Wizard_in_Equestria Chapter 1

Chapter 1
>Be Anonymous
>You like manga, dragon ball in particular.
>You go to the local library to find borrow dragon ball 42, you couldn’t find it in any bookstore as it was always sold out.
>Anyway you’re lost.
>The library is huge, rows upon rows of bookcases filled with literature from all ages.
>Economic theory from the nineteenth century.
>Fantasy novels… pretty much all rip-offs of J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.
>Philosophy, science, history and international studies.
>Man this place has everything!
>You walk past the porn section.
>…
>Porn?!
>This place has a section with porno magazines?
>You stop to find something good.
>Fucking pervert.
>There’s a book that seems out of place.
>There’s another one, and another one, and another.
>They seem to be in some sort of pattern.
>It’s really weird, fifteenth century books on a shelf dedicated to porn.
>You might as well take a look.
>”Commedia” this one isn’t even from the fifteenth century, hell it’s not even porn.
>You take it out… thing is stuck.
>You pull harder.
>The whole shelf starts to shake.
>The shelf swing open, it was a secret door.
>Who in their right mind would plaster a secret door with porn?
>You quickly scan your surroundings before walking into the unknown.
“Uuaaa!”
>Spiders, spiders everywhere!
>You HATE spiders with a passion.
>You squash the little bastards with your shoes; they never knew what hit them.
>It’s dark; you can barely see your own hands. You -don’t- want to touch the walls, they are crawling with arachnids.
>There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
>Why did you have to use that metaphor?
>The light is not very bright, it doesn’t illuminate the hallway.
>You walk toward the light; it comes from a small chamber at the end of the hallway.
>Here the light is a lot stronger, strong enough for you to actually see your surroundings.
>The walls are full of weird patterns they all have a light blue glow
>The patterns seem to be the source of the light.
>In the middle of the room stands a small pedestal.
>There’s a book on top of it.
>You pick up the book it's dusty and it looks very used, it’s bound in leather.
>The title of the book is Grimoire.

Fast forward two months.
>You swing your hand back while turning around, balancing on your left foot.
>You step forward punching straight simultaneously.
>A flame of pale green ethereal fire shoots out of your closed hand.
>You roundhouse kick and another flame manifests from your foot.
>After performing what closely resembles a kata you stop and catch your breath.
>You can feel a lot of your mana has been spent so you decide to take a break to recharge.
“Okay, next spell”
>You open the book and find the “water to wine spell”
>It’s a hot summer day, you are thirsty and in the mood for chardonnay.
>You go back inside your house to get some water.
>While you are inside a gust of wind blows by your book and flips some random pages in your book.
>You come out of your house with a bottle of water.
>Being the general fuckwit you are, you don’t check the name of the spell again.
>You perform a long and extremely difficult ritual.
>You actually need to give up some of your blood.
>”This better be the best wine I’ll ever taste.” You think to yourself.
>After the last syllable leaves your mouth the elixir of blood, water and a shit load of other crap begin to swirl and boil.
>You take a step back as the elixir begins to evaporate.
>The elixir is now a gas.
>You fucking panic. “Shitshitshitshitfuckingshit!” You grab your grimoire and start searching for a way to reverse the spell.
>You don’t notice that the gas has surrounded you until it is too late.
>You are engulfed in a pink mist and your vision begins to fail you.
>The mist suddenly disappears and you’re left standing in an apple field.


>Okay… where the fuck are you?
>Blue sky - not a cloud up there.
>It’s hot, but not uncomfortable.
>There are trees… apple trees it seems.
>…
>Wait a second where the fuck are you?
>I don’t know brain.
>Okay don’t panic, weirder shit has happened to you before.
>Who are you kidding this shit goes beyond weird.
“WHERE THE HELL IS THE BOok… oh right here… in my hands… hehe... silly me”
>It seems the stuff you were carrying came with you.
>Thank god you’re still wearing pants.
>Your chest is bare; you always train without a shirt on.
>The last time you whore one your favourite T-shirt caught fire.

>”What in tarnation?!”
>That accent.
>Are you in fucking Texas?!
>Suddenly you’re tackled by what looks like a…
>By what looks like a cross between an orange marshmallow and a horse.
>Oh wait it’s just a p0ny
“Ohshitfuck a talking p0ny?!”
>Your jimmies aren’t as rustled as they should be.
>After all you discovered magic two months ago.
>”Wait a moment… you can talk?”
>Okay play it smooth, Anon.
“Yes”
>So far so good.
>”What are y’all doin’ in MY apple orchard? Ya'll probably want to steal mah apples! Aww no, that ain't how we roll here in Ponyville mister Whateveryouare”
>The orange freak show hops off your chest and turn its back on you.
>Is it going to flee?
>Why is it… She lifting her hind le…
>You are out cold.

