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- >"What's a matter Anon? You gonna cry?”
- >Looking around you saw several ponies were already starting to gather around the princess as she ridiculed you.
- >What a fucking bitch.
- >Most looked on with questioning glances until they saw ‘it’.
- >’It’ being a scraped knee.
- >Some asshole left a jar of jam laying on the ground which you tripped over.
- >The ponies who saw the small droplets of blood forming on your scraped skin recoiled.
- >One mare in the back fainted.
- >Shit, you heard someone even yelling for a doctor.
- “Nah I’m good.”
- >Standing up you dusted yourself off and continued on your merry way.
- >Twiggles stood speechless at your indifference.
- >Newspapers around equestria spoke of the human who didn’t feel pain in the next issue.
- ---
- >Twizzler was back again.
- >Apparently her little comment reached the big butts of Canterlot ears.
- >So she was here to formally apologize.
- >You however were going to fuck with her.
- >It’s a jersey thing.
- >After your little boo-boo earlier in the week you learned a few things about your equine friends.
- >Ponies did not like the sight of blood, or being hurt. At all.
- >The sight alone can make them gag, throw up, or just plain pass out.
- >Who would’ve thunk.
- >So here you sat in the kitchen, waiting patiently.
- >Waiting to use your newfound powers of pain tolerance for good.
- >There was only going to be one chance to get this right.
- >And you sure as shit weren’t going to blow it.
- >”Anon? You in here?”
- >It is time.
- “Yup I’m in the kitchen.”
- >Man the battlestations!
- >”Listen Anon, I’m sorry for what I”
- >She didn’t even get to finish.
- >The moment her head cleared the doorway and she saw you sitting there she was doomed.
- >Two fingers gripped the bandage which covered your scraped knee from earlier.
- >In one sickening motion you peeled it off in its entirety.
- >As quickly as the bandage came off the color from Twirkles face drained.
- >And she found a new friend to mingle with named floor.
- >Serves you right purple sturkle.
- ---
- >These little horses were going to be the death of you.
- >Well not really.
- >If the way they treated the smallest thing it wouldn’t.
- >But seriously you were currently mid-flight to the trauma center in Baltimare because you got a friggin’ got a splinter.
- >It wasn’t even that big.
- >Good thing this place had free health care.
- >Cause you sure as hell weren’t going to be paying for this ride.
- >So sitting here in chariot being pulled by two ponies with another medic looking at you with tears in her eyes you sighed.
- >”You’re going to be fine just stay with me.”
- >Aww little horsie is sad.
- >Fuck you had shit to do today.
- >You should have just told apples to move those crates herself.
- >See what helping others gets you.
- “Hey you got a pair of tweezers in that bag of yours.”
- >A teary filled nod later she gave you those magical little metal grabbers.
- >Looking down at your finger, which was held firmly by a pair of splints you pulled out the little splinter.
- “Cool, can I go home now?”
- >The only response you got was the retching of the pony over the side.
- >Was it something I said?
- ---
- >Why do pones always make mountains out of molehills?
- >You were sitting in a very small and uncomfortable chair while some pony doctor just explained the impossibility that is your very being.
- >”He survived two broken bones from what the examination spells tell us and judging by the scars much more than that.”
- >Oh yeah, the scar on your hand where your idiot brother told you to catch and threw you a knife.
- >You were never the smart one in the family.
- >Oh well.
- >”And by the indication of scarring tissue on his abdomen he’s had some surgery as well.”
- >Oh look Luna’s dry heaving.
- >Poor moon-horse.
- >You always liked her.
- “Hey, how long am I going to be here?”
- >”Anonymous, just a little bit longer. Please be patient for our sake’s.”
- >Sunbutt, ever the pacifying royal.
- >Cracking your knuckles you leaned back.
- >The sight before you however almost made you laugh.
- >Luna went from dry heaving to projectile vomiting all over the doctor.
- >Celestia however just went completely rigid and fell over like statue.
- >This shit can’t be real.
- “So yeah, I’m going to head out then.”
- >Fucking ponies.
- >You better not get in any shit for this.
- ---
- >You are Anonymous the human.
- >Dubbed the invincible one by the local populace.
- >And they fucked up.
- >Somehow Skittles came back from some yak place with a bottle of vodka.
- >This is of making the Anon strong.
- >Ponies don’t like drink.
- >Anon, be of drinkings however.
- >Nows there is problem of ponies, there be zebra here.
- >Zebra not pony, must remove.
- >Like uncles Ivan teaches.
- >Remove zebra then drink.
- >Zebra locked inside candy of house.
- >Somewheres up you hear dear uncles glorious voice.
- >”Be strong Anon! True Russian make his way in!”
- >Da uncle.
- >Door is nut, crack it open like bear.
- Inside..
- >Be terrified Mrs. Cake
- “He’s trying to break in!”
- >You watched in horror as Anon door the door apart piece by piece.
- >Some parts with his teeth.
- >His hands covered in innumerable splinters and bruises on his face.
- >He’s a monster!
- ---
- >So after signing a document stating that you could no longer consume vodka you were let out of the Canterlot Spa.. dungeon.
- >Fucking place was snazzy.
- >Plus filled with hotties.
- >But that’s beside the point.
- >”Darling, you really should stop by the boutique. The ensemble you’re wearing is way out of fashion.”
- “Eh, doesn’t bother me. Anyway thanks for the hot cocoa Rara, I’ll see you later.”
- >With a wave you exited Sugarcube Corner.
- >Marshmallow horse met with you once in a while so she could grill you on human fashion.
- >Which you knew nothing about.
- >But you got free clothes out of it so yeah, not a bad deal.
- >”Anon lookout!”
- >In the split second you opened the door a snowball decided it was in love with your face.
