Hearts and Hooves with Twilight Autism

"Well of course" you reply
>Twilight's ears shoot upright
>"R-Really?" she asks incredulously
"Yeah. If another stallion doesn't snatch you up first that is" you tease
>You doubted it, not only was she a princess but she was quite the catch
>"Oh, well, uh, I'll see you then I guess Anon. Uh, if I don't already have a date by then."
>She frowns
>'Or if I do and then they cancel and I have to ask you"
>Her eye twitches and she starts to sweat as different scenarios start racing through her mind
>"Or-if-Ponyville-comes-under-attack-and-we-have-to-cancel-Hearths-and-Hooves-Day-and-all-the-bakers-are-put-out-of-business-because-all-of-their-chocolate-goes-stale-you-know-when-I-was-a-filly-I-used-to-hate-that-stuff-but-now-I-"
"Twilight" you soothe, placing your hand over her mouth and giving her a gentle flick of her ear
"Whatever happens, I'll see you later"
>She nods, embarrassed
>Smiling, you remove you hand from her muzzle and the two of you part
>Had you turned around you would have noticed her giddily dancing in the middle of the street, to the great amusement of passing ponies
>But she didn't mind one bit; nothing else mattered to her at that moment
>If another stallion asked her out she would turn them down
>As far as she saw it, she had a date with Anonymous

>From your perspective, you didn't mind your part of the proposal at all
>After all you'd chaperoned a couple of dateless ponies before to help them save face
>Nothing came of it, but they were terribly grateful
>You were sure Twilight merely saw this as a friend doing another friend a favor
>It wasn't until the next day that you realized you lack of judgement

It was around midday the next day when you heard a knock on your door
>Opening it, you were greeted by Ms Rarity; an acquaintance of your's and friend of Twilight's and beside her Twilight's foster sibling and assistant, Spike, with whom you were on closer terms with
>After polite conversation over a cup of tea the topic turned to that of Twilight
"And then she asked me to be her 'back-up' for Hearts and Hooves Day' you laugh, shaking your head
>Rarity and Spike exchange worried looks
>"Actually, that was what we wished to speak to you about Anonymous" said Rarity slowly
>"Spike?" she motions for him to explain
>Spike nods his head and turns to you
>"When Twilight came home yesterday she was really, really happy" he explained
>"When I asked her about it she said that you'd agreed to be her date on Hearts and Hooves Day"
>You frown
"B-But I didn't actually-"
>"That's what I tried to tell her after she'd explained the whole thing to me" explained Spike "That you'd agreed to be her back-up, not an outright first choice, but she wouldn't listen"
>"It seems" said Rarity "That our dear Twilight has gotten it into her head that, if she receives no other offers, Anonymous, that your act of charity will become a proper declaration of romantic intent"
>"The only question that remains" she continues, sliding of her seat and walking towards you "Is what you intend to do about it?"
>You gulp upon seeing the intensity of Rarity's stare
>She may have sympathized with your situation but that didn't mean she was going to allow her friend to be hurt
"I-I guess" you begin before your eyes are drawn to a smudge of black around Spike's eye
"Spike... are you wearing eyeliner?"
>Spike's eyes shoot open
>"Aww geez I thought I'd gotten it all off" he whines
>"She practiced on me for hours! Hours!"
>You and Rarity look at each other and stifle your laughter, the tense atmosphere at least partially broken

