Odd Boy Out

My husband, he’s the odd man out
When young, they called him fool
He asked about the obvious
As stubborn as a mule

They thought him slow, they thought him dim
They did not think him brave
For though he knew not what fear was
He never could behave!

His brother, the town’s golden boy
Wanted to teach him truth
He’d dress up like a ghost, and then
Jump out to scare the youth!

He was surprised, but never scared
My to-be love lashed out
His brother tumbled down the stairs
His leg no longer stout

That gentle boy was cast away
He journeyed far and wide
He asked the owner of an inn
Where he could find a guide.

He wanted to find shiver-mes
The heebie jeebies, too.
There was a challenge the king set
The keeper thought might do.

Three nights in castle plagued with ghouls
Bringing along three things
The winner’d get a princess fair
And castle’s gold and rings

A fire, lathe, and cutting board
Including, too, the knife
That’s what that fearless, handsome lad
Used to make me his wife!

The first night, voices moaned of cold
The young man called them dumb
He had a nice warm fire set
If only they would come

Two cats lept out, as black as sin
And asked him for a game
He tricked them to the cutting board
Then used his knife to maim

The room filled up with cats and dogs
He fought off every one
When morning came he was unharmed
He had the first night won!

The second night brought half a man
The boy was not afraid
He called up for the second half
And gave it to the shade

More dead men came, but did not fight
They wanted just to bowl
He took his lathe and carved their skulls
So they would better roll

They bowled all night with dead men’s legs
The boy had so much fun
When morning came, he was still there
The second night was won!

On the last night he heard a noise
Men brought a coffin in
The youth, distraught, warmed the corpse up
It looked like his cousin

The carcass woke, it was confused
And tried to choke the lad
He closed it up inside its box
The coffin rocked like mad

The boy sat down atop the lid
He did not let it up
The dead thing yelled and vowed to him
Upon his bones it’d sup

Finally it gave and made a deal
It’d lead him to the gold
The boy agreed and lept aside
The corpse did as it told.

A richer man, but still not scared
He waited for the sun
The morning came and he emerged
The king’s challenge was won!

My husband now, of thirty years
He longs for shivers still
I love him dear, but I won’t lie
I’m sick of all that swill

If you’ll excuse me for a bit
My husband is in bed
I have a glass of ice water
To pour upon his head!