- >Because it didn’t want to be apart any longer.
- >Lying on the ground you hands instinctively went right to where you got hit.
- >Whoever threw that had a fucking arm, or hoof more than likely.
- >Cracking open the eye that didn’t feel like it took a slapshot from gretzky, you spied the offenders.
- >There standing only a few feet away was the three troublemakers and what the hell is that?
- >A fucking trebuchet?
- >Really?
- >You being put down so quickly however caused a commotion because moments later the patrons from the store were gathered all around you.
- >As were the three who decided to fuck up your face.
- >”Anonymous darling, are you okay?”
- “Yeah just took a shot in the eye. I’ll be fine.”
- >Shot in the eye, kek.
- >”How bad does it look?”
- >Moving your hand out of the way you let white horse take a look.
- >Holy shit did she actually go a shade whiter?
- >How the fuck is that even possible?
- >Standing up you took a look in the window.
- >Damn they got you good, that shiner was going to be a good one.
- >Some ponies looked as though they were having panic attacks, and diamond horse was chastising the three demon spawn.
- >You should however get home.
- >Grabbing a handful of snow from the ground you put it up to your black eye.
- ---
- >So everything went back to normal after a while.
- >Most ponies gave you a wide berth though.
- >Something about being a “Invincible Monster”.
- >Little pastel colored asshole’s.
- >So you decided to go and bother the local nerd princess, see if she had any solutions to your predicament.
- >Especially after getting her shit pushed in by the higher ups, she was supposed to play nice with you.
- >A situation you were going to take full advantage off.
- >Bursting through the door you announced yourself like a gentleman.
- “Where all the white mare’s at?”
- >Silence.
- >What a fucking waste of a perfectly good entrance.
- >”Oh hey Anon, if you’re looking for Twilight she’s gone. Something about a colt out west being abducted to be Some saddle Arabians concubine.”
- >And there’s the little dragon.
- “Well shit, alright just point me to the library then.”
- >Time for plan B.
- >Find the coloring books and color outside the lines.
- >Because fuk da popo.
- >And purple woul have a panic attack from it.
- >But Twiggles didn’t have any coloring books because “My library is for serious learning”.
- >Fucking uptight horse, she really needs to get a good dicking.
- >Leafing through a random book you were getting bored.
- “Ouch”
- >Fucking papercut.
- >Sticking the slowly starting to bleed finger in your mouth you winced.
- >Fucking papercuts hurt yo.
- >”Anon… I think I’m going to be sick.”
- >The dragons here are pussies too?
- “Just suck it up bro.”
- >And he’s turning green.
- >He’s gonna blow!
- >Just like that Spike hurled, but instead of chunks it was green fire.
- >Which set all the books ablaze.
- >Looking around at the sheer chaos that was unfolding you did what any responsible adult would do.
- >I’m out.
- ---
- >After the whole incident where Spike almost burned down the library inside Twiggles castle, which you had no part in whatsoever, you made the decision to avoid town for a while.
- >Everything was going to be fine.
- >Besides, this whole thing was Spikes fault anyway.
- >Little dude needs to grow a pair and not hurl over the tiniest thing.
- >But yeah for now you were in the clear.
- >No ponice coming to knock on your door with some questions.
- >No awkward explanations to the princess of hayburgers.
- >Besides you had a solid alibi just in case.
- >You talked minty horse into backing up your side of the story in case the lizard squealed that you were there.
- >All you did was have to promise to give her two hours of belly rubs and ear scratchies.
- >The both of you would say that you were having a romantic date in the field by the everfree forest.
- >Nobody ever went there due to the timberwolves.
- >Except you.
- >Those things were scared of you.
- >Rightfully so, since the last one that got uppity got punted halfway to Canterlot.
- >Little nigga tried eating your shoes.
- >And you really liked those shoes.
- >He got what he deserved.
- >But yeah.
- >You were in the clear for now.
- *Knock, knock*
- >Fuck me.
- >Spoke too soon.
- >”This is the royal guard.”
- >Dammit.
- >Okay play it cool.
- >Opening the door you faced the two armored guards.
- “Can I help you officers?”
- >”Anonymous the Human, your presence has been requested by the Princess.”
- “Which one?”
- >”Princess Celestia of Equestria, Monarch of the sun, Master of the arcane…”
- “Alright got it, get off her dick already.”
- >These fucking guys man.
- “Do I have a choice?”
- >”Not really, no.”
- “AM I BEING DETAINED?”
- >You managed to scream the last part before you got teleported.
- >When your eyes finally regained some focus you noticed two things.
- >One, you were not in a cell.
- >Two, Sunnybuns was there and she looked worried.
- >Three, because you were bad at math, this place looked like a hospital.
- “So not that I’m worried or nothing, but where the hell am I this time?”
- >”Anonymous, I am truly sorry for this but out of concern I felt that this was a necessary step for your well being.”
- >Looking around you a few things floated through your head.
- >Hospital.
- >Sterile surgical tools.
- >Your well being.
- >Instinctively you covered Anon jr.
- “Fuck you, I already got snipped once as a kid, and I couldn’t even consent then!”
- >”What are you talking about?”
- “You mean you’re not trying to snip my shit?”
- >”ANON, language.”
- “Wait, snip is curse word here?”
- >”No the other word, so kindly refrain from using it around others.”
- “So if you’re not trying to turn me into a twigless guy, why am I here?”
- >”After discussing it with my sister we have come to the conclusion that in order to for you to grow and flourish here you should speak with a psychiatrist.”
- “Do I have any say in this?”
- >”None.”
- “Peachy.”
- >Celestia looked relieved that you weren’t trying to fight her on this.
- >Why would you.
- >All you’d do is talk to a little horse and be on your merry way.
- >How hard could this be?
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