Oregairu Vol.11 Chapter 7

Vol 11 Chapter 7

[In spite of herself, Yukinoshita Yukino’s eyes were bright and clear.]

It has been a period of time since the cooking event near Valentine.

The past few days had clear weather, but today, the weather was cloudy. Seems like this sort of uncertain weather was going to persist for a few days. The temperature didn’t drop too sharply in the night, but frankly, this was just within the error margin. Chiba’s winters were cold as always.

After school, as the sun began to set, I felt the temperature drop further by a notch.

I went into the club room to get away from the cold that permeated the corridors of the special building. Thanks to the warmth in the room, I could enjoy reading my paperback in peace.

The twilight drew near, the club room was as it has always been.

The long table had a teacup, a mug and another teacup that looked out of place with the other two. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Yukinoshita pouring black tea into each of them. She placed the steaming hot tea in front of me and Yuigahama.

I lifted my head from the paperback so as to take the black tea, and Yukinoshita and I met each other's gaze.

Yukinoshita immediately lowered her head, but quickly looked up again. Then, she lowered her gaze once more. This unnatural attitude of hers was clearly different from usual. Yuigahama seemed to feel the same way as well.

“Yukinon?”

Hearing her voice, Yukinoshita looked at her with some restraint, then glanced at me again. Then, she spoke with some difficulty.

“I am really sorry for that time…… That, my mother, she……”

Saying that, she lowered her head silently. Although she didn’t say much, judging from the few keywords and the way she spoke, I quickly understood what she was apologizing for. The events of that day rose easily to my mind without me having to rack my brains. I could not forget it; the events of that day kept playing itself out again and again in my head. The matter with her mother notwithstanding, the words that Haruno-san had said to me as well as the parting words that she gave Yuigahama kept repeating themselves in my head.

It’s just that there wasn’t any point in talking about them, not to mention that no one was to blame for that chain of events.

Hence, I shook my head slightly and told her that it was nothing she should worry about. Thereupon, Yuigahama, who was seated diagonally opposite me, waved her hand vigorously to imply that she didn’t mind either.

“It’s nothing at all! I was often told off by my mom for coming home late as well.”

“Well, I suppose moms are all like that. They are always nagging at their children. Furthermore, she would clean my room and ask me questions like whether school had been fun out of the blue.”

Why were the mothers of this world so interested in their son’s living space, their friends and even their reading interests? ...... What in the world? Was she my fan? Thank you, mom. But please don’t touch the drawers of my desk.

Hearing both mine and Yuigahama's words, her expression softened. A small smile could be seen and she brushed her hair away from her shoulders like always.

“…… So, Hikigaya’s mom would have an especially huge problem.”

“Hikki’s mom, I wonder what she’s like.”

“Even if you asked me that…… She’s very normal. She’s like another Komachi. Recently, due to the entrance exam coming up, Komachi and her have been talking non-stop about it.

Even if the relationship between those two were normally good, there would still be conflicts every now and then. Anyway, the biggest reason behind their quarrels were regarding dad’s attitude. Dad would be overly concerned with Komachi and nag non-stop at her, causing my mother to flare up. Then, Komachi would get angry as well, and the mood around the house would feel savage.

……Ah, this was totally not a conflict between mom and daughter. It was just them shunning dad. Well, this is indeed a common occurrence whenever it comes to such exams or career paths.

Speaking of this, Yuigahama nodded her head and spoke.

“Ah, that’s right. Komachi is taking her exam tomorrow. We are also going to be on a school holiday due to those exams.”

“I think that if it’s Komachi, she shouldn’t have any problems.”

“Ah……”

I could sense a little bit of uncertainty in her words. Nodding my head back at her, the voice in which I replied her probably sounded as uncertain as she did.

Tomorrow was the day she was taking the high-school entrance examinations.

While we are at it, tomorrow was also Valentine ’s Day. The important point was that I wouldn’t be able to receive Komachi’s chocolates this year. Well then, till the next year, my bitter disappointment! However, if we were talking about anticipation for the next year, I realized that I didn’t even know what next year was going to be like. Thinking too far ahead will only make one gloomy.

Yuigahama probably noticed my expression, and smiled at me anxiously.

“Of course you would be worried, you are her brother after all.”

“Exactly……”

Hearing such kind words, I couldn’t help but nod my head heavily.

I exhaled deeply, and along with that exhaled breath, were stuff that I didn’t want to think about as well as my resentment towards the future.

“Komachi is way too cute, she will surely be popular right? So if that’s the case, I have to be wary of boys, because it is important that they don’t find out that she has me for a brother. After all, this will affect her reputation.”

“That’s what you are worried about?! I mean, you are already assuming she passed?!”

“I don’t know whether you are being positive or negative here.”

Yuigahama seemed shocked whilst Yukinoshita just sighed, seemingly dumbfounded. They looked at each other and chuckled.

Seems like there wasn’t going to be any visitors today. The club room had a relaxed atmosphere flowing about it like always. As I enjoyed this faint sense of relief, I continued to turn the page of my paperback. Yuigahama sprawled herself lazily on the table, fiddling about with her mobile phone whilst Yukinoshita was taking off the lid of the teapot, and poured another cup of black tea.

