Life at the LMMO (Upd. March 19, 2019)

Note: These are shorts based off of the Little Miracle Monster Orphanage story, handbook and forum games written by timiddarkspy. If you're interested in the source material, here are the links:
Original Fic: http://monstergirlunlimited.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=4152
Handbook: http://monstergirlunlimited.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=4830
Forum Game: http://monstergirlunlimited.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=4835&p=237198#p237198
timidarkspy's deviantart: https://timiddarkspy.deviantart.com/gallery/

Also, to avoid confusion:
Anon: Player character from forum game and handbook, human male
Katy: Orphanage co-founder, echidna
Fubuki: Orphanage co-founder, yuki-onna
Nirvana: Insectoid child caretaker, arachne
Betsy: Cook, holstaur
Mizari: dangerous child caretaker, oomukade
Josephine: aquatic child caretaker, merrow
Rin: nurse/alchemist, lich

Time with Little Lamias
Anon is busy babysitting some young lamia. One of them approaches him and lifts up her arms.
Little Lamia1: Up!
LL2: Hey no fair! You already had your turn!
Anon: Hey now, no fighting! I can hold up more than one of you. *He bends over to pick up the two lamia. While he's bent over, two other lamia quickly climb up his back*
LL3: Ahhh, so warm!
LL4: Hey! Who do you think you are? There's not enough room for the two of us! Get off!
LL3: No you get off! He's my husband!
LL4: Your husband?!
LL1: Up!
LL2: C'mon Mister Anon! Faster!
A: Alright... Kids... Calm... Down... Please... *Anon struggles, but manages to lift the four lamia children. Once he's upright, two more lamia rush towards him and wrap themselves around his legs.
LL5: Mr. Anon! Rachel's being mean to me!
LL6: Can we play house now?
LL1: WEEEE!
LL2: Wow... You're really tall Mr. Anon!
LL3: No you get off!
LL4: No you!
A: G-girls... P-please... C-calm... *One of the older lamia children approaches Anon*
LL7: Mr. Anon? Josephine says that boys have something called trouser snakes. Is she right? Can I see yours? *She starts to slowly unzip Anon's pants*
A: KATY!!!!! HELP!!!! *Katy is in a different room, playing with a baby lamia*
K: Who's the cutest little snuggle serpent? Yes you are! Yes you are!
A: HEEEEEEEELP!!

Cat in a Tree
Anon is patrolling outside the orphanage.
Anon: It’s such a beautiful day today!
???: Mew! Mew!
A: Hmm? What’s that? *Anon walks towards the source of the sound and finds a were-kitten stuck in a tree*
Were-kitten: Mew! Mew!
A: Hi there, what’s going on?
WK: Mew! Mr. Anon! I-I wanted to catch a birdie in the tree, but it flew away!
A: And then you realized how high up you climbed, and got scared.
WK: Mew…
A: Don’t worry, I’ll come and get you. *Anon climbs up the tree to where the were-kitten is* Ok, can you climb onto my back?
WK: Yes mew! *the were-kitten climbs onto Anon’s back and he climbs down. When he reaches the ground, the were-kitten jumps off* Thank you!
A: You’re welcome. *he pets her head* Promise me you’ll be more careful next time.
WK: Mew~. Ok~. I promise~. Mew~.
The next day, Anon is once again patrolling outside.
A: Man, the weather’s amazing today too~. I love summer.
???: Mew! Mew! Mew!
A: … Again? I thought I told her to be careful… *Anon heads towards the tree again* What the?
WK: Mew! Help me Mr. Anon!
WK2: No me! I’m scared nyaa!
WK3: When I get down, can you pet my head too?
A: How many of you are up there? *Anon stares in awe at the tree full of were-kittens*

Wind Beneath My Wings
A flock of young harpies are flying around the orphanage. Suddenly, one of the younger harpies begins to lose altitude.
Young harpy: W-wait! I-I’m falling! *The other harpies can’t hear her and continue on their way* N-no! *The harpy continues to lose altitude until she lands on Anon’s shoulders*
Anon: Oh? Hello.
YH: I-I’m sorry…
A: It’s fine. No harm done.
YH: Ok…
A: So is there any reason you wanted to hang out?
YH: I-I’m sorry!
A: Why?
YH: I-I was flying with my friends, but I got tired and had to land!
A: Is that all?
YH: I-I’m sorry!
A: Don’t worry about it. You where were your friends going?
YH: To the big tree…
A: Did you want to ride on my shoulders till we got there?
YH: If you don’t mind… *Anon begins to walk towards the orphanage’s big tree with the harpy perched on his shoulders*…
A: … Could you hold out your wings?
YH: O-ok *the young harpy holds out her wings*
A: Alright, now hold on!
YH: Wha? *the young harpy almost falls off of Anon as he begins to run towards the tree* W-w-w-w-whaaaa! Hm? I-I’m flying again! I’m flying! WEEEEEE! *When they reach the tree, the harpy lets go of Anon’s shoulders and glides into the tree’s branches* Thank you Mr. Anon!
A: You’re welcome! *Anon turns to leave*
Harpy 1: Hey! That’s not fair!
H2: Yeah! I want to ride Mr. Anon too!
H3: How’d you get him to do it?
YH: Hehe. It’s a secret!
H4: C’mon! Don’t be like that! Tell us how!
YH: Nope!

Milk
Betsy is working in the kitchen when Anon and Nirvana show up.
Betsy: Hello. How are you two doing?
Anon: Pretty good.
Nirvana: We were actually kind of thirsty Betsy. Do you think you hook us up with something?
B: Sure. Is there anything you want?
N: I’d like some milk.
A: I’ll have some milk too please.
B: Ok. *Betsy heads to the fridge and comes back with a couple glasses of milk* Here you go.
N: Thanks Betsy.
A: You’re the best!
B: Oh stop it! I’m not that special! *Anon and Nirvana drink their milk*
A: Hmm that’s good!
N: See, what did I tell you? Betsy’s milk is delicious, especially when it’s fresh!
B: W-w-what?! N-nirvana what are you saying?! It’s not my milk!
N: Don’t be so modest Betsy! You’re milk’s good!
A: Yeah Betsy, your milk’s delicious!
B: W-well t-thank you A-anon. I mean it’s not my milk, but if you want to try… W-wait! I didn’t mean that! I-I-I got to g-get back to work! *Betsy hurries up and starts working again*
A: See?
N: You’re right. Embarrassed Betsy is best Betsy.

Conspiracy
Some small shadowy figures are having a meeting.
Figure #1: Let us begin our meeting. Can we go over the hours of our last meeting?
Figure #2: Yes. First we went over Mr. Anon’s patrols from last week and discussed measures to prevent potential issues.
Figure #3: I still think we need to have two of our members accompany him on his patrols! It’s the only way to make sure!
Figure #4: We’ve been over this! We don’t have enough members and we can’t keep him safe from everything!
F3: It couldn’t hurt!
F1: Enough! Continue.
F2: R-right! We then discussed whether we should recruit girls from other species. We decided against it.
F4: The cancer and the yuki-onna might be able to help.
F3: I don’t know if we could convince the cancer.
F1: And the yuki-onna can’t be trusted. Continue.
F2: Ok. We then-
Figure #5: WE’VE GOT TROUBLE!!!
F1: What is it?
F2: What do you mean trouble?
F3: Calm down and tell us!
F4: I hope it isn’t too bad…
F5: I just looked at Ms. Josephine’s blog!
F1: And?
F5: Her latest entry has a man whose description matches Mr. Anon’s perfectly!
F3: So you’re saying Mr. Anon’s virginity might be compromised?
F4: This is terrible!
F2: All that work wasted!
F1: Girls! This isn’t the end of the world! We must remain calm!
A few minutes later, at Josephine’s pool.
Josephine: Et voila! Another wonderful entry! *Suddenly five upset unicorn children barge into the pool area* Quesque passe?
Unicorn #1: Ms. Josephine! How could you?!
Unicorn #2: Poor Mr. Anon!
Unicorn #3: WAAAAH!
Unicorn #4: I thought you were going to be the one Mr. Anon!
Unicorn #5: We were going to have a fairy tale wedding!
J: Pardon?

Cancerous Dealings
Anon is walking down the halls of the orphanage when he comes across a group of cancer.
Anon: Fancy meeting you all here! How’s everything going?
Cancer: … *one of the smaller cancer approaches Anon and gives him a sniff. She then faces the other cancer and begins clicking her pincers. The other cancer begin to click their pincers in response before they try to lead Anon towards the baths.*
A: Oh? Is it time for another bath?
C: …
A: Could we stop for a moment? *the cancer stop pulling him and Anon takes off his clothes, revealing that he’s wearing swimming trunks* I figured that this would happen again, so I came prepared!
C: … *the cancer stare at him unimpressed. One of the smaller cancer tries to pull down Anon’s trunks*
A: H-hey! You can stop that. *some of the other cancer begin trying to help their smaller companion* Please stop that. Can somebody help me out here?!

