Where are my books?

>Day no stories in Equestria

>"WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BOOKS?"
>Twilight's scream sends you shooting up in bed, bashing your head onto the oak tree shelf above.
"Luna's teats, the hell is going on, Twilight?"
>"My books, they're all gone.  ALL of them!"
"Didn't you just restock after the whole 'Tirek blowing your house to shit', thing?"
>Truthfully, the base of the tree was all that remained of the old treebrary.  Some oak still coated the inside, but it was mostly a strange crystal now.
>"You know I did!  That's exactly why I'm so angry about all of them going missing!"
"I'm not gonna lie, but it sounds pretty crazy for someone to steal books.  Particularly, this many books."
>You make an effort to slump out of bed, not wanting to make the entire conversation from an awkward position.
>"I'd have to agree with you.  We should go into the town to see if anything else has been going on."
"Seems legit."
>Both of you wander about town, seeing if there are any other missing elements.  The Cakes had no missing pastry, Rarity had no missing fabric, and each apple was accounted for at Applejack's farm.
"How many did you say again?"
>"Fifteen thousand, six hundred eighty two point five."
>You stared at Applejack.
"Point five?"
>"I count the little fellers as half an apple."
"Uhhuh.”
>Returning to town, Twilight was still frustrated as ever.
"We should have hired Applejack to keep track of the books. Who knew she could keep such an accurate watch without using magic."
>"Interesting, but not pertinent, Anon."
>You looked down at her.  She was clearly still upset, but her ears flicked back and forth as she stayed deep in thought.
>"Maybe I should send a letter to Celestia.  Perhaps the issue is isolated."
"That's a pretty good id-"
>"WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BOOKS?!"
>The sound echoed across the mountainside towards Ponyville, carrying the harried cry of Celestia all the way to where you were standing.
"I've never heard her that mad.  Guess you have more in common than I thought."
>"That's... a bit scary actually.  The Grand Canterlot Archives have thousands, maybe tens of thousands of books.  And if you count the historical works-"
>"FAUST BEDAMNED, WHERE ART MY TOMES?!"
"There's Luna."
>"This is getting, really, really out of hand."
"Shh shh shh."
>You bent your knees slightly and waved your hand in front of Twilight, signaling for complete silence.  Cupping your hand to your ear, you turned so listen towards the north, past the icy peaks.
>A screech, barely audible over the morning chirps of the birds, was cast across the frozen hills, easily mistakable for a Wendigo's bay to the untrained ear.
>"...where the fuck are my books?..."
"They got Cadance."
>The unease on Twilight's expression was all to evident.  She began pacing, cranking her brain muscles in hope for an answer.
>“A nearly instantaneous act, or at least done in the night with no one observing, has deprived the entirety of Equestria of its literary archives.  This is an unprecedented heist, and peculiar for its unique focus on stories and texts.”
“Yep.”
>”Who would do such a thing?  Who has something to gain from the loss of most of the world's knowledge?  A loss of the arts?  Even if someone hoped to sell esoteric knowledge, would it be worth all the other risks?”
“Dunno, sounds pretty crazy to me.”
>You stretch and yawn, then start wandering back to the tree-castle to catch back up on your sleep.
>”Pretty crazy...”
“Yeah, s'what I said.”
>Twilight's nose scrunched, her expression becoming more intense.
>”No reasonable gain to be had...”
>You give a thumbs up in response, though she probably didn't see it.
>”Discord!”

>Fluttershy's cottage.  Some distance away from the main structure.