Then, she placed her bag on the table, and from it, took out a small paper bag. Opening the bag, some light rustling sounds could be heard as well as the presence of a sweet smelling fragrance. Looks like this was some sort of snacks to go along with the tea.

Yukinoshita poured them carefully onto a wooden plate. I took a glance at it, and realized there was an assortment of them, ranging from the chocolate chip with jam, or cookies with checked patterns as well as multi-colored ones. From the types of cookies as well as the paper bag, I could infer that they were probably not brought from a shop.

“Ah, are these all hand-made by you?”
I saw Yuigahama’s eyes sparkling with anticipation.

Yukinoshita’s skills in cooking was undisputed. Including the cooking event just a few days ago, she has already demonstrated her cooking prowess several times. Each time, Yuigahama would have a great feast.

Hence, there was nothing surprising there.

This should have been the case, but upon hearing Yuigahama’s casual comment, she seemed to not know how to answer her.

“……Umm, yes. I made a bit last night.”

Then, she lowered her head slightly, and played about with the edge of the plate with her fingers, and took a small breath. Then, she sneaked a glance in my direction.

With her gaze downwards, her head and arms were not moving. From the gap in her fringe, I could tell that she was hesitant to look at me directly and was now regarding me with some restraint. Her actions would cause anyone to be discomposed.

Yukinoshita’s mouth opened slightly before closing tightly again, as though she was having trouble deciding whether or not she should say it. I noticed those cherubic lips of her more than ever and instantly averted my gaze.

Then, the entire club room lapsed into silence.

“I see…… I did try to put in some more effort since that time, but it’s still not as good.”

Yuigahama seemed to dislike the silence that was caused in the previous instant, and tried to smooth things over with a laugh.

She fiddled about with the bun of hair on her head as she shook her head.

“My house’s oven range seems to have spoiled. It keeps making those weird noises and won’t bake anything at all.”

“That’s probably because it is just a microwave oven.”

Saying that, I sighed. I was probably relieved by her usual display of stupidity. Yukinoshita too, was covering her mouth with her hand, trying to hide her laughter. Then, she placed her school bag on her knee and took out yet another small paper bag.

She had probably decided to give this bag to Yuigahama. The bag was decorated with a cute pink ribbon and had cat paw prints on it.

“If you would be so kind as to accept this.”

“Is it really okay!? Oh, oh! Thanks!”

“The things inside are more or less the same.”

Yukinoshita added in a line of apology to Yuigahama, who had received the bag with great joy.

“Uun, I am really happy! Yukinon’s snacks are super tasty.”

Yuigahama hugged the paper bag tightly to her chest. Then she held it in her hand and looked at it gently. Blinking her eyes several times, she looked at Yukinoshita.

“Eh…… there’s only my portion?”

I understood the meaning behind that question and instinctively looked away. I tried to continue reading the paperback in my hand without shifting my head back, but found that it was impossible.

Why did I have to look away?

I noticed the ‘Ding’ sound that the bowl made, echoing throughout my ear. Even if I didn’t look at it with my eyes, I couldn’t block out the noises that were coming from inside me. What I could do was to try and bury them with my thoughts.

Willfully trying to understand, willful self-awareness, willful expectations. Whether or not she had prepared some for me, it was strange to try and derive some meaning out of it. This club had only three people. Even if I was given it, it would be just an obvious consideration on her part. When you try to give such stuff deeper thought, to try and decipher some sort of meaning behind it, then you were already being overly self-conscious. Thinking about this sort of thing was disgusting. To frantically tell yourself that whilst not acting on it was repulsive as well. These sort of repulsive and disgusting things were definitely wrong.

Although I was determined to bury such thoughts in my head, my restless feelings would not calm down. I pretended to comb back my hair and my restless eyes looked about the surroundings.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Yuigahama’s mouth stiffening. Her white and thin throat moved all of a sudden.

“What about Hikki’s?”

There was no need to help me ask. No, it’s not like I really wanted it. I am being serious.

However, I did not say that out loud.

Yuigahama’s voice and eyes, were looking out for others like always. She posed the question ever so timidly, but even so, I could see her left hand that was originally on her knee, grasping the hem of her skirt tightly. Seeing her like that, the words that I wanted to say stuck in my throat.

“Ah, no, I don’t really……”

I clumsily stuttered those words out. The mood was growing heavy, and then came the sound of Yukinoshita’ sigh.

Yukinoshita gripped the bag that was on her knees tightly, and then placed it under her arms before silently pushing her chair aside and standing up.

Leaning herself against the long table, she stretched out her hand and pushed the plate of cookies in front of me.

“If you would.”

“Oh, oh……”

I tried to give a reply but her eyes did not meet mine, and was constantly looking towards the side. The side of her face was illuminated by the evening sun. Perhaps it was due to the cloudy weather, but the evening sun today seemed to be a deeper shade of red than usual, and the whole clubroom was dyed in red.

Her eyes and neck were dyed red, her lips trembling slightly in embarrassment and those long eyelashes kept flickering as she blinked. I hesitated to look at her directly and hence, I closed my paperback harshly instead, and reached out for the cookies.

“……This is delicious.”

“I know right!”

