How my party inverted the quest.

Oh boy, this one just happened tonight so I got a fresh one for ya.

be me
be DM for Pathfinder for friends
First time in months for these guys playing together so there's a mixture of taking this seriously and not taking it seriously at all.

Party all rolls their characters up and get themselves set to level 10.

Falgrim Grundy 	- Dwarf Warrior
Illian		- Human Ranger
Natsu		- Human Fighter

Get invited to go do a time based quest.
Save the freezing village from a nearby adult white dragon who is freezing up the joint.
Party starts on their way.
Things begin to go awry soon.
Party gets into long drawn encounter.
Basically Ice Bats keep popping out and sneak attacking the Fighter.
Fighter finally kills them all with his fire sword.
Accidentally throws his sword into a tree.
Gets attacked while pulling it out, because Ice Bats are dicks.

As DM, I'm getting frustrated but keeping my cool. I get the party back on to the plot after they waste 1 of their 7 days before the village they were supposed to save dies off from the cold.

They get to their next big fight.

Rather than waiting out a snow storm on a mountain, they engage the two "YUGE" ice elementals. Ice elementals begin swimming through the snow and shit. Ice elemental Frank then Great Cleaves the Party.

Shit slowly goes down from this point.

Falgrim crit fails his Fort save to not be staggered from the cold blows. The snow goes into his eyes and blinds him because of the crit fail gen I decided to use for the first time. Blinded for the next 4 rounds. (Was a d4, Falgrim's descent into shit luck began here)

Fight continues on.

Falgrim crawls away from the fight to wait out the blinding.

Falgrim gets attacked by one of the Ice Bats from before.
Let's call this Ice Bat Jake.

Jake had already been diving bombing the party while they were crossing a rope bridge, so they're a little familiar. Falgrim breaks free from the Ice Bat Jake. He then attempts to charge Natsu for some reason. Crit fails to move in the right direction while being blinded. Accidentally runs off a cliff into a ravine. Fails the reflex save to try and grab onto part of the cliff and falls a full 60 feet. Somehow survives the fall because Warriors have insane HP amounts. Natsu and Illian manage to fend off the Ice Elementals and get them to flee without their friend.

Party is at this point, exhausted from sleep deprivation.

Fighter and Ranger don't care, fighter and Ranger don't give a shit.
Fighter and Ranger got Endurance as a feat.

So the Ranger and Fighter take turns watching each other's backs while sleeping off the Exhaustion into normal Fatigue.

MEANWHILE

Falgrim decides to immediately just say fuck it and sleep right where he landed.

Falgrim doesn't have Endurance.

Falgrim almost freezes to death while sleeping.

Is saved because Ice Bat Jake wakes him up mid sleep.

Loses a quarter of his health to the bat because he can't beat a d20+3 for some reason.

Finally gets it off as it scurries away once again.

At this point the Fighter and Ranger have both done their sleeping and yellout to Falgrim.

For some reason the Fighter was a baker as a day job. So the Fighter begins cooking up some Cheddar Bay Bisquits over top his Fire Sword. Not Red Lobster, but still pretty damn good. After yelling down into the Ravine to Falgrim that he needs to get his ass up here if he wants some, Falgrim then proceeds to find a way around.

Remember Jake?

I'm sure the player of Falgrim always will.

Because Jake attacks Falgrim once more because Falgrim was talking about going back to sleep and DM wanted him to progress.

Sadly, Jake's story ends there as Falgrim finally killed him.

RIP Jake.

Falgrim then proceeeds to say fuck it and goes to sleep anyways.

Remember the Ice Elementals?

As a DM, I'm no longer being subtle at all about trying to keep the game moving.

I have Ice Elemental Frank "grab him and throw him towards the plot."

More fall damage for Falgrim from getting chucked.

Falgrim is now reunited with the party.

Party heads in right direction again and keeps Falgrim awake.

YES.mp4

Falgrim heads in the wrong direction and leaves the party for some reason.

NO.mp4

Falgrim walks right into the other Ice Elemental who I was storing in a hidden part of the map.

Ice Elemental throws Falgrim "back in the direction of the plot and miracoulsy lands right outside the mouth of the cave for the dragon." Party catches up quickly. They move inside to engage the dragon.

At this point Falgrim has one HP left.

Falgrim sees the dragon and succumbs to the Frightful Presence of the dragon. He's not fully frightened but he is Shaken.

Charges dragon anyways.

During the dragon's turn, he throws Falgrim onto the ground and uses his Ice Breath to turn him into a popsicle. As a GM, killing a party member never felt so justified and so good.

Falgrim is finally dead and out of my hair as a DM.

Party isn't strong enough to kill the dragon though.

Get backed into corner and are about to die.

Ranger remembers he's a ranger.

Steps forward,
"Excuse me sir, but do you speak Common?"

WhyNot.jpg

Ranger uses Wild Empathy to make the dragon's mood towards the remaining two better.

Ranger convinces the dragon, somehow, that he should let the Fighter make some more dank ass Cheddar Bisquits.

Fighter successfully makes some more Cheddar Bisquits.

Dragon rolls a crit fail to not be impressed.

Dragon loves the bisquits.

Dragon is now willing to talk about the possibility of not killing the two.

Fighter remembers that his sword, he had two, that he impaled the dragon with is an Ice Sword.

Uses Ice to heal dragon back to max HP from bloodied.

Dragon is now fully engaging in conversation with them both because they both knew Draconic apparently.

At this point they've now delayed me from doing real life things as DM for about an hour so I decide for a quick way out.

Me to party as Dragon, "Alright, now then tell me why shouldn't I kill you?"

Party back to me, "Well you know that village that's sending people to kill you. WE can go take care of them for you."

They pass the Diplomacy check.

Dragon flies the two back down to town.

Original quest giver comes out.

It's been 5 of their allotted 7 days.

Town has resorted to cannibalism.

They try to conceal their weapons.

NPC hits a nat 20 on Sense motive.

They decide to gank the NPC anyways for the dragon.

Remainder of village that has resorted to cannibalism eats the Fighter alive before the Dragon can whisk them away.

Dragon picks up Ranger, who is now the only remaining party member.

Ranger tries to convince Dragon to let him leave.

Ranger fails.

As DM, I at this point can't let any of these fuckers live otherwise the universe where I run my campaigns with them could be eternally fucked.

Dragon rolls to seduce Ranger.

Ranger rolls a 2 to not be seduced.

"So there's this thing called Netflix. I heard it's got some great stories. I was thinking we should head back to my cave and watch some and chill."

Ranger is now eternally the dragon's bottom bitch.

The End.

Side Note; Both the Ranger and Dragon were males.