>”What?”
>Discord shot up from his stooped position, clasping shut the book he was reading from.  Turning around, he saw no one in the surrounding area.
>”Hm.  Must have misheard.”
>He stepped back, patting behind him for something to sit on.  His claw touched a leather book cover, and he smiled, laying down to relax on the makeshift cot constructed from several tomes.  A faint wiggle ran through his left arm, causing him to instinctively don a pair of sunglasses.
>”Discord!”
>Twilight had teleported directly in front of the cot, dragging Anonymous with her.
>”Oh Hello, /Princess/ Twilight.”
>”I knew it was you!” said Twilight, stomping her hoof for emphasis.  Discord angled his sunglasses down to stare incredulously at the pony before magicking them away.
>”Knew what was what?  More importantly, how did you know I was here?”  He spread his arms wide, displaying the various architectural designs he had placed all the books in.
“You're always here, dude.” you said, idly picking a book from the top of a small stack.
>”Fair enough.  To what do I owe this... disturbance?”
>” Distur-,” Twilight shook her head.  “You KNOW why we're here!  You took all the books!”
>”Well, it's not like anyone was making any particular /use/ of them, was it?”
>”Yes they do!”
>”Come on, Twilight.  You and I both know the average checkout rate on these things.”
>As Discord spoke, he pulled out a tome from beneath him, opening it to the bookstamp page for emphasis.  Only three of the slots were used.  You looked down at your own book's stamp page.
“Undestanding Ominvores.  Checked out twice, and the second one's you, Twilight, about the time I showed up.  He's kind of got a point.”
>She looked at you open mouthed with a raised eyebrow, somewhat betrayed.
>”Well, that still doesn't excuse his actions.  These books need proper care.”
>”Oh /please/,” he said, flapping the side of his lips at the idea.  He stood up from his book bed, keeping hold of the one text in his hands.  “I'm giving them a far more important, far more active use.”
>Twilight shares a glance with you, cautiously curious about Discord's words.
>”And what use would that be?”
>”Here, let me show you.”
>Discord put fingers to his lips, whistling sharply towards the edge of the Everfree.
>”Here boy, come on!  Discord's got more text-filled treats for you!”
>Twilight stared into the shadowy thicket.  Her back hoofs stretched, and her eyes squinted, trying to perceive any threat.  The sound of snapped branches and crumpled leaves passed through the trees, and were soon coupled with an eerie humming of magical, or perhaps electrical, origin.
>Brrmmrmmrmmrmmrmmrmm
>”Discord, what the hay is that?” said Twilight, point a hoof out towards the bright object.
>The anomaly, which had been poking its 'head' out from the trees, slinked back slightly.
>”You're scaring it, Twilight.”Discord said, glaring at the princess.  “Come on, boy!  The purple pointyhead didn't mean it!”
>”Pointyhead?!”
“Well it is kinda pointy, what with the horn and sharp nose.”
>You grinned, raising your hands up open-palmed as Twilight stared daggers at you.
“Just sayin'.”
>”Here you go, boy!”
>All attention was drawn back to the anomaly as Discord tossed his book at the beast.  The swirling, plasmic ball of of energy 'swallowed' the book whole, its orbicular edges crackling with glee.
>”DISCORD!”
>”What?” the draconequus said, shrugging his shoulders.  “Its just a collective war-history.”
>”By Scorchtail the Scribe?  The only dragon author in Equish for centuries, and you tossed his work into that, that thing?!”
>”That's the one!”
>”WHY? Whhhhhhhhyyyyy?”
>Twilight looked on the verge of tears before Discord slapped her with his eagle's claw.
>”Come to your senses, Sparkle.”
>His expression had become moderately serious, which was pushing it for a being of chaos.
>”I'm reformed, in case you've forgotten.”
>”That didn't stop you with Tirek.”
>Something flashed behind Discord's eyes.
>”That's a story for another time.  Right now, I've got to talk to you about these stories.” he said, displaying another book and tossing it into the white glob.
>”Hey!”
>”That, 'thing', as you like to call it, is a rift.  A burning white temporal rift, to be exact.  Don't get me started on the red ones.  Anyway, it's a quantum glitch, per say, a little mess-up in the universe.”
>Twilight focused on Discord, occasionally glancing back towards the rift as he paced around it.
>”These rifts are quite uncommon, but generally serve a singular purpose.  They find an error, sometimes a paradoxical flaw, and seek to 'mend' it by bringing to realms into equilibrium.  In doing so, they vacuum objects out of one dimension and flood them into the other quite rapidly.”
>Discord moved to rest a claw on the rift, causing both you and Twilight to gasp, but it landed with no dangerous effect.
>”As you can see, it's completely harmless towards items it doesn't want.  It's usually the spewing-side that gets the worst of it, what with objects flying everywhere.”
>Twilight moved to poke it, glancing between the orb and Discord as she veered closer.  Once he nodded, she placed a hoof on it.
>”Eep!”
>”Oh my, I should have mentioned the static discharge.  Got to ward yourself for that.”
>A now mane-ruffled twilight was busy fixing herself as Discord continued his tale.
>”I caught this little fellow when he was just starting to tear into this world.  Thankful thing, that.  Being the master of chaos I am, I can't help but love the little critters.  Still, knowing what he could do to your precious environment, I sparked a little sentience into him so he wouldn't be such a gorging hound.”
>Reaching down, Discord patted the back of the rift, to which it jumped in response.
>”You're /welcome/, by the way.  I'd say he's rather well trained.”
>Picking up another text, he waved it in front of the orb.
>”Go long, boy!”
>Discord tossed the book several yards away, to which the orb gave chase.
>”See?  I named him Felix.”
“Heh.”
>Twilight, having recovered from her frizzy mane ordeal, turned to Discord.
>”That's all well and good, and... I'm sorry for overreacting to a friend, but what does it all mean for the books?”