Daydreams
Mizari is waiting in the break room when Anon storms in.
Anon: MIZARI!
Mizari: W-w-hat is it Anon?
A: Mizari! I don’t know how to say this properly, so I’m just going to blurt it out. I LOVE YOU MIZARI!
M: Y-y-y-you l-l-l-love me?!
A: I love with a passion that a raging inferno couldn’t match! No, the sun! The sun pales in comparison to my love for you!
M: Oh Anon!
A: Mizari, would you do me the honour of marrying me and bearing my children?
M: I would love to!
Random Sea Bishop: Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. *Anon rips apart Mizari’s top, releasing her DD sized breasts before pulling her in for a kiss*
Meanwhile, in the real world, Anon and a couple minotaur children look over Mizari, who is unconscious with a large lump on her head, and a creepy smile.
Minotaur #1: Is she ok?
A: I think so, but I think we should bring her to the nurse’s office just in case.
Minotaur #2: Why is she smiling like that?
A: I don’t know. I guess she’s having a nice dream. So what have we learned today?
M1+2: Be careful where we play baseball.
A: Exactly. Now help me carry Mizari. She’s just a little too big for me to carry by myself.

Silent Protector
Anon is walking down one of the orphanages on patrol. Suddenly a soldier beetle flies up to him.
Anon: Hello there. What are you up to? *the soldier beetle pulls out her shield and taps it* I see, you’re going to keep me safe on patrol! *the soldier beetle nods* That’s great! I feel safer already. Thank you.
Fubuki: Good morning Anon. Looks like you have a little friend today. *the soldier beetle gets between Anon and Fubuki and holds her shield in a threatening manner* What’s she doing?
A: I think she’s trying to scare you off.
F: My, my. Looks like she got a crush on you Anon.
A: I guess so.
F: Well I better go then. Have fun! *Fubuki leaves*
A: See you later Fubuki. *Anon pets the soldier beetle’s head* You did a good job there kid. *the soldier beetle makes a small smile* So shall we start our patrol. *the soldier beetle excitedly nods her head* All right, let’s get going! *they begin their patrol. After a while, a mucus toad tries to catch Anon with her tongue, but the soldier beetle blocks her with her shield*
Mucus Toad: Tch. I’ll get him next time kero! *the mucus toad hops away*
A: You saved me again! How could I repay you? *the soldier beetle tries to nuzzle against Anon’s crotch, but he manages to keep her at arm’s length* Sorry, but could you ask for something else?

Nobility
Anon begins his morning patrol with a steaming cup of coffee.
Anon: Ah coffee. How I love you so~. Hm?
Young Vampire: Where is he? *yawn* He should be around here somewhere!
A: Hey there, you’re up a little late. Is there anything I can help you with?
YV: Foolish mortal! How dare you approach me so familiarly?! And to insist that I require your aid! Never have I been more insulted!
A: Oh right! *Anon grovels in front of the vampire* Forgive me milady! It was not my intension to offend!
YV: Hmph, then what was your intension, peasant?
A: I saw that you looked to be in distress, and I thought that if I could aid you, you would grace me with you smile milady!
YV: … Very well. I deem you worthy to assist me. My sleeping companion has gone missing. Since I cannot sleep without him, finding him is very important!
A: I agree! What does your companion look like, milady?
YV: He is a brown bear about this big with a crown.
A: Understood! *they both begin to look around the playrooms. Eventually, Anon finds the bear* Milady! I found your companion!
YV: AH! Mr. Bear! You found him! *Anon give the vampire her teddy bear, and she hugs it close* T-thank you good sir.
A: Now, about my reward?
YV: Your reward?
A: I was hoping I could get a smile for my efforts. *the vampire looks at Anon for a moment before giving him a big, beaming smile* Thank you milady, it’s beautiful. Did you require my assistance in getting to bed?
YV: That will not be necessary sir. Thank you. *the vampire heads to her bedroom*
A: Hehe. Easy as pie. *Anon resumes his patrol. The vampire looks at Anon one last time with a blush on her face before rushing to her room*

Maid Schedule
6 AM-Cook breakfast
7 AM-Wake up master Anon
7:30 AM-Begin cleaning house
8 AM-Ride with master Anon back to orphanage
9 AM-Escape from orphanage and return to master Anon’s home.
10 AM-Resume cleaning house
12 PM-Take thirty minute break for lunch.
12:30 PM-Resume cleaning house
4 PM-Tune into the cooking network for “Cooking for my Master”
4:30 PM-Finish cleaning house and begin cooking dinner
5:30 PM-Serve dinner to master Anon and company
6:30 PM-Serve snacks while master Anon and company watch T.V.
7 PM-Hide from Lady Kaitlyn
7:30-8 PM-Struggle as Lady Kaitlyn drags me back to the orphanage
9 PM-Clean room
9:30 PM-Scold Erumo roommate
10 PM-Prepare for tomorrow
10:30 PM-Go to bed
11 PM-Finish “master punishing his maid” fantasies and go to sleep

Dance Class
Rin is floating down the hallway, when she hears something from one of the rooms. Curious, she investigates the room and finds Katy with several Jiangshi.
Katy: Alright let’s take a break everyone!
Rin: What are you doing?
K: Oh Rin! What’re you doing out of your lab?
R: I was heading to the break room. I was hoping to ambush Anon and getting his phone number.
K: Ambush? If you want Anon’s number, I could give it to you.
R: Sorry, but I was hoping to request it from him personally.
K: OK.
R: With that said, what are you doing?
K: Well, we have an open house night coming up soon and I came up with a cute little dance routine for our cute little undead girls to do. These jiangshi arrived at the orphanage recently, so we’re having extra lessons so they can catch up. Do you want to see?
R: Sure.
K: Ok everyone! Places please! *Katy waits for the jiangshi to line up before slithering towards a CD player* Ok! Three, two, one! *Katy presses the play button on the CD player. The jiangshi begin to dance to the music*
CD Player: 'Cause this is thriller, thriller night. And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike. You know its thriller, thriller night. You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight.
K: Perfect! You girls were wonderful! So what do you think Rin?
R: …
K: Well?
R: If my soul were in my body, I’d find that display horribly offensive.
K: WHAT?! WHY?
R: You are getting undead to dance to Thriller. I believe it should be self-explanatory.
K: But it’s adorable!
R: It is, but it is still highly offensive. I suggest you rethink your routine before an undead advocate group learns of this. Goodbye. *Rin leaves the room*
K: … Girls?
Jianshi x3: Yes Ms. Katy?
K: Is it wrong for me to teach you girls this dance?
J#1: I don’t think so.
J#2: I think it’s fun!
J#3: Yeah! *the jiangshi does the thriller dance*Thriller! Thriller night! *the three jiangshi begin to giggle*
K: Wait, so it isn’t offensive? *Rin pops her head back into the room*
R: Kaitlyn, you have just become the most recent victim of one of my classic pranks.
K: RIIIIIIIN!!!

Lunch
Anon is heading to the break room for lunch when a yukiwarashi calls out to him.
Yukiwarashi: M-Mr. Anon!
Anon: Hmm? Oh hey! Is everything ok?
YW: Y-yes! Umm… *the yukiwarashi begins to squirm nervously* I-I…
A: You?
YW: I-I made lunch for you! I-I mean I made some food and I was hoping y-you could try it…
A: Thanks, but I already have some lunch.
YW: Oh… *the yukiwarashi begins to tear up*
A: B-but we could share! How does that sound?
YW: That sounds perfect!
A: Alright. Then let’s head to the break room.
YW: The break room?!
A: What’s wrong?
YW: We’re not allowed in the break room unless it’s an emergency Mr. Anon!
A: Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there with you, so you won’t get in trouble.
YW: OK! *Anon and the yukiwarashi go to the break room. Once inside Anon grabs his lunch and sits down, while the yukiwarashi looks around*
A: Looking for something?
YW: Well, everyone says that Ms. Nirvana catches boys and keeps them in here for the staff to use, but I can’t see them.
A: We don’t have anything like that here.
Fubuki: Don’t say that. Let her dream.
A: Bwah! Fubuki?! When did you get here?
F: How rude! I was here this whole time!
A: S-sorry, I guess I just didn’t see you there. *the yukiwarashi sits beside Anon and opens her boxed lunch*
F: I guess you had your focus somewhere else. Fufufu.
A: What do you mean?
F: I was always curious about why you never made a move on me or the other staff, but I guess you like them much… younger. Sneaking into the break room to be alone with one of my little ones. You sure are daring~.
A: I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re having lunch together so I said we could eat here. Don’t make this weird.
F: I starts off like that, but you then start to go on dates together. Which leads to doing raunchy things when no one else is around! *the yukiwarashi begins to blush*
A: Stop it Fubuki. You’re embarrassing the poor girl.
F: Fine, fine~!
YW: M-Mr. A-anon?
A: What is it? *he looks to the yukiwarashi and sees her holding up some of her omelet with her chopsticks*
YW: S-say Ahh.
F: Do it Anon! Say ahhh!
A: Shut up Fubuki! *Anon leans over and opens his mouth, and the yukiwarashi place the omelet on his tongue. As he closes his mouth, a blinding flash from Fubuki’s phone distracts him*
F: Fufufu I’ve got something nice~! I wonder what the others would think of this picture I took.
A: You wouldn’t dare.
F: Watch me! *Fubuki runs out of the room with Anon following close behind*
YW: WAIT! MR. ANON! YOU NEVER SAID IF YOU LIKED MY OMELET! *the yukiwarashi chases after the two of them*