>Spike sits with his arms crossed, looking resoundingly uncomfortable as Rarity wipes around his eye with a washcloth as a mother might her child
>"If this is what her practice looks like then I suppose I'll have to help her" bemoans Rarity
>"I don't know how you feel about Twilight Anon" says Spike "But if you have to let her down, at least do it gently"
>His tail droops slightly
>"I sure know what it's like to have somepony not return your love"
>A sad smile flashes over Rarity's face before she regains her composure
>"Spike is quite right" she adds "You agreed to take Twilight out Anon and we will hold you to it"
>The three of you talk for a while longer before the two of them make their way to the door
>As you say your goodbyes, Spike stands at your doorway for a moment
>His fists clench and his chest puffs out
>"By the way Anon" he growls, trying to look as intimidating as possible
"If you hurt Twilight, I'll, I'll..."
>He seems at a momentary loss for words upon sizing you up and considering his chances against a human more than twice his size
>"W-Well it won't be good!" and with that he scampers away
>Rarity watches him go with a grin, her heart warming at the sight of his youthful loyalty
>"I shan't threaten or interrogate you any longer Anonymous" she says
>"I ask only that you spend the next few days considering how you feel about Twilight. She deserves that much at least"
>She begins to walk away and you turn to go back inside
>"Oh and Anonymous?"
>You turn back to the mare
>"I've put in a good word with Chez du Mareson in Canterlot. They just 'happen' to have a table available for two" she winks
>With that she trots away, softly humming
>You close the door and lean your head back on it, sighing
>So that was it then
>You didn't know how you felt about Twilight but that didn't matter now
>You may have been the only man in this land of talking ponies but you were one of your word
>You walk over to the calendar hanging on your wall
>You had 4 days

>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You'd face some of the greatest dangers ever to threaten Ponyville
>Yet this upcoming date frightened you more than any of them
>You didn't have any books to help you this time
>Your tear through your castle hallway
>"Spike where's my list?" you call
>No reply
>Where had he gotten to?
>You halt and cringe
>Maybe the eyeliner had been a bit much, but how else were you to practice for your date with-
>Your legs wobble and you steady yourself
>"Anon" you sigh
>The sound of the door to your castle creaking open snaps you from your reverie
"Spike? Is that you?" you call
>Your clamber down the stairs and begin to scold him
>"How many times have I told you to tell me before you ou- Rarity?"
>Before you know it the cream coated unicorn has you wrapped in a tight hug
>"Oh Twilight, dear, Spikey's told me all about your plans with Anonymous on Hearts and Hooves day"
>You blush furiously and shoot Spike a withering glare, who looks at his feet in shame
>"Oh don't be too hard on him darling" says Rarity, concerned she'd thrown him under the bus "He was merely trying to acquisition my, skills, shall we say?"
>She pulls up a nearby chair
>"Now then, let me create ART"
>Rarity levitates her saddle bags off her back and before you know it a small folding screen surrounds you
>Various ointments, shaders, foundations and other beauty apparel float about and Rarity pokes, prods and examines your face from different angles, muttering to herself
>"Hmm, well-rounded jaw, good pigmentation, consistent fur, clear eyes, slightly large nose..."
"Rarity please this really isn't nec- Hey I do NOT have a large nose' you cry, raising a hoof to your nose
>Rarity looks at you with a curt, professional smile
>"I believe I said 'slightly' large Twilight. And please, I'm working"
>You huff in frustration
>And where had Spike gotten to now anyway?

>You are Spike
>You're running as far as you can from a doting, makeup-armed Rarity
>No way you were risking being used as a test subject again
>Besides, you had work to do anyway
>You scamper out onto the street with a handful of bits and hail a nearby carriage
>You knew that Twilight was in good hooves with Rarity preparing for her date, but Anon?
>You sure couldn't coach him, you were just a kid!
>There was only one other male friend you knew Anon had
"To Sweet Apple Acres, quick!" you bellow to the carriage pony
>The stallion rears up and tears along the road
>You hold on for dear life as every bump and knock almost sends you flying
>This had better be worth it

