Oh God What The Fuck (And Other Incredible Stories!)

<Serket> Alright lets do this
<Serket> .roll initiative
<Serket> roll 1d20-1
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=12 ]{11}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d20+2
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=16 ]{18}
<Serket> Kazuma outspeeds the imps significantly.
<Serket> There are 3 imps, btw.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (all with one initiative?)
<Serket> (Yeah. May as well :P)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (k, does that mean i can attack them all?)
<Serket> (No, I'm just rolling the one to save space)
<Serket> (Especially because i doubt with -1 mod they could beat 18
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (oh, ok)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I stab, then shoot the center imp.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 2#1d20+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 2#1d20+4 [ 1d20=3 ]{7}, [ 1d20=19 ]{23}
<Serket> Your stab bounces harmlessly off the Imp's carapacde, but your shot crashes into it's forehead, embedding itself inside of the Imp's face. ouch.
<Serket> .Roll damage
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d6+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6+4 [ 1d6=1 ]{5}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> End turn.
<Serket> The Imp's attack from all sides, the one in the center, the one you just happened to shoot, sporting a nasty pair of familiar knife-for-claws
<Serket> roll 3#1d20-1
<`DICE> Serket rolled 3#1d20-1 [ 1d20=4 ]{3}, [ 1d20=11 ]{10}, [ 1d20=12 ]{11}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (LOL all of them miss)
<Serket> (( fuckin' rip
<Serket> All of the Imp's attacks miss you by inches, some by several feet. I think one of the imps was swatting at a fly, or something.
<Serket> end turn
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I continue my assault on the center enemy.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 2#1d20+4 to stab then shoot
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 2#1d20+4 to stab then shoot [ 1d20=8 ]{12}, [ 1d20=7 ]{11}
<Serket> .Roll damage (Both hit)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Roll 1d6
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6 [ 1d6=6 ]{6}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d6+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6+4 [ 1d6=6 ]{10}
<Serket> Your blade shears through the Imp's torso, bisecting it and causing it's upper half to topple to the floor before exploding into grist.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (dannnnngggg)
<Serket> (( it has 2 hp left
<Serket> (( lol
<Serket> +10 EXP
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (question, if the stab killed it)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (can i redirect my shot to another one?)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (cuz normally its one at a time)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (im just really lazy)
<Serket> (( Yeah sure, but you'll have to roll again for it :P
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (ill take it)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d20+4 to shoot the right imp
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d20+4 to shoot the right imp [ 1d20=20 ]{24}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (:P)
<Serket> it doesnt hit
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I make it hit.
<Serket> (ofcourseithitsitsacritrolldamage)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I'm the main character, I can do that.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Roll 2d6+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 2d6+4 [ 2d6=9 ]{13}
<Serket> Your bullet decides that it's going to create a new hole in the Imp's skull, starting from the front and flying out the back with enough momentum that it ends up hitting the other Imp just as the first dies.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> End turn.
<Serket> Of course, this merely shatters the thin protective armor that the last imp was wearig, but hey, at least you got that out of the way.
<Serket> +10 EXP
<Serket> The Imp, it's armor shattered, and it's friends dead, attemps to abscond from the battle.
<Serket> roll 1d20-1 to abscond
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20-1 to abscond [ 1d20=11 ]{10}
<Serket> .Roll dex to not abscond
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (What do i roll to stop it?)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d20+2 to get back here and let me level grind
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d20+2 to get back here and let me level grind [ 1d20=14 ]{16}
<Serket> You catch up with the Imp easily as it stumbles through the crowds of other imps.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Oh, hello there."
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Are you here to donate your souls to the party as well?"
<Serket> The imp backs away from you slowly.
<Serket> end turn
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "No, don't worry."
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Just lemme get the loot."
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 2#1d20+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 2#1d20+4 [ 1d20=18 ]{22}, [ 1d20=1 ]{5}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (well darn)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (That was also in stab, then shoot order)
<Serket> Your stab pierces through the imps chest easily, but the bullet ricochets off a nearby Ogre's head, angering it and causing it to join the fight.