The Plague
Anon chases after Fubuki while a yukiwarashi follows behind him. Eventually they find Katy.
Fubuki: Katy~! I have something I want to show you~!
Anon: No she doesn’t!
Yukiwarashi: M-Mr. Anon!
Katy: What’s going on here?
F: I found some juicy evidence of a elicit relationship involving Anon~!
A: It’s not elicit! I mean I’m not in a relationship!
YW: M-Mr. Anon? *tears begin to form in the young yukiwarashi’s eyes*
A: I-I mean, not in a relationship like what Fubuki’s going to tell you.
K: I’m confused. Are you in a relationship or not?
A: Not really?
K: Ok. Just remember what I told you about dealing with our little ones.
A: O-okay…
K: So Fubuki, let’s see this evidence of yours!
F: Oh, you’re going to love this Katy! It’s- *Rin appears suddenly in the middle of the group*
Rin: An emergency.
K: HIII!
F: Holy!
YW: BWAH!
A: R-RIN!
K: I thought I told you to stop doing that!
R: My apologies, but there is an emergency.
F: What’s the problem?
R: There’s been a breach in the sick ward.
A: Sick ward? We have a sick ward?
R: Yes. Normally we don’t need to use it, but it’s very useful if we need to keep some of the children separated from the rest of the orphanage. Yesterday, one of the young yeti caught a cold.
A: So the yeti escaped?
R: If it were only a single yeti, we wouldn’t be in as much trouble. The problem is that while yeti already crave physical contact, they become much clingier when they are feeling ill. That one yeti wound up infecting several were-sheep, were-cats, were-wolves, were-rabbits, yeti, minotaur, as well as several others.
A: … And they all got out.
R: Yes. And they are heading this way. *a bunch of young, sick mamono enter the hallway. They spot the group and start to run towards them* It seems like we’re out of time.
YW: W-what do we do?! *Katy picks up the yukiwarashi*
K: We run! *everyone begins to run, but Anon slips on some ice and falls down*
A: What’s going on?!
F: Thank you Anon for your noble sacrifice!
A: DAMN YOU FUBUKIIIIII! *Anon then gets enveloped by the horde of small, fuzzy, sick mamono. Luckily he didn’t get sick, but he was exhausted after cuddling with all of the sick mamono.*

Nap Time
Anon is on patrol when he passes by a bedroom with a few young minotaur napping on the ground.
Anon: What’s this? Aww, looks like they couldn’t quite make it to bed. I better help them out. *Anon approaches and picks up one of the smaller girls. He chuckles as she wraps her arms around his neck. He brings her over to her bed and tries to put her down, but her grip on him is too strong* O-ok, time to let go kid. C’mon! *he tries to pull her off of him, but to no avail* Wouldn’t it be comfier in your bed than around my neck? C’mon! *as he tries to pull her off, he takes a step back and trips over one of the other minotaur and falls to the floor. When he hits the ground, the other minotaurs wrap around him and hold him in place* Well this isn’t good… Hopefully someone comes to save me soon… *Betsy managed to save Anon several hours later, after the minotaur woke up and tried to rip off his clothes*

Practice
Nirvana is busy teaching an arachne and a jurougumo using a couple vaguely human shaped figure tied up in their webbing.
Nirvana: Okay, now pull it tight. *the arachne pulls on a thread*
Arachne: Like this?
???: Hmm!
N: A little tighter. We can’t let it get too loose.
Ar: O-ok! *the arachne pulls on the thread a little tighter*
???: HMMM!
N: Perfect! You’re really getting the hang of this!
Ar: Thank you mistress!
Jurougumo: Mistress Nirvana?
N: Yes?
J: Are you sure Mr. Anon’s ok? He doesn’t sound like he’s having a lot of fun…
Anon: Hmm! Hmm! Hm!
N: It sounds like he’s having the time of his life.
J: Are you sure?
N: Yes. Do you want to hear a secret?
Ar+J: A secret?
N: I was going to wait until you two were older, but I think you’re both ready to know this stuff. Some guys really like getting tied up and punished.
Ar: Really?!
N: Really. Unfortunately, sometimes they just aren’t honest with themselves and complain even if they’re enjoying themselves. So if you’re tying someone up and they sound like they’re not having fun, keep going!
Ar+J: OK!
A: HMMM! Hm hmm hmmm hMMMM!
N: Any other questions?
J: Um, if they enjoy it but complain, does that mean someone like Fubuki who sounds like she’s having a good time really not like it?
Fubuki: HMMM~! HMMM~!
N: Those kinds of people are special, but they enjoy being tied up just as much as the people who complain about it.
J: Oh, so does that mean everyone likes getting tied up?
N: Well… Anyone you want to tie up will love it.
J: Ok!
Ar: Sweet!
A: HMM! Hm Hmm hm HMMM!

Informant
A young devil and a young kakuen are sitting in their room.
Devil: Man, this sucks…
Kakuen: What’s wrong now?
D: It’s Anon! I want him inside me sooo bad, but I can’t seem to come up with any ideas on how to get him!
K: That sucks. Hey, if I help you, could we share him?
D: Sure. Do you have any ideas?
K: Well, what do you need help with?
D: I’m having a hard time coming up with a point of attack. I need to come up with a way to pierce his defenses.
K: So you need to know his weaknesses then?
D: Yeah. You wouldn’t happen to know any?
K: No, but I know someone who should! Follow me! *the devil follows the kakuen out into the hallway, and they wander around until they find Katy carrying a young hakutaku*
Hakutaku: But Katy! I want to help teach the harpies!
Katy: I know you do little one, but I think we need to leave the flying lessons to someone who can actually fly.
K: There she is!
D: That goody two-shoes? Really?
Ka: Maybe you can help us with something else? Wait… What’s that raiju doing with that power socket? Oh dear… We’ll talk about this later little one, but I need to go stop something. *Katy puts down the hakutaku, and rushes down the hall* Sweetie! You can’t put that in there! SWEETIE NO! *the devil and the kakuen approach the hakutaku*
K: Hello!
D: Hey…
H: Oh hello. How can I help you?
K: We need some information.
H: What kind of information?
D: I need to know Anon’s weaknesses.
H: And what makes you think I’m privy to that kind of information.
K: Because you’re the head of the orphanage’s underground information network.
H: Well you got me there, but that kind of information doesn’t come cheap.
D: We have to pay you?! Why can’t you just tell us?!
H: I would if I could, but if word breaks out that we’re giving info for free our whole business model falls apart.
D: Explain.
H: OK, let’s say that there’s a nice couple that comes to the orphanage, and you really want them to adopt you. Unfortunately, you’re not exactly what they’re looking for in a daughter. So you come to us, and we find out exactly what you need to do to get them to change their mind. You pay us, usually in sweets, and we tell you what you need to know. Get it?
D: I guess…
H: Then down to business. Like I said, info on Mr. Anon is in high demand. So I’ll tell you everything I know about him in exchange for a slice of cake, preferably chocolate.
D: A CHOCOLATE CAKE?!
K: Couldn’t you bring the price down for a couple first time customers?
H: Sorry, I won’t settle for anything less than a piece of cake.
K: Dang… So what do we do?
D: I don’t know… The only candy I have is that big Reese’s cup, and Betsy’s not going to be making cake for a while…
H: … Did you say you had a Reese’s cup?
D: Yeah?
H: … Just this once I’ll tell you everything you want to know about Mr. Anon for that. Deal?
D+K: Deal! *the devil runs back to her room, and comes back with a large Reese’s cup and hands if to the hakutaku*
H: Oh my~! Such a big piece of chocolaty and peanut buttery goodness~!
D: So what can you tell us about Anon?
H: Ok first of all, according to Ms. Fubuki, Mr. Anon really likes little girls.
K: Ok. I think we got that down.
H: Mr. Anon also really likes getting tied up by girls who are really shy. Like Ms. Mizari shy.
Anon: Mr. Anon also likes long walks on the beach, and a nice cup of hot cocoa while visiting with friends.
H: Oh! I forgot about that! Thank you Mr. An…non…
D: …
K: …
A: So what’s going on here?
H: Mr. Anon! These two wanted to know stuff about you so they could prank you!
D+K: WHAT?!
A: Oh really? *the devil and the kakuen look at each other before running off* H-hey!
K: Dang it! I didn’t think she’d sell us out like that!
D: She’s probably trying to keep her group safe! I know I would have done the same thing!
K: Well be better get a discount when we go see her again!
A: So what was that about?
H: Nothing important. So did you get what I asked for Mr. Anon?
A: No… Something came up, and I won’t be able to bake that pie until after my date!
H: Sorry Mr. Anon, but I can’t just give away my information.
A: Dang it…

The Caretaker’s Downfall
Anon is busy patrolling the hallways of the orphanage. As he gets closer to the pool area, he spots a young flow kelp crying.
Anon: Hello there. Is something wrong? *the flow kelp continues to cry* Is there anything I can help you with? *the flow kelp continues to cry* H-hey kid, I can help you if there’s something wrong, but you have to tell me. *Anon begins to pet her head, and she stops crying* Are you feeling better?
Flow Kelp: A little…
A: Well that’s no good. I can’t stop until you’re feeling 100%! So is there anything else I can help you with?
FK: C-Can I have a hug?
A: Of course you can! *Anon drops to his knees and opens his arms wide. Josephine comes around the corner as the flow kelp gets closer to him*
Josephine: Où est-elle allée? Hm? Mon cher! Don’t let her hug you!
A: Hm? What do you mean Josephine?
J: Elle est pas un enfant! She is ze full grown mamono!
FK: Tsk. *Josephine picks up the flow kelp before she can get away*
J: She is a pertubateur, er, un troublemaker who dehydrates herself to look young, and sneaks into ze orphanage to get with men. J'ai été looking for her, so it iz a good thing I found you mon cher!
A: Thanks for that Josephine!
J: Pas de problème! But before I forget, could you come by ze pool later mon cher? Ze little ones want to show something to you.
A: Sure! I’ll go there as soon as I can. *Anon and Josephine parted ways, and Anon vowed to avoid the pool for the next few days*

