  1079.  
  1080.  
  1081. CHILD
  1082.  
  1083. Yes. Yes, I suppose I am.
  1084.  
  1085.  
  1086.  
  1087. WOMAN
  1088.  
  1089. I would like to hear the stories.
  1090.  
  1091.  
  1092.  
  1093. MAN
  1094.  
  1095. You, madam, are not self-aware at all. You are constantly worrying about the past, even that which did not relate to you. You're looking for answers when you're not even sure of the right questions to ask. You're lost and confused.
  1096.  
  1097.  
  1098.  
  1099. WOMAN
  1100.  
  1101. I am?
  1102.  
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105. CHILD
  1106.  
  1107. No, no. I disagree. I think she's simply curious. Curiosity doesn't negate self-awareness, surely?
  1108.  
  1109.  
  1110.  
  1111. MAN
  1112.  
  1113. Ah. Of course. I do suppose you're right.
  1114.  
  1115.  
  1116.  
  1117. WOMAN
  1118.  
  1119. May I hear the stories now?
  1120.  
  1121.  
  1122.  
  1123. MAN
  1124.  
  1125. Of course, of course. I just don't know where to begin.
  1126.  
  1127.  
  1128.  
  1129. CHILD
  1130.  
  1131. You never know where to begin. You're a shit storyteller.
  1132.  
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135. MAN
  1136.  
  1137. That may be so. But I'm the only person who can tell you these stories. Would you like to hear them or not?
  1138.  
  1139.  
  1140.  
  1141. WOMAN
  1142.  
  1143. I would like to hear them. Very much.
  1144.  
  1145.  
  1146.  
  1147. CHILD
  1148.  
  1149. I would too. Just remember to start at the beginning.
  1150.  
  1151.  
  1152.  
  1153. WOMAN
  1154.  
  1155. Yes, I agree. Stories should always start at the beginning.
  1156.  
  1157.  
  1158.  
  1159. MAN
  1160.  
  1161. So you've mentioned. I guess it all starts with my first day. No, no. That's a shit introduction, I know. It was my first day. There, much better.
  1162.  
  1163.  
  1164.  
  1165. CHILD
  1166.  
  1167. I agree. I find it much improved.
  1168.  
  1169.  
  1170.  
  1171. MAN
  1172.  
  1173. And so it will suffice. It was my first day. I had gotten everything clean, sterile. I'd cleaned it all five, or six, or a hundred times.Who can keep count? Just to make sure that everything was perfect, and everything was ready. (As he speaks, WOMAN slowly makes her way downstage, looking not at MAN but out, past the audience.) I was ready for my first appointment of the day, my first appointment ever. Right on time, a lovely woman walked in, crying. I was taken aback, as you can imagine, but curious as to what was wrong. I motioned for her to sit down, but she wasn't even looking at me. She wasn't looking at anything in particular. So she stood there, crying, until finally I asked her, "What's wrong?" And this lovely, sad woman, I almost expected not to answer at all. I didn't know if she'd even heard me. But she said me finally, after what seemed to be centuries--
  1174.  
  1175.  
  1176.  
  1177. WOMAN
  1178.  
  1179. I shouldn't be here.
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182.  
  1183. MAN
  1184.  
  1185. And she still wouldn't look at me, just kept on looking at something I couldn't see. But I motioned for her again to sit down, this time asking aloud, "Would you have a seat?" But she just shook her head (Woman shakes her head, once quickly.) and continued looking off into space, or wherever it was that her mind had wandered. I couldn't figure out what she was thinking, but I knew also that it wasn't my job to figure it out. I struggled for something to say to break the silence, and opted for professionalism over compassion. "Have you completed all of the appropriate paperwork?"
  1186.  
  1187.  
  1188.  
  1189. WOMAN
  1190.  
  1191. I filled out the fucking paperwork.
  1192.  
  1193.  
  1194.  
  1195. MAN
  1196.  
  1197. Okay, then. So, what brings you here today.
  1198.  
  1199.  
  1200.  
  1201. WOMAN
  1202.  
  1203. (Laughs dryly, without humor.) That could possibly be the most asinine question I've ever heard in my life. What am I doing here. I mean, obviously... (She throws her hands up) Christ.
  1204.  
  1205.  
  1206.  
  1207. MAN
  1208.  
  1209. I'm sorry.
  1210.  
  1211.  
  1212.  
  1213. WOMAN
  1214.  
  1215. Yeah, well, not as sorry as I am.
  1216.  
  1217.  
  1218.  
  1219. MAN
  1220.  
  1221. Well, there's no need for you to personally attack me--
  1222.  
  1223.  
  1224.  
  1225. WOMAN
  1226.  
  1227. No, that wasn't directed at you. It was...it's just...I'm not happy that I had to come here. You know? I really don't feel like I should be here at all, but you know. Here I am.
  1228.  
  1229.  
  1230.  
  1231. MAN
  1232.  
  1233. I see.
  1234.  
  1235.  
  1236.  
  1237. WOMAN
  1238.  
  1239. You see. Yeah, of course.
  1240.  
  1241.  
  1242.  
  1243. MAN
  1244.  
  1245. Now let me go over the procedure--
  1246.  
  1247.  
  1248.  
  1249. WOMAN
  1250.  
  1251. You know, I really wanted a kid. A little girl, you know? Just, not like this. Not right now. I can't do it. It's funny. It's all mixed up. I can't tell him. I can't tell him. He doesn't want...he wouldn't want. So, I mean, here I am. For better or for worse, here I am.
  1252.  
  1253.  
  1254.  
  1255. MAN
  1256.  
  1257. Oh.
  1258.  
  1259.  
  1260.  
  1261. WOMAN
  1262.  
  1263. And my little girl, she was going to grow up, and get married, and all of that shit. I was going to put her in ballet. I mean, that's fucking cliche, but I would have put her in ballet.
  1264.  
  1265.  
  1266.  
  1267. MAN
  1268.  
  1269. Oh, well. That's only natural.
  1270.  
  1271.  
  1272.  
  1273. WOMAN
  1274.  
  1275. I mean, I've dreamed about it. She was going to grow up, and marry a doctor. And the world was going to be perfect, you know?
  1276.  
  1277.  
  1278.  
  1279. MAN
  1280.  
  1281. I see. But it isn't.
  1282.  
  1283.  
  1284.  
  1285. WOMAN
  1286.  
  1287. You're right, it isn't. I dreamed last night that I was talking to a tornado.
  1288.  
  1289.  
  1290.  
  1291. MAN
  1292.  
  1293. Talking to a tornado?
  1294.  
  1295.  
  1296.  
  1297. WOMAN
  1298.  
  1299. Yes, that's right. A tornado.
  1300.  
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303. MAN
  1304.  
  1305. (Telling the story again) I think I asked her about her dream, but she would have told me anyway. She needed to tell it.
  1306.  
  1307.  
  1308.  
  1309. WOMAN
  1310.  