"What do you mean I have to tip you?"
>"Tippin's customary" grunts the carriage stallion
"But the ride cost over 45 bits!" you whine
>The stallion unhooks himself from the carriage and walks towards you
>"Listen here kid, I bust my flank doing this job. This is the one job that almost any non-magical educated pony can make a livin' off of"
>A queer sense of childish courage comes over you
>Dragons were inherently greedy creatures, and you only had so much you could call your own
>"See this?" you say, rubbing two of your claws together "It's Equestria's smallest violin playing just for the carriage ponies"
>The stallion advances towards you, enraged
>"SPIKE"
>You turn around and see Big Mac trotting towards you sternly
>"Pay the stallion"
>Not wanting to anger him too you grumble and throw the stallion a few bits
>The stallion examines them closely before pulling his carriage off without a word
>You and Bic Mac stand in silence for a few moments
>"I don't suppose" he speaks up "That ya came here jus' so I could bail ya out?
>You shake your head
>"Actually, it's Anon that needs our help Big Mac"
>Big Mac's eyebrows lift in interest
>You feel your face contort into a sly smile
>You knew you shouldn't but you couldn't help yourself
>"He's got a date and, well, he needs a few tips"
>Big Mac groans

"Why are we going so fast? What's the hurry?" you ask Big Mac as the two of you sprint back to Ponyville
>Well, you didn't so much sprint so much as you clung to his back
>You'd insisted that you could manage on your own but he would have none of it, stressing the need to reach Anon as quickly as possible
>Besides it's not as if you could take a carriage back; you'd done your dash with them for a while
>"If I know Anon" panted the stallion "And I do, he's probably spent the last few hours staring at his wall wonderin' what he's gonna do with himself"
"But how can you possibly know that?" you scream over the wind roaring past you
>"Because I've seen him do it" comes the reply "I don't know if it's how he was raised or what, but Anon's never been one for understandin' his own feelings or mares. He reckons other mares are too good for him or somethin' like it. Like he doesn't deserve to be happy"
>Big Mac sighs, the exertion seemingly not affecting him
>"I've seen two mares personally try to court him and he thought they meant as friends. Ruined his relationships with them it did. It's a sad thing. Real sad"
>A shiver goes down your spine as you understand what Big Mac meant
>If you didn't ensure Anon's date with Twilight was a success, it would ruin their relationship forever
>Either way both were losing a friendship, but they could both at least gain a relationship out of it
>"That's why we have to get to him as quickly as possible" he stresses "I'm not letting my friend ruin another friendship, especially with a friend of Applejack's"
>You steel your face, the two of you thinking in perfect accord
"Well what are we waiting for then?" you cry, grabbing a lock of Big Mac's mane in each hand and snapping them like a whip "Hiya!"
>Big Mac rears reflexively before setting off again
>"This got-dang dragon" thought Big Mac

>”So uh, I’m real sorry about that Anon” mumbles Big Mac awkwardly
>”It’s jus’ not often that I have mah mane set on fire is all” he grunts, glaring in Spike's direction
>”I said I was sorry” cries the dragon as he stumbles around the room trying to remove the lampshade cover which was firmly planted over his head
>He succeeds only in falling over for the dozenth time
>”Ya said that to all the ponies we knocked over too, and they ain’t gonna be forgiving me any time soon either!”
“Hey, guys, really it’s fine” you say, moving over to the gaping hole in your shack
>You tear off a piece of hanging drywall
“Just needs a bit of a buff and shine and it’s good as new eh?” you ask sardonically
>Spike finally tears the lampshade cover off his head and your two friends shrink back
>”We really are sorry Anon” frowns Spike “And I’m sorry too Mac. I sure do have a weak stomach”
>The stallion sighs and rubs his hoof on the dragon’s head playfully
>”Aww don’t worry about it buddy. I shouldn’t have been goin’ so fast for my part. Must have been a bumpy ride”
>”Still not as bad as that carriage ride” quips Spike
>The two of them share an easy laugh
“So…” you interject, “You guys mind telling me why you’re in my house?”
>”Anon, my friend” begins Big Mac “We know about your plans with Princess Twilight this Hearts and Hooves day and we’re here to humbly offer our help”
>You cross your arms, more than a little incensed that it seemed everyone knew
“Well what makes you two think I need your help?” you scoff
>You stretch and crack your knuckles
“I’ve got plenty of game” you boast, in contrast to your earlier lethargy
>”Weeeeeelp” drawls Big Mac“There was that time in Canterlot, the Spa ponies, your ban from Ponyville beach, last year’s disastrous Winter Wrap Up, oh and the incident involving a certain Princess Celestia’s private bathro-“