Always the Quiet Ones
Anon is patrolling the hallways of the orphanage, and is once again accompanied by his little soldier beetle friend.
Anon: Thanks for helping me out again. It really makes me feel a lot safer with you around. *the soldier beetle smiles faintly. After they turn a corner, Anon spots a young cancer carrying a familiar book. She appeared to be looking for something, or someone* Hi there! *the cancer hears him, and turns to face him while her crab legs and claws clatter excitedly* Did you need help with something? Did you want me to read to you? *the cancer tries to approach Anon, but the soldier beetle blocks her way. The cancer keeps trying to go around her, but the soldier beetle keeps getting in her way. After trying a few times, the cancer starts clicking her pincers angrily, while the soldier beetle waves her shield in a threatening matter* O-ok you two, I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but can’t you get along? *the two young mamono begin to square off, but before Anon can interfere he feels someone pulling on his pants leg. He looks down to find a young mantis with tears in her eyes* Oh no! Are you ok? *the mantis shakes her head* You poor thing. Here, let me help you feel better. *Anon picks up the mantis, and holds her close as he pets the back of her head* There, there. It’s going to be ok. Hm? *Anon notices that the soldier beetle and the cancer have stopped fighting, and are currently staring at him* OK, why do you look like I’ve betrayed you? *the cancer and the soldier beetle come up to him, and start trying to climb onto him* W-whoa! H-hey! S-settle down! HELP! *Unfortunately help never comes, and Anon is forced to carry all three children for the rest of his patrol*

Holstaur Encounter
Anon steps out of one of the bathroom carrying a pail full of slime.
Anon: Well I’m glad that’s done. Hm? *he notices a teenaged holstaur watching from around the corner* Hey there! Did you need anything?
Holstaur: Y-you can see me?!
A: Well you holstaurs aren’t the sneakiest mamono.
H: AH! S-sorry!
A: Haha! You don’t need to apologize. So how’ve you been doing since I last saw you?
H: Y-you remember me?
A: Of course I remember you. You were one of the first girls I helped after started working here. How could I forget? Besides, that milk you gave me was some of the best I’ve ever had.
H: R-really?!
A: I need to get rid of this, so did you want to keep me company?
H: S-sure! *the holstaur walks up to Anon, and begins to walk with him down the hall* S-so what’s that?
A: One of the bubble slimes had an accident in the bathroom, so I had to clean it up.
H: Really? I hope she’s ok.
A: She was a bit upset, but- *the holstaur slips, and crashes into Anon. The pail goes flying, and the two of them end up covered in slime*
H: O-oh no! I’m so sorry!
A: Don’t worry about it. It was an accident.
H: B-but now you’re all dirty!
A: I’ll just need to take a quick bath.
H: B-but your clothes!
A: Well… Hm… Could you get my clothes cleaned while I wash up?
H: O-Of c-course! *they both make their way to the bathroom. Anon then strips while covering himself with a towel, and hands the holstaur his slime covered clothes*
A: Ok. I don’t want to get the water in the bath slimy, so I better wash up first Zipangese style. *Anon finds a small stool to sit on, and begins to clean himself. He begins to hum to himself, but he stops when he hears the clip-clop of hooves* Sorry, but could you wait a bit? I’m kind of busy in here. *the holstaur hurries closer to Anon, and presses her breasts against his back* W-woah!
H: S-sorry mister Anon, b-but it’s my fault you got dirty! P-please let me wash your back!
A: T-that won’t be necessary!
H: B-but! *someone taps the holstaur’s shoulder* What? *the holstaur turns around to find a cancer glaring at her. The cancer begins to angrily clack her legs and pincers* W-what’s wrong? *the cancer pulls the holstaur away from Anon. She then begins to rub the holstaur’s breasts until they were nice and soapy. The cancer then presses the holstaur against Anon* S-so you’re s-saying t-that I wasn’t s-soapy enough? *the cancer clicks her legs in annoyance, and begins to press the holstaur against Anon’s back* S-stop! I c-can do this myself! *the cancer stops pushing the holstaur against Anon, and moves over to clean Anon’s front side*
A: W-whoa!
H: *gasp* I-I won’t lose! *the holstaur begins to rub her breasts against Anon’s back, while Anon tried to keep the cancer from cleaning his crotch. This continues until everyone is clean, and the holstaur and Anon stand embarrassed in the hallway while waving goodbye to the happy looking cancer* W-well t-that went well…
A: You can say that again…
H: A-and me p-pressing up a-against you w-was only t-to wash y-your b-big, strong back… Nothing else!
A: Absolutely nothing else huh?
H: O-of course!
A: It’s not like you were using the bath as an excuse to confess something right?
H: *the holstaur blushes* D-d-definitely not! N-now I n-n-need to go somewhere! G-goodbye!
A: All right. Take care!
H: Y-you too! *the holstaur leaves, muttering ‘stupid’ under her breath over and over*
A: *sigh* I can’t believe I got a confession from another one of the kids… I mean it’s not like I mind having the kids confess to me, but I can’t… I should talk to Katy…

Unknown Rival
Athene is sparring with a young lizardman, while a slightly older dhampir watches with a bored expression. It doesn’t take too long for Athene to knock the lizardman to the ground.
Athene: Oops! Are you okay?
Lizardman: Yes teacher! Can we continue?
At: I like your spunk kid, but let’s see if she wants to spar for a bit.
L: Aww…
At: So how about it kid? Want to try taking me on?
Dhampir: Not really.
At: Oh? Why not?
L: I bet she’s scared!
D: Yeah right! I just don’t see the point of it.
At: Really? Then how do you plan on getting strong enough to fight vampires?
D: I don’t need to! When I get old enough I’m going to team up with mister Anon, and we’re going to hunt vampires together!
L: That sounds so fun…
At: But why would Anon want to hunt vampires?
D: Why wouldn’t he?
At: I heard from Katy that he comes from a family of vampires.
D: WHAT?! *the dhampir runs off*
At: Uh oh. I hope I didn’t start something.
L: Mister Anon must be pretty strong if she’d want to fight vampires with him…
At: He might be. I haven’t fought him yet, so I can’t be sure. *meanwhile, the dhampir finds Anon helping a little wererabbit*
D: Mister ANON!
A: Yes?
D: Is it true? Are you really the son of a vampire?!
A: Fufufufu! So you’ve discovered my dark secret! To think one as young as you could expose me!
D: Grr! So what’s your plan evil doer?!
A: My plan?
D: Yes your plan! I know villains like you don’t do anything unless it furthers your evil schemes!
A: You truly are a clever child. Very well! I shall reveal my great plan! I began to work at this orphanage so I can get rid of all orphans (by getting them all adopted)!
D: You fiend! En guard! *the dhampir draws her toy sword, and charges at Anon. Anon smiles as he easily dodges and gets behind his young foe* What?!
A: Too. Slow. *before the dhampir can turn around, Anon begins to tickle her armpits*
D: HAHAHAHAHA! S-stop that! HAHAHAHAHA!
A: Very well! *Anon stops tickling the dhampir*
D: You monster…
A: If that’s what you think, then get stronger. Get stronger, and come fight me again.
D: I WILL! *the dhampir gets up and runs off* AND NEXT TIME I’LL WIN!!!
A: Looks like that worked. *the wererabbit tugs on Anon’s sleeve*
Wererabbit: M-mister A-anon… A-are you a bad person?
A: Of course I’m not sweetie. Athene was worried that some of the dhampir weren’t taking their training seriously, so we came up with this act to get them motivated!
W: But won’t they keep trying to fight you?
A: Probably, but they’ll probably figure out the truth before they get strong enough to do anything serious. Maybe. Hopefully. *the next day the dhampir is busy training with Athene*
At: That’s it! Just like that! That’s the spirit!
D: I have to get stronger! I have to beat Anon! *meanwhile a young lizardman points her wooden sword at Anon*
L: I challenge you to a duel mister Anon!
A: What brought this on?
L: I heard you were strong! Fight me!
A: I’m sorry, but I’m a little busy now…
L: Fight me! Fight me fight me fight me!
A: Aw geez…

