<Fillyosopher> YOu feeling bad?
<Fillyosopher> that happens.
<Fillyosopher> You thinking that causing yourself physical harm with help?
<Fillyosopher> That is unexcusable
<TJFS[Sheila]> [TJs being stupid]
<TJFS[Sheila]> Its either hurt myself or break something
<Fillyosopher> BULL
<Fillyosopher> TALK IT OUT
<Fillyosopher> You have a caring tulpa ASKING you to talk
<TJFS[Sheila]> so what? another group of people onlien can hate me
<Fillyosopher> Never, never hate
<Fillyosopher> I won't hate you
<Fillyosopher> Not for this'
<TJFS[Sheila]>  mdfo
<TJFS[Sheila]> 'YOu werent there
<Fillyosopher> not for anything else
<TJFS[Sheila]> Every fucking time
<TJFS[Sheila]> It fucking happens
<TJFS[Sheila]> And having someone who cares
<Fillyosopher> I wasn't.  I don't know what happened.  But I still care about both of you
<TJFS[Sheila]> amkes the feeling worse
<TJFS[Sheila]> [im sorry]
<TJFS[Sheila]> I dont blame you
<TJFS[Sheila]> its not your fualt
<TJFS[Sheila]> and Im hurting you
<Fillyosopher> TJ... I really wish I could give you a hug.
<Fillyosopher> Because no-one deserves to feel hurt by another caring for them
<TJFS[Sheila]> It happens
<TJFS[Sheila]> it always happens
<TJFS[Sheila]> Every time I open up to someone because they said they'd be there for me
<Fillyosopher> Learn.  Change. adapt.  survive
<Fillyosopher> You don't need to open up to me yet then.
<Fillyosopher> or ever
<Fillyosopher> if it would it worse.
<TJFS[Sheila]> I was this close to grabbing a shard of glass off my already broken window
<Fillyosopher> I'm so very sorry.
<TJFS[Sheila]> This close to doing something stupid
<Fillyosopher> Not that you are you... but that I can only offer words.
<Fillyosopher> But I'll do my best.
<Fillyosopher> What can I do to help.  or maybe even better, what can sheila do to help?
<TJFS[Sheila]> [TJ PUT THE FUCKING PEICE OF GLASS DOWN
<Fillyosopher> Sheila, if I may
<TJFS[Sheila]> Im just looking at it
<Fillyosopher> sheila, is he worth life?
<Fillyosopher> even now?
<TJFS[Sheila]> [yes]
<Fillyosopher> Because if yes.
<Fillyosopher> then stop him
<Fillyosopher> in anyway you can
<Fillyosopher> apologize later if you must
<TJFS[Sheila]> [all ive got is my voice
<Fillyosopher> but an unfixable end..
<Fillyosopher> is never fixed...
<Fillyosopher> You, both of you, have only what power you allow yourselves.
<Fillyosopher> i've been there...
<Fillyosopher> and I was so very glad to have a tulpa...
<TJFS[Sheila]>  [how can someone who has the internet
<TJFS[Sheila]> and a tulpa be so lonely]
<TJFS[Sheila]> [he stopped looking at the chat]
<Fillyosopher> Forget.
<Fillyosopher> It is easy to forget.\
<Fillyosopher> But don't judge him for being lonely.
<Fillyosopher> There is still potential.
<Fillyosopher> ...
<Fillyosopher> fuck it, now I'm crying...  Please just hug him and reassure him.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [hes being so stupid
<Fillyosopher> There is always another chance.
<TJFS[Sheila]> at least he cant do anything while hes translating for me]
<Fillyosopher> don't remind him
<Fillyosopher> unless, you can in fact hold him to that.
<Fillyosopher> in which case, don't stop
<TJFS[Sheila]> I've never hurt myself
<TJFS[Sheila]> Never
<TJFS[Sheila]> In the last six years of my depression
<TJFS[Sheila]> I've hit my head against the wall
<TJFS[Sheila]> Fought my dad
<TJFS[Sheila]> But not once have I thought about doing anything other than quick and painless
<TJFS[Sheila]> I had the peice of glass pressed to my thigh
<TJFS[Sheila]> Pressed to it
<TJFS[Sheila]> [Youre stupid.]