  1311. I was at the beach. We were all in this cabin, overlooking the ocean. My husband, me, and some people I don't even know. We...I don't know why we were there. Just visiting the beach I suppose. I've never even seen the ocean, but there we were. And, uh, one night, I was walking out on the beach alone, but something didn't feel right. The sky was the wrong color entirely and it had started to get a little bit cold. Out on the horizon, it looked like something was moving, and I started to feel afraid, terrified. You know. It just kept getting colder and colder, and that thing moving on the horizon kept getting closer and closer, but I was frozen in place, like I couldn't move. I could just watch. And it started to, this thing on the horizon, it started to...I don't know, I guess it was making some kind of noise. Like a roar. Kind of like a train. And I thought to myself, that's the noise that tornadoes make, but I mean, I'd never seen a tornado or anything. I had just heard about it, or read about it. And the ocean started making this bubbling noise, and I looked, and the water had turned into blood. And it was really thick and really still, except for some bubbling close to shore. The ocean was blood, as far as the eye could see, and this thing, this tornado, was getting closer every second. It was strange, I noticed, when it got closer. Almost completely snow white, a perfect funnel, and no debris or anything in it. But there were these really odd, blue...blinking lights inside of it. I was still completely rooted in place, too frightened to call out or run or anything. And, uh, this tornado stops right in front of me. And it asks me my name, so I tell it my name. Then it tells me that it came to warn me, but it was going to be coming back later, and that I had a decision to make. I just nodded my head, and it went on, and it told me that it was going to come back. And it was going to have to kil lsome people. Because it was a fucking tornado, and I guess that's what they do. So I asked the tornado, "What decision do you need me to make?" And it told me that, uh, I had the choice to let my husband die. Or, I could spare this lady who was staying in the cabin with us, and her baby. That was my choice. So I told it that I didn't know that lady, didn't even know why she was there in the cabin with us, and that I wasn't going to let my husband die. The tornado said, "Thank you. I'll be back later." And started to go back the way it had come. "Wait!" I yelled after the tornado, "Who are you? What is your name?" It paused a moment above the bloody water, just a moment, and half-whispered, "God. My name is God." Then it was gone, and the water was water again, the air wasn't quite so cold, and the sky was back to normal. I went back to the cabin, horrified, and finally told everyone about the tornado. My husband laughed at me, and so did some of the other people I didn't know. I hadn't told them about the decision I made, just that the tornado told me it was going to kill people and that I could pick who to save. The Hispanic lady took me aside, and told me that she knew that she wasn't important to me because we didn't know each other. "My baby, though, it can't die yet! It hasn't even had a chance to live. Let the tornado take me, but please don't let it take my baby." I told her that I'd do whatever I could to make sure her baby would be okay, lying, and I believe I sat down. Suddenly, as things tend to happen in dreams, suddenly, there was wind and noise and everything you can imagine of a particularly violent storm. There was a knock at the door, and a voice I recognized, saying it had come for what was promised it. The tornado. God. I wouldn't let anyone to the door, screamed that I had changed my mind, just to take me, take me for God's sake, take me! Let the others leave. "A dea lis a deal," it kept saying, "A deal is a deal." And then, before my eyes, everyone in the room was killed, flattened, destroyed...except the woman, her baby, and my husband. "Take me!" I screamed again, "Please, take me!" But it just kept saying, "A deal is a deal, a deal is a deal," over and over and over. Then my husband was ripped from the house, and I think I cried out, but I was scared and the dream was already starting to fade, and I was already starting to wake up. The last thing I saw before waking up was the woman and her baby being flattened by a falling beam in the house, and as my eyes opened and the dream started to fade away, I could still hear the tornado, God, laughing.
  1312.  
  1313.  
  1314.  
  1315. CHILD
  1316.  
  1317. And then what happened?
  1318.  
  1319.  
  1320.  
  1321. MAN
  1322.  
  1323. What do you mean?
  1324.  
  1325.  
  1326.  
  1327. (WOMAN makes her way back to her seat.)
  1328.  
  1329.  
  1330.  
  1331. CHILD
  1332.  
  1333. What happened with the woman?
  1334.  
  1335.  
  1336.  
  1337. MAN
  1338.  
  1339. She went through with the procedure.
  1340.  
  1341.  
  1342.  
  1343. CHILD
  1344.  
  1345. Did she talk anymore?
  1346.  
  1347.  
  1348.  
  1349. MAN
  1350.  
  1351. I don't remember.
  1352.  
  1353.  
  1354.  
  1355. CHILD
  1356.  
  1357. Naturally.
  1358.  
  1359.  
  1360.  
  1361. MAN
  1362.  
  1363. What does that mean, naturally?
  1364.  
  1365.  
  1366.  
  1367. CHILD
  1368.  
  1369. No one here seems to be any good at remembering.
  1370.  
  1371.  
  1372.  
  1373. MAN
  1374.  
  1375. Very well.
  1376.  
  1377.  
  1378.  
  1379. CHILD
  1380.  
  1381. Very well? What does that mean?
  1382.  
  1383.  
  1384.  
  1385. MAN
  1386.  
  1387. It means just what it sounds like it means: Very well.
  1388.  
  1389.  
  1390.  
  1391. WOMAN
  1392.  
  1393. I feel ill.
  1394.  
  1395.  
  1396.  
  1397. MAN
  1398.  
  1399. You feel ill?
  1400.  
  1401.  
  1402.  
  1403. CHILD
  1404.  
  1405. I don't believe you feel much of anything.
  1406.  
  1407.  
  1408.  
  1409. WOMAN
  1410.  
  1411. I feel ill. That story. It frightened me.
  1412.  
  1413.  
  1414.  
  1415. MAN
  1416.  
  1417. It frightened you?
  1418.  
  1419.  
  1420.  
  1421. WOMAN
  1422.  
  1423. Yes, it frightened me.
  1424.  
  1425.  
  1426.  
  1427. MAN
  1428.  
  1429. Why?
  1430.  
  1431.  
  1432.  
  1433. WOMAN
  1434.  
  1435. I feel like I should remember it. I just can't remember.
  1436.  
  1437.  
  1438.  
  1439. MAN
  1440.  
  1441. Maybe you should remember.
  1442.  
  1443.  
  1444.  
  1445. CHILD
  1446.  
  1447. Maybe we have amnesia.
  1448.  
  1449.  
  1450.  
  1451. WOMAN
  1452.  
  1453. Only, that doesn't feel quite right.
  1454.  
  1455.  
  1456.  
  1457. CHILD
  1458.  
  1459. Amnesia?
  1460.  
  1461.  
  1462.  
  1463. WOMAN
  1464.  
  1465. Yes, amnesia. It doesn't sound quite right.
  1466.  
  1467.  
  1468.  
  1469. MAN
  1470.  
  1471. No?
  1472.  
  1473.  
  1474.  
  1475. WOMAN
  1476.  
  1477. No.
  1478.  
  1479.  
  1480.  
  1481. CHILD
  1482.  
  1483. It feels like a game to me.
  1484.  
  1485.  
  1486.  
  1487. WOMAN
  1488.  
  1489. A game?
  1490.  
  1491.  
  1492.  
  1493. CHILD
  1494.  
  1495. Yes, a game. Like badminton. Or chess.
  1496.  
  1497.  
  1498.  
  1499. MAN
  1500.  
  1501. Chess? Would you like to play a game of chess, perhaps?
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504.  
  1505. CHILD
  1506.  
  1507. I'll play you. She doesn't know how.
  1508.  
  1509.  
  1510.  
  1511. (They move to chessboard, begin playing.)
  1512.  
  1513.  
  1514.  
  1515. MAN
  1516.  
  1517. Bishop takes the knight.
  1518.  
  1519.  
  1520.  
  1521. CHILD
  1522.  
  1523. That can't happen.
  1524.  
  1525.  
  1526.  
  1527. MAN
  1528.  
  1529. It just did, though.
  1530.  
  1531.  
  1532.  
  1533. CHILD
  1534.  
  1535. Fine. I will move this piece. A rook? Yes. A rook. It will quite cleanly put you in...check.
  1536.  
  1537.  
  1538.  
  1539. WOMAN
  1540.  
  1541. Check.
  1542.  
  1543.  
  1544.  
  1545. CHILD
  1546.  
  1547. Check.
  1548.  
  1549.  
  1550.  
  1551. MAN
  1552.  
  1553. Impossible.
  1554.  
  1555.  
  1556.  
  1557. CHILD
  1558.  
  1559. That's how chess works.
  1560.  
  1561.  
  1562.  
  1563. MAN
  1564.  
  1565. Impossible.
  1566.  
  1567.  
  1568.  
  1569. CHILD
  1570.  
  1571. No, it's quite possible. I assure you.
  1572.  
  1573.  
  1574.  
  1575. MAN
  1576.  
  1577. Well, I say, fuck your game of chess.
  1578.  
  1579.  
  1580.  
  1581. CHILD
  1582.  
  1583. It was you who wanted to play.
  1584.  
  1585.  
  1586.  
  1587. MAN
  1588.  
  1589. Well, I no longer think it an appropriate use of my time.
  1590.  
  1591.  
  1592.  
  1593. WOMAN
  1594.  
  1595. What would be a better use of time?
  1596.  
  1597.  
  1598.  
  1599. MAN
  1600.  
  1601. Reading.
  1602.  
  1603.  
  1604.  
  1605. CHILD
  1606.  
  1607. So you can ignore us?
  1608.  
  1609.  
  1610.  
  1611. MAN
  1612.  
  1613. Reading is important. Keeps a quick wit about you.
  1614.  
  1615.  
  1616.  
  1617. CHILD
  1618.  
  1619. As does chess.
  1620.  
  1621.  
  1622.  
  1623. MAN
  1624.  
  1625. I disagree.
  1626.  
  1627.  
  1628.  
  1629. WOMAN
  1630.  
  1631. I quite agree.
  1632.  
  1633.  
  1634.  
  1635. MAN
  1636.  
