Living With Colgate: Adrift Part 2

>”Wow, Annie! Locked in the brig of a pirate ship on the open sea, our fate left to question. Is there a better way to spend time together? I don’t think there is! I feel like we’re getting closer every second.”
>Colgate shifts physically closer to you on the bench as she says this, until she bumps up against you.
>”This is so exciting. And there’s no one I’d rather be here with.”
>She rests her head on your shoulder and turns to look up at you with a toothy grin.
“Listen, Colgate. I’m sorry I haven’t been spending time with you. I really am. This is crazy, though. You shouldn’t have brought us out here. We’re going to die.”
>”If I hadn’t done this, we wouldn’t have had this great bonding experience.”
“You should have just asked me to hang out.”
>”Would you have?”
…
>No. You probably would have avoided it.
“Okay, you’re right. I’ve been a bad friend. I like you a lot, Colgate, it’s just… you’re a little overbearing at times. I’m sorry.”
>She nuzzles your shoulder lovingly in response.
>”I’m not trying to put us in mortal peril, honest. It just happens! But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”
>You give her a squeeze.
“It’s cool, just, if we ever get off this ship, promise to keep the antics within the town borders.”
>”Promise.”
>She reaches up to give you a little peck on the nose, but one of the zebras guarding your cell shouts, making her jump and kiss the area below your left eye.

>”OI! Get a room, you two!”
>”You’re making my balls MIGHTY blue!” adds the other zebra.

>The zebras are identical in every way: Same grating voice, same thick accent, same role as prison guard, and they both take turns beginning and ending those bad rhymes.
>You wouldn’t be able to tell them apart, if not for one being black with white stripes and the other white with black.
>You’ve noticed one is fairly short tempered, and wonder how you might use this to your advantage.
“All you zebras look alike!”
>You move your hand down to Colgate’s flank, and the horny zebra twitches.
>The angry guard draws a cutlass, thrusting it between the rusted bars in your direction while his twin bleeds from one nostril.
>Much to his dismay, Colgate unexpectedly locks lips with you, kissing you passionately.

>”You racist fuck! You’ll walk the plank!”
>”Unless you give that mare a spank!”
>A gunshot rings out, and all attention shifts to the staircase, where the captain of the ship stands, holding his smoking flintlock up in the air.
>He glances up at the bullet hole in the ceiling with an air of concern. “I hope that didn’t hit anybody.”
>Then he looks back toward the guards and snarls, hobbling forward on his three peg legs.
>“DON’T YOU THREATEN MY PRISONERS! No one’s walkin’ the plank ‘til I get me statue.”
>Colgate jumps up with her hooves against the bars.
>”We don’t have your stupid statue, mister!” she says. “And we can’t help you find it, either.”
>The captain spits at her.
>”YOU’RE LUCKY I don’t believe you, little pony, it’s the only reason you’re still alive!”
>Colgate spits back.
>”Killing us won’t bring back your goddamn statue! It’s gone, right Anon?”
>His rage intensifies. “I saw its empty crate on your raft! You know where it is!”
>She shakes her head at him.
>“It looked worthless, so we threw it-“
“-WE THREW IT in our ‘worthless items chest’! That’s where we keep all of our worthless items… that we find… all the time. All the time we’re finding items… worthless items, and throwing them in there! In the ‘worthless items chest’. That’s what it’s called.”
>His brow creases as he tries to detect your lie, but one way or another he fails.
>You can hardly believe your luck.
>“And where is this chest you speak of?”
”It’s back home! The chest is back home! In Ponyville.”
>He leans forward, looking you up and down with his one good eye, and you can almost hear the gears turning in his head.
“So you should set sail for the Equestrian coast! Then you can get your precious statue and go back to piracy, we can go back to whatever it is we do! The day will be saved! Everyone will be happy.”
>”DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?” He growls.
“No, sir.”
>”YOU JUST WANT A FREE RIDE HOME! YOU WANT ME TO GO OUT OF MY WAY SO YOU CAN GET BACK TO YOUR WARM LITTLE BED!”
“Never!”
>”This ship is not going anywhere! You and your friend are going to take one of our rowboats, go back home, and bring my statue back to me!”
>This is too good to be true.
“Yes, sir!”

>Up on the top deck, the crew start running around looking busy as soon as the captain shows up with you and Colgate.
>All except for one very intimidating minotaur who makes his way over to you through the commotion.
>He effortlessly pushes a path through all the smaller creatures and stops the captain.
>”What’s going on?”
>The captain pauses, looking up at the creature towering over him.
>”Arr, I’m, uh- Listen, I’m begginin’ to think I shouldn’t have let you join the crew, Mutiny. Always second guessin’ me all the time. You’re makin’ me look bad in front of the prisoners.”
>”Are you letting them go?”
>”NO! No, they’re just getting’ the statue and comin’… comin’ right back with it… after that.”
>The minotaur’s hand shoots forward suddenly, and grabs the captain around his throat.
>He lifts him up to his eye level while squeezing the breath out of him.
>”I’ve got a better idea!”
>Mutiny carries the captain a few steps over to the railing of the boat, where Colgate is already watching the waves.
>”Look, Annie! Remember when my rat bit you and you were bleeding into the water earlier? Your finger blood attracted some fish!”

>Yep, it’s true.
>The dorsal fins of a dozen giant sharks breach the surface of the water all around the boat.
>”We should name them! That one can be… Twilight Sharkle!”

>Mutiny the minotaur dangles the captain over the edge.
>”You are not fit to lead, so you shall DIE!”
>The captain is released from his deathgrip and, with no breath to scream, he plummets silently toward the ocean below.
>You pull Colgate away from the railing and against your chest, sparing her the sight of the brutality sure to follow.
>There’s no noise after the initial splash.

>”Now…” the minotaur says, towering over you and Colgate this time. “That statue is indeed valuable… and I would indeed like you to retrieve it.”
>You and Colgate look at each other.
>”But one of you must stay here, as incentive for the other to return. You understand.”
>The zebras, standing nearby and listening intently up until now, speak up.

>”Send the monkey, and send him soon!”
>”Aye, too long since we’ve seen pony poon.”

>Mutiny smirks.
>”Sorry, but the unicorn could simply teleport away to safety at any opportune moment. This guy doesn’t look like he can do much at all. He will stay, she will go. Prepare the rowboat.”

>”Don’t worry, Anon,” Colgate says as they start to drag you back to the brig. “I’ll be back for you! Trust me!”
>Someone tugs on your shoulder with enough force to spin you around, but Colgate continues to shout encouragement at your back as you are marched away.

>You can’t help feeling a little uncomfortable about having your fate left in her hooves.
>She’s not the most stable pony.

To be continued...