Thread 91: Stories 1-15

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>Pennydrop
"Luna"
~~~~~

"Are thou sure this is a good idea?"

In truth, no, no she wasn't sure, which was a very unusual thing for Pennydrop indeed.

She was used to being sure of her every choice, of her every move, and never questioning it, and this should have been no exception. But as she thought about it, she wasn't sure why she picked the nerdy one. Why had she decided to grant that unspeakable power to him, of all of them?

Would it have been funnier had she picked one more inept, and less capable? This certainly skewed things, he was rather good at this. Would it have been different if she had picked one that would cause some emotional turmoil? Surely the pink one liked the dragon, didn't she? That would've been funnier to watch her agonize.

But she couldn't find herself questioning it for too long, she realized. No matter what other option she thought of, it just didn't fit as well as that fellow right there, and she didn't know why.

She didn't know why she had chosen the smart, unnoticed but capable earth pony to be granted all the power in the world, but the more she thought about it, the more she was sure she made the right choice...

>Of course, Princess, this is a great idea, and you're going to love what comes next. Your story will go as you intended it to.

She just didn't know why.

>Now, let's give all the soldiers funny accents.

"Ha ha! We like that idea! Funny ways of speech amuse us so!"

But, the more she thought about it, the more she didn't care. She had made the right choice...

And this was going to be a hell of a show.

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>Sombra
"Two"
'JJ'
-Acty-
~Coltsly~
_The Janitor/Snake Eyes_
[???]

"Welp. Marchmalleys."

>Marchmalleys indeed, horrible, awful, ant-covered marchmalleys.

"How the heck are they piloting the robots anyway!? Half of 'em have fists instead of fingers and the other ones just got weapons!"

'Oh crap, is that Two!?'

-Hey! Princess! Floaty guy! Duck in here with us!-

The changeling and wisp look over at the thoroughly wrecked changeling embassy, where four pairs of eyes are peeking out at them.

"Uh, sorry about all this, guys."

>Storytime got out of hoof...

-F-for real? That's why there's little miniature ponies running around?-

'And why her robots are causing havoc?'

~I will reiterate that we did not expect our droids to ever be hijacked so...directly. Coltsly, E. Colstly, my card.~

The unicorn offers a business card to Sombra...then realizes her mistake and gives it to 2 instead.

~There we go. Now, anypony want to workshop an idea to deal with this?~

_Guards._

>Yes, where are they, anyway?

'We have no clue!'

>Odd. Well if I could just get a clear shot at the little nuisances, I'd disenchant them and that'd be the end of it. But of course them somehow piloting a robot-

-Droid.-

>-army is somewhat of a obstacle.

'Can ghosts get tasered?'

>I may have to find out if this goes on for much longer. I was unwilling due to not wanting to leave 2 at their mercy but if you'd look after-

_Demon._

-WOW! Really dude? He's a ghost, don't be a racist.-

_No._

The scruffy janitor pointed into the sky with a hoof. All eyes went up to see the ghastly hooded figure floating over the chaos.

[*Ominous organ music*]

"Oh! It's the guy from Partyland!"

>That horrible form, the unearthly aura of greed and wrath, that can only be one sort of awful creature...

With a crash the demon Foalington landed in the street, drawing the attentions of the various robots that had been wreaking chaos upon the capitol of Equestria.

>A Games Sweatshop Executive.

[*Distorted Bat Noises*]

As one the robots began stalking towards Foalington, the monstrous executive crouching low into a combat stance.

[*Death rattle of a jammed photocopier*]

And he was off, his otherworldly form moving at a devilish pace, darting back and forth within their ranks, accomplishing his dark objective.

With a triumphant cry, Foalington emerged from the crowd of robots, hooded head held high (yet somehow still shrouded).

>"'-~_..._~-'"

The robots all took a moment to ponder the various 'Cease and Desist' orders now taped to their flanks...and promptly went right back to destroying whatever they could find.

Foalington trotted over towards the assembled ponies, changelings, and wisp, emanating an aura of being extreme pleased with himself.

[*Happy Seal Barking*]

"...that...that didn't help at all."

-You have got to be the most useless demon to ever li-MMPH!-

Actarius was silenced by a piece of paper getting shoved in his mouth.

'Hey! I'm the only one who puts stuff there!'

-Ptooey! ...NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT!?-

[*Sparrow chirping*]

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OOCO
>AJ
“Spike”
~~~~

“So.”