  1637. Agree with my disagreement or disagree with my disagreement?
  1638.  
  1639.  
  1640.  
  1641. WOMAN
  1642.  
  1643. I said I agree.
  1644.  
  1645.  
  1646.  
  1647. MAN
  1648.  
  1649. To whom?
  1650.  
  1651.  
  1652.  
  1653. WOMAN
  1654.  
  1655. To you.
  1656.  
  1657.  
  1658.  
  1659. CHILD
  1660.  
  1661. So you do agree with the fact that he disagrees?
  1662.  
  1663.  
  1664.  
  1665. WOMAN
  1666.  
  1667. No.
  1668.  
  1669.  
  1670.  
  1671. MAN
  1672.  
  1673. This is monotonous.
  1674.  
  1675.  
  1676.  
  1677. WOMAN
  1678.  
  1679. I agree.
  1680.  
  1681.  
  1682.  
  1683. MAN
  1684.  
  1685. I need to do...something.
  1686.  
  1687.  
  1688.  
  1689. CHILD
  1690.  
  1691. I agree.
  1692.  
  1693.  
  1694.  
  1695. MAN
  1696.  
  1697. I haven't been to work.
  1698.  
  1699.  
  1700.  
  1701. CHILD
  1702.  
  1703. You quit.
  1704.  
  1705.  
  1706.  
  1707. MAN
  1708.  
  1709. Retired.
  1710.  
  1711.  
  1712.  
  1713. CHILD
  1714.  
  1715. At least you know that much. I don't know anything.
  1716.  
  1717.  
  1718.  
  1719. WOMAN
  1720.  
  1721. I don't remember anything.
  1722.  
  1723.  
  1724.  
  1725. MAN
  1726.  
  1727. It's probably for the best.
  1728.  
  1729.  
  1730.  
  1731. WOMAN
  1732.  
  1733. Why is it that I feel lost?
  1734.  
  1735.  
  1736.  
  1737. CHILD
  1738.  
  1739. Why is it that I feel lost?
  1740.  
  1741.  
  1742.  
  1743. MAN
  1744.  
  1745. Why is it that I am lost?
  1746.  
  1747.  
  1748.  
  1749. (A few moments of silence.)
  1750.  
  1751.  
  1752.  
  1753. CHILD
  1754.  
  1755. In a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, I am the accidental aphorism.
  1756.  
  1757.  
  1758.  
  1759. WOMAN
  1760.  
  1761. Why do you keep saying that?
  1762.  
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765. CHILD
  1766.  
  1767. Aphorisms are often repeated. Isn't that their whole point?
  1768.  
  1769.  
  1770.  
  1771. WOMAN
  1772.  
  1773. It doesn't even make sense. Besides, an aphorism is a witty phrase that means something. What do you mean?
  1774.  
  1775.  
  1776.  
  1777. CHILD
  1778.  
  1779. "I think, therefore I am."
  1780.  
  1781.  
  1782.  
  1783. WOMAN
  1784.  
  1785. No, no. That's stolen, plagiarized. You can't be a stolen aphorism.
  1786.  
  1787.  
  1788.  
  1789. CHILD
  1790.  
  1791. But I'm an accidental one.
  1792.  
  1793.  
  1794.  
  1795. WOMAN
  1796.  
  1797. Yes, but many strokes of brilliance were stumbled upon quite by accident.
  1798.  
  1799.  
  1800.  
  1801. CHILD
  1802.  
  1803. Like which?
  1804.  
  1805.  
  1806.  
  1807. WOMAN
  1808.  
  1809. It seems as though there would have to be some, but I don't--
  1810.  
  1811.  
  1812.  
  1813. MAN
  1814.  
  1815. Remember.
  1816.  
  1817.  
  1818.  
  1819. WOMAN
  1820.  
  1821. Quite right. You know, I've come to discover that my life is just one long, run-on sentence.
  1822.  
  1823.  
  1824.  
  1825. MAN
  1826.  
  1827. I personally choose to live my life punctuated with an exclamation point.
  1828.  
  1829.  
  1830.  
  1831. CHILD
  1832.  
  1833. Rather than living my life punctuated with an exclamation point, I'd like to live my life as a rhetorical question.
  1834.  
  1835.  
  1836.  
  1837. WOMAN
  1838.  
  1839. Now that is an aphorism.
  1840.  
  1841.  
  1842.  
  1843. MAN
  1844.  
  1845. I agree. I find it much improved.
  1846.  
  1847.  
  1848.  
  1849. WOMAN
  1850.  
  1851. And so it will suffice.
  1852.  
  1853.  
  1854.  
  1855. MAN
  1856.  
  1857. But what does it mean?
  1858.  
  1859.  
  1860.  
  1861. WOMAN
  1862.  
  1863. It means everything.
  1864.  
  1865.  
  1866.  
  1867. MAN
  1868.  
  1869. Ah. Of course. Everything.
  1870.  
  1871.  
  1872.  
  1873. CHILD
  1874.  
  1875. This is purgatory.
  1876.  
  1877.  
  1878.  
  1879. MAN
  1880.  
  1881. Pardon?
  1882.  
  1883.  
  1884.  
  1885. CHILD
  1886.  
  1887. It has to be purgatory. There's nothing here that means anything. We're just stuck here, and we can't remember anything. We don't do anything. We just have the same conversations over and over again, say the same things, without ever really saying anything.
  1888.  
  1889.  
  1890.  
  1891. MAN
  1892.  
  1893. That's called life.
  1894.  
  1895.  
  1896.  
  1897. CHILD
  1898.  
  1899. Oh. I always thought life was a little more exciting.
  1900.  
  1901.  
  1902.  
  1903. WOMAN
  1904.  
  1905. I've never really given it too much thought.
  1906.  
  1907.  
  1908.  
  1909. CHILD
  1910.  
  1911. You wouldn't.
  1912.  
  1913.  
  1914.  
  1915. MAN
  1916.  
  1917. Kindness is a virtue.
  1918.  
  1919.  
  1920.  
  1921. CHILD
  1922.  
  1923. Fuck virtue! What's the point?
  1924.  
  1925.  
  1926.  
  1927. MAN
  1928.  
  1929. Is there supposed to be a point?
  1930.  
  1931.  
  1932.  
  1933. CHILD
  1934.  
  1935. One would think.
  1936.  
  1937.  
  1938.  
  1939. MAN
  1940.  
  1941. If one thinks, one would realize there isn't a point.
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944.  
  1945. WOMAN
  1946.  
  1947. Point, pint, paint, pant, pent--
  1948.  
  1949.  
  1950.  
  1951. CHILD
  1952.  
  1953. What are you doing?
  1954.  
  1955.  
  1956.  
  1957. WOMAN
  1958.  
  1959. Word association. Words that sound alike.
  1960.  
  1961.  
  1962.  
  1963. CHILD
  1964.  
  1965. Alike, dyke, kike, Reich--
  1966.  
  1967.  
  1968.  
  1969. WOMAN
  1970.  
  1971. Stop that!
  1972.  
  1973.  
  1974.  
  1975. CHILD
  1976.  
  1977. Stop what?
  1978.  
  1979.  
  1980.  
  1981. WOMAN
  1982.  
  1983. You've taken a completely innocent game and made it awful.
  1984.  
  1985.  
  1986.  
  1987. CHILD
  1988.  
  1989. Just word association, right?
  1990.  
  1991.  
  1992.  
  1993. MAN
  1994.  
  1995. Right.
  1996.  
  1997.  
  1998.  
  1999. CHILD
  2000.  
  2001. Then why do the words matter, out of context?
  2002.  
  2003.  
  2004.  
  2005. WOMAN
  2006.  
  2007. Excuse me?
  2008.  
  2009.  
  2010.  
  2011. CHILD
  2012.  
  2013. They're just sounds. Why do you care if they're taken out of context?
  2014.  
  2015.  
  2016.  
  2017. WOMAN
  2018.  
  2019. Because those aren't very nice words.
  2020.  
  2021.  
  2022.  
  2023. MAN
  2024.  
  2025. I see the point though. If words are taken out of context, they don't mean anything.
  2026.  
  2027.  
  2028.  
  2029. CHILD
  2030.  
  2031. Precisely.
  2032.  
  2033.  
  2034.  
  2035. MAN
  2036.  
  2037. I could drink myself to death and no one would even notice. Taken out of context, you'd probably think I was depressed, but I'm just making a casual observation.
  2038.  
