Lolwut?

class Event extends DataObject {
    private static $db = array(
        "URL" => 'Text',
    );

    public function getURL() {
        $url = $this->dbObject('URL');
        $urlVal = $url->value;
        if($urlVal === 'http://' || $urlVal === 'https://') {
            return false;
        }
        return $url;
    }

}
//EventHolder.ss

//This errors
<% if $Event.URL %><p>Event URL: <a href="$Event.URL">$Event.URL</a></p><% end_if %>

Errors on
"DataObject->dbObject(URL)
LiveStreamEvent.php:95"

//However...

class Event extends DataObject {
    private static $db = array(
        "URL" => 'Text',
    );

    public function URL() {
        $url = $this->dbObject('URL');
        $urlVal = $url->value;
        if($urlVal === 'http://' || $urlVal === 'https://') {
            return false;
        }
        return $url;
    }
}

//EventHolder.ss
<% if $Event.URL %><p>Event URL: <a href="$Event.URL">$Event.URL</a></p><% end_if %>

//This works fine BUT the <% if %> still gets triggered even though it returns false.