Yuigahama leaned forward to reply me after she heard my non-committal murmur. Then, she took a cookie herself, bit down on it and placed her hands on her cheeks in joy.

“……Is, is that so. I made it like how I had always done so.”

Watching our response, the tension seemed to ease from her shoulders as she answered and then, she finally returned to her seat.

The cookies were placed at the center of the table, the correct place where it should be. Steam rose from the teapot and teacups.

We talked about our thoughts regarding today’s black tea and snacks, sometimes lapsing into silence, where some of us would be either playing with our mobile phones or reading a book. Then, we would once again break into conversation and the sound of laughter would fill the club room from time to time.

Without anyone coming for a consultation, the club room had a calm atmosphere about it.

The time passed by slowly, and the sun was soon touching the faraway sea.

The evening sun was not hot in the winter. It emitted light but not warmth.

If we were to ignore it, this place would soon become cold.

Hence, we were forced to move about, in order to warm ourselves.

Even if we felt that tinge of discomfort in doing so.

X                                                      X                                                          X

In the end, no one came to the club room, and club activities ceased as the time to head home arrived.

I closed the door, and waited for Yukinoshita to return the club room keys. After that, we left the building. For some reason or other, we continued on our conversation in the club room, and arrived at the bicycle parking lot.

I wouldn’t call that returning the favor, but I did push along my bicycle and accompanied the two of them to the school gate.

I didn’t use the side gate as I would usually do, but instead, headed towards the main gate which led to a big street leading to the station. Looking up, the sky had already gone dark.

The clouds were low hanging. It looked like it was about to rain.

“Uu--- So cold!”

“Better to wrap your muffler properly around yourself now.”

As soon as she took a step out of the school gate, Yuigahama shivered violently. Yukinoshita who was beside her, was gallantly helping to wrap the muffler around her.

Although this scene was sufficient to warm my heart, it did nothing to warm my body.

As soon as the sun set, the temperature dropped even more drastically. Once we stopped moving, the chills would come creeping up to your body, feet and mind.

“It is seriously cold out here……”

When I thought about the road home, I became gloomy. When I thought about pushing my bike in the cold wind, I really felt like I couldn’t take it anymore…… I too, re-tightened my muffler, wore my gloves deeper and raised my hand slightly.

“See you.”

“Un. See you tomorrow.”

Yuigahama waved her small hands in front of her chest. I returned her gesture with a nod and was about to straddle up to my bike.

At this time, ever so faintly, I heard a voice mixed with a sigh.

“……Ah.”

Turning my head back, I guess that Yukinoshita had wanted to call out to me but stopped midway. She had taken half a step forward.

My eyes were asking her what’s the matter, but her demeanor did not change. She seemed to have something to say but her lips did not move. She stood there, stock still, both her hands clutching tightly the opening of the bag, which hung from her left shoulder.

Seeing her trembling, uneasy gaze, I did not thoughtlessly ask her what the matter was but stood there motionlessly, waiting for her to speak.

This silent ‘war’ continued on for some time and then the sound of the gravel and sand could be heard.

“Ah, eh, I think I should just go on ahead?”

Although Yuigahama said all this with a troubled smile, she had only taken a step back. She played with the bun of hair with her gloved hand and looked at Yukinoshita, observing her reaction.

Yukinoshita seemed to be unwilling to see her making that face and shook her head slightly, then gazed intently at Yuigahama imploringly. Seeing that, Yuigahama lowered her head in that instant, but quickly looked up, looked at her gently and asked once more.

“Eh…… What should we do?”

The voice contained no trace of bewilderment, just a kind voice seeking confirmation.

“……That is.”

The words that she was about to say vanished into the distance, just like the blowing wind. Unable to find the right words, she blushed and had a troubled expression on her face as she lowered her gaze and stared at her feet. Maybe it was due to her using too much force, but her shoulders were twitching, and she was clutching her bag even tighter than before.

We waited for her to continue her sentence, not moving at all. No one was making a sound, but soon, a hard sound could be heard.

Ka-to.

I had a hunch that this was the sound of heels striking the asphalt.

The sound grew louder with each step, making me think that it was the sound of my heartbeat. Perhaps that this was some sort of illusion of a sound that reached only my ears. I even thought that it was the physical manifestation of the unease that had always been strongly rooted inside of me.

But this didn’t seem like a sound that was heard only by me. Yuigahama looked in the direction of the approaching footsteps. Then she let out a cry of surprise.

“Ah……”

Soon, the footsteps stopped abruptly. We followed Yuigahama’s gaze and what we saw opened our eyes wide.

“Yukino-chan, I am here to fetch you.”

“Nee-san……”

Seeing her, Yukinoshita uttered those words involuntarily.

Yukinoshita Haruno’s heeled boots sounded out once more as she walked to our front. She put her hands into her coat pockets, and had an intrepid smile on her face. She tilted her head to the side, as though looking at Yukinoshita.

“I didn’t know anything that could possibly warrant you coming down to fetch me.”

“It’s what our mom wanted, that you and I should live together temporarily. Ah, there’s a spare room in your apartment, right? It won’t be a problem if I arrange for the luggage to be delivered tomorrow right? If its morning I can still take care of it, but I will be going out in the afternoon, so can I leave that to you?”