>…So?

“So, those things.”

>…Those things?

“You know the things. Those things. Them.”

>Landsakes, sugar, this is really cute an’ all, seein’ y’all standin’ there with yer’ arms crossed lookin’ miffed but… about what? What’s got yer’ scales ruffled?

“Ruffled? Me? Haha, no, I’m not ruffled, I’m so settled I could be a beanbag chair.”

>Mind if Ah’ have a seat then?

Her coy smile and half-lidded gaze nearly sidetracked him.

“...Take off those things and we’ll talk.”

>Fer’ the fifth buckin’ time, you apple o' mah' eye, what things?

Spike’s gaze shifted to the lower right.

“…mfpps.”

>Beg pardon, sugar?

“…dhhrrrkpps.”

>D…doorchips…?

A plume of green flame exited Spike’s nose when he snorted.

“Hair clips! Those things, the hair clips!”

>…oh. OH! Jet gave me this things a few days ago, tried to cheer me up, Ah’m guessin’. Though he really jus’ stuck ‘em anywhere that fit, hawh.

“Pft, that’s obvious. No sense of style, just bunched them all up. I can help you get those things out if you want, applebutt.”

>Nah.

It was a single, two-letter word, one of the most basic in the dictionary, but it left Spike looking as though clubbed with a blunt apple.

“Wuh?”

>Jet’s such an oddball, never lets his emotions show an’ such. But he tried to cheer me up, an’ he admittedly did. It was awkward an’ adorable so Ah’m wearin’ these things jus’ a little bit longer. Even though he tries tuh’ hide it, he sorta half-smiles whenever he sees ‘em.

“…”

>Spike?

“…”

>Yooohooo, applebutt to loverboy, y’all in th-

“Welp! It’s quite obvious those hair clips are impairing your judgement for the worst!”

>Um, not re-

“Don’t worry, my beautiful apple in the mud, I’ll go get some shears, the sharpest in Canterlot! Be back in a jiffy!”

And utterly convinced of his righteous act, Spike was off, marching proudly from the room.

Leaving Applejack to stare after him in silence.

Until she, shockingly, started to giggle.

>Boy’s as transparent as a ghost, Ah’ swear….

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cardboard Pinkie"
'Luna'
{???}
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and-

'Would you stop that?!'

>I can't. It's a force of habit.

"Surprise! I wasn't in my final form! Nobody expects Alicorn nightmare Pinkie!

'Persistent aren't we? Lunar Cleave!'
She cuts cardboard Pinkie again expecting to see her split in two. Instead the word MISS appears for a moment and cardboard Pinkie appears unharmed.
'What is this?'

"I changed the rules! We're an rpg now!"

'...what'

>Argh sorry, it was on my mind and was what my original interview questions were going to be related to since we're in the middle of one.

>That still doesn't...wait where's your doppelganger?

~Discord's house~
{Ah, nothing like binge watching Star Tre-}
*DONG DING*

{...Now who can that be?}

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~

>...

"What?"

>You don't do this in like... home, do you?

"Oh Shinnnny! Of course not! I would never do anything like this in reality! But this is a game, so I can play pretend for a little bit."

>Oh, well, I guess that's fair, can't see real-you being fed grapes and waited on and fanned and made statues in her effigy, I suppose.

"Well, I should hope so! All pretend."

>... do I really have to wear the harem outfit, though?

"...yes..."

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>Guards
"Changelings"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"...So..."

>...

"...That was something."

>...Something that was.

"Whole lotta... lotta weird stuff back there."

>That. There. Was.

"...Do you guys know what the fuck that was all about?"

"I think it had something to do with Rainbow Dash?"

>Didn't she say the Queen and Princess signed off on it?

"No no, she said RAINBOW DASH signed and said the Queen and Princess signed off on it... I don't think her Majesty did."

"I dunno, she gets distracted really easily sometimes."

>Right? All we have to do is toss a cake in front of Celestia and off she goes.

"Pretty sure our Queen just needs a picture of Shining Armor's face on a stick."

>To be fair, that would work for a bunch of the mare guards too... and Roughshod.

>YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD NEVER TELL! I'M STRAIGHT! STRRRAAAAAAIIIIIGHT!

