Inside Fluff-TV 1

INSIDE FLUFF-TV (PART 1)
By Anonymous Fluffery

>When people ask, you say that you didn't start Fluff-TV to make money.
>That's the truth.
>You started it to get hits, which got you advertisers.
>Only then did you get the money you were after.
>You did nothing more complicated than start a YouTube channel under the name Fluff-TV," then then use a >Compact SLR to make videos of a fluffy pony you adopted from a shelter that charged fuckall.
>You named the white unicorn with a curly pink mane "Cinderella," both for the cutesiness and because the plan was to pluck her out of obscurity and make her a star.
>The plan worked.
>You did simple, effective "shows" on the web channel, at first by putting fluff on the camera so Cinderella would play with it, thinking in a fellow fluffy.
>In time you got to teaching her short lines to say before playing with "guest" fluffies, actually just your neighbor's pets.
>"Haf evewy fwiend gone poopies befowe pway?" was probably the best one you ever came up with.
>See, fluffy owners liked to park their animals in front of a repeating playlist of "Let's Play with Cinderella!" while they went to work or whatever, to distract them, but the little bastards would get so hypnotized they'd forget they needed to use the litterbox, then go where they sat and not notice.
>In addition to the programming for fluffy consumption, you also had segments about easy fluffy-care tips or money-savers, mostly from books on the subject.
>You carefully re-worded them to avoid copyright trouble, then underpaid a few model-actress types who were desperate for the money to demonstrate them.
>Fluff-TV as a babysitter for needy fluffy ponies took off.
>Before people had time to imitate you, offers came in - a DVD publishing company, two satellite TV providers, even the radio.
>And you'd planned for that, too. No matter how much programming they asked for, you always had another idea, because you'd worked them out months in advance.
>Now you have your own studio dedicated to Fluff-TV production exclusively.
>You could farm out more of the shows to creators around the country, but the truth is that they're so straightforward to produce, you can keep an eye on most of them right here.
>Your biggest ratings draw has always been "Let's Play With Cinderella!"
>It follows essentially the same format as ever, though you now have a small staff that sees to the grooming and coaching of the fluffy ponies, as well as some camera pros.
>All the toys they play with are provided by advertisers - fluffy goods manufacturers.
>You have enough "Let's Play With Cinderella!" backlog episodes to fill up workdays and are still producing new ones - mostly to keep plugging new products, since it's not like fluffy ponies are really discerning enough to be bored by reruns.
>The 'field trip' episodes are the ones that win you real acclaim from fluffy pony owners and sell DVDs though.
>You have to actually do some writing and planning for them, because of all the presentation involved.
>They focus on Cinderella visiting all manner of places a fluffy pony might need to be taken.
>"Cinderella Goes to the Park!"
>"Cinderella goes to the Vet!"
>"Cinderella Takes an Airplane!"
>They're all Sesame Street style demystifications of the places and the people that inhabit them.
>"Aiwpwane go fwy in sky!" Cinderella might say reassuringly, pointing up at a passing jet. "But aiwpwane nuu faww! Fwuffy in aiwpwane seff, nuu cwy. Fwy wike pwetty biwdy!"
>Or, "When Cindewewwa fwiends sick, go vet offis! Vet gif med'cine, make fwuffies feew bettah! Vet good fwiend fow fwuffies!"
>Mostly you have any "events" in the show happen to guest ponies, either the recurring guys or one-off characters.
>Once you had a fluffy get his fluffy mark, and show how to react to that (it involves congratulatory hugs).
>Another time a fluffy's daddy was visiting tropical locale with her, and needed to have her fluff shaved down so she wouldn't get too hot, and Cinderella explained what needed to be done (realize that you're still pretty and that the fluff will come back, then hugs).
>The most whoring you ever did with her was having Cinderella shill for Spaghetti land in commercials, though you didn't secure a contract to film on-site.
>Those chicks in the Uni the Unicorn suit did.
>Apparently drunkenly hitting on the one from the rear-section at an awards banquet left a bad impression, because they've also never agreed to a crossover with your properties.
>Probably shouldn't have told her that her butt looked even better in real life, without the costume covering it.
>Sort of implied you'd like to see her with even less on.
>Christ, you didn't know that they were a couple, you just thought she was sorta tomboyish.
>And it's really easy to forget how strong bourbon can be when it's free.
>Well, whatever, they're probably furries anyway.
>Today you're at the studios, and you're making your random rounds.
>You do it at different, unannounced times every weekday so people are on their best behavior.
>Getting caught up to shit by your executive producer would be a bad idea, employees.
>First you pop into the editing bay, where they're putting finishing touches on an episode of "Babies," the compilation series of sent-in foal videos.
>It's perfect for when you want a fluffy to get interested in the idea of breeding for the first time, or at any age when they need to be introduced to the concept of foaling.
>Next they'll be splicing together "America's Fluffiest Home Videos."
>Naming rights were a nightmare to get, but you make bank on fluffy ponies exhibiting weird but cute behaviors for viewer amusement.
>Today there's a clip of a fluffy pony who's made its tail into an imaginary friend called "Mistah Fwuff Bottom."
>He argues with it, chases it, asks it about how it feels being sat onto pillows and the floor.
>Yesterday it was a colt named Pepsi who thought he was supposed to sit in a cup with ice because of his name.
>It's all stuff like that, though you generally avoid airing injury footage to keep from stressing out the audience.
>Not that they don't send it.
>You have a stack of stuff that's not fit for airing, like the cell phone video of the three fluffy ponies who keep eating, then crapping out whole, undercooked spaghetti noodles over and over until they form an ouroboros.
>You never managed to track down who sent you the tape of the Thai restaurant where the cook practices his cuts on live fluffy ponies, who keep crying out for some "Nice hoomin!" to come "Take back to Swate an' fwiends!" before being dismembered and grilled.
>You tried, though.
>And there was the douchebag who filmed himself giving "special huggies" to a Smarty Friend's favorite mare while he watched.
>That guy you got arrested, though apparently he's gotten lots of fan-mail during his stay in in County.
>But that's another story.
>You actually planned to run with the video of the derp-eyed mare who kept licking her baby and saying she tasted like muffins, that was cute.
>Then someone showed you that there was a longer version online where the retarded thing began eating the baby.
>Time to move on to the studios...