>sitting in the librarian's office with dullahead in my lap
>made some popcorn and have been munching on it for a while, feeding her some when she asks
>the room is illuminated by the glow of a school tv, now depicting the ending scene of Pee Wee's Big Adventure
>”I don't need to see the movie, Dotty. I lived it.”
>she giggles at the line as the credits begin to roll
>turn off the tv, leaving us in the dark with only the moon shining in from a distant window to let us see
>Did you like it?
>”It was great. Especially the the pet shop scene.”
>I heard you squeak with fright at Large Marge.
>“I did not s-squeak!”
>Oh yeah?
>smoosh her cheeks together
>Come on, let me hear it! Give us a squeak, luv!
>”Hey, cut it out!”
>Go ahead and scream your head off. We're miles from anyone who can hear you!
>”I know you are, but what am I?!”
>Ha! That's the spirit!
>we both fall over laughing
>lay quietly on the floor together for a few minutes
>”Are you lonely, Anon?”
>Where the hell did that come from?
>”I just wanted to ask.”
>...Yeah. I'm pretty lonely, I guess.
>”A few hours ago, I thought you were just a psycho, but after I heard what you said back in the library...”
>Why must you salt the wound?
>”Hey, you read my poetry!”
>Fair enough.
>”Anyway, I was thinking... You're a pretty interesting guy, and after what you said, I'm starting to think that all the crazy stuff that you do is a way of getting closer to people, but not so close that they can find out who you really are.”
>What a fascinating theory, Sigmund.
>”Yeah, see, you just shrug everything off with jokes. It's like you're trying to shake me off whenever I start getting closer to you.”
>Do you really want to be close to a weirdo like me?
>”I'm a dullahan! You've been carrying my head around for hours like it's completely natural. Isn't this weird for you?”
>Sure, it's weird. But I like weird. I revel in weird. I think being weird is being honest, and people spend their whole lives lying to themselves and everyone else by trying to act normal. I need weird things in my life to remind me of who I am.
>”Can I be a weird thing in your life, Anon?”
>silence
>turn her head to face me
>we look into each others eyes
>That depends.
>”On what?”
>we start inching closer to each other
>Can you tell me who I really am?
>”You're amazing, that's what.”
>we're nose to nose now and can taste each others breaths
>I know you are... but what am I?
>we close our eyes and slowly move our lips forward
>a huge banging comes from outside the window
>we both jolt up and peek out to see what's going on
>several shadowy figures are standing outside one of the entrances to the building
>”Oh shit. Cops?”
>one of them pulls out a crowbar and starts wedging the door open
>Thankfully not. Come on, let's get somewhere safe.
>sneak out and head down the hall, heading into the administration office
>run up to one of the computers in the back of the room
>We can watch them through the cameras to see what they're up to.
>”Didn't you shut off the power in this room?”
>Sure did.
>reel back and kick the wall as hard as I can
>give several more kicks in the same spot until the drywall gives in
>there's now a big hole in the wall between this office and an adjacent one
>run the computer's power cord through the hole and plug it into an outlet in the other room
>”Uhhh...”
>I'll cover it up later. Trust me, I've done this before.
>the computer boots up and displays a list of cameras linked into the system
>surf through different camera views until I find the intruders walking down one of the halls
>it's the three stooges from earlier today (henceforth referred to as Gayfat, Peter Popper and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
>they all look like they're arguing about something as they walk
>turn on the PA to listen in on them
>Gayfat: I'm telling you, this psycho lives in the damn school! I heard about it from Titus.
>Peter Popper: Titus also says the school is haunted by the ghost of the lunchlady who fell into a meat grinder.
>Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Yeah, but this guy was hiding in the locker when we walked in.
>PP: Fuck's that gotta do with it? He probably saw as coming and hid in there to get a drop on us.
>GF: Look, I'm telling you, there's somebody who stays here every night. Who do you think's been fucking with all the library books and changing all the backgrounds on the lab computers to gay porn?
>FOS: I didn't hear about that second one.
>PP: That's because fatso cums on all the harddrives before anyone else gets a chance to see it.
>GF: Hey, fuck you, man! I told you, it was a fear reaction. My brain sent a bunch of blood to my wiener because it was being assaulted by that guy. I'm not a fucking fag!
>PP: Whatever you say, bro.
>FOS: Either way, if we find this guy, we're kicking his ass, right?
>GF: Of course we're gonna kick his ass! That motherfucker is never gonna walk again after I'm done with him.
>PP: I didn't know you felt that way about him.
>GF: What the fuck is that suppo-- OH FUCK YOU I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!
>turn off the PA while Gayfat continues to repress his sexuality in front of his peers
>lay back in a chair as girlhead looks at me worriedly
>”What are we gonna do now?”
>Nothing.
>”What? Why?”
>Too risky. If they find out I'm here, they'll squeal, and everything I've worked for goes to waste.
>”We can't just do nothing.”
>Sure we can. All we gotta do is hide until they give up and go home. Simple.
>”But there are so many ways you could screw with them right now. Are you really gonna let this opportunity pass by?”
>You're starting to sound like me.
>”So you're just going to let these bastards go after you spent the entire day bullying me? Are you fucking serious?”
>lean forward, letting out a deep sigh
>I'm not afraid of bullying you because I know you're a nice girl who wouldn't rat me out, even if you hate my guts.
>sit quietly for a few minutes, looking away from each other
>finally, she speaks, and to my amazement, the words that come out of her mouth just so happen to be my four favorite words in the english language
>”I have an idea.”