No Fail Unbaked Oatmeal Cookies

Brian’s No Fail Unbaked Oatmeal Cookies!

Ingredients
1 stick of REAL butter, salted.
2 cups of cane sugar, not beet sugar.
½ cup 2% milk
3 tablespoons cocoa powder, unsweetened.
1/3 to ½ cup creamy peanut butter (not natural peanut butter, 1/3rd will do, ½ may give the cookies too much peanut butter flavor. Aim for the middle and you can’t go wrong)
3 cups quick-cooking (instant) oats

Dice the butter up into 1Tbsp slices and toss in the pan – use a pan that’s large enough to mix in the 3 cups of oats after you’re done. Then toss in the sugar. Add the cocoa, and finally pour the milk over the top.
Set the oven to medium+1 (slightly more than medium), and start stirring. I recommend a wooden spoon, molten sugar is hot enough to melt plastic spoons. Continue stirring as it heats. This watched pot WILL boil. If you need to walk away, toss it in the garbage, you’ve failed. Stay and babysit this while it comes to a boil. You don’t have to stir continuously, but stir once every 10-30 seconds while you wait for it to boil.
While this is heating, in a large bowl, measure out 3 cups of oats. If you over estimate the oats, your cookies will end up dry and crumbly. You want this pre-measured so that you can add it to the mixture quickly at the end.
Also, spread some wax paper out on your kitchen table. I tend to cover the whole table.
When it starts to boil, do not start the timer, but get it ready. I recommend the timer on a cell phone, it’s far more accurate than most kitchen timers. Continue to stir non stop now that it’s bubbling, but we won’t call it boiling until it’s actually frothing/expanding. Calling it boiling too soon is the biggest mistake you can make here. It’s better to boil too long, than not long enough. I often start the timer too soon, then realize, “Oh hey, THIS is more boiling than when I started the timer", and I’ll stop the timer and reset it. When it’s really boiling, it won’t be “more boiling” anymore, it will have reached a plateau. THAT is when you start the 1 minute timer.
So start the 1 minute timer. When the timer ends, DO NOT remove the pan from the heat. If you have an electric stove, turn off the burner. Gas stove, turn it way down. Now add the peanut butter to the hot boiling mixture. Stir it in and get it to mostly melt/dissolve in. Do this quickly, I tend to get it done in under 15-25 seconds.
Now get this thing off the heat. Add the oats and stir them in rapidly. This thing will cool and solidify faster than you can get it out of the pan if you don’t work quickly. As soon as it’s mixed in, start flinging spoonfulls of it out onto the waxed paper. Take care to not get burnt, but make this happen fast. Every cookie will be a unique shape and size.
Should be setup about as fast as they can shed their heat. After they setup, for best taste, peal them off the waxed paper, put them in a bowl and chill them in the fridge. They taste best cold.