Today I learnt a lesson, one that I will take to the grave. And that lesson is, you don’t need a ton of alcohol to have a good time or boost confidence, if you can get past that stage of feeling nervous when talking to someone or someone that you like then it will make everything so much easier. If you need alcohol to boost your confidence, then you should not even be talking to that person. Today I practically ruined a friendship I had with a good friend, and I ruined my chances  of getting with a girl I have liked for over 2 months now. It was all fine until I went to an after party, I was tending too the girl I was interested in as she was slightly drunk, myself not being drunk as I was meant to be dj’ing. I held her hand for over an hour as we walked from one place to the other, I made sure she had everything and she was ok. This was until our taxi’s were here. I wanted to take the same cab as her but 2 other friends got in with her and the other 2 girls I was looking after, when I got to the after party the girl was sobering up and it was almost impossible to continue what I started before the taxi ride, she was sat on a chair and pretty much ignored me, I keep making sure she was alright and she was, I could feel it was going nowhere, so I decided to try and boost myself with confidence by starting to drink. I drank vodka like it was water and before I know it, I was waking up on a sofa, shortly after waking up and stepping over people sleeping on the ground I ask what happened last night. Im shown a picture of myself unconscious on the floor of the living room. I can see the girl is briefly in the picture as well, she is clutching her purse like she was scared of me, I don’t really know. And I’m then told I throw up on the toilet floor and I needed to clean it up. I did so not actually knowing if it was my sick. I sit in the lounge listening to all the stuff I missed out on because I was passed out. Turns out that girl I was looking after and liked, went and slept in a double bed with another guy and apparently they spoke for a good 3 hours. This made me feel like utter shit because that cold have been me if I stayed sober, I get a lift home and I contact the girl and let her know I looked after her while she was with me and i made sure she was ok from the party, I send her a picture we took together and her reply was nothing to do with the picture but she briefly thanked me and said thanks for looking after me I was pretty drunk after I got off the bus. Nothing else that was it. I cant remember but I know I must have done something while I was drunk and she was sobering up that destroyed my chances. If I stayed at the first party and not gone back to the after party I could have possibly got with another girl and stayed sober. But I wouldn’t have held hands and look after the other girl. I just don’t know what to do. I threw up at this after party and then fell asleep, missed out on hours of stuff that happened after, I just really need some guidance.