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- [17:20] <Roget> padri - what if he didn't have time for a coat?
- [17:20] <padri> kk
- [17:21] <Atcero> I liked it. Only had one grammar mistake that I saw.
- [17:22] <Atcero> "Some days, it might looks closer"
- [17:22] <padri> my /personal/ opinion is that someone dying of exposure would be more to the point and clear about his question than rambly and concerned with social niceties.
- [17:27] <Atcero> I'm going to go for now. Valete
- [17:27] <ProcyonLotor> see ya
- [17:27] * Atcero has quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
- [17:27] <padri> warmth in his neck?
- [17:28] * Wogglebugout has quit (Quit: ChatZilla 0.9.90.1 [Firefox 27.0.1/20140212131424])
- [17:28] <Dexanote> https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1/1897842_10153821140960562_1322963136_n.jpg can i make this as a character
- [17:28] * ZombieRaptor has quit (Ping timeout)
- [17:28] <Roget> padri, he is warm all over
- [17:29] <Roget> the neck warmth was just the most relevant
- [17:29] <padri> concern: makes it sound like it's specific to the neck
- [17:30] <padri> of course, alla this is take it or leave it
- [17:31] <padri> Roget: mention the children earlier? even just in passing.
- [17:31] * Roget takes notes
- [17:33] * ZombieRaptor (~ZombieRap@synIRC-32AE151C.pools.spcsdns.net) has joined
- [17:33] <padri> cause it feels weird to have a Father with no kids, and when we see them, even though you've suggested they might exist, it feels a touch weird. like 'where'd they come from and why'd they only show up now?'
- [17:34] * padri isn't gunna be able to finish this
- [17:34] <padri> sry
- [17:36] <ProcyonLotor> padri
- [17:36] <ProcyonLotor> you have disappointed
- [17:36] <ProcyonLotor> for the last time
- [17:36] * padri is a disappoint
- [17:36] <ProcyonLotor> b&.
- [17:36] <padri> :<
- [17:36] <Roget> padri, that weird felling is intentional
- [17:36] <Roget> because something is wrong with this family
- [17:36] <padri> kk
- [17:36] <Roget> something is very wrong
- [17:36] <padri> then keep it
- [17:36] <ihp> ?
- [17:36] <padri> if it's what you meant to do, you did it gud
- [17:36] <padri> Roget: how long do i have to dawdle through this?
- [17:37] <ShotgunFiendM> They're ~GhooOOooOOOoosstss~
- [17:37] <Roget> padri, if you don't have time for it s'fine
- [17:38] * You've invited Zolgamax to #origins-ooc (contego.ny.us.synirc.net)
- [17:38] * Roget invited Zolgamax into the channel.
- [17:38] <padri> no, i just get distracted by backlighting
- [17:38] <Roget> oh ok
- [17:39] <Roget> I don't think the story is that long
- [17:39] * Zolgamax (Mibbit@synIRC-4E9097DF.twcny.res.rr.com) has joined
- [17:39] <Roget> according to google docs it is only about 1300 words
- [17:39] <padri> kk
- [17:39] <Zolgamax> Ah, hello.
- [17:39] <Zolgamax> Been a while since I was here.
- [17:39] <ZombieRaptor> Hey
- [17:39] <Zolgamax> Howdy.
- [17:44] * Jabonicus found dad in FO3
- [17:46] <Nemi> hello friendos
- [17:46] <Nemi> time for me to get going to vivax's place
- [17:47] <padri> byyyyeeeeeee
- [17:47] <ShotgunFiendM> Seeya nem
- [17:47] <Nemi> byee byee!
- [17:47] <padri> Roget: in one paragraph he stares at the mirror, and then in the next he ignores his reflection.
- [17:48] <padri> it feels a little awkward.
- [17:48] <padri> perhaps notice something that he doesn't like about his reflection between the two?
- [17:48] <Roget> he is staring at the mirror itself but avoiding his reflection
- [17:48] * Nemi has quit (Quit: )
- [17:48] <padri> also, "his own reflection, and reflected" two much reflecting in too little space
- [17:48] <Roget> that's why he describes the frame and polish
- [17:49] <padri> i get that, but it might be nice to let us know why he's not looking at himself
- [17:50] <Roget> Mmm
- [17:50] <Roget> ok
- [17:50] <padri> and provide transistion between lookin at mirror oh wait no
- [17:51] <padri> and if i'm pickin more nits than you want picked, lemme know
- [17:51] <Roget> no no this is good
- [17:51] <Roget> better you than a rejection notice amirite
- [17:51] <padri> kk
- [17:52] * padri in srs critique mode
- [17:53] <ZombieRaptor> Jacob is great for conversation :p
- [17:53] <ihp> sorry, Zombie. I'm just... really distracted.
- [17:53] <ihp> I'm not doing well in about half of my classes.
- [17:53] <ZombieRaptor> I'm kidding :p
- [17:54] <ihp> Mrrr.
