We do know that most sexual assaults are not reported, especially those that take place within families. Many people do not understand exactly what sexual assault is. And sometimes legal definitions do not correspond to how people understand their own lives. While some sex crimes are crystal clear, others are entirely about perception. For some women I know, having sex with their partner at times when they feel ambivalent or not fully engaged is defined in their minds as coercion or even Abuse. They find it objectionable or even damaging. For others, that is part of the literal making of love: the idea that we give to our partners in moments when we are not 100 percent engaged, just as we negotiate in other ways within relationships. Or in terms of casual encounters, quasi-unpleasant to negative sexual experiences are devastating to some, and *just the way things go* to others. How previous experiences of trauma contribute to an individual’s understanding of whether or not an experience is Abuse is a factor that we do not have a process of integrating into our understanding of objective crime or objective justice. How some experiences permanently mark some people while not affecting others makes objective standards of right and wrong difficult to establish.