<Serket> .Roll imp damage
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d6
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6 [ 1d6=1 ]{1}
<Serket> The Imp seems to be mostly unfazed by your stabbing.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> End turn.
<Serket> The Ogre begins it's onslaught by charging forward at you with a pair of steel-tipped tusks to run you through with.
<Serket> roll 1d20+3
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20+3 [ 1d20=8 ]{11}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (miss)
<Serket> The Ogre's tusks fall out of it's mouth comically, and it is forced to instead spend the turn picking them up and replacing them instead of attacking you.
<Serket> The Imp however, bravened by the Ogre's joining in, attempts to attack you.
<Serket> roll 1d20-1
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=11 ]{10}
<Serket> He misses spectacularly.
<Serket> end turn
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I turn my focus to the ogre.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Oh, a level two enemy."
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Fascinating."
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Roll 2#1d20+4 to stab then shoot
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 2#1d20+4 to stab then shoot [ 1d20=4 ]{8}, [ 1d20=1 ]{5}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (gun y u do dis)
<Serket> The Ogre is unfazed by your stab, despite the fact that it sunk deep into his chest before you managed to pull it out. In the meantime, the bullet from your gun was busy in a rube-goldberg-machine-like state where it was ricocheting comically off about seven surfaces before it found it's way lodged in your skull cavity.
<Serket> roll 1d6 for selfdamage
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d6 for selfdamage [ 1d6=6 ]{6}
<Serket> damn dice
<Serket> b r u t a l
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (dice y)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (10/18 remain)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I realize that this might have been a bad idea, and return back to the living room to request Lefen's help.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> End turn.
<Serket> Lefen is nowhere to be found
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Lefen, you're the tutorial guy, right? I can't die this early, right?"
<Serket> The Ogre finds itself in the doorway to your room, promptly charging through and creating a rather large hole where your door used to be, he attemps to punch u in de fookin gabber m8
<Serket> roll 1d20-1
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=18 ]{17}
<Serket> roll 1d4+3
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d4+3 [ 1d4=4 ]{7}
<Serket> DAMN
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (3/18)
<Serket> End turn
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I stab, then shoot the ogre, then retreat to a safe distance.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 2#1d20+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 2#1d20+4 [ 1d20=12 ]{16}, [ 1d20=8 ]{12}
<Serket> .Roll damage, both hit.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d6
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6 [ 1d6=6 ]{6}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d6+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6+4 [ 1d6=1 ]{5}
<Serket> (brutal)
<Serket> The Ogre roars in pain as your blade and bullets penetrate simultaneously.
<Serket> (( Also, you can only move 30', and so can the ogre.
<Serket> (( nowhere is safe
<Serket> ( nowhere
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (can i skype ana for telekinesis backup?)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (or is the metagame blatant?)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> end turn
* Letaali ([email protected]) has joined
<Serket> The Ogre grabs at you with it's BIG, MEATY, CLAWS
<Serket> roll 1d20+5
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20+5 [ 1d20=8 ]{13}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (oh, it has a mod of +5 now)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (F)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Hit
<Serket> ( athletics
<Serket> ( grapple
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (oh, its grappling)
<Serket> ( keyword grab
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Roll 1d20+2 to lolnope right on outta there
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d20+2 to lolnope right on outta there [ 1d20=19 ]{21}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Do. Not. Want."
<Serket> The Ogre stumbles around trying to grab you, but you manage to evade it's clutches.
<Serket> end turn
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Aurora, you can see me, right?"
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Are you at your computer?"
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Help?"
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I shoot my gun, not stabbing yet.
* Letaali is now known as Aurora_Surma
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d20+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d20+4 [ 1d20=7 ]{11}
<Aurora_Surma> "Dude, I just left my apartment, what's up?"