>He’s cut short as your hand clamps shut over his mouth
“Don’t tell him about that!” you half hiss, half laugh, motioning towards Spike
>”About what?” he asks curiously
“N-Nothing” you stutter
>You dragon frowns before pressing his former case
>”Well, anyway Anon you gotta let us help you!”
>He leans back on Big Mac’s foreleg and jerks a thumb towards himself
>”With my knowledge of Twilight, and Big Mac’s knowledge of… um”
>He looks up at Big Mac
>”What’s your thing Big Mac?”
>The red stallion shifts uncomfortably
>”Well, let’s just say I was well named is all”
>”Oh, because you’re really tall and mares prefer taller stallions right?”
>Spike beams naively
>You and Big Mac share a knowing smirk
>You didn’t actually know if he was above average, so to speak, but that didn’t stop him from perpetuating the rumor
>Hell you’d seen mares practically throw themselves on him when the two of you hit the town
>On the one hand you were happy for him knowing he could take his pick of any mare he wanted
>It must be hell after all, being related to the only mares he spent most of his time with
>On the other you were rather envious how easy it was for him
>You’d tried to emulate his ‘strong silent type’ persona one night, but to no avail
>You were pretty sure the only words mare’s attributed to you that night were ‘creepy’ and ‘serial killer’
>To his credit, however, Big Mac had noticed your lack of success and refused the more amorous offers of the mares pursuing him
>Over time this became a running trend, with Big Mac aiding you as best he could in your attempts at romance and then sabotaging himself so as not to make you feel bad
>Whilst you appreciated his offer, you couldn't be sure if he was motivated more by a desire to free himself from his self imposed celibacy
>Either way you supposed you could use his help
“Okay” you finally say, placing a hand on Big Mac’s withers
“Let’s do it”

>You are Rarara
"Now" you begin, "When walking in horseshoes on must walk like so" you instruct, deliberately slowing down your dainty steps to demonstrate the correct method
>You take care not to slip on one of the many errant notes which now lined the floor of Twilight's castle entrance
>You turn to Twilight and to your dismay notice her busily scrawling even more notes
>Did she even notice your demonstration at all?
"Twilight, please, stop taking notes and pay attention"
>"Stop. Taking. Notes. And. Pay. Attention." she mutters and underlines your quote twice
>You scowl and pull her notes away from her with your magic
>"Hey!" she cries, reaching for them, hooves flailing, forgetting for a moment that she was a much more powerful magic user than you
>Perhaps it was merely her respect for the teacher-student relationship you supposed
"Really Twilight you simply can't be so reliant on these" you lecture, flipping through her notes "You can't bring these with you when you're with Anonymous"
>Everything you'd taught her thus far had been recorded impeccably
>From flirtation to small talk, she'd clearly been paying attention to what you'd said, if not shown to her
>Something caught your eye on the pages, however
>In the corner of each page was a small image of what looked to be a marshmallow with a swirl of hair and a curled tail. It stood on stunted legs and had a dopey expression upon its face
>You inspect the doodle more closely
>"Wait no don't!" cries Twilight, realizing what you'd noticed
>You turn the notebook on its side and flick through it; animating the marshmallow as it hops along from page to page
>It was then that you realize the marshmallow was supposed to be you
>You look up at Twilight quizzically
>"J-Just an old habit from school" she blusters, her face flushed

