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- >Your first mistake was bringing a box of candy to work.
- >A box of candy shaped like a treasure chest.
- >Your second mistake was turning your back for a second.
- >"YAR!"
- >Gone. Stolen by Foxy and squirreled off to some dark corner of the museum.
- >Hesitantly, and hungrily, you grabbed a flashlight and took off, searching for your lost candy.
- >The museum was creepy as hell in the dark.
- >You waved the flashlight beam over a display case filled with old animatronic heads in various states of damage.
- "Fucking hell.. These cases are filled to the brim with nightmare fuel.. Fuck you, boss."
- >"Guard-kun, you can fill me to the brim if you want..."
- >Chica suddenly appears from behind a nearby case, leaving a wet trail on the floor from her permanently-leaking crotch.
- "You really should get that checked out, you know?"
- >"You offering?"
- "Just shut up."
- >You continued your search, Chica close behind, trying to sneak her arms around to the front of your pants every few minutes.
- "Quit it."
- >"Aww..."
- "That reminds me, you seen Foxy anywhere?"
- >The yellow robot puts a hand to her chin, thinking for a moment.
- >"I might know... but,-"
- "But, what?"
- >"You'd have to, ya know.. Plug this leak for me."
- >Damn it, Chica.
- "I'll pass. Last time I did that, you ruined a pair of perfectly good pants. That lube is a nightmare to get out in the wash."
- >"Dangit."
- >You head into the gallery section, past the old posters and damaged kid's drawings, Chica following you behind.
- >You could almost hear the Scooby Doo music. Heh.
- "Okay, gang, let's split up."
- >"Ooh! I'll go with you, Guard! That's how it happens in the cartoon, right?"
- "...How the fuck did you know?"
- >"Duh? I used to work with kids?"
- "That's a frightening thought.."
- >Speaking of frightening, you're in the Pirate Cove section.
- >Bad ideas aside, hanging a giant fucking dead plastic kid from the ceiling, complete with missing chunk of head, is really tasteless.
- "FOXY? WHERE ARE YOU, YOU CANDY SWIPING FUCK!"
- >No reply, just your own voice echoing off into the distance.
- "Where the fuck are you, you pirate son of a bitch..."
- >"Ooh! Guard, guard!"
- >You rush over to the excited robot.
- "What? Did you find him?"
- >"No! I found a boat! I always wanted to get screwed at sea!"
- >She grins, laying back in the plastic boat and spreading her legs wide.
- >You can see everything. EVERYTHING.
- "Nah, fuck this."
- >You throw the flashlight across the room and head back to the office.
- >Fuck the candy, and fuck this museum.
- >To your surprise, the candy is spread across the desk, along with a note.
- >"YER TREASURE BE SHIT -CAPTAIN FOXY."
- >You lean out the door and yell-
- "ASSHOLE!"
- >Man, fuck this shit.
- >After munching some candy, you pull your hat down and go to sleep in your chair.
- >Wake up several hours later.
- >Pants completely soaked, zipper open.
- >Love note on table.
- >Thanks, obama.
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