AiE: You Can't Spell Friend Without Fiend Chapter 8

> Day 3 in Equestria.
> You woke feeling rather refreshed after at least sleeping indoors for a change.
“Way better than the moon.” You say as you stretch your arms out. Y
> Donning your blue jeans, socks and shoes you decided that you wanted to feed your gracious host a home favorite omelet of tomato, onions and jalapenos. Big surprise ponies are herbivores so your blood thirst will go unquenched until you can figure something out.
> Rarity had insisted on making breakfast but you argued that you were gonna be using her ingredients anyway and curious as to your culinary skill she complied.
> Leave it to a lower middle class bachelor to understand how to make a meal out of almost nothing.
> A slice of buttery Texas toast on the side and a tall glass of orange juice to wash it all down with and you had a light and tasty breakfast all ready to go for Rarity and smaller filly who nearly fainted at the sight of you, whom you now know to be Rarity’s younger sister Sweetie Belle.
> SB: “So you’re that big monster that my sister and her friends beat the other day?”
“They didn’t ‘beat’ me ok? I got sucker punched trying to save my friend.”
> SB: “But Nightmare is evil! You don’t look like you’d be so bad.”
“Kid, trust me when I say this,” you grin and bear your teeth a little at the filly, “there’s a monster in all of us, some people hide it better than others and some people are monsters inside and out.” You let out a deep chuckle at the end of that sentence.
> RT: “Anonymous please, she’s just a little filly. No need to intimidate her.” She says eyeing your teeth, although not with the same look of fear on her sister’s face.
“Come on I was joking. You ponies are a lot nicer than most people back where I come from, myself included.”
> RT: “Yes we’ll that’s fine and all, but I’ll need to take your measurements. I don’t like how those clothes you’re wearing fit on you.
“What do you mean? I think they’re fine.”
> She rolls her eyes before listing all her problems with what you’re wearing.
> RT: “Firstly, your socks had HOLES in them, second, your undershirts a bit tight around your chest, then those boxers of yours, ugh, I can tell they were once white with red hearts until the hearts bled and made them pink. Also your pants seem to be rather, err, snug in some areas.
> SB: “So you’re that big monster that my sister and her friends beat the other day?”
“They didn’t ‘beat’ me ok? I got sucker punched trying to save my friend.”
> SB: “But Nightmare is evil! You don’t look like you’d be so bad.”
“Kid, trust me when I say this,” you grin and bear your teeth a little at the filly, “there’s a monster in all of us, some people hide it better than others and some people are monsters inside and out.” You let out a deep chuckle at the end of that sentence.
> RT: “Anonymous please, she’s just a little filly. No need to intimidate her.” She says eyeing your teeth, although not with the same look of fear on her sister’s face.
“Come on I was joking. You ponies are a lot nicer than most people back where I come from, myself included.”
> RT: “Yes we’ll that’s fine and all, but I’ll need to take your measurements. I don’t like how those clothes you’re wearing fit on you.
“What do you mean? I think they’re fine.”
> She rolls her eyes before listing all her problems with what you’re wearing.
> RT: “Firstly, your socks had HOLES in them, second, your undershirts a bit tight around your chest, then those boxers of yours, ugh, I can tell they were once white with red hearts until the hearts bled and made them pink. Also your pants seem to be rather, err, snug in some areas.
 “What’s that supposed ta mean?”
> TS: “Oh well I mean, Princess Celestia asked me to keep an eye on you so I figured that if she has her reasons, then I should to?” She says with a sheepish grin.
> You hope Luna isn’t getting the same treatment back in Canterlot.
“Monkey see, moneky do eh? I kinda figured Luna speaking up for me and my good behavior at the party would give me a clean enough slate. Still I suppose after putting those three gaurds in the hospital y’all got reason enough to suspect me of hurting anyone else.”
> Twilight looks ashamed for being called out like that but rather than start anything you figure it’s best to use that clean slate for the better.
“Look, I’ll answer whatever questions y’all have about me and my people so long as y’all keep an open mind as to the sincerity of my deeds. I may have been a fiend before but I just want to be y’alls friend.” You extend your hand towards her and she places a hoof in it which you give a couple quick shakes, because with three you’d just be playing with it.
> TS: “Deal!”
“Alrighty then, well Miss Rarity it’s been a downright pleasure staying here with y’all but I figure I owe it to Twilight here to drop some knowledge on her. I promise to swing by when I can so we can get some measurements in. Sweetie Belle, y’all behave for your sister unless ya want the boogie man to come get ya.” You say bearing your teeth just enough for the little filly to spot.
> Ha, scaring kids is fun.
> A brief walk through town and varying degrees of reactions from the ponies you didn’t really get the chance to meet at party which ranged from shock to nervous smiles and one mint green pony who smiled so wide you’d think she got into the medicine cabinet, and you arrived at the same giant tree you and Nightmare-Luna had spied on before.
“Cool tree house bro. Tell it again.”
> “Excuse me?” said twilight with a confused look on her face.
“Human joke, I’ll tell ya about them later.”
> Walking inside you spy with your little eye, books, lots of them, books by the ass ton.
> She’s crazy Twi and due to a surplus of books she’s renting them out free of charge!
> You’d have to be crazy not to take this offer.
> Why is crazy Twi looking at you like you’re the crazy one?
> Oh god, it’s a never ending internal monologue.
> Why have you forsaken me God?
> KHAAAANNN!!!
> “Uh, Anonymous, are you okay?”
> SALVATION AT LAST!
“Much better now Twilight, thank you.” You say wiping the nervous sweat from your brow.
> “Are you sure? You looked a little scared there.”
“Twilight, the mind is a terrible thing to waste, it’s also a terrible thing to be trapped in.”
> “Ri-i-ight, well now that we’re here are you up to answer some questions for me?”
“Sounds like a plan to me Twilight. Easiest community service I’ve ever had.”
> Thirteen hours later and you were wrong.
> So very wrong.
> She’s been asking the most mind numbing questions about human biology, history, government and the minute you brought up religion you knew you fucked up.
> “So your people have gods, but none of you have seen them and the ones who have can’t prove it?”
“For the tenth time Twilight, YES, that’s why I said they were BELIEFS, for some folks it’s all they got so they believe and hope their beliefs will reward them. Maybe it did when the world ended but I’m not a man of faith. I saw a chance to escape and I took it. Now I’m here and I was just need the research to end so I can get started on a new life here in Equestria.”
> “You know Anonymous; I haven’t really heard how you got here anyway. Apparently you’re some kind of Alien but you dodged the question every time I brought it up.”
> Maybe you should make pamphlets for these ponies, because this is gonna be like the third time you’ve gone over this.
*sigh* “Long story short? My world was falling apart, I took a gamble and jumped into a dimensional rift that opened, ended up on the moon here, made a deal with Nightmare and you know the rest.” You say sounding just a little more than aggravated.
> “I’m sorry Anonymous; I guess I’m just excited about doing a good job on this for the princess.”
> Yeah the Princess, what’s her game in all this? Does she see you as a big threat or no threat at all?
> Fuck it, too hungry to care.
“Look Twi, I know you want to do right by the princess, but she didn’t exactly give you a deadline right? So how’s about we just call it a day now and grab a bite to eat, because I’m honestly hungry enough to a hor- uh… Hors d'oeuvres, yeah that’s it.”
> “Dinner would be nice, and it would give me a chance to see what things you like to eat. Alright then I’ll whip us up something nice!” She says with a smile.
> God damn, adjusting may take a while longer than expected.
> Oh well, it’s only been three days, no sense counting eggs before they hatch.
> Besides, tomorrow is another day.

End Chapter 8