"..."

>...A-hem, I mean, no idea what he's talking about.

"Right..."

>So uh...

"..."

>..thanks for sticking around?

"Couldn't exactly run."

>Trying to be helpful here.

"...thanks for trying to get us a way out?"

>Didn't manage.

"Trying to be helpful here."

>Right... whelp, here's the ballroom, you guys want us to... I dunno, leave a guard or something?

"Preeeeetttty sure we can handle anything that you guys can... because of lasers."

BOOOM!

~OH GOD THE MACHIIIINNNNNEEESS!~

>...

"...."

>...

"..."

>...Got one more in the tank?

"...Meh, was either this or Monopony."

>So, you were planning a mass suicide?

"Murder suicide, yeah."

>After you?

"If you insist... RARRRRRGARBLE!"

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>Poindexter
"AJ"
'Rarity'
[Spike]
~~~~~~

>AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"So is he gonna stop anytime soon?"

'It sure doesn't sound like it, does it?'

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[Why him!? WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE BUT ME!? Everyone always gets the major powerups except for ME!]

'Well, you and Shining Armor.'

[...Oh dear Celestia! THE MATRIARCHY IS REAL!]

"Ah' told ya' ta' stop readin' those pamphlets, they ain't good fer' ya'."

[OPPRESSION!]

'You do realize you're saying this while in the room of a cackling, superpowered male, right?'

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHH!

[...I've got nothing.]

"Is he just gonna keep goin' forever? Shouldn't we... Ah' dunno, go kill that there ice witch?"

'Shouldn't the others have already done that?'

[Maybe they all died, It's what I would do.]

"...Is he gonna breath?'

>AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

[Thaaaat's a no.]

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>Actarius
"2"
'JJ'
~Sombra~
~~~~~~

WHAM!

>OW!

WHAM!

>OW!

WHAM!

>OW OW OW OW OW

"Is he gonna be okay?"

'Hm? Oh yeah, he'll be fine.'

~Are you sure? He's getting hit by those things... a lot.~

>OWOWOWOWOWOWOW

'Ooff, poor guy, spines gonna need some more treatment after this one.'

~How is he still conscious!?~

'He has a loooooottta stamina. Like, you don't even know. He can keep going and going and going...'

~...~

"Ya' sure he's gonna be alright? He doesn't look like it, and he keeps getting hit."

'Naahhhh, he knows how to take it. Trust me, he gets a LOT of practice there.'

~...~

"Really?"

'Oh yeah! He takes it to the face all the time, you'd think not, he seems like the type to be giving it, right? But nope! Totally ends up like this on a worrying amount. I was like 'You should just let me take it, I'm built for it!' but he insists he does it instead, really takes one for the team all the-... why are you covering her ears?'

"Yeah, Somby, why?"

~...I'm... not... sure....~

'...You uh... you're still doing it.'

~So I am...~

'...'

~...Huh.~

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>Coltsly
"Janitor/Snake Eyes"

BOOM!

>Oh dear.

CRASH!

>Ohhhhh dear.

ZAP! SMASH! BOOOOOOM!

>This is bad, this is very bad.

"PR?"

>What? NO! All this destruction because we left out one little detail! How many times is this poor city going to have to be under attack? It's almost entirely my fault! ...hope the reimbursement is TOO high, it'd be embarrassing to have to call in help from Fawntaine Industries for this gaff.

"..."

>...what?

"You're bad at this."

>Bad at what?

"Nothing."

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 >Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>I fear my adoptive niece has gone mad with power.

"Oh? Whatever gave you that idea?"

>Well, for starters, she painted us both gold and is now having us pose on the front of her war machine like statues... that was a red flag right there.

"...So then you just don't get sarcasm, that's not the 'in' thing right now?"

>This stuff is eating away at my clothing...

"See this? This shit right here? This is why I should always be the one in charge."

>Because, of course, you would be nothing but a benevolent ruler.

"Oh pleeeeease, I would be fucking aces, that's what I'd be."

>Maybe after you renamed Shiny to "Aces", sure.

"Hey, technically I already got Prima Nocta or whatever the fuck that was called."

>Aaaand here's why you're a statue, and nobody should feel bad for you.

"And why are you a statue, in this scenario?"

>Because I'm sexier than her.

"...snk."

>WHAT!?