>Across the other side of Ponyville, a similar exercise was taking place
"Twilight wouldn't say that"
>Spike, a toilet paper roll glued to his head and two broom heads strapped to his back looks taken aback
>"She would too" he insists from the other side of the table
"No she wouldn't, Twilight reads books not comics"
>"Comics are books!"
>"Actually I have to go with Anon on this one" comes a voice below the two of you
>" Keep quiet. Tables don't talk Big Mac" growls Spike
>You groan in frustration
>You knew these two were just trying to help you but you were frustrated by their methods
>It seemed they were treating this whole date as if it were with some generic mare
>But it wasn't just ANY mare
>It was Twilight
>...
>Not that you were saying you were attracted to her of course. Just that she wasn't some mare
>"Twilight's my friend" you had said hours earlier as Big Mac was demonstrating a series of pick up lines "Can't I just talk to her like one?"
>Big Mac and Spike had promptly erupted into to fits of laughter
>"I'm gonna wet myself!" bellowed Spike in between breaths

>And so passed the days until Hearts and Hooves Day for both yourself and, unknown to each other; Twilight, as you were coached by your respective teachers'
>At last you stood before your friends, your suit freshly pressed, shoes shined, tie straight, cuffs clean
>You looked the perfect date for a princess
>"How do I look?" you grin

>You do a small twirl as Big Mac emits a weary cheer and claps his hooves together
>Beside him lies Spike, snoring away on your armchair
>You didn't blame him, the two of them had worked themselves ragged ensuring your date with Twilight would be a success
>They stay up hours into the night planning the next day's lesson whilst insisting that you get a good night's sleep
>They truly were wonderful friends
>"Hang on Anon" mumbles Big Mac, pulling himself up "What were my three I's to maintain conversation?"
>Their rigorous training kicks in and your mind instantly delivers the answer
"Initiate, Integrate and Imitate"
>"What's the first thing you do when you see her?"
"I compliment her mane"
>"What if it's bad?"
"I still compliment it"
>"What if the waiter offers you hay minot?"
"I order the steak"
>"What if he offers you flower-loaf"
"I order the steak"
>"What if there is no steak?"
"I order the steak"
>"Ha!" chuckles Big Mac and throws his forelegs around you
>"You're ready partner" he laughs gleefully before turning around to the dozing Spike
>"Spike, get up, Anon's leaving!"
>Spike's eyes shoot open and in an instant he's beside Big Mac clutching at your leg
>"Good luck Anon" he says warmly before the two of them release their grip
>With a grin and a wave goodbye you walk out the door and turn in the direction of Twilight's castle, leaving your two friends alone
>"We've done all we can for him. You think he's going to be alright?" asks Spike
>"Eeyup" replies a contented Big Mac
>The two of them smile at each other for a moment before bolting after you

>Across Ponyville, a certain Ms Rarity was adding the finishing touches to Twilight's mane
>She had insisted that she not wear makeup in the end, deciding that your endless experimentation was too much and feeling terribly sorry for Spike
>Still, you'd managed to get her into horseshoes and allow you to do her mane so it wasn't all bad
>At last you stepped back to admire your work
>The two of you stood in clear contrast to one another
>Whilst you looked rather... unladylike yourself, she looked the portrait of a princess
>Her mane was curled slightly and lusciously smoothed clung to the edges of her face
>Her horseshoes, however, were slightly gaudy even for your taste but they were the only pair she had and they did look rather nice on her; glazed with streaks of silver and gold
>But the most impressive thing about her appearance was her sheer confidence
>She stood tall and proud, a slight smile upon her face and wings unfurled in confidence
"Why Twilight" you gush "You look absolutely marvelous darling! Anonymous is going to simply die"
>You raise a hoof to your forehead melodramatically
>Twilight grins and blushes slightly
>"You think so?"
"Why, I know so" you insist
>This seems to comfort her and her confidence seems to triple
>"Well with your confidence Rarity, I can't possibly fai-"
>She interrupted by a knock at the door
>Twilight screams and bolts from pillar to pillar in terror
>"Nonononononono, He's here, he's here, he's here, he's here, he's here, he's here" she gasps, her prior confidence gone
>Your own smile turns to a half lidded deadpan as she darts to and fro until you snatch her tail with your mouth as she flies past you
>"Rarity let go, please! I'm not ready!" she begs
"I'm sorry darling" you grunt through gritted teeth, before slipping behind her and pushing her the rest of the way to the door "But this is for your own good"
>Twilight shakes momentarily before taking a deep breath and opening the door