Haruno-san unleashed a volley of questions so as to prevent me and Yuigahama from interrupting.

If she seized the initiative just like that, then it would be impossible for us outsiders, to say anything at all.

Above all else, although the tone of Haruno-san’s voice sounded like she felt she was being a bother, it felt way too natural. As though this was something that had been decided long ago. Her demeanor felt like she would not listen to any form of objections.

“Wa, wait. Why this all of a sudden……”

Yukinoshita said it with a mix of disapproval and bewilderment. To that, Haruno-san’s shoulder shook as laughed loudly.

Then, she leaned forward a little, and looked at Yukinoshita as she replied.

“You should know, don’t you? Or at least, have an idea.”

Hearing her question, Yukinoshita’s shoulders jumped in surprise.

“……This, is something that I will do myself. It has nothing to do with you, Nee-san.”

Yukinoshita was definitely glaring at Haruno-san now, as she replied in a sharp voice that clearly stated her rejection of that proposal.

The thing that Yukinoshita ought to do herself. I fear that that was referring to the matter that she and her mom had discussed a few days ago.

That time, they had probably made some sort of promise, that Yukinoshita would give the answer to her question herself.

But still, even so, Yukinoshita Haruno was right here before us.

Was it because her mother had no longer wanted to wait for her daughter’s answer or was this just an act of simple concern for her returning home late at night? I wasn’t sure. It was probably only Haruno-san that understood her mother’s thoughts.

Haruno-san listened to Yukinoshita’s words quietly.

The smile that had been present earlier was gone. She narrowed her eyes at Yukinoshita, her sharp gaze piercing her, as though trying to catch hold of her, not letting her escape. She continued to look at Yukinoshita with that cold stare; All of Yukinoshita’s actions and expressions were reflected in her eyes. It even seemed like that gaze had seen through all of Yukinoshita’s thoughts.

Soon, her mouth opened slightly.

“Does Yukino-chan even have a ‘self’?”

“Wha……”

These words by Haruno-san threw Yukinoshita into disarray. Just as she was about to ask for the meaning of that question, Haruno-san cut her off preemptively by continuing to speak.

“You have always been following in my footsteps, can you really call that ‘your own thoughts’?”

Although there was now a thin smile on her face, Haruno-san’s voice was far colder than usual, and her frozen gaze pierced through Yukinoshita.

Yukinoshita did not make any noise in objection or produce any words of denial. She looked at Haruno-san, completely dumbfounded. Seeing her in this state, Haruno-san shrugged her shoulders lightly and sighed in amazement.

“Yukino-chan has always been allowed to do as she pleased, but she has yet to decide anything for herself.”

Her voice was gentle, yet there was pity in it as well.

Then, her gaze of pity shifted away from Yukinoshita. She directed her gaze now at Yuigahama, who was beside Yukinoshita, and then to me, who was standing opposite them.

When our eyes met, she chuckled unintentionally.

“……You have no idea of what you should do even at this juncture, don’t you?”

This question, I had no idea who it was directed at.

Not only Yukinoshita, but even I was rooted to the spot. I had wanted to stop Haruno-san from continuing on with her verbal assault, but my voice seemed to be stuck in my throat, unable to come out. What could be the right thing to do now? To that, I had no idea.

“What does Yukino-chan want to do?”

“If you two are going to quarrel, could you do it somewhere else?”

I spoke at last, so as to prevent Haruno-san from questioning further.

That was because she was definitely going to say that one conclusive line. One that would thrust the truth in our faces. Hence, I could not allow her to continue. Not for Yukinoshita’s sake, but for mine.

Haruno-san seemed like she had her fun taken away from her and looked at me with a bored expression. Her eyes were full of scorn, as though asking if these were the only words that I was capable of.

“A quarrel? I hardly think that this qualifies as one. We had never actually argued before.”

“Even if that is true, this is not the place to say such things.”

With that, we stared at each other coldly. I used every ounce of my willpower to continue staring at her, trying my best not to avert my eyes.

“Th, that…… we are giving it some proper thought. Yukinoshita too, and me as well.”

Yuigahama intervened, trying to stick up for us. She stood up right next to Yukinoshita and spoke those words strongly. Yet, under Haruno-san’s stare, her voice gradually grew weaker. At the very end, her entire head was facing the ground. Haruno-san looked at her gently with a pitiful gaze and told her.

“…… I see. Then, I would like to hear it when you come back. You have only one place that you can go back to anyway.”

With the addition of this line, she turned around and left. The sound of her heels grew increasingly distant, and I could feel the tension in my body slipping away.

From the gaps within the thick clouds, the light from the sunset illuminated the figure of Haruno-san eerily. As I watched her leave, I finally heaved a deep sigh of relief. It felt as though I had not been breathing for a long period of time.

We were unable to look at each other’s face. Yukinoshita lowered her head and bit her lips, standing there motionlessly. Yuigahama looked on with a hurt expression. Then, there was me, who looked up at the sky, all the while thinking of some appropriate words to bid farewell to them after all that I had said just now.

“Eh, eh…… I know. Come to my house?”

And so, faced with her proposal that she had suggested with a smile on her face in a bid to smooth things over, I could not find any reason to object to it.