>Water.
>You HATE water,
>Fish fuck in it.
>You cough and sit up.
>You open your eyes only to be greeted by the orange p0ny, you didn’t notice before but it’s… She’s wearing a cowboy hat.
>There’s a purple one too this one has a horn.
>Wait horn?
>It’s a unicorn holy shit!
>Now you feel the headache. The orange one kicked in the face.
>”Hey it’s awake!” the purple one says, her voice filled with excitement.
“Of course I’m awake, you poured water all over me!”
>The purple one is taken aback by your aggressive tone.
>But you don’t even search for a fuck to give.
>”Wow you’re right Applejack, it can talk. It looks dangerous”
”Applejack? Is that you?” you point a finger over at the bitch that knocked you out.
>”Yes ah’m Applejack” she points a hoof at the purple unicorn “and this here is Twilight”
>Okay this time we play it REALLY smooth okay Anon? Don’t want to get kicked in the jaw again.
“My name is Anonymous, Anon for short. I’m not dangerous - I’m just a little confused right now… Do you mind telling me where I am?”
>”Alright… Anonymous, you’re in Ponyville.”
“Okay… Where is Ponyville again?”
>”Well it lies between Appaloosa and Canterlot.”
“Appaloosa? Canterlot? I am sorry Miss Twilight but I don’t know any of those towns. What country am I in?”
>”Well you’re in Equestria” this time Applejack spoke up.
“Equestria?”
>The two ponies gives you a deadpan stare the like of which you’ve never seen before.
>”So ah take it ya not from around here?”
“No, I don’t think I’m even from this world.”
>You rise to your feet, Twilight seems surprised by your height.
>You’re still wearing pants, thank god! But your book is gone.
“Where’s my book?”
>”Oh well I put it up on my bookshelf,”
>Twilights horn starts to glow, and so does one of the books on the bookshelf.
>The book levitates down to you.
>The purple one, Twilight knows magic… Interesting.
>You take a look at the book and sigh.
“This is not my book”
>”What do you mean? This was the book that lay right next to you”
“Do you take me for a fool?”
>You want to frighten her a bit so you unleash a bit of pure mana.
>The air thickens around you and you stare daggers down at the unicorn.
>”Twi? What’s going on Twi?” Applejack asks.
“This is not my book, my book is bound in leather, it has the title “Grimoire”, give it to me! Now!”
>Okay the play it smooth thing didn’t work that well.
>”I’m sorry!” She levitates another book down to you.
>This is your book.
>”I just wanted to read it, I didn’t think you could read so I tried to trick you. Sorry”
>She looks sad, her eyes are misty
>Aw man, now you feel like the bad guy
>You stop the spell.
“Thank you, Twilight” you say in a very pleased tone.
>The air is now just like before.
>”What the hay was that?” The two ponies say in unison.
>Did they rehearse that?
>You let out a soft giggle.
“Oh that? That was magic”
>Applejack just shrugs but Twilight, Twilight mouth is wide agape.
>”I’ve never seen magic like that in my life”
“It was just raw mana”
>”Mana?”
>Now it’s your turn to give her a deadpan stare
“Your magic doesn’t rely on mana?”
>”No, but tell me more about it”
>”Alright you two, it’s getting late ah reckon ah better head on home”
>Getting late… how long were you out?
>Wait, the sun is still up, Applejack only said that because she doesn’t want to hear about your swaggerlicious magic.
>”Bye Applejack I’ll see you tomorrow” Twilight doesn’t seem to notice.
>Applejack opens the door and walk out into the night.
>Wait...
>Night?
>You glance out of the window again.
>The moon is now up and the sun is down
>Fuck logic!

>You and Twilight talk for hours about your magic and her magic.
>Then about Equestria.
>Apparently this place is governed by two Alicorn “princesses” who raise and lower celestial bodies.
>That’s some pretty strong magic.
>Suddenly out of nowhere you both hear a loud rustle.
>Jimmy was that you?
>No sir, I think it was Stomach.
>I’M HUNGRY FEED ME!
>Stop being such a baby
>NO! ANON I’M STARVING, I NEED NOURISHMENT, NOW!
“Ummm… Twilight? Do you have any food?”
>”Yeah in the kitchen, are you hungry?”
>FOOD NOW!
“Yes a little bit”
>”What do you eat?”
“Well I can eat fruit, nuts, berries, vegetables…”
>”That’s nice I’ll just go fetch us som…”
“Oh and meat, I love meat!”
>Twilight freezes. Her face turns completely white and you can see her trying to hold back a little bit of vomit.
>Shit she’s a hor… pony whatever, she doesn’t eat meat.
“I can manage properly without meat though, I am an omnivore”
>The colour comes back to her face, and she goes to the kitchen.

>Twilight comes back a few minutes later with two bowls of salad.
>You both eat in complete silence.
>The awkward silence is so thick you can cut the spaghetti out of it with a knife.
>”So… what is Earth like? It was Earth right?”
>Oh thank god, a new topic… wait Earth shit. That topic is even worse than your meat eating tendencies.
“Yeah… Well earth is… What’s the word for it?... Horrible yeah that’s it horrible.”
>You give her a quick rundown of your dying world.
>”Oh Anon that sounds horrible”
>Well that’s what you said.
>You’re getting tired; it’s been a long day full of weird shit.
“Well It’s getting late and I think I should find a place to sleep” You yawn to emphasize your point.
>”Well I have a guest room in the basement, if you want to you can sleep there.”
>Just as expected
“Thank you Twilight, that’s really nice of you, I didn’t expect you would do that for me.”
>You wish the lavender pony goodnight and head downstairs to the basement.
>The guest room is unbelievably clean.
>This bitch has OCD.
>You get in bed.
>You fall asleep almost instantly. You’ve been tired out by all the weird shit that happened today.
>Sleep’s warmth embraces you.