"Heehee."

>I SO AM!

"...heee."

>...iamso...

"..."

>...And Prima Nocta is wedding night, not day before.

"I'm that ahead of the game."

>CADENCE! GIVE ME ANOTHER STATUE BUDDY, THIS ONE IS BROKEN!

"I am no-ACK!"

SHOVE!

>...Fuckingamsosexierthanher...

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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'Pinkie'
~~~~

>...What's she doin' ta' that poor banjo?

"I'm no expert, darling, but I believe the stallion term is 'tricking it out'."

>Ya' trick out a cart, ya' don't trick out a dang instrument.

"It was just a theory. You could, you know, ask her."

>...Ah'm afraid.

"We all are, but nothing ventured nothing gained."

>Dang... Pinkie? What're ya' doin'?

'Preparing our ballad of VICTORY!'

>That ain't a guitar, Pinkie.

'Well DUUUUUUH! Not yet! I've got to plug it in!'

>...Plug it inta' what?

'This giant glowing crystal.'

"...whyyyy?"

'Seems like the thing to do. Annnnnd, LET'S GET READY TO-

~~~~~~

'OH GOD THE PAIN!'

>That didn't end well.

"WHAT!?"

>See? Told ya', 'cover yer' ears' ah' said, but then...

"WHAT!?"

>Exactly, what. Nothin' is what. Ya' don't deserve mah' advice.

'WHY ISN'T ANYONE PUTTING ME OUT!?'

"WHAT!?"

'THE FIRE!'

"WHAT!?"

'FIRE! THE COMBUSTION OF FLAMMABLE MATERIALS!'

"...WHAT!?"

'YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! HELP!'

>How else are ya' gonna learn?

'I CAN TASTE FOREVER!'

>Nah, that's probably yer' lung.

'...'

"'WHAT!?"'

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 >10
"BBB"
~~~

>...Okay, BBB, be honest with me.

"AFFIRMATIVE!"

>Did uh... did we like, make this place super prone to invasions or something? Cause records ain't showing a whole lotta invasions before us, but the number has just... just SKYROCKETED since we got here... did we do this?

"..."

>...

"...BZZT! TEN HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH INVASIONS! STATISTICAL PROBABILITY THAT CHANGELING INFLUENCE INCREASED INVASION SUSCEPTIBILITY IS 10 TO 1!"

>...Okay, ignoring that this isn't a very high number, uh... which side is 'likely' on, the 10 or the 1?

"..."

>...

"...BZZT! AUDIO ERROR!"

>Gonna need some corner time after this.

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 >Chitania
"Sweet Note"
'13'
~Figurines~
~~

~OH DEAR EMPRESS!~

*CRUNCH*

>Rmmrm.

"So... you feelin' okay sugar bean? You seem like you might need yourself a spa day.

~UNLOAD! UNLOAD EVERYTHIIIING!~

~WE ARE! SHE'S NOT EVEN NOTICING!~

~AHHHHH~

*CRUNCH*

>Rmmrmrm...

'She's right, mom, this stress can't be good for you.'

"Right? Knew a gal who done got locked up and everything over that!"

'It's true, stress has been linked to multiple psychological and physiological conditions.'

"What she said, but I would used 'makes ya' crazy and makes ya' tired'."

~FIRE! FIRE! FIRRREEEE!~

*CRUNCH!*

>Rmrmrmm...

"All I'm sayin' is you need some stress relief, sugar bean and you need it now! And hoo eee, trust me I know all 'bout that stress relief."

'...Gonna pretend I didn't hear that, and join her in saying that's right.'

~GAHHHHH!~

*CRUNCH*

>...Rmrmrmm...

"Completely unrelated, though, thanks for lettin' us hang out on your back."

'Yeah, those things look annoying.'

"What's even goin' on with this? It's... like... figures inside of robots?"

'Who even fucking knows, I went on vacation once, came back, turned out they had been overrun by plushies while I was away. This place is cursed.'

"Ain't seemed so bad ta' me."

'Says the mare who has missed literally every invasion.'

"Point?"

'...Does she even notice those things?'

"Sugar cube, listen to this."

>Rmrmrm.

"That there is the sound of a mare who is all out of fucks to give."

'...Fair point.'

~AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~

*CRUNCH!*

>....rmrmr...

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OOCO
>AJ
“Celly”
‘???’
~~~~

“Oh no.”