  2039.  
  2040.  
  2041. WOMAN
  2042.  
  2043. I'd like a quart of gin, please.
  2044.  
  2045.  
  2046.  
  2047. MAN
  2048.  
  2049. A quart?
  2050.  
  2051.  
  2052.  
  2053. WOMAN
  2054.  
  2055. A quart, give or take.
  2056.  
  2057.  
  2058.  
  2059. MAN
  2060.  
  2061. I hardly think that this is the time for drinking.
  2062.  
  2063.  
  2064.  
  2065. WOMAN
  2066.  
  2067. A pint.
  2068.  
  2069.  
  2070.  
  2071. MAN
  2072.  
  2073. No.
  2074.  
  2075.  
  2076.  
  2077. WOMAN
  2078.  
  2079. Then tell me a story.
  2080.  
  2081.  
  2082.  
  2083. MAN
  2084.  
  2085. No--wait. A story?
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089. WOMAN
  2090.  
  2091. Another story.
  2092.  
  2093.  
  2094.  
  2095. MAN
  2096.  
  2097. I say that our life, our lives, yes, our living is an accident. I say that what we are and what we choose does not choose us, and, no, we do not choose it. No, no. I say that it is an accident, nothing more than an accident. Accidental or incidental, coincidental; who cares? Merely an accident. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of, although, maybe despite...but no. No, that's not right. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of this, I am, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, the accidental abortionist.
  2098.  
  2099.  
  2100.  
  2101. WOMAN
  2102.  
  2103. We've already heard that. You've already said that.
  2104.  
  2105.  
  2106.  
  2107. MAN
  2108.  
  2109. I have?
  2110.  
  2111.  
  2112.  
  2113. WOMAN
  2114.  
  2115. Yes, you have indeed.
  2116.  
  2117.  
  2118.  
  2119. CHILD
  2120.  
  2121. That story blows.
  2122.  
  2123.  
  2124.  
  2125. MAN
  2126.  
  2127. Well, thank you for the constructive criticism.
  2128.  
  2129.  
  2130.  
  2131. WOMAN
  2132.  
  2133. I think it would be nice to have a child.
  2134.  
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137. MAN
  2138.  
  2139. Yes, but I can never decide whether I'd like a little boy or a little girl.
  2140.  
  2141.  
  2142.  
  2143. WOMAN
  2144.  
  2145. I don't believe you really get to choose.
  2146.  
  2147.  
  2148.  
  2149. MAN
  2150.  
  2151. Yes. Yes, sometimes you do.
  2152.  
  2153.  
  2154.  
  2155. CHILD
  2156.  
  2157. Sometimes they're both.
  2158.  
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161. WOMAN
  2162.  
  2163. Don't talk like that. That's just weird.
  2164.  
  2165.  
  2166.  
  2167. MAN
  2168.  
  2169. I've heard that some women have undescended testicles instead of ovaries.
  2170.  
  2171.  
  2172.  
  2173. CHILD
  2174.  
  2175. I think that 'women' was used subjectively in that statement.
  2176.  
  2177.  
  2178.  
  2179. MAN
  2180.  
  2181. You're rather astute for your age.
  2182.  
  2183.  
  2184.  
  2185. CHILD
  2186.  
  2187. My age?
  2188.  
  2189.  
  2190.  
  2191. MAN
  2192.  
  2193. Yes, your age.
  2194.  
  2195.  
  2196.  
  2197. CHILD
  2198.  
  2199. How old am I?
  2200.  
  2201.  
  2202.  
  2203. MAN
  2204.  
  2205. How old would you like to be?
  2206.  
  2207.  
  2208.  
  2209. CHILD
  2210.  
  2211. I think I'd like to be 25.
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215. MAN
  2216.  
  2217. You're 25.
  2218.  
  2219.  
  2220.  
  2221. WOMAN
  2222.  
  2223. That was lucky. You're the same age you'd like to be.
  2224.  
  2225.  
  2226.  
  2227. MAN
  2228.  
  2229. How old would you like to be?
  2230.  
  2231.  
  2232.  
  2233. WOMAN
  2234.  
  2235. Me? I think I'd like to be 25, too. That sounds like a lovely age.
  2236.  
  2237.  
  2238.  
  2239. MAN
  2240.  
  2241. You're 25.
  2242.  
  2243.  
  2244.  
  2245. WOMAN
  2246.  
  2247. I am? Oh, that's lucky, too!
  2248.  
  2249.  
  2250.  
  2251. CHILD
  2252.  
  2253. How old would you like to be?
  2254.  
  2255.  
  2256.  
  2257. MAN
  2258.  
  2259. 25 sounds about right.
  2260.  
  2261.  
  2262.  
  2263. CHILD
  2264.  
  2265. How old are you?
  2266.  
  2267.  
  2268.  
  2269. MAN
  2270.  
  2271. Not 25.
  2272.  
  2273.  
  2274.  
  2275. WOMAN
  2276.  
  2277. Oh, that's no good at all.
  2278.  
  2279.  
  2280.  
  2281. MAN
  2282.  
  2283. It can't be helped.
  2284.  
  2285.  
  2286.  
  2287. WOMAN
  2288.  
  2289. No, I suppose not.
  2290.  
  2291.  
  2292.  
  2293. (A pause.)
  2294.  
  2295.  
  2296.  
  2297. CHILD
  2298.  
  2299. Is Santa Claus God?
  2300.  
  2301.  
  2302.  
  2303. MAN
  2304.  
  2305. I'm sorry?
  2306.  
  2307.  
  2308.  
  2309. CHILD
  2310.  
  2311. Santa Claus. Is he God?
  2312.  
  2313.  
  2314.  
  2315. MAN
  2316.  
  2317. Why would you think that?
  2318.  
  2319.  
  2320.  
  2321. CHILD
  2322.  
  2323. He's everywhere at once. He has a white beard. He gives people presents on Jesus' birthday. He sees you when you're sleeping, and knows when you're awake. He can tell who's naughty and who's nice. He defies all laws of physics and logic. Is he God?
  2324.  
  2325.  
  2326.  
  2327. MAN
  2328.  
  2329. Santa Claus isn't real.
  2330.  
  2331.  
  2332.  
  2333. CHILD
  2334.  
  2335. Exactly.
  2336.  
  2337.  
  2338.  
  2339. WOMAN
  2340.  
  2341. Oh, what a wicked thing to say!
  2342.  
  2343.  
  2344.  
  2345. CHILD
  2346.  
  2347. It can't be a coincidence though, and you know it. Plus, the coal in the stocking: A metaphor for Hell, fire and brimstone?
  2348.  
  2349.  
  2350.  
  2351. (MAN and WOMAN clap politely.)
  2352.  
  2353.  
  2354.  
  2355. MAN
  2356.  
  2357. Bravo!
  2358.  
  2359.  
  2360.  
  2361. WOMAN
  2362.  
  2363. Bravo!
  2364.  
  2365.  
  2366.  
  2367. CHILD
  2368.  
  2369. I don't understand.
  2370.  
  2371.  
  2372.  
  2373. MAN
  2374.  
  2375. You've discovered the meaning of life.
  2376.  
  2377.  
  2378.  
  2379. CHILD
  2380.  
  2381. I don't think that I have.
  2382.  
  2383.  
  2384.  
  2385. WOMAN
  2386.  
  2387. You have.
  2388.  
  2389.  
  2390.  
  2391. MAN
  2392.  
  2393. You have indeed.
  2394.  
  2395.  
  2396.  
  2397. CHILD
  2398.  
  2399. What is the meaning of life?
  2400.  
  2401.  
  2402.  
  2403. MAN
  2404.  
  2405. You already know. You just told us.
  2406.  
  2407.  
  2408.  
  2409. CHILD
  2410.  
  2411. That doesn't make any sense.
  2412.  
  2413.  
  2414.  
  2415. MAN
  2416.  
  2417. Do you feel enlightened?
  2418.  
  2419.  
  2420.  
  2421. CHILD
  2422.  
  2423. Are you mocking me?
  2424.  
  2425.  
  2426.  
  2427. MAN
  2428.  
  2429. (Taken aback.) No, not at all. I was merely complimenting you.
  2430.  
  2431.  
  2432.  
  2433. WOMAN
  2434.  
  2435. That shirt compliments your eyes.
  2436.  
  2437.  
  2438.  
  2439. MAN
  2440.  
  2441. See? Compliments.
  2442.  
  2443.  
  2444.  
