This fortune has not been approved by the Fortune Tellers Union.
Those who take the low road can't fall.
You owe money.
There are naked pictures of you on the internet.
Your lover will marry someone else.
You will develop a foot fetish.
Call me daddy and I'll grant your wish. ;)
Believe in yourself.
There is no greater pleasure than seeing your enemies suffer.
Some people are rich and successful and happy. This is so the rest of you can feel jealous.
You'll regret the things you didn't do in life.
Try something new - What you're doing now clearly isn't working.
Some people climb mountains and start successful businesses - Some people sit in chatrooms telling dick jokes.
If you feel you are right, congratulations, so does everyone else.
Your greatest acomplishment in life has already been achieved.
Other people will get the credit for the work you do.
Everyone agrees. You smell bad.
Do you think you're better off alone? You're right.
No one deserves you. Well, maybe Hitler deserves you, but most people aren't that bad.
Fear hurts. Get used to it.
You are the source of your joy and misery. How are you feeling right now? It's your fault.
No one else is responsible for how you feel.
Fortunes favor the brave - If you weren't such a coward, your life would be better.
You will receive robocalls.
You will soon have a cold.
You will get a headache within a week.
Your allergies will get worse.
You will shart yourself more than once within a year.
Do you know how to perform the Heimlich maneuver on yourself? Better learn soon!
Your feet will hurt.
You will fall and hurt yourself within a month.
You are now breathing manually.
You have something on your face.
You have funny looking eyes.
Your nose looks weird.
Your face is why no one finds you attractive.
You will go bald as you age.
You stink.
You already have grey hairs.
You should get that pain checked out.
Vaccines don't cause autism, but they're the reason you're alive and miserable.
Men need women. Except gay men, they only needed one.
You will run out of coffee.
Your phone will ring. Whatever you do, don't answer it.
You'll find money on the ground.
You'll find a used condom on the ground.
You'll find a phone number on the ground - Call it.
Your hair is nice today.
Before trying to please others, consider if anything YOU do could make them happy.
Look at your feet - They're weird.
Your hand hates you.
You're always preparing for a life you'll never have.
The arguments you roleplay when you're alone will never play out that way.
Your life requires many changes before you will find happiness.
Don't pursue happiness.
You cannot become rich without screwing other people over.
You control your own destiny. Everything bad in your life right now is your fault.
You've overlooked more opportunities than you've taken.
Happiness is for other people.
It's possible that you will achieve greatness in your life - But you're better off playing the lottery.
Your mistakes create opportunities for others.
You can open doors with your mind. Ok, no you cant.
You're as charming as a pig.
Your patience is unremarkable.
You are the 2nd best at being you. Your doppelganger is better.
You are pleasing to the eyes of flies.
You have a booger hanging from your nose.
Your underwear has a brown stain.
You will find a person that enjoys drinking your piss.
To achieve success, be someone else.
If you're happy, you're ignorant.
Your fortune smells like rotten eggs. I'm not touching it.
The people here tolerate you. Be grateful.
You make me happy to know you.
Look in the mirror. It will only get worse.
You cannot hear your own voice as others hear it - You cannot see yourself as others see you.
Your golden opportunity happened yesterday. Did you take it?
Ned Stark also had integrity.
Believe you are beautiful. The delusion will bring you happiness.
Welcome the changes coming into your life - Bend over.
Your laziness prevents your success.
Your dreams will come true for someone else.
Someone finds you attractive.
Some people like you.
You're not all that bad.
You're unremarkable in every way.
Seven letters of great importance are coming your way. YOU SUCK!
You'll be healthy enough to suffer for a long time.
Everyone you know has more sex than you.
Your pets only love the food you give them.
Some people grow wiser with age - Some just grow older.
Your failures are an opportunity for others.
You are too smart to be blissful, too stupid to be successful.
Your fears are stronger than you.
There is no right and wrong, just success and failure.
You'll make it.
You'll be alright.
Things are going to get better for you.
You have dark days ahaead, but first you'll have some good days.
It could be worse.