<Serket> Your bullet hits the Ogre square in the face.
<Serket> .roll damage
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Roll 1d6+4
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6+4 [ 1d6=1 ]{5}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (DICE)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (WHY)
<Serket> (Lololololol)
* Aurora_Surma is on her laptop floating midair
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (Screw it, im a strong independant black woman who dont need no man.)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> Roll 1d20+4 to stab
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d20+4 to stab [ 1d20=11 ]{15}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> roll 1d6
<`DICE> Kazuma_Raigeki rolled 1d6 [ 1d6=2 ]{2}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (i need a man, plz2halp)
<Serket> dice hates you so much
<Thingymabob> (((im not on my way bby
<Aurora_Surma> (can I drop an item on the ogre?)
<Serket> The Ogre pummels you with the aforementioned large, meaty, appendages.
<Serket> roll 1d20+3
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20+3 [ 1d20=8 ]{11}
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (MISS!)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (BY ONE!)
<Serket> (minor action unarmed attack)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (DICE, STOP PLAYING WITH ME)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (can ogre do that?)
<Serket> (dont see why not)
<Serket> roll 1d20+3
<Aurora_Surma> "You got this, Kaz!"
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d20+3 [ 1d20=1 ]{4}
<Serket> oh
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (SUCK IT)
<Serket> The Ogre instead punches itself in the face, and falls to the ground.
<Serket> The ogre explodes into grist momentarily.
<Serket> +20 exp
<Thingymabob> ((only momentarily though))
<Thingymabob> ((Soon it will reform))
<Serket> (( no i ment
<Serket> (( it exploded into grist
<Aurora_Surma> (lolol)
<Serket> (( after a moment
<Serket> The grist then reforms to create an Acheron.
<Aurora_Surma> "Nice job :)"
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (ok, whoever pastebins.)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (do not edit this)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (this is hilarious)
<Serket> here let me
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (keep the ooc stuff in)
<Serket> roll for dicks
<`DICE> Serket rolled for dicks error: malformed expression
<Serket> i mean grist
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Thanks."
<Serket> (( You're welcome bb
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "The main character can't die at level one."
<Serket> (( You're level 3.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "That's just bad level design."
<Serket> (( subtle.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (yeah, but im in level 1)
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (or, 2)
<Serket> (( real subtle
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (if you count leechville)
<Serket> (( xD
<Aurora_Surma> "Cmon pick up that grist and I'll build you to the first gate"
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "You got it!"
<Serket> roll 3d6+40 ogre grist
<`DICE> Serket rolled 3d6+40 ogre grist [ 3d6=6 ]{46}
<Serket> roll 1d10+10 ogre t1 grist
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d10+10 ogre t1 grist [ 1d10=1 ]{11}
<Serket> roll 1d2
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d2 [ 1d2=2 ]{2}
<Serket> roll 2d8
<`DICE> Serket rolled 2d8 [ 2d8=5 ]{5}
<Serket> roll 2#1d10+10 imp grist
<`DICE> Serket rolled 2#1d10+10 imp grist [ 1d10=7 ]{17}, [ 1d10=10 ]{20}
<Serket> roll 1d2
<`DICE> Serket rolled 1d2 [ 1d2=1 ]{1}
<Serket> roll 46+17+20
<`DICE> Serket rolled 46+17+20 {83}
* Aurora_Surma spends 16 build grist to make some stairs to the gate
<Serket> You gain 83 Build Grist, 11 T1 Grist, and 5 T2 Grist
<Kazuma_Raigeki> "Heh, nice!"
<Kazuma_Raigeki> I collect my sw33t l00tz carefully, not wanting to anger any other enemies.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (Do i get any healing gel?)
<Serket> ( no.
<Serket> ( none.
<Serket> ( never.
<Kazuma_Raigeki> (sadlife)
<Serket> ( B]
<Serket> ima binpaste
<Serket> ==End=
<Kazuma_Raigeki>