>"Hello, Sparkle residence may I help you?" slurs a terrified Twilight
>You're taken aback for a moment before remembering the bouquet of flowers you'd purchased on the way
"Uh, I'm here for our date?" you reply, offering her the flowers "Happy Hearts and Hooves day to you too Twi"
>"Oh, yes, right" she says breathlessly "The thing, the time, the place, the date that I asked you on that you've come for"
>She notices your flowers
>"Oh! Here let me just..."
>You're met with the rather unsavory sight of the Princess of Friendship scoffing down an entire bouquet
>"Oh dear Celestia" you hear a voice groan from inside the castle
>Realizing she was making a fool of herself she tries to change the topic
>"S-So shall we, um, be off then?" she asks, wiping a few stray petals from her mouth
>She grins nervously
"Yeah, yeah" you laugh, not phased by her antics in the slightest
>In fact you thought it was adorable
>She grins in relief and trots beside you down the street
>The two of you walk wordlessly for a moment before you feel something touch your arm
>"Can, can I just?" asks a blushing Twilight as she slips her outstretched wing through the crook of your arm
>You suppose this was akin to holding hands with her and grin
>Your heart leaps and you walk with a slight spring in your step

>You are Twilight
>Oh dear Celestia he thought you were being flirtatious!
>Well, it's not like you didn't like him holding your wing, but that's not why you did it
>The truth was you were almost tripping over yourself in your horseshoes and needed support
>"Just one more step Twilight" you think "Just one more"
>Anon grips your wing tighter and you blush furiously and turn away, a faint sheen of perspiration appearing on your forehead
>M-Maybe this wasn't so bad after all?
>You lean into him and smile slightly and together the to of you continue your walk to Ponyville's train station
>Your earlier fears fade away and you find yourself, for the moment, utterly content in his company

>You are Rarity
>You sit alone in Twilight's castle, biting your lip in apprehension
>Certainly you were confident in Twilight and what you'd taught her and yet...
>Something niggles at you
>Perhaps it was Anon's extraordinary confidence
>Perhaps it was merely nervousness on your own part
>Or perhaps it was the knowledge that your protege had somehow managed to misconstrue receiving a bouquet of flowers as an invitation to eat them
>Really, who does that? It certainly didn't bode well for the rest of the evening
>Your gaze hardens
>That settled it then
>Taking care to close the door behind you, you stroll out of Twilight's castle and towards Ponyville's train station
>Perhaps she didn't need you help, perhaps she really could handle this on her own
>But you weren't going to take that chance
>Had you been more aware of your surroundings you would have noticed a certain stallion and dragon duo with a similar goal in mind

>You are Twilight Sparkle
>Since boarding the train the atmosphere with Anon had turned awkward
>Perhaps it had sunk in for both of you that you were on a date, this was it
>You pick at a loose fray of padding on your seat
>Across from you, Anon's legs swing back and forth
>The two of you make eye contact for a moment before looking away
>"So uh" he says, trying to break the stalemate "What's the deal with steam?"
>Steam?
>What about steam?
>You knew what steam was but Rarity didn't say anything about steam!
>"'Cause" he continues "You know, why did you ponies stop there?"
"Anon I don't-"
>"Your mane looks nice!" he blurts out
>A million thoughts go through your mind at once
>Why was he so interested in steam? What did he mean by this? What did he mean 'stop there'?
>One thought stood out above all others, however, and formulated itself into words
"You like my mane?" you squeak