Halloween at the Orphanage
Anon arrives at the orphanage with Chloe, his adopted ghost daughter, and Ceres, his adopted dhampir daughter. Since it was Halloween, Anon was dressed as the Count, Chloe was dressed as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark despite her lack of breasts, and Ceres was pouting because she was dressed as Lisa Lisa. They walk into the orphanage, and find young mamono running around in costumes.
Chloe: So why are we here again?
Anon: Because I need to hand out candy for the girls. Since I can’t go Trick or Treating, I thought you might have fun playing around at the orphanage. I think Katy’s got a haunted tour set up, Betsy’s carving pumpkins and baking pies, Josephine and Rin have a haunted shipwreck set up in the pool…
C: And what are you going to do?
A: I vill be doing the spoooooky math quiz! Ah-ha-ha! Get it right, and you get a special prize! *Ceres pouts* Are you still grumbling Ceres?
Ceres: I wanted to dress up as Van Hellsing!
A: I know you did sweetie, but think of it this way. All of the other dhampir are probably going to dress up as Hellsing, and you’ll stand out wearing this costume.
Ce: I guess that’s ok, but I really wanted to be a vampire hunter.
A: But Lisa Lisa was a vampire hunter.
Ce: She was?!
A: Yup! And a damn good one too.
Ce: Cool… *they stop in front a classroom*
A: Well this is my stop. Now you two go find your friends, and go have some fun!
C+Ce: OK!
A: Oh! But first let me give you these. *Anon give both of his girls a full sized snickers*
C: Wow! Thanks dad!
A: Now don’t tell the other girls. We don’t want to make them jealous.
Ce: Of course! Bye dad! *Anon watches his daughters run off before stepping into the classroom. It doesn’t take long before kids come in for his challenge. While not all of them are able to correctly answer his questions, Anon makes sure no one leaves empty handed. After seeing off a fairy dressed as a witch and a witch dressed as a fairy, when he notices a group composed of a vampire, a wight, a phantom, a jiangshi, and a lich begin to approach*
A: Vat do ve have here? Vy aren’t you dressed up?
Vampire: Obviously because vampires don’t “dress up” for such juvenile reasons.
Wight: Wights don’t dress up for no reason either!
Jiangshi: I thought it was because we couldn’t find any masks scarier than your faces.
W: S-shut up!
V: Mr. Anon! The peasant is being mean to me again!
J: I’m not a peasant!
A: Vy don’t you all settle down girls. So vat bring you over here?
Phantom: Reason? What other reason could there be but love! We traversed great distances, and overcome great challenges to see you my love! All to feel your lips against mine, and to be held close against you as I choke on your- *the lich silently smacked the phantom upside the head* Ow!
Lich: …
J: Looks like you went and made her jealous! *the lich glares at the jiangshi* Don’t look at me like that! We all know you stopped talking because you saw Mr. Anon playing with those quiet girls.
A: I didn’t know that.
J: Oops…
V: Now look at what you’ve done you big dummy!
W: You’ve embarrassed the poor girl!
P: And the punishment for such a horrid crime is most severe! *the phantom looks up at Anon with tearful eyes* What horrible, kinky tortures will our jailer subject us to?!
A: Us? Vy us?
P: We are her allies, so you must punish us all to show the common folk the consequences of such actions.
A: I vill not be punishing anyone.
V+W+P+J: Aww… *Anon walks up to the lich, and begins petting her head*
A: But if you want to play, you shouldn’t be afraid of letting me know. And you don’t have to stop talking for me to like you. You’re all great the way you are.
L: … Thank you…
A: Don’t worry about it. So are you girls ready to take on the Count’s challenge? Ah-ha-ha!
V: Yes! A vampire can never let a challenge stand!
W: We wights can’t let a challenge stand either!
V: Why do you always do that?
W: Do what?
V: Say that wights can do the same things as vampires! Come up with your own stuff!
J: Ignoring the idiots… I’m ready to take you on Count Anon!
P: No challenge is too great if it is to win your hand in marriage, my sweet prince!
A: It’s just to win candy… So what about you?
L: I predict a 100% success rate.
A: It’s good to see that you’re all so confident, but I think this challenge vill be more difficult than you expect. So come in children! *the undead children enter the classroom to take on the challenge, and Anon gives them all a prize*

A Little Help
Anon is making his way to the break room to grab his stuff before heading home. He enters a hallway just in time to notice someone sneaking into an unused bedroom.
Anon: Hello? Maybe I should check this out before heading out. *Anon sneaks over into the room, and finds a teenaged succubus sitting on a bed and crying silently*
Succubus: W-who’s there?! Mr. Anon! I-I didn’t mean! I-I’m not! This isn’t! I-I know I’m not supposed to be…
A: Hey! Don’t worry! You’re not in trouble!
S: I’m not?
A: Of course not! Why would you be in trouble?
S: Sorry… You just surprised me…
A: Don’t worry about it. *Anon sits next to the succubus* So why’re you hiding in here?
S: Why do you want to know?
A: Let’s just say I get real curious when I find a girl sitting alone crying.
S: …
A: What?
S: You don’t actually care…
A: What makes you say that?
S: Because I know you’re only here to hit on the staff. There’s no way you could actually care about us.
A: Ah. I got you… Can I tell you a story?
S: Sure..?
A: I had this one teacher back in high school.
S: And they helped you out by showing you that they cared?
A: Actually she was kind of a bitch.
S: Oh?
A: Yeah. You see she was one of those people who decided to become a teacher for the benefits despite hating kids. Although she did teach me something. She taught me that people who don’t care do whatever they can to avoid having to actually do their job. You may not believe me, but I do want to help you Shannon.
S: You remember my name?
A: I remember as many as I can.
S: …
A: …
S: I come here every once in a while. It’s a nice place if you want to be alone for a bit.
A: And why do you want to be alone?
S: I’m just… tired of everything. I’m tired of being here! I’m tired of hoping that the next couple that comes here is going to be the one to take me home! I’m tired of thinking that I’m not good enough for people to love me! *Shannon starts crying again, and Anon hugs her*
A: There, there. It’s ok. I’m here. I’m here. *Anon holds Shannon close until she stops crying* Feeling better?
S: A little bit.
A: I can go find a yeti or a weresheep to hug you better if you want.
S: Thanks, but I think I’ll be ok now.
A: That’s good. And if you’re ever feeling down, don’t be afraid to come talk to me, or Katy, or anyone else on staff. We do care about you girls and we want to help any way we can, but sometimes you need to let us know. There are quite a few of you.
S: I’ll think about it. *they both get out of the bedroom, and Anon watches Shannon as she walks away*
A: Poor girl. I hope I can help her find a family to call her own… Hm? *Anon turns to see a familiar bicorn watching him from around the corner. She notices him noticing her, and dashes away* I wonder what that was about?
A few days later, Anon is patrolling near the entrance of the orphanage when a couple enter the building.
A: Welcome to the Little Monster Miracle Orphanage! I’m Anon.
Man: Hi there Anon. I’m Thomas, but you can call me Tom, and this is my wife Janine.
A: It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Janine: Thanks, it’s nice to meet you too. So do you work here Anon?
A: Sure do. I’m guessing you’re both looking to adopt?
T: Yes.
A: Any ideas on what you’re looking for?
J: Not really. We do have a young son, so they’d have to be able to get along with him.
A: How old’s your son?
T: He’ll be ten next July.
A: I see. Since you don’t really know what kind of girl you’d like, would you be interested in adopting a teen?
J: A teen?
A: Yeah. Unfortunately, as much as we try, not everyone gets adopted right away, so we have a few older kids hanging around. I understand that the prospect of adopting a teen might be a bit intimidating, but I can assure you that they’re all good girls. On top of that, they do help us out around here a bit so they’re usually pretty good at dealing with little kids. Interested?
T: Well… That would help us out. We wouldn’t have to worry about hiring a babysitter anymore…
J: Maybe could show us some of these girls, and we can decide after that?
A: Of course! And I know just the one to start things off. Follow me. *Anon leads the couple deeper into the orphanage until he finds the succubus Shannon playing with the bicorn and a young lamia*
S: You know I don’t mid helping out, but you should really get some of the staff to help with this kind of stuff.
B: I-I know, b-but she was c-crying, and I-I panicked, a-and you were t-there…
S: It’s fine. Don’t sweat it. I don’t mind THAT much. And you. *Shannon picks up the young lamia* You should be more careful, because girls who aren’t careful get tickled! *Shannon begins to tickle the little lamia, who giggles and squirms in the succubus’ grasp*
A: So what do you think?
J: She seems like a nice girl, but…
A: But..?
T: Well… She’s a succubus right? Wouldn’t she try to, you know, seduce family?
A: I’d say they’re as likely to do that as any other mamono. Personally I’d be more worried about her being too popular with boys her age.
T: Makes sense. So what do you say?
J: Let’s talk to her.
T: Is that ok?
A: Go ahead. *Tom and Janine approach the mamono*
J: Hello.
T: Are you Shannon? Could we talk to you for a moment?
S: S-sure!
B: Eep! *the bicorn runs off, but bumps into Anon*
A: Where are you running off to?
B: S-sorry, b-b-but I…
A: Thanks by the way.
B: W-what?
A: I’ve heard that you’ve been getting Shannon to help you take care of the other girls. It’s almost as if you’re trying to help her look nice for the adopting couples.
B: I-I d-don’t know w-what y-you’re t-talking about! B-bye! *the bicorn runs off. Anon watches her leave, and chuckles to himself*
A: That girl. What are we going to do with her? Hm? *Shannon runs up and hugs Anon*
S: Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!
A: I take it everything went well.
S: They want to take me home Anon!
A: That’s good! I’m glad it worked out for you.
S: You know Anon, Katy likes to throw these parties to celebrate everyone getting adopted.
A: And?
S: Maybe if you come to the next one, I can give you a BJ as a big thank you!
A: If it’s ok with you, I’d rather just have another hug.
S: Suit yourself. *Shannon hugs Anon again* The BJ’s still on the table by the way.
A: I figured as much.