* Fillyosopher hugs TF
<TJFS[Sheila]> yep.
<TJFS[Sheila]> This isn't going to be the last time this happens
<TJFS[Sheila]> I know it.
<Fillyosopher> No you don't
<Fillyosopher> that is one thing I can assure you of
<Fillyosopher> You don't KNOW anything about the fture, you decide it
<Fillyosopher> If you've decided this will happen again, then perhaps it will.
<Fillyosopher> But if you decide it won't then it will not.
<TJFS[Sheila]> I can't think to myself that this is the best way that it could be
<Fillyosopher> I spent 2 years learning this... building walls and fears, only to keep myself alive.
<Fillyosopher> But it is easier to choose
<Fillyosopher> To choose that things wil get better
<TJFS[Sheila]> I had reached the point where I couldn't trust myself
<Fillyosopher> Then trust in SHeila
<Fillyosopher> Sheila cares
<TJFS[Sheila]> She's frustrated with me
<Fillyosopher> and?  do you know why?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Yeah, she's got full right to be
<Fillyosopher> tell me why
<TJFS[Sheila]> Because I was going to do something absolutely idiotic
<Fillyosopher> TJ, tell me why sheila is frustrated.
<Fillyosopher> Okay.
<TJFS[Sheila]> Absolutely selfish, stupid
<TJFS[Sheila]> ]And to top it all off I wasn't listening to her
<Fillyosopher> So how can you make sure this doesn't happen again?  By never, EVER blocking her like that.
<Fillyosopher> If you can't trust yourself yet... then at least trust her enough to listen to her.
<Fillyosopher> and not just listen and then close up again
<TJFS[Sheila]> It was cycle
<Fillyosopher> LISTEN, discuss, learn.  She can teach you and help you, just as you've helped her in the past
<Fillyosopher> A cycle?
<TJFS[Sheila]> I felt like I hurt her, she felt that and thought that she hurt me
<TJFS[Sheila]> Which I felt, which she felt
<TJFS[Sheila]> Our emotions aren't seperate enough yet
<Fillyosopher> You don't need to be more seperate, necessarily.
<Fillyosopher> What surprises me is that, knowing her feelings, and vice verse, neither of you were smart enough to talk it out.
<TJFS[Sheila]> I kinda... just wanted to be alone
<TJFS[Sheila]> Didnt want to bring her down
<Fillyosopher> If you feel you've hurt the other, don't stop and feel bad about it.  GO CHECK!  Hug the SHIT out of the other and make everything better.
<Fillyosopher> that goes for both of you
<TJFS[Sheila]> [he's a butthead]
<Fillyosopher> Sheila, thats cool and all, but you have to forgive him too.
<Fillyosopher> and then beat him up if he trys to block you again.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [I dont have enough control of myself to do anything]
<TJFS[Sheila]> [he went into autopilot, hes never done that]
<Fillyosopher> TJ... If you aren't to fearful to, could you give Sheila the power to contact you at anytime?
<Fillyosopher> and not just shooting messages at you, I mean the ability to MAKE you hear.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [He could hear me the entiere time]
<TJFS[Sheila]> [...like now]
<Fillyosopher> Okay then.  TJ, would you mind listening?
<TJFS[Sheila]> yeah Im listening
<Fillyosopher> Not to me, silly.  To your tulpa!  When she speaks, no more autopilot!
<Fillyosopher> Or at least, let her be able to turn off your auto pilot to get your attention.
<TJFS[Sheila]> I was listening the entire time
<TJFS[Sheila]> I didnt have anything to respond with
<TJFS[Sheila]> [youre a cunt sometimes.]
<Fillyosopher> SAdly, that is the same thing in this case.  If you aren't thinking of a response, then you aren't really listening.
<Fillyosopher> Oh, be kind Sheila!
<Fillyosopher> What help will that be?
<TJFS[Sheila]> [It'll help me feel better.]
<TJFS[Sheila]> im sorry
<TJFS[Sheila]> Look at me
<TJFS[Sheila]> Im arguing with myself
<TJFS[Sheila]> hahahahahahahaha
<TJFS[Sheila]> [hush.]