"Can you see them?" you ask Big Mac
>The stallion cranes his head over the thick Canterlot crowd
>His eyes narrow and he catches a glimpse of Anon's familiar visage sticking out of the crowd before it disappears once again
>"C'mon hurry" he grunts before shoving his way through the crowd; leaving a throng of dazed couples in his wake
>You grimace and snake your way through the carnage
"Whoops" "Sorry about that" "He's a nice guy once you get to know him, really" "Uh, you should see a doctor for that" "No I don't want to exchange insurance information!"
>You finally catch up to Big Mac, panting and desperate to distance yourself from his path of destruction
"Wh-Where did they go?" you choke out
>"In there" he says, pointing to the rather illustrious restaurant in front of you
>'Chez du Mareson' it reads
"Well what are we waiting for?" you demand and dart forward before being stopped in your tracks by Big Mac's outstretched hoof
>"It won't do ya no good" he grumbles "I tried gettin' in just before. Said they only take reservations"
>He sighs and sits down in the dirty street
>"I don't know what to do" he admits

>You groan and wrack your brains for an answer
>You pace back and forth, so distracted that you don't notice the cream coloured mare in front of you
>You clumsily bump into her and fall down on your rump
>She turns and begins to apologise before leaping several feet into the air in shock upon seeing you
"Miss? Oh I'm so sorry, are you hurt?" you babble before getting a good look at her face
>She seems familiar
"Have we met before ma'am?"
>"What?" she seems taken aback "Oh nonononono, you must be mistaken Spike Wik- I mean young colt... er, drake"
"Really?" you scratch your head as she pulls her coat closer and adjusts her shades
"Why y-" she coughs before making her voice deeper "Yes. I go by the name of... Scarcity. As there's only one of me see?"
>She smiles nervously
>"Oh hiya Rarity" calls Big Mac, waving at the two of you
>Rarity's eye twitches

"I just can't believe you lied to me" you whine
>"My dear Spikey Wikey" she says, grasping your cheeks with her hooves
"Please understand. It's very important that I not be recognised tonight. A lady such as myself must maintain a sparkling reputation after all"
"But what I wanna know" chimes in Big Mac "Is why are you here?"
>The two of you look at her expectantly
>She looks somewhat ashamed
>"I-I just wanted to make sure everything went well for Twilight tonight" she stutters
>"Why are you here?" she shoots back
>"Oh I understand" drawls Big Mac, nodding slowly
>Her face loosens into an expression of relief
>"Couldn't get a date"
>Rarity's cheeks turn bright red
>"Why I never." she huffs. "Are you implying that I'm playing at the spurned spinster?"
>Her voice turns noticeably thicker and she takes a step forward
"That I'm unable to court a stallion on the most romantic night of the year?"
>She takes another step forward
>"That my standards are so high that I either pine for ruffians and drive potential suitors away!?"
>She almost yelling now
>"Desperate..." snorts one passing mare, earning her a scowl from Rarity
>She collects herself and neatens up her now ruffled attire
>"Well? Is that what you're implying good sir?" she asks the now stunned Big Mac
>"N-No" he whimpers
>"Wonderful!" she chirps daintily, her prior outrage forgotten

>Meanwhile, as Rarity was chewing out Big Mac, you had slipped away to find a window to peek through inside the restaurant
>Hauling yourself up, you note with relief that Twilight and Anon's table happens to be located right beside your window
>Twilight's forelegs wave wildly and Anon's arms do the same
>Oh no, the date wasn't going badly was it?
>You strain your ears; trying to hear what was being said
>"...Full of hot air..." you hear Twilight say from the other side of the glass
>Oh no, she was saying Anon was all talk!
>You had to do something!

