Muh Lazer

>You're bored again...
>Bad shit happens when you're bored.
>Jumping up from your couch, you run upstairs while crouched down and folding your arms in front of you like a velociraptor, because you have the mental capacity of a 9 year old.
>Reaching your room, you dive under the bed and retrieve...
>The lazer pen.
>Angels weep.
>Throwing open your front door, you spin your trusty lazer pen over your knuckles.
>With a pleasant smile, you lean back and take a deep breath while tossing a middle finger to the sun.
>You're going to die today.
>You can feel it.
>Heading out and whistling showtunes, you start walking the path to the market.
>Admiring the scenery as you go along, you come across Roseluck minding her stand.
Mornin' Rose, you're looking lovely today.
>"Aw, well tha-AAAGH"
>She immediately shuts one eye as the other looks between you, and the pen that you are currently pointing at her in miserable confusion.
Hi, this is Anon. Welcome to lazer pen Jackass.
>Wah Wah Wah Waaaaaah...

>10 minutes later sees you leaning against Golden Harvests' produce stand, while the orange horse in question looks at you awkwardly.
>You arrived 6 minutes ago, you see.
>And all you've done is lean against the cart silently.
>"Anonymous, I'm really getting worried, I thi-"
So CarrotTop, what does the one eyed mare say to the human?
>She glances around, like she's looking for help that isn't there.
>"U-umm, I don't know... What?
You tell me.
>Her quick yelp lets you know you hit your mark, even if your joke sucked balls.
>She gallops off cradling her eye and shouting obscenities.
What language. Where the fuck was she raised? A barn? lolcuzshe'sahorse
>Taking notice of the glares you're receiving, you single out the filly, Twist.
>Walking over to her, you see her ears fold back as she gets lower and lower to the ground.
>You bend over and pick her up by the scruff of the neck bringing her to your face.
Hey. You wanna see something cool?
>"Uh-Um I-I-"
It's not my penis.
>"W-wha-"
>Dropping her, she gives a yelp as you bring your lazer pen to bare, and aim it upwards.
>You close one eye, and use the force as you line up the lazer with the eye of Roy D. Rage 20,000 feet feet up.
>Hearing a distant "Bwaaaaah" you thought only Hank Hill capable, you chuckle as he veers of from his path and rams into Cloudkicker.
>Putting a hand over your eyebrows, you watch as they collide with a vibrant explosion, followed by a perfect pone helix spiraling downwards trailed by smoke.
>Looking down to Twist as she stares on in horror, she slowly brings her gaze to you.
...You did this.

>Deciding to go and pay a visit to your rival in ridiculous, Pankus, you are now kicking open the door to Sugarcube Corner.
>"Hi Nonny!"
Hi Ponka!
>There is a sound like a sword being drawn as the smiles on your faces drop.
>In a fraction of a second, you were both pointing lazer pointers at each other as a lone tumbleweed rolls through.
>No...
>You are not prepared.
>Backing out of the store slowly, she resumes her smile with a wave goodbye.
>"Bye Nonny!"
See you soon, Penk...
>Since you are a dumbass who walks backwards, you trip over Twilight.
>"A-Anon, watch where you're going!"
>Propping yourself up on your elbows, you watch her run inside followed by the rest of the elements, all with a srsbsns faces on.
>Being the paladin of justice that you are, you decide it is immediately your srsbsns as well.
>Following her in, you catch the end of the conversation.
>"-'s counting on us to save Equestria!"
>I'm sure the actual plot to whatever the fuck they're doing isn't interesting anyway.
>"This is possibly the greatest threat Pone kind has ever faced, and Princess Celestia needs us now more than ever! I'll be teleporting us there directly, so just hold on..."
>She begins to charge her magic, eyes closed, and mane flowing
>The room begins to glow a pale white as her horn shines brightly, and her eyes burst open with light.
>Picking your nose with one hand, the other casually brings up and shines your lazer pen into her eye.
>A flash of purple, a sense of weightlessness, and before you can get your baearings, you're falling.

>Looking around you see the entirety of Sugarcube corner, and the pones that were inside, plummeting through the air as they scream their heads off.
>Glancing down tells you that you aren't long for this world.
>You see Rainbow Dash catch herself by snapping open her wings, and she quickly zooms in to sweep up Applejack and Fluttershy in an attempt to slow down the descent.
>Without warning, you feel your body catch and slow on something, like you're falling into a giant pillow.
>Looking around, you see Twilight Sweating as her horn glows once more.
>"I... I can hold it..."
>OP as shit Princess.
Implying MMC is Cannon, Fucking wings.
>You nail her good eye with yer lazer.