  2445. CHILD
  2446.  
  2447. I don't see.
  2448.  
  2449.  
  2450.  
  2451. MAN
  2452.  
  2453. If you want to see, then you will see.
  2454.  
  2455.  
  2456.  
  2457. CHILD
  2458.  
  2459. Is that the meaning of life?
  2460.  
  2461.  
  2462.  
  2463. MAN
  2464.  
  2465. Perhaps I gave you too much credit.
  2466.  
  2467.  
  2468.  
  2469. CHILD
  2470.  
  2471. Now are you mocking me?
  2472.  
  2473.  
  2474.  
  2475. MAN
  2476.  
  2477. Perhaps.
  2478.  
  2479.  
  2480.  
  2481. WOMAN
  2482.  
  2483. I don't like this game.
  2484.  
  2485.  
  2486.  
  2487. MAN
  2488.  
  2489. It isn't a game.
  2490.  
  2491.  
  2492.  
  2493. CHILD
  2494.  
  2495. Not a game at all.
  2496.  
  2497.  
  2498.  
  2499. WOMAN
  2500.  
  2501. It certainly looks like one, from where I'm standing.
  2502.  
  2503.  
  2504.  
  2505. MAN
  2506.  
  2507. But, my dear, you're sitting down!
  2508.  
  2509.  
  2510.  
  2511. WOMAN
  2512.  
  2513. I am? Oh, quite right. I am.
  2514.  
  2515.  
  2516.  
  2517. CHILD
  2518.  
  2519. You could have argued that it was a figure of speech.
  2520.  
  2521.  
  2522.  
  2523. WOMAN
  2524.  
  2525. I'm not taking life coaching from a 25-year-old.
  2526.  
  2527.  
  2528.  
  2529. CHILD
  2530.  
  2531. But you're 25, too.
  2532.  
  2533.  
  2534.  
  2535. WOMAN
  2536.  
  2537. So I am! I like this game!
  2538.  
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541. MAN
  2542.  
  2543. It isn't a game.
  2544.  
  2545.  
  2546.  
  2547. (CHILD applauds wildly.)
  2548.  
  2549.  
  2550.  
  2551. CHILD
  2552.  
  2553. Bravo!
  2554.  
  2555.  
  2556.  
  2557. MAN
  2558.  
  2559. I believe that was out of context.
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562.  
  2563. (WOMAN applauds wildly.)
  2564.  
  2565.  
  2566.  
  2567. WOMAN
  2568.  
  2569. Bravo!
  2570.  
  2571.  
  2572.  
  2573. MAN
  2574.  
  2575. I don't like this game.
  2576.  
  2577.  
  2578.  
  2579. WOMAN
  2580.  
  2581. Oh, we're playing a game! Checkmate!
  2582.  
  2583.  
  2584.  
  2585. MAN
  2586.  
  2587. This isn't chess.
  2588.  
  2589.  
  2590.  
  2591. WOMAN
  2592.  
  2593. It reminds me of chess.
  2594.  
  2595.  
  2596.  
  2597. MAN
  2598.  
  2599. It can remind you of chess all day, but that doesn't make it chess.
  2600.  
  2601.  
  2602.  
  2603. WOMAN
  2604.  
  2605. You just said, "If you want to see, then you will see." I want this to be chess, so it is chess.
  2606.  
  2607.  
  2608.  
  2609. MAN
  2610.  
  2611. Touche.
  2612.  
  2613.  
  2614.  
  2615. WOMAN
  2616.  
  2617. Oh, lovely! That's a chess term.
  2618.  
  2619.  
  2620.  
  2621. CHILD
  2622.  
  2623. No, it's a fencing term.
  2624.  
  2625.  
  2626.  
  2627. WOMAN
  2628.  
  2629. Oh. Well, fencing is a game as well, correct?
  2630.  
  2631.  
  2632.  
  2633. CHILD
  2634.  
  2635. I suppose.
  2636.  
  2637.  
  2638.  
  2639. WOMAN
  2640.  
  2641. You suppose? Fencing is a game.
  2642.  
  2643.  
  2644.  
  2645. CHILD
  2646.  
  2647. Yes.
  2648.  
  2649.  
  2650.  
  2651. WOMAN
  2652.  
  2653. Lovely! We're playing a game!
  2654.  
  2655.  
  2656.  
  2657. CHILD
  2658.  
  2659. Regardless of whether or not we're playing a game, he was telling a story.
  2660.  
  2661.  
  2662.  
  2663. MAN
  2664.  
  2665. I was?
  2666.  
  2667.  
  2668.  
  2669. CHILD
  2670.  
  2671. Yes, you most certainly were.
  2672.  
  2673.  
  2674.  
  2675. MAN
  2676.  
  2677. Ah, that's right. I'd gotten sidetracked. Started telling the stories of others. Am I right?
  2678.  
  2679.  
  2680.  
  2681. CHILD
  2682.  
  2683. Well, no, you weren't sidetracked.
  2684.  
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687. MAN
  2688.  
  2689. No?
  2690.  
  2691.  
  2692.  
  2693. CHILD
  2694.  
  2695. No. Their stories were a part of the story. Do you remember?
  2696.  
  2697.  
  2698.  
  2699. MAN
  2700.  
  2701. I think I remember.
  2702.  
  2703.  
  2704.  
  2705. CHILD
  2706.  
  2707. You're almost as bad as she is.
  2708.  
  2709.  
  2710.  
  2711. MAN
  2712.  
  2713. Almost as bad as...?
  2714.  
  2715.  
  2716.  
  2717. CHILD
  2718.  
  2719. Forgetting everything.
  2720.  
  2721.  
  2722.  
  2723. WOMAN
  2724.  
  2725. I remember that he was telling a story. I do remember that much.
  2726.  
  2727.  
  2728.  
  2729. MAN
  2730.  
  2731. Ah, yes. Well. To continue my story--
  2732.  
  2733.  
  2734.  
  2735. CHILD
  2736.  
  2737. Are you going to tell their stories, too?
  2738.  
  2739.  
  2740.  
  2741. MAN
  2742.  
  2743. Whose?
  2744.  
  2745.  
  2746.  
  2747. CHILD
  2748.  
  2749. The patients. The stories they told you.
  2750.  
  2751.  
  2752.  
  2753. MAN
  2754.  
  2755. Well, the relevant one. There's still one that is important.I'm getting there.
  2756.  
  2757.  
  2758.  
  2759. CHILD
  2760.  
  2761. Relevant how?
  2762.  
  2763.  
  2764.  
  2765. MAN
  2766.  
  2767. You'll see.
  2768.  
  2769.  
  2770.  
  2771. WOMAN
  2772.  
  2773. You can't see stories.
  2774.  
  2775.  
  2776.  
  2777. MAN
  2778.  
  2779. You'll hear, then.
  2780.  
  2781.  
  2782.  
  2783. WOMAN
  2784.  
  2785. I find that a better way of putting it, much improved.
  2786.  
  2787.  
  2788.  
  2789. CHILD
  2790.  
  2791. And so it will suffice.
  2792.  
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795. MAN
  2796.  
  2797. A lot of patients came and went after that first woman, the sad woman who dreamt she talked to a tornado named God once. Some of them told me stories, too. None of them affected me quite the same way, and I was glad. It made me think that maybe she'd just taken me off guard, that it wasn't that important. Never mind that she had started an irreversible change to my life.
  2798.  
  2799.  
  2800.  
  2801. CHILD
  2802.  
  2803. An irreversible--
  2804.  
  2805.  
  2806.  
  2807. MAN
  2808.  
  2809. I'll get to that later. The people came and went; sometimes they were afraid, sometimes they were sad. Sometimes they told me stories, sometimes they didn't say a word. It was fine. Normal. Almost comfortable. I'd decided the first woman was a fluke, bad luck. Just sent to prove to me that if I could make it through my job after her, I could make it through anything. It does seem, though, that whenever we finally get comfortable and let our guard down, that's when things get really messy.
  2810.  
  2811.  
  2812.  
  2813. WOMAN
  2814.  
  2815. Ooh, here comes the exposition!
  2816.  
  2817.  
  2818.  
  2819. MAN
  2820.  
  2821. Erm. Yes. Another woman came in. Well, more of a girl this time. She couldn't have been older than sixteen. She walked right in and sat down without a word. I was used to this. Some people just really don't fee lhorribly conversational in that situation. I figured she was going to be one of the quiet ones, just nod her head at the right times and mumble only the necessary information. At first, that's what she did. Then she looked up at me,and she asked me:
  2822.  