Love for Danuki
A young gyoubu danuki is talking with three kikimora.
Kikimora 1: Did it come in yet?
Gyoubu Danuki: It should be in sometime today.
Kikimora 2: Oh happy days!
Kikimora 3: I can’t wait to try it out for Master Anon!
GD: You bunch sure seem awfully excited for an apron. *the kikimora all gasped*
K3: It is not just an apron!
K2: It’s Maria’s special Lovu Lovu Apron!
K1: It was designed from the ground up to be the perfect naked apron!
K2: It’ll naturally emphasize your body’s curves, while enhancing the wearer’s dutiful cuteness!
K3: And with it we’ll finally be able to put the “Silent Sisters” in their place! *the kikimora all spit before quickly cleaning up their mess*
GD: Emphasize your curves huh? (How’s that going to help any of you? You’re all flat as a board!) Alright then. Like I said, it should be here later today so I should be able to get it to you tonight or tomorrow.
K1: Thank you!
K2: You danuki are truly helpful!
K3: We’ll see you tonight! *the kikimora leave*
GD: *Sigh* Those kikis are obsessed with Anon. I’ve heard that he comes from a rich family, but I don’t see why they’d be so interested in him. Whatever. Their money’s still green. *the gyoubu danuki shrugs her shoulders before walking away. Eventually she walks past Anon and Nirvana in the hallway*
Nirvana: So Anon, besides the kids you’ve adopted, which of the kids at the orphanage were you planning on getting to know better? *the danuki’s ears perk up*
GD: (It sounds like it’s a good time for some insider trading~!) *the danuki begins secretly following Nirvana and Anon*
A: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
N: Come on Anon~. We both know that, even though we like all the kids here, there are certain girls that we’d like to get to know better. So?
A: Uh… *the danuki manages to hide behind a corner before Anon quickly looks around the hallway* Out of all the kids we have here, I’ve kind of wanted to get to know some of the gyoubu danuki better.
GD: (Oh?)
N: Really? Why’s that?
A: Well… You won’t laugh if I tell you?
N: Depends on what you tell me.
GD: (Just say it!)
A: It’s just… They seem so much more distant than some of the other girls.
N: How so?
A: Hmm… It’s kind of hard to explain. They’re not hard to approach like the silent girls.
N: Although I hear they don’t seem to have too much trouble approaching you though. *Anon laughs*
A: Yeah. That’s true. Anyway back to the danuki, they’re also not as distant as some of the haughtier girls. They’re friendly, but at the same time they seem so shrewd. Like coming up to talk to you is part of some grand scheme. I guess I’d like to be someone they can come and talk to while being themselves.
N: You’re such a goody two shoes! And here I thought you wanted to pet their fuzzy little ears or something.
A: I can’t deny that petting them could be fun too.
N: Haven’t you tried asking one if you could pet them?
A: I did, but I couldn’t afford it.
N: Pfft! That’s hilarious!
A: …
N: You were joking right? Right? *the danuki stops following Nirvana and Anon*
GD: (Interesting… So Mr. Anon wants to get closer to some of us danuki eh? There’s gold in them hills! I know it! Now all I need is a plan… He seems to be able to tell when we’re “scheming”, so I’ll have to approach him in disguise. Yeah, and I’ll drop hints that I’m actually a danuki who wants to get to know him but is really shy. Perfect! I could probably use that Lovu Lovu Apron to put him off balance to help make him drop his guard! I’ll just have to tell those kikis that there was a mix up with the shipping. This is going to be great! You better watch out Mr. Anon! I’m coming for you, and all you’re worth!) *the danuki chuckles mischievously as she heads to pick up the apron*

Charge
Katy is busy showing a new wurm around the orphanage.
Katy: And this is the cafeteria. Do you have any questions little one?
Wurm: No~!
K: Alright, then let’s keep going~! *Katy’s cellphone begins to ring* Hm? Sorry, but I need to take this.
W: Ok. *Katy answers her phone*
K: Hello~! What?! Alright get Anon to the break room fast, and tell Rin! *A teenaged youko and ren xiongmao overhear Katy as they pass by, and giggle*
Youko: It sounds like Mr. Anon’s in trouble again~!
Ren Xiongmao: I wonder who’s trying to play with his pants bamboo today~.
Y: I bet Miss Mizari’s finally lost it.
RX: No way! He’s probably upset Miss Nirvana, and she’s going to punish him.
W: (Mr.? His? He’s? Him?! That sounds like a guy! I want to find him! I want him! I want him inside me!)*the wurm rushes off down the hall*
K: I’m sorry about that little one. So let’s get back… to… our… tour..? Uh oh…
W: (Break room! Break room! Mr. Anon’s at the break room! Where’s the break room?) *while the wurm tries to find the break room, she crashes into an ushi-oni*
Ushi-Oni: Ouch! Watch where you’re going?!
W: Sorry! Hey, do you know where the break room is?
UO: The break room? Why do you want to go there?
W: I hear that a Mr. Anon’s there!
UO: So that’s where he is! *the ushi-oni starts running down the hallway*
W: Hey! Where are you going?
UO: I’m going to make Anon mine! *the wurm starts chasing after the ushi-oni*
W: No fair! I heard about him first!
UO: Like hell you did! I’ve been after him for months! He’s mine!
W: No! He’s mine!
UO: MINE!
W: MINE! *they run through the orphanage at high speed until they turn a corner, and spot the Employee Break Room. Fubuki steps out of the break room, and the children spot Anon through the open door*
W+UO: MINE! *the wurm and ushi-oni speed up, but they come to a sudden stop when they crash into an invisible wall. Fubuki then uses some ice to hold the children in place. Anon and Rin run out of the break room after they hear the noise*
Fubuki: Too bad girls. You’ll have to try harder than that~!
Anon: Is everyone ok?
Rin: They don’t appear to be injured despite how hard they hit my barrier. Thankfully the wurm wasn’t too large, or they may have broken through.
A: That would have been pretty bad… Thanks for the help Fubuki.
F: It’s fine. Just remember, you owe me now~!
A: Somehow I don’t think I’ll be able to forget.
W: C-c-cold…
A: Don’t worry kiddo. Rin will get you out of there soon enough. *Anon pets the wurm’s head*
W: Awa~!
UO: H-hey! What about me?
A: Alright. *Anon bets the ushi-oni’s head too*
UO: Ufufufufu~! So worth it!
R: As the one who might have to fix your bones later, this bit of affectionate interaction is only going to make everything more intense later.
A: I-I realize that, but I can’t help it!
R: As long as you recognize the risks.
W: Awawawawawa~!
UO: Sugoi~!

Hold the Line
A young wurm is busy rushing through the labyrinthine hallways of the orphanage.
Wurm: I’m going to make Anon my boyfriend today, and nothing’s going to stop me! *she turns a corner, and finds Anon patrolling the hallway with his little soldier beetle partner* MINE!
Anon: Woah! *the wurm tries to tackle Anon, but the young soldier beetle pulls out her shield, and crashes into the incoming wurm. The wurm tries to continue her rampage, but the soldier beetle digs in and stops her*
W: What are you doing? Get out of my way!
Soldier Beetle: …
W: I said gat out of my way!
SB: ..! *the children continue to push against each other while Anon watches*
Anon: Sooo… Are you going to play together now?
SB: …
W: Grk!
A: Alright. I still need to patrol so have fun! *Anon begins to walk away*
W: Wait! Come back!
SB: …
W: This is all your fault!
SB: ..! *the wurm and the soldier beetle continue to fight for an hour*

