- ECE190 ASSMAIL: NOTIFICATION OF OLFACTORY INTEGRITY VIOLATION
- Dear Stupids,
- It has come to my attention that over the thanksgiving break period time, somebody inserted a nasty stinky smelly durian fruit in the form of pureed smoothie pudding stuff into the orifice in my office in CSL.
- AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE DURIAN:
- This is clearly does not sit well with Super Supreme Grand Elite Wizard of Computer, yours truly. You see, I generally enjoy typing up academic integrity violations (with copious MD5 hashes) to my students in the peace and quiet of my office without it smelling similar to a rental toilet at a county fair many weeks overdue for sanitary services by uneducated hairy white males bearing many tattoos and southern accents driving large trucks with large tanks on the back. Unfortunately, this was not the case recently.
- AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE TRUCK:
- In light of this recent tragedy of olfactory origin, I have decided to invert the GPA of every student in my class. If you previously had a 4.0GPA, your new GPA will be -4.0; if you previously had a 2.0GPA your new GPA will be -2.0. You may wonder how exactly I am authorized to do this, and the fact of the matter is I am not precisely fully completely totally such, but since when did that (or anything) stop me from perpetrating great academic atrocities on unsuspecting undergraduate peons?
- AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO:
- You may find this punishment overly harsh, in which case I urge you to set up an appointment with me. However, I caution you that because of the issues with my office, you will want to purchase a respirator (at your own personal money-losing expense of course) before attending office hours. The durian is a very smelly fruit, and there was very, very much of it in my office over the break. I would like to personally recommend MSA's line of respirators. They do an excellent job of filtering out the smell of durians, and as I recently purchased stock in their company, you are helping support my purchase request for new carpet!
- AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION:
- This situation is extremely grievous however, the introduction of ripe fruit into the orifice of my office has caused a cataclysmic chain reaction of events that threatens to destabilize the entire world economy! You see I have been forced to purchase tens of thousands of small pine tree air fresheners to hang in my office (at my own personal expense), and this in turn has prevented me from funding porn websites by purchasing memberships this month, which in turn has cost the adult entertainment industry over 9000% of their annual profits, in turn causing the Dow Jones Industrial Average to loose at least 100 points, there by deflating the entire world economy many tens of quintillion dollars, and thus threatening to send the entire world into economic turmoil where students freely commit academic integrity violations without repercussions including but perhaps not completely limited to delusional professors writing run-on sentences about overblown missteps in academic integrity including superfluous use of message digest functions of random binary data interspersed in pseudo random portions thereof!
- AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE ECONOMY:
- As a bit of good news, I have managed to backtrace the source of the terrible tomfooleric behavior behind this dastardly assault on olfactory enjoyment of CSL, along with the previous lapses in boringness sent via email. I have traced the source over THE TOR MACHINE, over an EXTENSIVE SERIES OF TUBES all the way to THE ANONYMOUS (I found him in his mother's basement)! It turns out computer hacker on steroids weev placed the durian in my office, and THE ANONYMOUS has sent this very email!
- AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE ANONYMOUS:
- They are legion, expect them. They bring lulz, and durians.
- As a second bit of good news, my office has been featured on the world renowned website WikiReeks!
- Yih-Chun Hu
- Associate Assistant Secretary to the Regional Interim Elite Supreme Grand High Wizard Director of Computer
- Office: 464 CSL (Please remember to wear protective breathing equipment to abate olfactory unpleasantness when visiting, and donate to my air freshener fund!)
- Superfluous MD5 Hashes:
- P.S. Please find attached the commemorative poster of our folk hero, FRUIT OPERATOR WEEV!
a guest Nov 18th, 2012 141 Never
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