<Fillyosopher> arguing with yourself is good
<Fillyosopher> it means you'll get yourself sorted out!
<Fillyosopher> You'll figure out what is happening!
<Fillyosopher> I make a habit of it.
<Fillyosopher> if I don't, my mind started splintering.
<Fillyosopher> So don't worry about it!
<TJFS[Sheila]> SHe's right
<TJFS[Sheila]> I am a cunt.
<Fillyosopher> See!?  this is why you shouldn't cuss at him.  He might take it to heart!
<Fillyosopher> and then you've just made it worse again!
<Fillyosopher> Better to suck it up a bit and tell him he's stupid.
<TJFS[Sheila]> I don't think she'd say it if I didn't agree with it
<Fillyosopher> or even better, suck it up alot and Just hug him
<TJFS[Sheila]> at this point, anyways
<Fillyosopher> That is the point
<TJFS[Sheila]> [That's it though! I can't hug him! I managed to touch his shoulder twice!]
<Fillyosopher> So stop saing it, stop agreeing about it.
<Fillyosopher> You can too hug him!  You have a shape?
<TJFS[Sheila]> [yeah, we finished it a few nights ago[
<Fillyosopher> His mind/soul has a shape too.  even if you have to make a small shape of him to hug, do that.
<Fillyosopher> Make something that repressents him and hug that until he knows that point.
<Fillyosopher> the*
<Fillyosopher> and TJ, you do the same.  Even if you can't feel Sheila, hug something representing her.
<Fillyosopher> if it has to be a pillow, so be it.
<Fillyosopher> But until you two are able to forgive, in voice and in intention, this is just going to come up again.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [I cant blame him for this... but I can't help him either]
<TJFS[Sheila]> hey youre not useless
<Fillyosopher> Can't help him?
<Fillyosopher> :P
<Fillyosopher> I call bullshit
<Fillyosopher> You already have
<Fillyosopher> You were around when he needed someone elling at him.
<Fillyosopher> and you are still around to comfort him
<Fillyosopher> just as he is still here to comfort you.
<Fillyosopher> there is a cycle to that aswell, you know.
<Fillyosopher> To comfort, and good intentions.
<TJFS[Sheila]> Thanks sheila. thank you.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [someones gottta be there to kick your ass when you do crazy stuff]
<TJFS[Sheila]> [and I dont see you listening to your dad anytime soon]
<Fillyosopher> meh, you shouldn't be trusting parents to fix everything anyway
<Fillyosopher> You need to beleive in yourself first.
<Fillyosopher> them... their unknowns.
<Fillyosopher> but that is just my past speaking
<Fillyosopher> I hope you two are doing better?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Much. [Much.]
<Fillyosopher> If you EVER need anything, just ask.
<Fillyosopher> I do what I can...
<TJFS[Sheila]> [he should really be writing a progress report]
<Fillyosopher> Journals are very good, for nearly everything.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [...this is the most he's ever listened to me. Im only a week old]
<Fillyosopher> Happy 1week birthday!
<TJFS[Sheila]> [as far as I can tell anyways]
<TJFS[Sheila]> I have this odd feeling she's much older
<Fillyosopher> You may be a week old... but you are also as old as him.  And maybe more sensible :P
<TJFS[Sheila]> Hardly.
<TJFS[Sheila]> She's naked.
<Fillyosopher> :D
<TJFS[Sheila]> [shut up you.[
<Fillyosopher> shit
<Fillyosopher> ninjad
<Fillyosopher> I meant, to place that after the hardly.
<Fillyosopher> ... Sorry Sheila...
<TJFS[Sheila]> [Mr turbofingers over here might be putting them to some use-]
<TJFS[Sheila]> Okay, that 's enough of thjat
<TJFS[Sheila]> [But-]
<TJFS[Sheila]> No butts.
<Fillyosopher> *4xFacehoof Combo*
<TJFS[Sheila]> Sigh
<TJFS[Sheila]> Give her an inch, and she takes a foot
<TJFS[Sheila]> [-long-]
<Fillyosopher> ... there is a joke there...
<Fillyosopher> ...
* TJFS[Sheila] sighs
<Fillyosopher> I saw that coming...