X                                                     X                                                   X

Walking along the huge street that led from the school to the station, we soon arrived at a place whereby big condominiums stood in rows.

Yuigahama resided in one of these condominiums.

Along the way, we encountered many people who were going home from school or work during this period of time. The hustle and bustle of the crowd spilled all around us. This clamor was most welcoming to us, who had been walking silently all this while.

When both Yukinoshita and I opened our mouth to speak, it was only to say “Sorry for the intrusion.” When entering Yuigahama’s house. However, after staying in her room for a while, we were finally able to talk to each other instead of just sighing.

“Sorry, my room is not very tidy.”

Saying that Yuigahama sat down in front of a low table, and passed us a cushion each.

“……Thank you.”

Yukinoshita offered a simple sentence of gratitude and sat down quietly beside Yuigahama, hugging the cushion. I imitated her as well, and sat down cross-legged on the floor. They were seated across me.

Thanks to the short fur on the pink-colored rug, my feet felt warmer.

Hugging the fluffy beaded cushion, I felt like rolling about the room.

The rack nearby was overflowing with some cute merchandise, as well as some other goods that seemed to have an enigmatic Asian feel to it and a clutter of fashion magazines piled up on top of one another. There was also a study table that did not look like it had ever been used, and was currently being used to store goods.

Although Yuigahama had said that her room wasn’t tidy, but I thought that it was more than qualified to be called tidy. At least, it was tidier than mine.

But I found myself unable to relax. There was a fragrance in this room. Just that alone was enough to unsettle me. This fragrance seems to be coming from the bedside, hence my eyes darted unconsciously in that direction. At a glance, I noticed a small bottle by the bedside. There were several thin sticks in the bottle, and it appeared that that was the source of the fragrance.

What’s that...... I thought as I looked at it when I heard someone clearing their throat. Turning my head back to the two of them, I saw Yuigahama twisting her body about shyly.

“Can, can you not keep staring there?”

“Eh, ah, no, what, because there’s something like fried pasta over there?”

I hurried replied in a high-pitched voice. Yuigahama laughed in amazement.

“That is a room fragrance…….”

Oh, so that was a perfume designed for use in a room……. I presume that those pasta-like sticks sucked up the perfume before dispersing it. Well, whatever, how would I know? Heh, so there was this kind of thing in a girl’s room. I was amazed, and saw, out of the corner of my eyes, someone trying to hide her laughter.

“Fried pasta……”

Looking her way, I saw Yukinoshita laughing heartily as she buried her head in the cushion. No, surely it wasn’t that funny…… This person’s sense of humor sure was strange as always.

As I continue to think about this, and smiled unconsciously. Yuigahama sighed with relief as well.

When she felt that we could finally settle down and have a good talk, Yukinoshita lifted her head up from the cushion and corrected her seating posture.

Then, she lowered her head silently.

“Sorry…… For the trouble I caused…….”

“It’s nothing! Don’t worry about it.”

Yuigahama waved her hands in front of her chest, and spoke in a cheery voice. At the same, a voice that was even more cheerful than her overlapped with hers

“Exactly~. There’s nothing at all to worry about.”

A female appeared, one who didn’t knock on the door but simply pushed it open. She was carrying a tea set complete with tea. She was wearing a thick coat along with a long skirt, giving off the impression of calmness. She had a somewhat childish face, which gave off the impression of youth. Each time she laughed merrily, the bun of hair at the back would shake with vigor as well.

“Mama! Don’t just enter without warning me.”

Although Yuigahama seemed angry when she said that, but this Mama merely ignored her with a “Eh?” and a smile. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that she was Yuigahama’s mother. A friendly smile as well as a good figure. Like mother, like daughter.

……Wait, no. I would still have believed it if someone were to tell me that she was Yuigahama’s sister. But since she called her mama that means it must be her mother? Yuigahama’s mother, abbreviated as Yuigahamama. That totally doesn’t seem like an abbreviation, not to mention that it was hard to pronounce as well.

Yuigahama’s mother squatted down beside the low table and began to pour tea. Then, she passed the tea to me, at the same time saying “Here~”.

“Ah, thank you. Sorry for the trouble…...”

At this time, was it better to say “Please don’t fuss over me” or “Don’t worry about me” or “Don’t bother about me” for this tea-ceremony? I didn’t have much experience being a guest at another’s house, so I felt really helpless now. Furthermore, the other party was Yuigahama’s mother, which made me even more nervous, and resulted in me stammering my reply.

Also, I felt shy looking at her, hence I kept looking down, when I heard her cry out “Wa” in joy.

I looked up warily, and noticed that Yuigahama’s mother was looking straight at me.

She observed me for a brief period, during which she constantly said words like “Heh” and “Ho.”

Seeing that I had trouble replying her, Yuigahama's mother laughed happily.

“You must be Hikki-kun…… right? I always hear Yui talking about you.”

“Oh, oh……”

I want to die. I am so embarrassed that I want to die.

“Mama, don’t say things that you don’t need to!”

Yuigahama rushed towards her mom in a fluster. Then she stood up and took the plate with the sweets from her mom as she tried to shoo her mom away from the room.

“Eh…… Mama wants to chat with Hikki as well.”