  2823.  
  2824.  
  2825. CHILD
  2826.  
  2827. (Moves downstage) AmI going to go to Hell?
  2828.  
  2829.  
  2830.  
  2831. MAN
  2832.  
  2833. And what was I supposed to say to that? I don't know the answer. I'm not able to make that sort of judgment or to say for sure whether any such judgment exists. So, I told her the closest thing to the truth I could think of. I told her, "I don't know. If you want to get technical, I guess you're not the one doing anything wrong." And she just kind of looked at me a moment or two, then she asked:
  2834.  
  2835.  
  2836.  
  2837. CHILD
  2838.  
  2839. Are you going to go to Hell?
  2840.  
  2841.  
  2842.  
  2843. MAN
  2844.  
  2845. And I told her the closest thing to truth that I could think of, and I told her, "I don't know. I don't know."
  2846.  
  2847.  
  2848.  
  2849. CHILD
  2850.  
  2851. If you mean well, maybe it's okay.
  2852.  
  2853.  
  2854.  
  2855. MAN
  2856.  
  2857. I don't know. I don't really think about it much. Now, I'm going to give you a quick overview of the procedure, just so you know what
  2858.  
  2859. to expect.
  2860.  
  2861.  
  2862.  
  2863. CHILD
  2864.  
  2865. You should think about it. I think about it all the time.
  2866.  
  2867.  
  2868.  
  2869. MAN
  2870.  
  2871. That's fine. The instruments I will be using--
  2872.  
  2873.  
  2874.  
  2875. CHILD
  2876.  
  2877. I dream about it. Judgment and all of that.
  2878.  
  2879.  
  2880.  
  2881. MAN
  2882.  
  2883. (Disinterested.) Do you?
  2884.  
  2885.  
  2886.  
  2887. CHILD
  2888.  
  2889. Yes, all the time. That's why I'm here.
  2890.  
  2891.  
  2892.  
  2893. MAN
  2894.  
  2895. Oh, that whole, "Don't want to bring a child into this world, 'cause when the bomb drops..." foolishness. I have to tell you, that's very Vietnam-era nonsense and a very dated mindset for your generation.
  2896.  
  2897.  
  2898.  
  2899. CHILD
  2900.  
  2901. I don't think that.
  2902.  
  2903.  
  2904.  
  2905. MAN
  2906.  
  2907. No? What do you think?
  2908.  
  2909.  
  2910.  
  2911. CHILD
  2912.  
  2913. I think I can't bring a child into this world when I'm not fit to be a mother, first and foremost. I think that I keep having these end of the world dreams because I'm not ready for this, and because this would really mess my life up. That's what I think.
  2914.  
  2915.  
  2916.  
  2917. MAN
  2918.  
  2919. My apologies.
  2920.  
  2921.  
  2922.  
  2923. CHILD
  2924.  
  2925. I also think that maybe there's something more to the dreams, but who can know that for sure? That has nothing to do with my being here, by the way. The thing I also think.
  2926.  
  2927.  
  2928.  
  2929. MAN
  2930.  
  2931. Oh. Okay then.
  2932.  
  2933.  
  2934.  
  2935. CHILD
  2936.  
  2937. It's like chaos, though.
  2938.  
  2939.  
  2940.  
  2941. MAN
  2942.  
  2943. What is?
  2944.  
  2945.  
  2946.  
  2947. CHILD
  2948.  
  2949. The dream. Or dreams. I've had it more than once, I suppose, but it's different every time, if only a little bit. It always starts the same, though, and you wouldn't think it had anything to do with the Apocalypse at all from the beginning.
  2950.  
  2951.  
  2952.  
  2953. MAN
  2954.  
  2955. Ah.
  2956.  
  2957.  
  2958.  
  2959. CHILD
  2960.  
  2961. It's like...I'm outside, playing basketball and it's almost dark. I know that I need to go inside, but I can't remember why. Then, my mother leans out the door and starts screaming, "It's almost here! It's coming!" and waves her arms at me frantically to go inside. I start walking to the house, and I hear a bone-chilling howl. My mother slams the door, afraid herself. I still don't know what's happening, but I feel as though I really should and start to run. I make it up the steps and turn, right as I see from whence the howl originated. It's a massive dog, and it hasn't got a face. I tear the door open, and run inside. My mother is crying and saying, "I thought for sure he'd gotten you this time. You can't be so careless." And I'm just terrified. Just...terrified.And I turn to look out the window, and the dog is right there, up on its hind legs. Its face is against the glass, and there are maggots crawling all over its...not-face. Then, it starts whispering my name, and I can hear it, and suddenly I just want to be back outside. I try to go out, and my mother grabs me from behind and holds me there. And I can't move or anything, but I still want to be back outside. So, I remember that there's a knife in my pocket, a Swiss Army knife that I sometimes use to adjust the height of the basketball hoop. So I pull it out, flick out the blade, and just start stabbing my mother all over. She falls down, and I go outside. The dog walks over to me on its hind legs and says, "Thank you. I knew you could do it. You're ready now." I'm not afraid anymore, just confused. So I ask it, "Ready for what?" and the dog says, "I'll show you." I follow this faceless, talking dog, walking on its hind legs, down the street. Everyone is dead. The bodies of men, women, and children are just...littering the street. A few people emerge from the sea of dead bodies, rare survivors, and start following the dog and me to wherever we're going. I don't know any of the people. After a few minutes, or hours, or weeks of this, there are about a hundred of us following this strange, faceless dog. "Why are we alive and all of them dead?" I finally manage to ask, and the dog laughs."It's the Apocalypse. They all went to Heaven. But you all get to be here with me." I'm terrified now, for the first time since I saw the dog. "Who are you?" I ask. "Dog is God backwards," it tells me, and I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, as it continues, "And I am the opposite of God." None of the others are paying attention, they're just following along blindly. "But I'd rather die. I'd rather go to Heaven!" I yell at the dog. "Funny," the dog says, half to himself, "Everyone always thought I'd be a goat. But what more obvious than a dog, really? Loyal to humans so long as they take care of them. Prone to snap at a moment's notice. Dog. Backwards God. Dog. Backwards God." And everything is really quiet after that. And I just walk along and follow this backwards God until the dream fades, and I wake up.
  2962.  
  2963.  
  2964.  
  2965. WOMAN
  2966.  
  2967. What happened next?
  2968.  
  2969.  
  2970.  
  2971. MAN
  2972.  
  2973. I left my practice.
  2974.  
  2975.  
  2976.  
  2977. WOMAN
  2978.  
  2979. Oh.
  2980.  
  2981.  
  2982.  
  2983. (CHILD moves back to seat.)
  2984.  
  2985.  
  2986.  
  2987. CHILD
  2988.  
  2989. That story was sad.
  2990.  
  2991.  
  2992.  
  2993. MAN
  2994.  
  2995. Most stories are sad, if you hear them all the way through.
  2996.  
  2997.  
  2998.  
  2999. WOMAN
  3000.  
  3001. You don't believe in happy endings?
  3002.  
  3003.  
  3004.  
  3005. MAN
  3006.  
  3007. No. I don't believe I do.
  3008.  
  3009.  
  3010.  
  3011. WOMAN
  3012.  
  3013. That's sad.
  3014.  
  3015.  
  3016.  
  3017. MAN
  3018.  
  3019. I suppose it is. That part of my story is sad.
  3020.  
  3021.  
  3022.  
  3023. CHILD
  3024.  
  3025. The ending?
  3026.  
  3027.  
  3028.  
  3029. MAN
  3030.  
  3031. Yes. The ending.
  3032.  
  3033.  
  3034.  
  3035. WOMAN
  3036.  
  3037. I'd like not to have an ending.
  3038.  
  3039.  
  3040.  
  3041. MAN
  3042.  
  3043. It's necessary.
  3044.  
  3045.  
  3046.  
  3047. WOMAN
  3048.  
  3049. Everyone always says it's necessary. If you think outside of the box, you find out that is not always the case.
  3050.  
  3051.  
  3052.  
  3053. CHILD
  3054.  
  3055. Who is everyone?
  3056.  
  3057.  
  3058.  
  3059. WOMAN
  3060.  
  3061. You know. Everyone.
  3062.  
  3063.  
  3064.  
  3065. CHILD
  3066.  
  3067. Examples?
  3068.  
  3069.  
  3070.  