Metamorphosis
Anon was busy reading to several greenworms, who clung to him in an attempt to look at the book’s illustrations.
Anon: One Sunday morning the warm sun came up, aaaaand pop! Out of the egg came a tiny, and very hungry caterpillar.
Greenworms: Ooooooo!
A: (Ha! Getting these girls interested in reading books instead of eating them is going to be easier than I thought! Take that Fubuki!) *suddenly Anon smells something very sweet* Do you girls smell that?
Greenworm #1: Smell what?
A: I don’t know… It smells kind of like peaches and apples. A little bit of mint too?*one of the greenworms on Anon’s back begins to blush*
Greenworm #2: Is something wrong April?
April: U-uh… I think I smell it too!
A: At least it’s not just me. It’s kind of refreshing though. *Suddenly Meili, Anon’s hakutaku coworker, enters the room*
Meili: There you are Anon!
A: Hey Meili. Need something?
M: Sorry to interrupt story time, but the kikimora are trying to clean up the beelzebub and devil bug rooms again. The kikimora like to listen to you, so I was hoping you could help me convince them to stop.
A: Ah geez. Sorry girls, but I need to go for a bit.
Greenworms: Awwww….
A: Don’t worry! I’ll be right back to keep reading. And what are books?
Greenworms: Not food.
A: That’s right! *the greenworms get off of Anon, but April continues to cling to his back* Is everything ok April?
Ap: …Don’t go…
M: Hm?
A: Sorry April but I have to. I will be right back. I promise.
Ap: Ok… *April reluctantly gets off of Anon, and he leaves with Meili to resolve this latest crisis. After an hour and a half they begin to return to the greenworm room*
A: I still can’t believe how crazy that wound up being…
M: Yeah. Everything went downhill really fast once those shoggoth kids showed up.
A: Was that before or after the gremlins sabotaged the vacuum cleaners?
M: No. It was before that, but after the nightgaunts tried to grab you.
A: Oh right. Thanks for the help with that by the way.
M: No. Thank you for helping me out in the first place. *They suddenly spot a greenworm rushing towards them as fast as a very large caterpillar could crawl* Is something the matter?
G1: Something’s wrong with April! Please come quick!
A+M: On it! *Anon picks up the greenworm, and they all rush to the greenworm’s room. Once they arrive they fine April forming a cocoon while crying*
A: April!
Ap: M-Mr. Anon?
A: Sorry I took so long! What’s happening?
M: She appears to be entering her chrysalis stage.
A: Isn’t it a bit early for that?
M: Yeah, but it’s not unheard of. It’s just like how some kids mature faster than others.
A: Is that so? So why are you crying Sweet Pea?
Ap: I… I don’t want to be alone! *Anon looks over to Meili*
M: Greenworms usually cocoon themselves with their chosen mate.
A: I see. So you couldn’t find a boyfriend in time April.
Ap: I did…
A: And who’s that?
Ap: … You…
A: Oh.
Ap: But I couldn’t get you to like me back, and now I’m going to be alone forever!
A: No you won’t Sweet Pea. I’ll be here for you.
Ap: Really?
A: Yeah. I can’t come into your cocoon with you, but I’ll be here.
Ap: Everyday?
A: Every day. I can even read for you. *Anon picks up the chewed remains of the book he was reading earlier* What? Ok, who did this? *April chuckles*
Ap: Thank you Mr. Anon. I’ll see you soon… *April gives Anon and Meili a beaming, tear soaked smile before being completely enveloped in her cocoon*
A: See you later kid…
M: I guess that’s all we can do for now.
A: Yeah. I better go get a new book from the library. *Anon comes to read to the greenworms and April’s cocoon every day for months. One day in Spring April, now a beautiful, cute papillon, emerges from her cocoon to find Anon sitting next to her while reading to the greenworms. They all turn to stare at her when they notice that she had emerged as she now a butterfly child with beautiful wet wings and B-cup breasts*
Ap: Good morning! *everyone stares at April* What’s wrong? Is there something on my face? *the new papillon checks her face*
A: Sorry. I guess we’re just surprised to see you. Rin said you’d be coming out any day now, but actually seeing you is…
Ap: Am I at least cute?
A: Like a button. *April smiles, and blushes a little bit*
G1: April! Listen to this! Anon has been reading to us every day!
Ap: Really?
G2: Really, really!
Ap: I guess I should thank him then. *April tries to get up, but stumbles. Anon catches her before she can fall* Oops.
A: You have to be careful April. Meili said that papillons are a little weak and tender when they first emerge. So you should rest until your wings are dry at the very least.
Ap: But it’s been so long! I bet everything’s changed!
G1: Yeah! Let’s show April around!
G2: Let’s go! Let’s go!
Greenworms: Pleeeeeease!
A: Alright. I guess I can carry you. *April squeaks when Anon picks her up, and the greenworms follow them as they head outside. Anon tries to show April around, but the papillon can only watch him as he carries her around* Hey April?
Ap: Yes Mr. Anon?
A: You don’t seem to care too much about the tour.
Ap: Hm.
A: Do you want to go back to the room?
Ap: No. I’m enjoying having you carry me around. You’re very strong.
A: You’re also really light.
Ap: …
A: April?
Ap: You really came to read for me every day.
A: Of course. I promised that I would didn’t I?
Ap: You did. Can we get married?
A: Sorry, but you’re a little young for me April.
Ap: For now.
A: Did you say something?
Ap: I love you Anon! *April hugs Anon, and her small breasts press into his face*
A: I like you too April, but could you let up a bit? You’ve got breasts now…
Ap: No~!
A: *sigh* Alright. *Anon let’s April cling to him as they walk around the orphanage. This display roused the jealousy of many of the other children and staff*

The Boss
Fubuki the yuki-onna notices Katy the echidna trying to text. She sneaks up on her boss, and touches the back the serpent woman’s neck with her cold hands.
Katy: Ah! D-damn it F-Fubuki! W-what was t-that f-for?
Fubuki: You were wide open. I couldn’t help myself!
K: Of course you couldn’t…
F: So what are you doing?
K: Texting Anon.
F: Oooooo! Are you two going out?
K: No, I’m giving him a heads up. And when has that joke ever gotten a rise out of me?
F: I figured I’d give it a shot. So what are you warning him about?
K: One of the girls that arrived at the orphanage is going to be a little troublesome, so I wanted to let him know before he comes back to work.
F: But he’s already here.
K: What?
F: He’s been here since early this morning to help Betsy.
K: Oh poop… *meanwhile in another part of the orphanage, an upset kikimora gives Anon a feather duster*
Anon: What’s this for?
Kikimora: You can use this to replace me master…
A: Replace you? Why would I want to replace you?
Ki: Because I-I d-didn’t c-clean the b-break room properly so that I-I had an e-excuse t-to see you!
A: And?
Ki: And someone like me can’t be your maid anymore! Who would want a maid who’s… Who’s… Such a bad girl! *the kikimora starts crying as she runs off*
A: No! Don’t run… *sigh* Who would have thought kikimora could be difficult to deal with? I better go talk to her. *He quickly stuffs the feather duster into the back of his pants, but before Anon can go after the kikimora, a couple of orcs rush into the hallway*
Orc #1: There he is!
A: Hey girls! Did you see a kikimora run by here?
Orc #2: Get him! *the orcs start running after him*
A: Get him? *a small horde of orcs of various ages flood into the hallway, and start running after Anon* Oh that can’t be good… *Anon tries to run, but he’s captured after a quick chase through the orphanage. The older orcs carry him into one of the rooms*
Orc #3: We caught him boss!
???: Good. Let me see him! *the crowd of orcs in the room part to reveal an eight year old high orc sitting on the ass of an older orc while she uses another orc’s breasts as a head rest. The orcs carrying Anon throw him to the ground, and he quickly gets to his feet* So you’re Anon? I guess you’ll do.
A: Uh… Thanks? I don’t recognize you. Are you one of the new girls?
High Orc: Yeah. Just got here today.
A: Well it’s nice to meet you. How are you finding the orphanage?
HO: It’s nice. It’s full of weaklings and cowards, so it’s a great place to start my empire!
A: Empire?
HO: Yes! It is my destiny as a high orc to unite all of the orcs, lead my people into a new age of prosperity! Just like momma wanted!
A: Momma?
HO: Yes! And when I rule over everything with a porky fist, I’ll find the bad men who hurt momma and poppa!
A: I see… (Poor kid) So what do you need with me?
HO: I obviously need a throne! All the great mamono queens have a hunky man as their throne!
A: Wow. Now that’s quite the plan!
HO: I know!
A: However, how about we try talking about what happened to your parents instead?
HO: Why?
A: Well, I know I’d want to talk to someone if something happened to my parents. *the high orc glares at Anon*
HO: No! I don’t want to talk! Someone did something to my poppa’s car that made them crash, and I want revenge! There’s nothing to talk about!
A: Are you sure? That sounds like a there’s actually a lot to talk about to me.
HO: Grrr! You’re making me angry! *the high orc jumps off the orc*
A: Am I?
HO: Yes! *the high orc snaps her fingers, and one of the orcs hands her a baseball bat* So I’m going to beat you up! Then you can be my throne!
A: How scary!
HO: Yeah, you better be scared!
Orc #4: Be careful boss! Anon’s actually really strong! *the high orc watches Anon pull out the feather duster and swing it around like a sword*
HO: This wimp? Are you serious?
Orc #5: Yes!
HO: Then watch, and be amazed at how strong I am! *the young high orc rushes towards Anon. After a while Katy and Fubuki burst into the room*
K: Anon! Are you here?!
F: Moan if you’re ok! Huh? Katy, don’t these orcs look…
K: A little scared? Yeah…
Orc #6: You monster!
Orc #7: You have to stop! She’s just a kid!
Orc #8: WAAAAAAAAH! *Katy break through the crowd of orcs to find Anon sitting on the floor, tickling the young, squirming orc with a feather duster*
A: Are you sure you can keep going? I can stop as long as you say the magic words~.
HO: N-never! Hahahahaha! I-I’ll never..! Hihihihi!
A: Alright, but I can keep this up all day~.
HO: Ah! I’m! Stop! I-I’m g-going to pee!
A: Say it~.
HO: FINE! I GIVE UP! *Anon stops tickling the high orc, and lets her catch her breath* I can’t believe I lost… Now I’ll never make my momma and poppa proud…
A: Don’t be like that. C’mon. *Anon picks up the sniffling high orc, and cradles her on his lap* You put up a great fight, so I’m sure they’d be super proud of you.
HO: But how am I going to take over the world, and get revenge now?
A: I don’t know if your parents would be happy to hear that you’re trying to get revenge.
HO: Of course they would. Why wouldn’t they be?
A: Well I don’t know your parents, but I have some kids of my own. And I know I’d be really sad if I knew my kids were doing things to get revenge for me. I’m sure they would prefer to see you have a long, healthy, and happy life instead.
HO: But how will they ever get justice?
A: (Who keeps teaching these kids such hard words..?) I’m sure the police will be able to find whoever did it, and bring them to justice.
HO: No they won’t! They said it was an accident, but that’s impossible! My poppa was the best driver in the world, so someone must have done something to make them crash!
A: I see… Kid… Sometimes… Sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes things just go wrong, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it. I know this might be tough, but sometimes accidents happen…
HO: …
A: …
HO: I miss them… *the young high orc begins to cry* I-I miss them so much..! *Anon hugs her close*
A: I know. I’m here.
Orc #9: I’m here for you too boss!
Orc #10: Same here! Count me in! *the rest of the orc horde agrees that they’ll all be there for the little high orc*
F: I guess we were worried over nothing.
K: I guess not. It’s amazing how far he’s come.
F: You’re thinking about how hot he looks now.
K: Am not!
F: Are too! *A few days later the high orc is following a kikimora around while wearing a cute maid uniform. The kikimora nuzzles against the feather duster she had given to Anon*
Ki: Ah master Anon…
HO: Are you sure this will make the boss like me more?
Ki: Of course! All men love maids! And you’re supposed to call him “master”, not “boss.”
HO: But whoever is in charge of the orcs is the boss.
Ki: *sigh* This is going to be a lot of work… Anyway, I’ll show you how to clean master’s vehicle. Oh! Or we can leave it until later so that we can stowaway when it’s time for him to go home? No! Mr. Anon forgave you for being such a bad, naughty girl! We have to show him that we’re better than that!
HO: (Is this is the kind of thing Boss is into?)

