Serious Business

"No, look, I wouldn't try to trick you like that, would I? This is currency in Rabiah!" Emir, the noble-born thief, let the two jet-black stones fall on the counter, placing an hand over them with a dashing smile on his face before anyone could get more than an superficial look at them. "I'll just be out then, thanks for your services, kind vendor!" he said, throwing the so called currency on the counter while walking away at moderately suspicious speed. Del picked up the stones with his ever burning hands, not surprised whey they started melting almost immediately.
Outside of the shop, Murdock, the paranoid sellsword, stopped right in front of the door and took a step to the side, right before a torrent of blue mana erupted form inside launching Emir against the stand of a street merchant, where he landed upside down. Sighing, the red-haired woman carefully peeked inside before entering and quickly reaching for her usual, solitary corner where Del kept the most innocuous of the wares he was selling. Which was taken already, by a trio holding a pretty fervent discussion.
"This won't stand! Phyrexia is nothing but a blight to all worlds!" Nishal glanced at Iosha to his side, but she just shook her head in the universal "deal with it yourself" gesture. In front of the Leonid, Remes was laying back against a wall, grinning widely. "I don't see why would you waste all the perfectly good artifacts of Phyrexia just because of your fixation with wiping it out. You have to learn to separate profit and ideals, my good Leonid. Naturally, I wouldn't know much..." the secretive dimir spy was clearly playing with the pride of the fierce Mirran, and Murdock couldn't but ask herself how long it would have been before Del had to step in. Moving to the counter, she took place between the devilish Cala, completely unfazed by the events around her as she kept her nose nailed to the pages of an impossibly large tome, and what seemed to be for all intents and purpose a perfectly normal rock on a chair. Sometimes, glasses would be placed in front of it, and after everyone had turned their stares away, they would mysteriously be emptied of their content.
"Good morning, Del. R-rough day?" the sellsword managed to stutter; cleaning a large glass with, obviously, no need for rags and soap, the Weird bartender nodded, or at least moved what Murdock supposed was his head. "Oh. I-"
"DEL, MY GOOD FRIEND! I, DIOMEDES, HONOR YOUR HUMBLE SHOP WITH MY PRESENCE!" the statuary figure of Diomedes, the strongest man alive on this and several more planes, stood firmly against the entrance, surrounded by an halo of light.
"HURRY, FILL MY GLASS WITH REFRESHING BEVERAGES; FOR MY THROAT IS AS DRY AS THE CANYONS OF AKROS!" Del's color changed to a slightly redder shade, something that compelled all the nearby 'walkers, save the oblivious Cala, to slowly back down.
"No shouting, Diomedes. Don't make me silence you. Again." this last word was met with chuckling, whistling and nudging among some of the planeswlakers- at least those who felt they were out of Diomedes' immediate range of retaliation. "Now, I thought you weren't supposed to go around without Selenra. Not after that show at Tin Street..." Diomedes shrugged with a smile as he rested his powerful build against the counter, causing some of the (mostly female) walkers around it to blush. "Bless his heart, he wouldn't understand what that blushing means even if he was able to notice it..." thought Del as he filled a glass for the Akroan. Despite being so loud and boisterous, Diomedes was right and just, and more importantly, always paying on the spot, something that Del appreciated especially when the payment came in form of exotic curiosities from the corners of the multiverse. Planeswlakers who ended up in Ravnica tended to somehow gravitate toward his shop, and unforeseen happening that gave Del the occasion to explore the secrets of the planes even while  behind the counter; and for some reasons, they acted almost like peaceful individuals while inside. Some of those people who would have killed each other in the rush for rare treasures, or merely because of having bumped into each other in the middle of a square, were sitting at the same table in relative quiet, almost as if the shop wasn't full of masters of all sorts of arcane and martial arts barely under check.
A flame ignited in a corner of the shop, and Del made a gurgling noise which the closest 'walkers had come to acknowledge as a sigh.
"Barely", he thought. Leaving the now glistening glass to the diminutive soldier Jed, who had been coerced to work as his his assistant again, he walked toward the origin of the fuss.
"Who you are calling a slut, you metallic imbecile! What would you know of the ancient powers I wield?" Eris, the self styled demon princess, lighted up both her hands in flames, causing the etherium-clad Gwendolin to take a step back as she unsheathed a long, elegant blade "You call my servants imaginary, horned slut? It is you the one who can't even imagine what they could do to you if I just ordered them to-" Del had stopped listening already: planeswalkers were so prone to cheesy lines, it wasn't even funny anymore; however, wooden buildings don't repair by themselves,at least not without some green mana being involved.
"Ladies,stop this fight at once. Inside my-" he wasn't even able to finish, that an off target fireball had been passing straight in front of him, followed by a flash of steel in retaliation. The flaming sphere landed in front of the reptilian Shuurgul, who roared seeing the precious scrolls he just purchased burning to ashes and flipped what was left of his table, sending it flying against Iosha, who blocked it mid air and pushed it back. In mere seconds, the fight had spread to the whole shop with 'walkers going at each other to  even their odds, find a way out, or just for the sake of it. Smiling savagely, Diomedes raised his might fists and leapt into the fray, while Jed hurried to put the bottles down to safety and Murdock quickly jumped to the old side of the counter.
Cala turned page, and kept reading.
As the fight raged on, Del walked back to the counter, simmering with rage.
"Tables in Kessig wood, 60 zib to replace minimum. Onakke staff from Shandalar, 1000 zib at least.  A bottle of elven wine from the old days of Skyshroud..." he counted the damage dealt as he felt magic quickly building inside his ever-changing, unstable form made of opposing elements. Behind the counter, Murdock and Jeb slowly peeked up and decided to hide again as they saw the first ripples in reality creating around the Weird shopkeeper; after a second, they grabbed Cala by one arm each and pulled her down as well, just before Del's form exploded into an icy burst, freezing all of the fighters in place.
Cala turned another page, and kept reading.
"Mine's a serious business. Show some respect." Del commented, as he calmly went back to the counter and  forced out its previous occupants. "So, what did you want again, Murdock?".
The sellsword gave him a long stare, eyes open wide, then passed it on the frozen crowd.
"How long will they, you know, stay like this?"
"One hour, maybe two."
"... give me something hot to drink, please."