  3071. WOMAN
  3072.  
  3073. Everyone.
  3074.  
  3075.  
  3076.  
  3077. CHILD
  3078.  
  3079. Oh. I suppose that makes sense.
  3080.  
  3081.  
  3082.  
  3083. MAN
  3084.  
  3085. That was exhausting. I'd like to continue reading my book.
  3086.  
  3087.  
  3088.  
  3089. WOMAN
  3090.  
  3091. Oh, you would?
  3092.  
  3093.  
  3094.  
  3095. MAN
  3096.  
  3097. Yes, I would like that very much.
  3098.  
  3099.  
  3100.  
  3101. CHILD
  3102.  
  3103. To ignore us, I suppose?
  3104.  
  3105.  
  3106.  
  3107. MAN
  3108.  
  3109. You don't need constant stimulation. You're not a puppy. You'll manage.
  3110.  
  3111.  
  3112.  
  3113. CHILD
  3114.  
  3115. What about my story?
  3116.  
  3117.  
  3118.  
  3119. MAN
  3120.  
  3121. Your story? I can't say that I know your story.
  3122.  
  3123.  
  3124.  
  3125. CHILD
  3126.  
  3127. You'd have to know.
  3128.  
  3129.  
  3130.  
  3131. MAN
  3132.  
  3133. I'll have to say that you know your story better than I, myself do.
  3134.  
  3135.  
  3136.  
  3137. CHILD
  3138.  
  3139. I don't know yesterday.
  3140.  
  3141.  
  3142.  
  3143. MAN
  3144.  
  3145. And I don't know tomorrow. Tough shit.
  3146.  
  3147.  
  3148.  
  3149. CHILD
  3150.  
  3151. I'm 25 years old! I deserve to know something.
  3152.  
  3153.  
  3154.  
  3155. MAN
  3156.  
  3157. You're not 25.
  3158.  
  3159.  
  3160.  
  3161. CHILD
  3162.  
  3163. But you said--
  3164.  
  3165.  
  3166.  
  3167. MAN
  3168.  
  3169. I said a lot of things.
  3170.  
  3171.  
  3172.  
  3173. CHILD
  3174.  
  3175. Check.
  3176.  
  3177.  
  3178.  
  3179. MAN
  3180.  
  3181. I beg your pardon?
  3182.  
  3183.  
  3184.  
  3185. WOMAN
  3186.  
  3187. Check.
  3188.  
  3189.  
  3190.  
  3191. CHILD
  3192.  
  3193. Check.
  3194.  
  3195.  
  3196.  
  3197. MAN
  3198.  
  3199. This isn't chess.
  3200.  
  3201.  
  3202.  
  3203. CHILD
  3204.  
  3205. I will move the bishop here. I feel that I may move my bishop without devastating consequences.
  3206.  
  3207.  
  3208.  
  3209. WOMAN
  3210.  
  3211. Check.
  3212.  
  3213.  
  3214.  
  3215. MAN
  3216.  
  3217. Stop it.
  3218.  
  3219.  
  3220.  
  3221. WOMAN
  3222.  
  3223. Rook to E3. Aaaand--
  3224.  
  3225.  
  3226.  
  3227. CHILD
  3228.  
  3229. Check.
  3230.  
  3231.  
  3232.  
  3233. MAN
  3234.  
  3235. Stop it.
  3236.  
  3237.  
  3238.  
  3239. WOMAN
  3240.  
  3241. Castling! You can't forget castling!
  3242.  
  3243.  
  3244.  
  3245. CHILD
  3246.  
  3247. You're safe for now.
  3248.  
  3249.  
  3250.  
  3251. MAN
  3252.  
  3253. Check.
  3254.  
  3255.  
  3256.  
  3257. CHILD
  3258.  
  3259. I beg your pardon?
  3260.  
  3261.  
  3262.  
  3263. WOMAN
  3264.  
  3265. Check.
  3266.  
  3267.  
  3268.  
  3269. MAN
  3270.  
  3271. Knight moves.
  3272.  
  3273.  
  3274.  
  3275. WOMAN
  3276.  
  3277. It moves in an L-shape.
  3278.  
  3279.  
  3280.  
  3281. MAN
  3282.  
  3283. An L-shape. Like this. (Makes L-shape in the air.) An L.
  3284.  
  3285.  
  3286.  
  3287. WOMAN
  3288.  
  3289. Knight takes the Bishop.
  3290.  
  3291.  
  3292.  
  3293. MAN
  3294.  
  3295. Check.
  3296.  
  3297.  
  3298.  
  3299. WOMAN
  3300.  
  3301. And.
  3302.  
  3303.  
  3304.  
  3305. MAN
  3306.  
  3307. Mate!
  3308.  
  3309.  
  3310.  
  3311. WOMAN
  3312.  
  3313. You've lost.
  3314.  
  3315.  
  3316.  
  3317. CHILD
  3318.  
  3319. You both have completely lost it.
  3320.  
  3321.  
  3322.  
  3323. MAN
  3324.  
  3325. No, we're playing a game. There's nothing inherently crazy about game play, is there?
  3326.  
  3327.  
  3328.  
  3329. CHILD
  3330.  
  3331. Yes.
  3332.  
  3333.  
  3334.  
  3335. WOMAN
  3336.  
  3337. What was that, dear?
  3338.  
  3339.  
  3340.  
  3341. CHILD
  3342.  
  3343. Yes! Yes, playing chess without a board is insane!
  3344.  
  3345.  
  3346.  
  3347. (MAN and WOMAN clap politely.)
  3348.  
  3349.  
  3350.  
  3351. MAN
  3352.  
  3353. Bravo!
  3354.  
  3355.  
  3356.  
  3357. WOMAN
  3358.  
  3359. Bravo!
  3360.  
  3361.  
  3362.  
  3363. CHILD
  3364.  
  3365. Why are we here?
  3366.  
  3367.  
  3368.  
  3369. MAN
  3370.  
  3371. You already unlocked the meaning of life earlier my dear, but you just can't seem to--
  3372.  
  3373.  
  3374.  
  3375. WOMAN
  3376.  
  3377. Remember.
  3378.  
  3379.  
  3380.  
  3381. MAN
  3382.  
  3383. Yes, remember. That's right.
  3384.  
  3385.  
  3386.  
  3387. CHILD
  3388.  
  3389. There is something desperately wrong with this whole situation. I don't even know what the world looks like out there. I have a feeling I've never left this room in my life.
  3390.  
  3391.  
  3392.  
  3393. MAN
  3394.  
  3395. You haven't.
  3396.  
  3397.  
  3398.  
  3399. WOMAN
  3400.  
  3401. I haven't.
  3402.  
  3403.  
  3404.  
  3405. CHILD
  3406.  
  3407. We haven't?
  3408.  
  3409.  
  3410.  
  3411. MAN
  3412.  
  3413. I have.
  3414.  
  3415.  
  3416.  
  3417. CHILD
  3418.  
  3419. Well, naturally. So what is going on here? What is my story?
  3420.  
  3421.  
  3422.  
  3423. MAN
  3424.  
  3425. I told you, I don't--
  3426.  
  3427.  
  3428.  
  3429. CHILD
  3430.  
  3431. No. No, you told me earlier that you would tell me my story. That you would tell my story and her story. And you couldn't start the story very well. Then we asked you about the other peoples' dreams. And you told us. And we all hate endings. But the story wasn't over, was it?
  3432.  
  3433.  
  3434.  
  3435. MAN
  3436.  
  3437. My, we are touchy.
  3438.  
  3439.  
  3440.  
  3441. CHILD
  3442.  
  3443. WAS IT?
  3444.  
  3445.  
  3446.  
  3447. MAN
  3448.  
  3449. You're right. It wasn't over. But I've never finished the story, and you've never asked before.
  3450.  
  3451.  
  3452.  
  3453. CHILD
  3454.  
  3455. That seems to be a recurring theme. What's different about today?
  3456.  
  3457.  
  3458.  
  3459. MAN
  3460.  
  3461. I don't know. I simply don't know.
  3462.  
  3463.  
  3464.  
  3465. CHILD
  3466.  
  3467. How does the story end? Where do I come in? Where does she come in?
  3468.  
  3469.  
  3470.  
  3471. MAN
  3472.  
  3473. That's a rather touchy subject.
  3474.  
  3475.  
  3476.  
  3477. WOMAN
  3478.  
  3479. I would like to know, too. If that's all right.
  3480.  
  3481.  