>Yup.

“Oh no no no no....”

>Eeeeeyup.

“Why do I smell raw fish? Is… no. Tell me he’s not here, Applejack. He’s not, right? Right? Why aren't you telling me?! My nose is just going haywire and any minute now the sensation of being on a sinking ship at sea will leave and why is there water seeping in under the door and oh mother above it’s too late it’s too late and now we’re all going to-”

>He finally made it.

As if on cue, the door to AJ’s office blew itself open and a terrible cold infiltrated the area, reaching through fur to sting their flesh. A puddle of frigid water now flooded in and as Applejack watched a curtain of mist follow suit all she could do was be thankful she'd had the hindsight to invest in some filing cabinets.

And then, in he walked.

Er, thudded.

In he thudded, a thickly built stallion with eyebrows a frosty white and a beard to match. Over his dreadlocked and braided mane sat a sea captain’s hat while a blackwood pipe hung from his lips. Several lengths of stainless steel chain were wrapped around his chest, his midsection, his legs and hooves, all of it kept together by a rusted padlock over his heart.

He stood tall, water rushing between his hooves, the very image of somepony who had escaped death at sea countless times.

>Deadhoof. Always a pleasu-

‘A gift for the fair princesses.”

A bundle of flopping salmon was dropped at Celestia’s feet.

“Oh, er… thanks, Deadhoof. Just… just what we needed.”

‘Fish is good for the spirit, good for the body.’

>Oh Ah’m sure… So, we’re gathered here t’day tuh’ discuss an increase of trade, right?

‘We are here to discuss a mite of that and a much of other going-ons, princess. It was a perilous march down here from the Frozen North, one wrought with dangers not yet seen by mortal pony, but Deadhoof has prevailed, as Deadhoof always does.’

>…

“…”

>Ya know… we could always jus’ send fer’ ya, Deady.

“Seriously. We set up this meeting two weeks ago. It took you that long to get here.”

‘Of course, Princess Celestia. For what glory would be gained from Deadhoof sitting down in a carriage on a journey such as this? What power can Deadhoof find? None! Deadhoof has made this trek countless times by hoof, and Deadhoof will continue the tradition.’

>…An’ this is why yer’ late to every single national meetin’.

“No one else from the other countries even know what you look like, much less who you are. They see a spot reserved for ‘Deadhoof' and think we’re playing some sort of joke.”

‘And? Let them jest, it is what the blind do. For Deadhoof is busy bettering himself. Now then….’

For every one of Deadhoof’s lumbering steps, the ground shook, his chains rattled, ripples flowed through the waterlogged floor, all of it stoutly ignored as he approached Applejack’s desk.

‘Let our meeting begin.’

>…right. Let's begin the two-week old meetin' which hardly applies anymore, sure, why not, ya' done made the trip an' all.

“I’ll never understand how every room he enters suddenly floods itself….”

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>Poindexter
"Spike'
~~~~~

>BIGGER... BIIIIIGGGGEERRRR!

"Okay, PD? Can I call you PD? I'mma call you PD, it's shorter. Ahem... now, look, I don't wanna be 'that guy' cause nobody likes that guy, that guy never gets invited to birthdays, and gosh darn it I just love me some birthdays you know? Buuuuut the others have requested I, being one of the few... maybe only... who actually know anything about you, inquire as to what, exactly, you are making there."

>Giant destruction machine.

"...giant destruction machine."

>Yep.

"And the reason isssss?"

>Spike? Spike bo bike bananafana fo fike, was it not you who said we should go off the rails?

"Now, PD, I would like to remind you that I did that mostly in order to sieze power and establish myself as king. Now that I am not in a position to be king, I feel the need to be on those rails, those rails are damn comfy."

>You know what's even comfier? The trap doors beneath my enemies.

"...Those don't sound comfy."

>It's like falling on air.

"Okay, accurate, but at the same time I need to stress that you're kind of-"

>What... being a supervillain?

"...Ah, I see now, and this is making a lot of sense."

>What can I say? Maney makes it look so... fun. Can't wait to see what it's like for myself.

"So we're really doing this?"

>This is getting done.

"...M'kay."

>Spike?

"Yep?"

>...Enjoy that birthday cake.

"Can do, buddy, can do."

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