<Fillyosopher> You two don't enjoy yourselves too much now ;)
<TJFS[Sheila]> She *may* have influenced my speech
<Fillyosopher> oh?
<TJFS[Sheila]> I'm definitely not ready for that
<TJFS[Sheila]> [sure you aren't.]
<Fillyosopher> Fears are normal.
<TJFS[Sheila]> I get last say here
<TJFS[Sheila]> [Nope]
<Fillyosopher> Don't sweat it
<TJFS[Sheila]> YES I DO
<TJFS[Sheila]> [no]
<Fillyosopher> Sorry TJ, welcome to democracy
<Fillyosopher> :P
* TJFS[Sheila] face desk
<Fillyosopher> Just be glad you only have one
<Fillyosopher> and that she isn't playing any pranks yet :D
<TJFS[Sheila]> [he was going ot say that he can ignore me if I get too terrible. thats gotta be fixed.]
<TJFS[Sheila]> Shit.
<Fillyosopher> exactly
<TJFS[Sheila]> Iappreciate the help
<TJFS[Sheila]> But
<TJFS[Sheila]> Damn it
<TJFS[Sheila]> Im not ready for her yet!
<Fillyosopher> Tj, you can't ignore her.  But if you are very kind, she might consider being a bit kinder about it.
<Fillyosopher> especially if it really bothers you.
<Fillyosopher> And don't let fear hold you too long.
<Fillyosopher> Else you'll never find out whats on the otherside.
<Fillyosopher> Shall i leave you two in peace then?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Too
<TJFS[Sheila]> many
<TJFS[Sheila]> chat
<TJFS[Sheila]> windows
<Fillyosopher> :P
<Fillyosopher> GOOD
<Fillyosopher> Somepony else is helping me then
<Fillyosopher> Mind if I ask who?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Cheesums

<Fillyosopher> especially if it really bothers you.
<Fillyosopher> And don't let fear hold you too long.
<Fillyosopher> Else you'll never find out whats on the otherside.
<Fillyosopher> Shall i leave you two in peace then?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Too
<TJFS[Sheila]> many
<TJFS[Sheila]> chat
<TJFS[Sheila]> windows
<Fillyosopher> :P
<Fillyosopher> GOOD
<Fillyosopher> Somepony else is helping me then
<Fillyosopher> Mind if I ask who?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Cheesums
<TJFS[Sheila]> Well.
<TJFS[Sheila]> That was kind of awkward.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [I made a friend!]
<Fillyosopher> oh good!
<TJFS[Sheila]> ...An intimate friend.
<Fillyosopher> hmmm?
<TJFS[Sheila]> She's a week old and already
<TJFS[Sheila]> [Whaaaaaaaat?]
<Fillyosopher> She is a week old... and exactly as old as you are.
<Fillyosopher> she can have some fun if she wants :P
<TJFS[Sheila]> Yeah well I'm being protective
<TJFS[Sheila]> [But I wannnnnnnt to[
<TJFS[Sheila]> I don't think you're ready.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [Whyyyyyy]
<TJFS[Sheila]> Cause I have to be your autocorrect!
<Fillyosopher> xD
<Fillyosopher> No comment
<Fillyosopher> :P
<TJFS[Sheila]> She's such a flirt
<Fillyosopher> Besides, I'm a pony.  What would I know about romance. ^-^
<TJFS[Sheila]> Pony genetalia is pretty large
<TJFS[Sheila]> ;)
<TJFS[Sheila]> [**]
<Fillyosopher> and now who's being a flirt, hmmm?
<TJFS[Sheila]> Don't look at me, that was her
<TJFS[Sheila]> I forgot brackets <_
<TJFS[Sheila]> [nimbus]
<Fillyosopher> Sheila, I'm sorry hon but I'm gonna have to say no.  I've already got a stallion... or two.
<TJFS[Sheila]> [awwwwwww]
<TJFS[Sheila]> [TJ is watching so much disney songs]
<Fillyosopher> Not to mention, the others in here wouldn't be so happy about it.
<Fillyosopher> democracy is a terrible thing.
<Fillyosopher> ;)
<TJFS[Sheila]> [So people keep telling me]