  3482.  
  3483. CHILD
  3484.  
  3485. If you tell us now, will we remember it tomorrow?
  3486.  
  3487.  
  3488.  
  3489. MAN
  3490.  
  3491. No.
  3492.  
  3493.  
  3494.  
  3495. WOMAN
  3496.  
  3497. Oh. Then what's the point?
  3498.  
  3499.  
  3500.  
  3501. CHILD
  3502.  
  3503. The point is knowing. Even for a little while. Knowing might change things.
  3504.  
  3505.  
  3506.  
  3507. WOMAN
  3508.  
  3509. Change things? Like what? I don't even know what things could possibly need changed.
  3510.  
  3511.  
  3512.  
  3513. CHILD
  3514.  
  3515. It could make things better.
  3516.  
  3517.  
  3518.  
  3519. WOMAN
  3520.  
  3521. Better? Like how?
  3522.  
  3523.  
  3524.  
  3525. CHILD
  3526.  
  3527. I don't know. It couldn't be worse, though. Nothing could be worse than purgatory.
  3528.  
  3529.  
  3530.  
  3531. MAN
  3532.  
  3533. I've told you already that this isn't purgatory.
  3534.  
  3535.  
  3536.  
  3537. CHILD
  3538.  
  3539. What is it, then?
  3540.  
  3541.  
  3542.  
  3543. MAN
  3544.  
  3545. It's life. I've told you. It's life.
  3546.  
  3547.  
  3548.  
  3549. CHILD
  3550.  
  3551. Oh, so is the meaning of life being locked in a fucking room all day, not remembering from one day to the next, and being told that you're self-aware? Maybe hearing a story or two? Making up an aphorism to define your very existence when you're not even sure whether or not you exist?!
  3552.  
  3553.  
  3554.  
  3555. MAN
  3556.  
  3557. In a nutshell.
  3558.  
  3559.  
  3560.  
  3561. CHILD
  3562.  
  3563. Oh, that's just wonderful.
  3564.  
  3565.  
  3566.  
  3567. WOMAN
  3568.  
  3569. Would you tell us the story, please?
  3570.  
  3571.  
  3572.  
  3573. CHILD
  3574.  
  3575. He's already told us the only part that matters. We're never going to see the outside of this room. We're in purgatory.
  3576.  
  3577.  
  3578.  
  3579. MAN
  3580.  
  3581. Life.
  3582.  
  3583.  
  3584.  
  3585. CHILD
  3586.  
  3587. Purgatory.
  3588.  
  3589.  
  3590.  
  3591. WOMAN
  3592.  
  3593. Check.
  3594.  
  3595.  
  3596.  
  3597. CHILD
  3598.  
  3599. And.
  3600.  
  3601.  
  3602.  
  3603. WOMAN
  3604.  
  3605. Mate!
  3606.  
  3607.  
  3608.  
  3609. MAN
  3610.  
  3611. This may be your own brand of purgatory. This may be. I can't know that, but it may be so. Would you like to hear the story? I am ready to tell you the story.
  3612.  
  3613.  
  3614.  
  3615. CHILD
  3616.  
  3617. Like to? No. Need to? Probably not. Am I going to hear the end of the story? Without a doubt. Without a fucking doubt.
  3618.  
  3619.  
  3620.  
  3621. WOMAN
  3622.  
  3623. You should probably watch your language. A young lady of 25 shouldn't speak in such a way.
  3624.  
  3625.  
  3626.  
  3627. MAN
  3628.  
  3629. I retired. I left.
  3630.  
  3631.  
  3632.  
  3633. CHILD
  3634.  
  3635. So you told us.
  3636.  
  3637.  
  3638.  
  3639. MAN
  3640.  
  3641. I'm finishing the story.
  3642.  
  3643.  
  3644.  
  3645. CHILD
  3646.  
  3647. Right.
  3648.  
  3649.  
  3650.  
  3651. MAN
  3652.  
  3653. Right. So I retired after that last woman. That last girl. I left. I couldn't do it anymore. If you really knew anything about anything, you'd probably know that I already told your stories.
  3654.  
  3655.  
  3656.  
  3657. WOMAN
  3658.  
  3659. But we don't know anything. That's why we asked you to tell us.
  3660.  
  3661.  
  3662.  
  3663. MAN
  3664.  
  3665. Yes.
  3666.  
  3667.  
  3668.  
  3669. CHILD
  3670.  
  3671. So...?
  3672.  
  3673.  
  3674.  
  3675. MAN
  3676.  
  3677. So, what?
  3678.  
  3679.  
  3680.  
  3681. CHILD
  3682.  
  3683. The rest of the story.
  3684.  
  3685.  
  3686.  
  3687. MAN
  3688.  
  3689. Of course, of course.
  3690.  
  3691.  
  3692.  
  3693. CHILD
  3694.  
  3695. You know, if we're not going to remember it anyway, you shouldn't regret telling it.
  3696.  
  3697.  
  3698.  
  3699. MAN
  3700.  
  3701. I know. But I do.
  3702.  
  3703.  
  3704.  
  3705. WOMAN
  3706.  
  3707. It's okay. You can tell us when you're ready.
  3708.  
  3709.  
  3710.  
  3711. MAN
  3712.  
  3713. I'll never be ready. But, ah. There's no time like the present, eh?
  3714.  
  3715.  
  3716.  
  3717. CHILD
  3718.  
  3719. I guess so.
  3720.  
  3721.  
  3722.  
  3723. MAN
  3724.  
  3725. I wanted to grow up and help people. Yes, that's what I wanted to do. Even those who didn't feel as though they deserved to be helped, I wanted to help them.
  3726.  
  3727.  
  3728.  
  3729. WOMAN
  3730.  
  3731. Understandable.
  3732.  
  3733.  
  3734.  
  3735. MAN
  3736.  
  3737. Sometimes my patients would tell me stories. They'd tell me their stories. They'd tell me things that happened, things that had never happened, and things that would never happen. They told me their dreams. Sometimes, they'd be happy dreams, but I don't remember those very well. Most of the time, they were horrible things. They told me their biggest fears, and I just listened and did what I was paid to do. I didn't help people. I didn't help myself. I retired. I left. I had dreams too. I had fears. I had regrets.When I retired, I was alone. I sat in my empty room and played chess in complete solitude,waiting to die. One day, a young woman came to my door, and she looked just like her mother. She looked just like her mother. She was lovely, and sad, and she told me her story, a dream that her mother had once. She told me:
  3738.  
  3739.  
  3740.  
  3741. (WOMAN crosses downstage.)
  3742.  
  3743.  
  3744.  
  3745. WOMAN
  3746.  
  3747. There was a tornado named God, and it spoke to her. And she didn't know what the right decision was. God laughed at her.
  3748.  
  3749.  
  3750.  
  3751. MAN
  3752.  
  3753. So I invited her in. And she decided to stay. We were okay, but we wanted a child there. We didn't know if we wanted a girl or a boy. And one day, someone came and knocked on our door. She couldn't have been more than 16. She didn't speak for a while, but when she did, she told me how her mother dreamed the end of the world.
  3754.  
  3755.  
  3756.  
  3757. (CHILD crosses downstage.)
  3758.  
  3759.  
  3760.  
  3761. CHILD
  3762.  
  3763. Everyone was dead. And there was a backwards God without a face who spoke to her, and told her she was damned.
  3764.  
  3765.  
  3766.  
  3767. MAN
  3768.  
  3769. And I told them my stories, but they never remembered. Day to day, they never remembered. (Man picks up his book, reads a moment.) "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (pause) Edgar Allan Poe. (pause) "A Dream Within a Dream." (Closes book.) I say that our life, our lives, yes, our living is an accident. I say that what we are and what we choose does not choose us, and, no, we do not choose it. No, no. I say that it is an accident, nothing more than an accident. Accidental or incidental, coincidental; who cares? Merely an accident. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of, although, maybe despite...but no. No, that's not right. So, and therefore, and because of yet not in spite of this, I am, in a manner of speaking, as a matter of fact...
  3770.  
  3771.  
  3772.  
  3773. WOMAN
  3774.  
  3775. The accidental illusion.
  3776.  
  3777.  
  3778.  
  3779. CHILD
  3780.  
  3781. The accidental aphorism.
  3782.  
  3783.  
  3784.  
  3785. MAN
  3786.  
  3787. The accidental abortionist.
  3788.  
  3789.  
  3790.  
  3791. (The Curtain Falls)
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