Endless Tears
Anon is busy doing his patrol around the orphanage when he hears someone scream. He rushes towards the source of the scream, and finds a young banshee crying while surrounded by three pixies.
Pixie#1: W-what’s going on?!
Pixie#2: I don’t know! I was just going to surprise her!
Pixie#3: Well you certainly managed that you dummy!
P2: You’re a dummy!
P1: You’re both dummies! Stop arguing so that we can cheer her up before…
Anon: Before what?
P3: Uh oh…
P2: H-hello Mister Anon sir!
P1: We uh… F-found her like this?
A: Likely story. *Anon gently picks up the young banshee, and cradles her in his arm* There, there. It’s ok. It’s ok.
Banshee: WAAAAAAAAGH!
P2: Wow! Look at you go Mr. Anon!
P3: You’re like a kid expert or something.
P1: So we’re just going to take off so that you can do your thing! Cyao~!
A: Not so fast. *the pixies freeze in place* You three know that you shouldn’t be trying to scare people like that. We’re going to have a nice, long talk about this with Katy once I’ve calmed her down. Got it?
P x3: Got it…
B: WAAAAAAGH!
A: Aw man… How about a hug? You girls like hugs right? *Anon hugs the banshee, and several young yeti become jealous without knowing why*
B: …
A: Feeling better?
B: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
P1: Well that didn’t work!
P2: She’s crying even harder than before!
P3: She’s hurting my ears! Do something!
A: Uh… Is there anything she likes?
P3: I don’t know!
P1: We haven’t seen her before today!
A: I didn’t recognize her either… I know! How about I tell her some jokes!
P2: Surely you can’t be serious?
A: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.
P2: Oh my god…
A: So… Why did the scarecrow win an award?
B: Huh?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
B: …
P x3: …
B: WaaaaaaAAAAAAAAGH!
A: Oh uh… Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
B: WAAAAAAAAAAGH!
P x3: Urg!
A: No good? How about…. The local furniture store keeps calling me, but all I wanted was one night stand.
B: WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
P3: Please! Just make it stop!
P2: I’ll do anything! ANYTHING!
P1: No more jokes! *Katy slithers around the corner, and the three pixies try to hide in her hair.
Katy: Oho? What’s going on here?
P1: Please make him stop Katy!
P2: He’s a madman!
P3: This is all just too cruel and unusual!
K: Oh?
A: Sorry Katy! They spooked this banshee, and I thought telling her a few jokes might cheer her up.
P3: Those weren’t jokes!
P2: You single handedly ruined comedy!
P1: Even the banshee didn’t like it!
K: Are you sure? She looks pretty happy to me.
A: Really?
B: Y-yes! *Hic* You’re r-really funny mister… BwaAAAAAAGH!
A: But why are you still crying?
K: Haven’t you been studying Anon? Banshees are the mamono world’s biggest crybabies. They cry when they’re happy, sad, scared, angry, etcetera.
A: I mustn’t have gotten to that part then. *he looks down at the banshee* So you’re feeling ok?
B: Y-yes Mr. Anon. I was f-feeling lonely before, b-but I-I f-feel a lot b-better now… *Anon gently places the banshee back on the ground*
A: Alright, but don’t be afraid to come see me if you feel lonely again. Ok? *the banshee smiles before running down the hall. The three pixies chase after her* Wait! You three were… Aw forget it.
K: It’s good to see that everything worked out ok.
A: Yeah, but it’s another reminder that I still have a lot to learn.
K: True, but I can tell that you’re doing just fine regardless.
A: Thanks Katy.

Tagalong Maid
Anon drives up to the orphanage early in the morning so that he can begin his shift. He notices a teenaged blonde kikimora standing by the door.
A: Hello? *he gets out of his car, and approaches the kikimora* Hi there. What’s up?
Kikimora: Good morning sir. I am simply waiting for you to arrive.
A: Oh? How come?
K: I managed to win the good behavior prize, but I asked Katy if I could accompany you around the orphanage to assist you with your duties instead of sitting in that dingy room.
A: I didn’t think it was that bad, but ok. Let’s get started then.
K: Gladly sir. And here I was worried that I’d be stuck as decoration for the orphanage. *the kikimora opens the door*
A: A-alright then. *Anon enters the orphanage, and the kikimora follows him before closing the door behind her* Sooo… What was your name again?
K: You can call me Maria sir.
A: You’re one of the new arrivals right?
Maria: Astute observation sir. I see nothing gets past you.
A: So why are you so interested in helping me out?
M: It’s actually quite simple sir. I was hoping to show you what it’s like to be served by a proper maid.
A: Sorry to burst your bubble, but the other kikimora have already helped me out. I’m pretty sure I know what maids are like.
M: Sorry if this appears blunt sir, but you’ve been “served” by children playing at being maids. I am a professional, and I will show you the difference.
A: And I’ll look forward to it. So how about we get started.
M: And here I thought we were going to spend the day talking.
A: Can you lay off the snark a bit?
M: What snark sir? I’m mildly teasing you at best. *they begin to walk around the orphanage looking for children in need. They soon find some muddy werewolf pups wrestling and making a mess on the floor*
A: Uh oh. Hey girls! Girls!
Werewolf #1: Hey its mister Anon!
Werewolf #2: Want to mud wrestle?!
A: Sorry girls, but you can’t mud wrestle in the orphanage.
Werewolf #3: Why not?
A: Because it makes a big mess!
Werewolf #4: What mess?
A: What do you mean “what mess”? *Anon notices that Maria had just finished mopping up the mess the werewolves had made* That was quick.
M: Sorry sir. I know proper protocol would have been to make the pups clean up their own mess, but my instincts simply took over.
A: Alright. So anyway I need you pups to go clean yourselves off.
Werewolf #5: But I don’t want to!
Werewolf #6: You can’t make us!
M: Oh really? *Maria pulls out a dirty, wet rag* Perhaps you’ll allow me to help. And believe me, I can be very thorough.
Werewolf #7: Eeek! We’ll go to the showers! *the werewolf pups run off towards the showers*
A: Wow. Thanks for that.
M: There’s no need for thanks sir. I was just supporting you.
A: You were still a big help. Thanks.
M: I bet you say that to all the girls. *Maria’s tail wagged happily as they continued their patrol. After a while it was time for the patrol to come to an end*
A: And that should be it. Thanks for the help Maria.
M: Think nothing of it Sir. Just be thankful that you now know how a proper maid conducts herself.
A: I am thankful. Hopefully you can help teach the younger maids.
M: Actually sir…
A: Yes?
M: Well sir you’ve seen what I can do, so I was wondering if you wished to hire me.
A: Hire you?
M: Yes. I do not wish to stay here for longer than necessary, and I’m sure that I’m more than qualified clean your hovel.
A: I’m sorry Maria. I can’t adopt any more mamono, and I doubt Katy will let me break the “only five girls” rule.
M: I said nothing about being adopted sir.
A: Oh?
M: While the thought is quite flattering, I do not need to be adopted. I just wish to live as a proper kikimora should as a live in servant.
A: Well my “hovel” doesn’t have that much extra room at the moment.
M: I can assure you that I’m small enough to fit just about anywhere. Like your bedroom for example.
???: Hon hon hon! So that is what you were after ma petite? *some purplish sludge falls from the ceiling, and quickly becomes a shoggoth the same age as Maria*
M: You! What are you doing here?!
Shoggoth: Les kikimora asked moi to follow the two of you. They thought you were up to no good cheri, and asked me to watch.
M: I’m not up to anything you poor excuse for grape jello.
S: Vraiment? Je pense that you do.
A: What’s going on?
S: She is trying to deceive you mon maitre. She is not after work. She is after your big, incroyable cock!
M: H-how can you say that?!
S: Am I wrong? Do you not want mon maitre to take you like a wild beast?
M: T-that’s enough out of you, you lewd mud puddle!
S: Make me you stuffy cat!
M: I’d be happy to mop the floor with you anytime!
S: Hon hon hon! You say that cheri, but j’ai won the last fifteen cleaning duels we’ve had.
M: Is that really something to brag about? I’ve won the other fifteen after all.
S: That is true. As maids we are equals.
M: There’s no way a sentient oil spill is my equal.
S: If you say so you mangy feather duster, but I can think of a new contest to see who is the best maid.
M: And that is?
S: A maid’s most important duties is to please her maitre in his bed.
M: So the one who can serve sir Anon is the winner then?
S: Exactement!
M: Then let’s get started! Sir Anon!
S: Mon maitre! *the two maid mamono look to where Anon was standing, but he had quietly slinked away long ago*