“Give it a rest already.”

Yuigahama pushed her mom’s back, who was kicking up a fuss, and managed to shoo her all the way to the doorway.

Yukinoshita smiled at the exchange between the two of them, and then, her gaze met with Yuigahama’s mother who was about to be pushed out of the door.

“Ah, that’s right, Yukino-chan.”

“…… Y, yes.”

Yuigahama’s mother was smiling broadly as she responded to Yukinoshita’s bewildered reply.

“You are going to stay over here tonight right? I will go take the matt…….”

“I can do that!”

Yuigahama used all her might to push her mother out of the door and locked the door. Some sounds could still be heard from outside but Yuigahama ignored it and let out a long sigh.

“Ahaha…… Really sorry for that. When Mama knew that Yukinon was going to come, she was so happy. She’s usually not that excited. This is so embarrassing……”

To the embarrassed Yuigahama, Yukinoshita shook her head lightly and told her she needn’t worry. Then, she gave a helpless smile.

“Your relationship with your mother is really good. …..I am a little envious of it.”

There was a tinge of regret and loneliness in her expression. With a mother and a sister like that, it would be difficult for anyone, not just Yukinoshita, to get along with them. Yuigahama and I thought of this and we were unable to say anything.

Noticing our silence, Yukinoshita hurriedly added on to her previous sentence.

“Sorry, I must have said something weird…… I should be going back now.”

Yukinoshita prepared to stand up, but was forced back down by Yuigahama. As she returned to her original seat, she spoke cheerfully as she clapped her hands.

“Why not stay the night here? I often have sleepovers with other people. ……There are times whereby it’s not too convenient to go back home, right?”

“Eh, but……”

Caught off guard by her words, Yukinoshita seemed puzzled, and hesitated for a bit. Her gaze shifted about restlessly from her troubles, and in the end, looked towards my direction. No, don’t look at me, it’s not like I can help you or anything……

However, taking into account the exchange with Haruno-san just now, in this current situation, if Yukinoshita were to go home, it would only lead to the same result as just now.

From Yuigahama’s tone I could tell, that she was thinking about this as well. As I thought this, I looked at Yuigahama, and she nodded her head in response in a way that only I could see.

Well, if it was difficult to face someone, then don’t. Backing off was also one of the effective ways in which one could smooth things over. But if a deadline was not set in which the people involved would face each other for a final conclusion, then it would just be running away from the problem. However, I could hardly say that this was a bad idea in delaying the time.

“……Well, I would say that the both are of you have yet to calm down. So why not take tonight to think things over. But you would still have to make a call.”

“Un, this sounds like a good idea.”

Yuigahama agreed with me, after which Yukinoshita hugged her knees, and thought for a short while before nodding her head slightly to show her agreement.

“……What you say makes sense.”

She retrieved her mobile phone from her bag and placed her call. She was probably calling Haruno-san. After a little bit of waiting, the call got through. Yukinoshita raised her head and began to speak.

“……Hello. I think that both of us have yet to calm down, so I’ll take tonight to think things over. I am just informing you, that's all.”

Yukinoshita completed her message and the other side seemed to have n response. The room was drowning in silence. I could only hear Yukinoshita’s breathing, as well as a small voice saying “Did she just……”

I looked towards the source of that voice, and saw Yuigahama looking back and forth between me and Yukinoshita in surprise. Just as I wanted to ask her what the matter is, I heard a bored laughter at the other end.

“Oh, I understand. Hikki-kun is there with you now right? Pass him the phone.”

In this quiet room, her provocative voice reached my ears all the way from the phone. Met with Haruno-san’s request, Yukinoshita seemed hesitant for that instant. But upon hearing the cold “Hurry up” urging her on, she sighed lightly, and passed the phone to me.

“…… My sister wants to speak with you.”

I took the phone silently from her and placed it close to my ear, and spoke slowly.

“……What?”

“……Hikigaya-kun, you are really kind.”

Her chuckle and scornful voice was both lovely and charming. I felt as though like I had been possessed by a goblin.

I was pretty sure that the smile on the other side of the phone, had a very twisted beauty to it. I could visualize that expression clearly in my mind. That expression was probably similar to hers, and yet, totally different at the same time.

I cleared my throat and looked at Yukinoshita, who didn’t seem to have overheard anything.

Yukinoshita was hugging her chest and standing by the window. Her side profile faced the windows and she looked outside the window to avoid my gaze.

The streetlights and the red lights from the far away skyscrapers, were insufficient to chase away the descending darkness. From the glass, one could only see a black mirror.

The pair of eyes that were reflected in them, were ever so clear, and yet ever so empty.

X                                                  X                                                            X

Haruno-san only said that one sentence before she hung-up. The conversation ended abruptly as such.

I took my handkerchief and lightly rubbed it against the screen of the phone before giving it back to her. A wave of fatigue washed over me. When I recovered from it, I realized that it was already quite late.

“Then, I will head back first.”

“Un……”

I took my schoolbag and stood up at the same time as Yuigahama. One tempo later, Yukinoshita stood up as well. Seems like they were going to send me off.

“No, there’s no need to.”

“It feel strange to bid farewell here.”