>You are Rarity
>"So, a reservation for three was it? Two ponies and a... colt?" asks the concierge
"Yes, that's correct" you reply
>The snooty pony eyes the three of you over. You must have made quite a sight
>A high class mare, her hulking farmpony husband and their dragon child
>"Hmph, how very... progressive" the concierge mutters
>"I'm afraid we have no reservations as of current" he drawls "Perhaps you should have made one earlier?" he snidely recommends
"Oh, but, we were assured by a certain Miss Rarity" you emphasize "That-"
>"Miss Rarity?" interrupts the concierge "Wait here please"
>With that the stallion disappears around the corner
"I told you I could get us in" you remark confidently
>Big Mac shifts uncomfortably
>"When can I take this hat off?" he asks, fiddling with the tophat several sizes too small for him "It itches something terrible"
"Shhhh" you hiss "Here they come"
>The concierge returns with three hulking, suited stallions and a bedazzled mare whom you assumed was the proprietor of this restaurant
>"So you're Miss Rarity huh?" she asks
"F-Friends of Rarity" you stutter, aware that you were now surrounded by her henchmen
"Ha!" she laughs vilely before spitting at your hooves "What did I tell you colts? Element of Generosity my flank!"
>Her goons laugh in a somewhat forced fashion
"I-I don't understand" you say "Madam, if I- If Miss Rarity has, in any way, done you wrong please tell me"
>"That's what I plan on doin'" she growls, poking your chest with her hoof
>"You tell that friend of your's that if she gets one more friend in here with her word, she aint gettin' in no more. I can't tell you how many bits I've lost because Miss I'm-better-than-you-and-you-outta-know-it uses her title to score seats here"
>You bristle in indignation but maintain your composure
"I'll be sure to tell her" you say evenly
>"Good, then scram!"
>And with that the mare and her goons disappear

>You are Spike
>"Oh what a fool I've made of myself" moans Rarity
"Oh come on Rarity, you did you best" you say uselessly, trying to comfort her
>Meanwhile Big Mac's gaze is drawn to the kitchen across the hall, a plan forming in his mind
>"I have an idea" he says, staring at you with a curious expression upon his face
"W-Why are you looking at me like that?" you ask, backing away

>You are Spike
>"Oh what a fool I've made of myself" moans Rarity
"Oh come on Rarity, you did you best" you say, trying to comfort her
>Meanwhile Big Mac's gaze is drawn to the kitchen across the hall, a plan forming in his mind
>"I have an idea" he says, staring at you with a curious expression
"W-Why are you looking at me like that?" you ask, backing away

>3 creatures, a mare, a griffon and a minotaur sit at a table
>"I must say Lord Haybale" says the griffon, raising his glass "Tonight has been a lovely evening for both myself and King Artinax here"
>"Duke Skygleam is right" admits the minotaur gruffly
>Lord Haybale breathes a sigh of relief
>She had been planning this diplomatic dinner for months trying to improve relations between the three nations
>"Just wait until you see what I have planned next" she beams before motioning to a cadre of ponies at the other end of the restaurant
>In moments a large silver dish is set down between the three delegates
>"It smells wonderful" pants Duke Skygleam
>"Roast suckling pig, imported specifically for you gentlemen" she says as the silver lid is lifted
>The delegates' expressions of anticipation turn to confusion, then disgust, then anger
>"What. Is that?!" demands the minotaur king
>Before the three of them lays a live dragon; an apple in its mouth and stretched out over a bed of salad

>You are Rarity
>From the waiting room you and Big Mac hear angry shouting before a minotaur and a griffon stride past you, a mare desperately calling after them
>The restaurant staff try their best to calm the delegates but are unsuccessful as they angrily clear off into the night
>In the confusion Spike slips in between you and Big Mac, taking a bite out of the apple in his claws
>"They didn't hurt you did they?" asks Big Mac
>"No. I'm alright" replies Spike before shuddering "Just... the stuffing"
>The restaurant concierge and owner return, dejected, before stopping as they notice you
"Table for three?" you ask smugly