>”Well,” Discord said, tossing another book behind his shoulder.  “There's certainly the issue of needing to keep the beasty fed.  Felix does like a good adventure or romance.  I suppose over time he /would/ eat everything.  Copies would have to be made, but that's exacerbating the issue.”
“Hey Felix, cmere!”
>You grabbed a Daring Do book, knowing there were plenty of copies, and waved it in front of the white ball.  As Discord and Twilight conversed, you made play of selecting books and seeing which ones Felix liked the best.
>”...then our only hope is for Felix to reach equilibrium with the place he's connected to before we run out of books?”
>”I'm afraid so.  You certainly can't contain him – his sentience is shallow enough as is, and could risk cracking.  It's a tough trial ahead for all of us.”
>You looked back to the two of them, dangling a book above Felix as he jumped for it.
“Say Discord, any idea why Felix likes a particular kind of book more than another?”
>Discord raised a claw to his chin in thought, then shrugged with his free paw.
>“Can't say that I do.  That is a good question.”
>”Are you thinking of something, Anon?”
“Well, he likes adventure a lot, so I'm betting wherever he's from has seldom stock of that, and he likes romance, but isn't quite as crazy when he finds it.  I bet there's a good lot more of it there.  The documentary stuff he nibbles, but he's obsessed with the fantasy stories I give him.”
>”I'm not sure where you're going, but I'm intrigued.”
>”I'm with Discord.  You're saying there's some connection?”
>You drop the book for Felix, who was getting slightly irritated at your toying.
“Well, back where I'm from, we've got tons of books on every subject.  Felix's preferences almost seems like... a book club, instead of just wanting books.  Like some place was seriously deprived of the kind of niche reading they want.”
>”And they would look to authors from /Equestria/ to fill that gap?  How strange.”
>Twilight looked disdainfully towards Discord, but he turned his head.
>”Admit it, Twilight, Equish was never the easiest of tongues.”
>Twilight seemed ready to make a remark, but thought better of it, likely finding some truth in Discord's statement, and sighed instead.
“Well whoever they are, it sounds like they want good storyline.”
>You stood up, leaving Felix to sniff about the text stacks, and scratched the back of your head.
“Still...why just these books?  You said guys like Felix try to find equlibrium, right?  Well Earth has like, /billions/ of books.  Millions of unique stories.  I mean, I've /seen/ the Canterlot Archives, and I've /seen/ the Library of Congress.  That's about the same, and there's tons, tons more libraries back home than here, thanks to the sophistication and all.”
>As Discord and Twilight listened in on Anonymous, Felix began to wander less in his grimoire guzzling.
“And digital book display?  Don't get me started.  That's like, INFINITE books!  Course, we still try to market them through ebooks and crap, but that's fading a bit.  Thanks, pirates.”
>Felix had altogether stopped eating, turning his 'head' towards Anonymous.
“What about unpublished authors?  I bet you guys barely have any of those here that actually take ink to quill.  Probably more verbal.  Back home, any chump could have a tale to tell.  Just took a keyboard, some time to not suck, and a little audience for feedback.  So why our buddy Felix is so intent on pony stories, I just don't know.
>You turned around, Twilight and Discord's interested eyes following you.
“I mean just look at the little guy, he-”
>BRRMMRMMRMMRMMRMMRMMRMMRMM
“Aw shit.”
>That was all you could get out before diving out of the way, a book meant for you decking Twilight in the face.
>The ground erupts, caving in, taking all the books of Equestria with it as they topple into the chasm.  Tectonic rumbling fills your ears as you gun it across the plains near Fluttershy's home.
>The burning white temporal rift opens wide, spewing forth books galore from the archives of Earth.  You can hear Twilight screaming about her books, struggling to lift them magically out of the pits, and soon lose sight of her in the whirling, bright mass.
>The rift widens, crumbling the thatched roof and plaster walls of Fluttershy's home, sending animals darting across the fields and into the forest as they attempt to avoid the book-hail.
“A LITTLE FUCKING HELP, DISCORD?!”,  you shout into the sky, hoping beyond hope that the draconequus was still paying a attention.
>”Up we go!”
>You find yourself scooped, Discord having soared behind you, lifting you up, and placing you on his back.  The both of you veered up into the sky, Discords' body loping through the air waves as you gained speed.
>Wood snaps below as the closest trees of the Everfree are absorbed into the chaotic pounding force of the rift's expunging form.
“Well fuck you, Felix!”
>”I always loved alliteration.”
>The books gain velocity, flung further into the air by the rift's world-gorging might.  Soon all of Fluttershy's cottage is consumed along with the Everfree periphery.
>”Do we think we should go down to help them?”
“Fluttershy was at the market, the town's seen every kind of crazy to know when to run for it, and the only witness we have to our screw-ups is gone or at least is going to suffer book-damage enough to undergo severe amnesia.”
>”So, what are you saying?”
“I'm saying the elements are shot, the friendship council thing is shot, you're the coolest guy I know, and we both got babes to pick up in Canterlot.”
>Discord's eyes lit up at the prospect.
>”I like where this is going.”
"We grab the girls, we fly out to the ocean, and we party like there's no mañana!"
>You duck your head as a book flies past.  The rift was still expanding behind you taking a toll on anything it got near and bashing the rest with books.  Equilibrium might eventually be met, but not before a massive amount of damage was done.
"Because I'm not sure there's going to be! So long story short, what I'm saying is...”
>You spare one last glance back at 'Felix' before veering your head back to Canterlot.
“...just keep fucking flying!”

End.