Saying that, Yuigahama led the way by opening the room door. Then, at this instant, a fur ball sprang towards us at high speed from the corridor.

It was Yuigahama’s dog, Sable. Then, Sable collided with my body.

“Oh……”

“Hey! Sable.”

Yuigahama lectured it and picked it up from beside my feet, where it was exposing it stomach to me, and hugged it. Yukinoshita saw Sable and quickly stopped walking. Oops, this girl really can’t handle dogs.

On the way to the entrance of her house, Yukinoshita followed behind Yuigahama, constantly keeping a distance of 3 steps away, trying her hardest not to have any interactions with Sable.

On the other hand, Sable kept was in high spirits, and kept barking restlessly in Yuigahama’s arms. Un…. Was this all right? I think I should probably give a word of advice to Yuigahama.

I wore my shoes, and as I proceeded to leave, said to Yuigahama.

“Hey, Yuigahama. If Yukinoshita is going to stay over then Sable will have to…….”

“Hikigaya-kun.”

Yukinoshita spoke to me in stern manner to block out my words. Her lips pouted, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest as she glared at me. I see, so you didn’t want me to say that you were afraid of dogs. Well, the reason was probably she couldn’t bring herself to say that she was afraid of something that her friend greatly loved.

She would probably feel sorry if she had to let Yuigahama worry about her on top of the trouble she had already caused by staying the night.

If that’s so, then I will respect her wishes.

However, it was all too common that one could not just take back his words after one had spoken them.

Yuigahama asked in a puzzled tone.

“Sable? What about it?”

facing such a question, I didn’t really have any good replies.

“Un.  Ah …… Sable might be a little bit lonely, but learning how to bear with will be good training for him. Especially so for him.”

“Un. He will be fine!”

Although the words were hastily made up on the spot, Yuigahama nodded her vigorously. Oh, you actually believe in that ‘training’…… I felt that it didn’t really listen to Yuigahama at all…… As I thought that, Yuigahama dropped her shoulders and spoke.

“……Because here at home, Sable always go around bugging Mama.”

“Oh, so that’s how it is……”

This doggie sure had a strong sense of ‘caste’. It probably wouldn’t care for people like Yuigahama. However, that would mean that the frequency at which it approach Yukinoshita was going to be low. Also, she could take this as an opportunity to be more used to dogs.

“Then, I am going now.”

Saying that, I gently stroked Sable’s head, who was being carried by Yuigahama.

“Un. Good bye.”

“Goodbye.”

The two of them saw me off. After walking along the corridor for a while, I could hear the lonely barks of Sable. I pushed all my thoughts of Yuigahama’s house to the back of my head.

X                                                  X                                                       X

After heading home and eating dinner, I snuggled under the kotatsu and rolled about, and proceed to read my book.

My parents, who in this rare occasion had arrived home early, had already fallen asleep. Only Kamakura and I were in the living room. But then, Kamakura was already curled up in a ball on top of the blanket on the kotatsu and was asleep. The only one who was awake was me.

Then, the living room door opened slightly, and Komachi walked in, wearing her pajamas and nightcap.

“You are still awake?”

“Un. I am going to sleep, but I want to do something first.”

Then, Komachi walked towards the kitchen.

“That's fine, sleep early.”

“Okay.”

Although my heart was uneasy, as I had wanted to ask her whether it was really all right to be still awake at this hour given that she had her examinations tomorrow, all she did was to give me a carefree reply of okay. Then, the sound of fire being lit could be heard from the stove.

As I was thinking about whether she was cooking something to eat, I heard her looking for something from the racks. As I thought about whether her inability to sleep was caused by hunger, she had already walked back to the kotatsu

“Here, take this.”

“Un, ah, thank you.”

Komachi gave me a can of MAX coffee. I took it from here and felt some warmth in it. Seems like she had heated it up by placing it in a tin with hot water. The girl sure is amazing……

“Onii-chan, your legs are in the way.”

Saying that, she kicked my feet aside as she snuggled into the kotatsu. Then, the two of us started sipping our hot coffee.

Komachi sighed contentedly.

“……Tomorrow’s the day.”

“Yes. Hurry up and sleep when you are done drinking this. After all, this is the day before your exams.”

Well, you could get a good sleep if you drink a can of warm coffee. Will this can of coffee be appraised as a medicinal item in future? My heart was beating quickly. Heh heh, good effect. If one were to say this and drink it at the same time, then one could feel this sort of unnatural feeling amidst the unnatural sweetness. I highly recommend everyone to do the same.

However, this didn’t seem to be what Komachi was thinking of.

“……Not that, it’s Valentine. As a guy, shouldn’t you be all excited and thrilled?”

She sighed, her face was one of surprise.

To think that she was thinking about this one day before her exams…… The princess of this household sure had guts. Seems like there was no need for me to ask her, “if she was ready”.

“I definitely won’t be like that. You could say that my mind is only thinking about Komachi now.”

“That’s because Onii-chan pampers Komachi too much. Gross. It would be better to pamper yourself in this manner.”

“I am already pampering myself.”

“That’s not what I meant. No, you are obviously pampering yourself with all that sugar.”

I continued to sip my coffee as I spoke. Komachi started laughing all of a sudden. ……Wait, did she just say some terrible things about me casually?