- [17:54] <padri> Roget: i would change "against the wall, and he might have..." to "wall, WHERE he might have"
- [17:54] <padri> ihp: what classes?
- [17:54] * padri would offer help
- [17:54] <ihp> Chemistry and Statistics.
- [17:54] <ihp> Chemistry especially because my teacher is just... blargh.
- [17:55] * padri was no good at chem
- [17:55] <ihp> you and about 90% of people I know.
- [17:55] <ProcyonLotor> fuck Chemistry
- [17:55] <ZombieRaptor> Yay chemistry!
- [17:56] <padri> ihp: there are lotsa chem people here
- [17:56] <padri> flame, zomb, erm . . .
- [17:56] <padri> other people?
- [17:56] <ShotgunFiendM> My sister. Buuuut thst doesn't count
- [17:56] <ShotgunFiendM> Soooo
- [17:56] <ShotgunFiendM> >.>
- [17:56] <ProcyonLotor> http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/photoshop/6/6/4/177664_slide.jpg?v=1
- [17:57] <padri> Roget: "thought he" is awkward syntax
- [17:57] <padri> is there a reason for it?
- [17:59] * Optimal (John@synIRC-CA99362.roc.choiceone.net) has joined
- [18:00] <Optimal> Hi everybody!
- [18:01] * ShotgunFiend (~chatzilla@synIRC-65ED5576.hsd1.al.comcast.net) has joined
- [18:01] * Roget takes more notes
- [18:01] <Optimal> Hi Shotgun.
- [18:02] <ShotgunFiend> Hi
- [18:02] <padri> Roget: i might save the "all of them featured the family" for after the "pictures from many eras"
- [18:02] <padri> y'know, make it all "there were pictures of all these people, but lookie here, here's father."
- [18:03] <padri> add suspense to the description
- [18:03] <padri> and it's not really the whole family if only the father is constant, right?
- [18:04] <padri> also, just a thought as a reader, but i wonder why he's called Father if the family revolves around him. . .
- [18:04] <Optimal> So how did the run go last night?
- [18:07] <padri> >smiling and alone, without a soul on any pier.
- [18:07] <padri> first read through made it sound like he doesn't have a soul
- [18:07] <Roget> That was intentional
- [18:07] <Optimal> (I guess everyone died last night.)
- [18:07] <Roget> to plant that thought in the readers mind
- [18:07] <Roget> to unsettle them
- [18:08] <padri> i think it would be better to word it differently
- [18:08] <padri> can't think how . . .
- [18:08] <padri> hm
- [18:09] <Optimal> What are we reading?
- [18:09] <padri> cause the phrase usually goes "without another soul"
- [18:09] <padri> and you don't want it to sound like a mistake.
- [18:09] * Zolgamax has quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
- [18:10] <padri> and how does Father look on while glaring at someone else?
- [18:10] <Roget> magic
- [18:10] <padri> Roget: also, my nitpicking doesn't mean i don't like. just as an fyi
- [18:10] <Roget> he has special eyes
- [18:10] <padri> ?why
- [18:10] <padri> ?why?
- [18:10] <Glacon> why? mmmmmmmmagic
- [18:10] <padri> :>
- [18:11] <Roget> padri, I have written about 150 articles on this website, I am not thin skinned
- [18:11] <Roget> you could call me a donkey fucking shit eater and I wouldn't be offended
- [18:11] <padri> awesome
- [18:11] <Optimal> Roget, what is this thing that y'all are reading?
- [18:12] <Roget> Optimal, a story I am prepping for submission to a prestigious publication
- [18:12] <Optimal> Cool! Good luck.
- [18:12] <padri> i'm eating its intestines.
- [18:12] <Optimal> Cool! Good luck.
- [18:12] <Jabonicus> WHAT
- [18:13] <Optimal> :P
- [18:13] <Jabonicus> FUCK THE ENCLAVE
- [18:14] <padri> Roget: i like the little girl being paired with a strong knock
- [18:14] * ShotgunFiend licks the intestines before padri can eat them
- [18:14] * padri eats intestines seasoned with shotgun spit
- [18:18] * Roget edits his Mater Draft
- [18:18] * Nemi (~Nemi@synIRC-2B2A6A01.nycap.res.rr.com) has joined
- [18:19] <padri> Roget: the commas
- [18:19] <padri> the death paragraph has attrocious comma'ing.
- [18:20] <padri> >families stick together better for, uh, through, adversity.
- [18:20] <padri> a little excessively awkward
- [18:21] <padri> let him use the right word the first time?
- [18:21] <Roget> Aight
- [18:21] <padri> and i'mma have to think about it a bit before i can give you more in-depth comments
- [18:21] <Nemi> Hello!
- [18:21] <padri> digest it, as it were
- [18:22] * padri is now known as padri|away
- [18:23] <Nemi> I am at Vivax's! Ha ha ha.
- [18:23] <Nemi> None can stop me now.
- [18:25] * You are now known as Rogbrb
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