If you go around calling your brother gross, I might really just do something gross to you. Hence, I smacked my hands against the kotatsu, behaving like a spoiled child and making a fuss. I really am gross.

“Right, speaking of sweet things, give me chocolate, give me chocolate.”

“I have already given you something equivalent to that.”

Komachi motioned at the coffee with her chin. No no, this was nothing like it. This wasn’t even anything like coffee. I couldn’t feel the love, the love.

“……Komachi, do you like your Onii-chan?”

“Nope.”

Komachi replied instantly with a laughter of indifference. Woo, woo, unintentionally, I started whimpering.

So mean…… Well, this was proof that we could get along so well to the point that we could have this sort of conversation face to face.

Whether we were joking or bantering, or about our likes and dislikes, no matter what the content of our answer was, we would be speak our true feelings from the bottom of our hearts.

The fifteen years that we had spent together were not just for show.

Then, what about that pair of sisters, and also between her and her mother?

They have been together for even longer than fifteen years, and stayed under the same roof, possessing the same memories and recollections, with the same values. Despite all that, even when they crossed paths, they still do not understand each other, so then, how would they be able to interact with other people normally?

Our brother-sister relationship could not be established without Komachi. In fact, there were many things that I had to thank Komachi for.

……However, that is that, and chocolates are chocolates.

“Hurry up and give me chocolates……”

Seeing me break down in tears, Komachi sighed with frustration, crawled out of the kotatsu and went somewhere.

Seems like she couldn’t take it any more…… Just as I lay down on the kotatsu in despair, Komachi came running back to the kotatsu.

“Here.”

Then, she thrust herself onto my back and passed me something.

I turned my head, and that thing was a beautifully wrapped chocolate.

“……What’s this, for me?”

“Well, it’s just something simple. Since you asked for it……”

Komachi seemed sort of unhappy as she answered me. I hugged this box of chocolate tightly, and kept repeating my thanks as my hot tears streamed down. She specially prepared this for me, right. My sister was really amazing……

Seeing me bawling, Komachi had a shocked expression on her face as she gave a bitter smile.

“I would be really happy if you could say those willful words to someone else other than me.”

“Who else but you can I speak these embarrassing words to……? Come to think of it, there’s no value in receiving anything that was given only when they were asked.”

The instant I said that, Komachi glared at me.

“Then by that logic, my chocolate is worthless? .....”

“……n, Ah, no...... It’s not like that? Komachi’s chocolate is different. It’s special. Komachi is the cutest and the very best.”

“You really are not being serious about this, you trash of a brother.”

Komachi sighed deeply with a fed up expression, mouthing out the words, “Uwa-“

“……However, if someone like you who isn’t good at deception, can accept my chocolate, I guess I am still a little happy about that.”

Komachi said so with a much more mature smile than usual. She placed her chin on her hands as she lay down in the kotatsu, tilted her head, and she looked at me directly, her gaze ever so warm. Feeling somewhat embarrassed to be at the receiving end of such a warm gaze and inhaled rapidly before averting my eyes. Then, perhaps owing to her embarrassment as well, she laughed in a most unnatural way.

“Say, was that high in Komachi points just now?”

“No, if you are referring to just now, then that was really low in points.”

I gulped down the last of the sweet lukewarm coffee, my face a bitter expression. This coffee was so sweet that my mouth had slackened from drinking it.

“Then, I guess I should go sleep now.”

“Oh, go and sleep then.”

Komachi took the empty cans and proceeded to throw them in the rubbish bin in the kitchen. When Komachi walked to the doorway, Kamakura who had awoken, followed her in small steps from behind.

“Oh, Ka-kun. Let’s sleep together?”

Kamakura did not meow in response, but rubbed its head against Komachi’s feet. Komachi gave a small giggle in satisfaction when she saw that, and pulled Kamakura up for a hug and placed her hand on the door.

I called out from behind her.

“Komachi.”

“What?”

As she turned her body to face me, one of her hand rested on the door knob.

“I will be rooting for you. Good night.”

“Un. Thank you. I will do my best. Good night.”

Although Komachi didn’t say much, her smile was there. She picked Kamakura up again, and returned to her room.

I watched her leave, placed my arm behind my head and lay down as such.

“Not good at deception……”

Those were the words that Komachi had used to describe me, but the me of today could not readily accept that with conviction.

I would never try and get close to others, but, neither would I take the initiative to distance myself from others.

I was aware of what I was doing, drawing a clear line, plainly covering it up, trying harder than usual to dull it, not dwelling on it, playing the role of the observer to the extreme. I had always known that I was placing myself in an unfair position.

In order to not confront it, to not acknowledge the discomfort and unease that had always been bugging me, I had chosen to keep my distance.

I was more than aware of it, that I did this so that I would not make any blunder. I know that there is only one answer and that this was not it. Even so, I still wanted to suppress them.

That is why, this was probably why that person could see through my intentions.

Once more, a voice from within tormented me.

Are you really such a person, Hikigaya Hachiman? Is this really what you wish for, you bastard?

Stupid noisy fellow. Don’t just go running your mouth and shut the hell up when you don’t know anything about me.

In the end, from then on, I lapsed into silence.

_____________________________________________________________________________________