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8thSin

Kyousougiga

8thSin
Oct 15th, 2013
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  1. KYOUSOUGIGA
  2.  
  3. [Commie]
  4.  
  5. *1:22 - NUANCE - "You've never been a brainiac" --> "You've never been very bright" OR "You're such a silly boy" -- Really bad word choice.
  6. *1:26 - SCRIPTWRITING - "Touche, Koto" --> "That's harsh, Koto" OR "Ouch" -- Definitely not acknowledgment.
  7. *2:56 - ERROR - "occult gods" --> "our chief" OR "occult leaders" -- 「陰陽頭」 is leader of Bureau of Divination.
  8. **3:50 + 3:54 - ERROR - FIX_TO: "The sight of him drawing a fictitious city and creatures even after he voluntarily left the Capital / appeared to mirror the man's deeply troubled mind to its eyes." -- The sight of the man drawing symbolizes his inner turmoil etc, not his works.
  9. *4:14 - DETAIL - ADD: "omniscient" OR "all-seeing" OR "possessing divine eyes"
  10. **4:40 - ERROR - "Thanks for the comment" --> "It's nice to be alone."
  11. *4:46 - ERROR/NUANCE - REMOVE: "wonderfully" -- The exact term used was "mysterious", but if anything, she described this negatively. "Wonderfully" is definitely not appropriate.
  12. *7:04 - SCRIPTWRITING - "Why did you make me real?" --> "Why did I have to be a demon?" OR "Why was I born as a demon?"
  13. **10:38 + many - ERROR - FIX_TO "Not this. / Not that."
  14. *11:27 - NUANCE - "But something else bothers you?" --> "So everything else bothers you?" -- Implies everything.
  15. **12:08 - SCRIPTWRITING - "You dislike that there's nothing to dislike" --> "It's disturbing that nothing bothers you here." OR "It makes you feel uneasy because everything's so perfect here." -- Line implies that they feel something will go horribly wrong because everything is so perfect, almost a yin/yang thing.
  16. *14:14 - CONTEXT/ERROR - "The chance of losing you paralyzed me." --> "Losing you was even more frightful." -- This and the previous line are closely linked with "something bad will happen to the world" in earlier line, that losing her was worse than bringing bad things upon the world.
  17. **15:20 - MISSING LINE - "Right?"
  18. *20:11 - ERROR/LOGIC - "thunderstorm" --> "thunderbolt"
  19.  
  20. [Anime-Koi]
  21. *2:56 - ERROR - "deities of divination" --> "our chief" OR "occult leaders" -- 「陰陽頭」 is leader of Bureau of Divination.
  22. *3:53 + 3:56 - STYLE - Unacceptable text length vs duration.
  23. *4:55 - NUANCE - ADD: "Only" -- 「こそ」 implies only something can...
  24. *5:58 - CONTEXT - "Labrador" --> "Loverador" - There is no other reason to label the dog's breed other than to show "love" is all around them.
  25. **7:35 + 7:37 - ERROR - "We even showed him mercy / by banishing him to the mountains" --> "We went through all the trouble / of driving him out to the mountains" -- Maybe I'm missing something from OVAs, but nowhere do they imply showing mercy in the line.
  26. **9:38 - SCRIPTWRITING/WTF - "Do we call the city over there "Magic Land""? --> "Is that city also called Kyou{OR The Capital}?" -- The name HAS to be 「京」, the romaji or its translation. Kind of important to the theme. 10:11 is one of the few instances where translation note is 100% appropriate as well.
  27. *13:01 - CONTEXT/LOGIC - "overstayed my welcome" --> "procrastinated until now" OR "I've waited long" -- He was definitely welcomed by Myoue. One can argue this is meant for the body, but that is extremely confusing and unnecessary change made to original translation.
  28. **14:10 - CONTEXT - "I know it, but I couldn't accept it" --> "I knew what I had to do, but I didn't."
  29. **14:14 - CONTEXT/ERROR - "I was too scared of losing you." --> "Losing you was even more frightful." -- This and the previous line are closely linked with "something bad will happen to the world" in earlier line, that losing her was worse than bringing bad things upon the world.
  30. *16:13 - DETAIL - Fix_TO: "People always say I've gotten bigger but my mind hasn't changed." -- Or something like "I haven't gotten any smarter".
  31. 16:41 + 16:51 - STYLE/EDITING - Confusing negatives. Second part should be something like "Of course I'll still come." instead of sticking to "won't change" part.
  32.  
  33. [EveTaku]
  34. 1:13 - ERROR/ARGUABLE - "Kaminashi the brightest" --> "Brighter than all the rest" -- Most likely 「上なし」 although no one really pronounces it that way.
  35. *1:26 - SCRIPTWRITING - "Touche, Koto" --> "That's harsh, Koto" OR "Ouch" -- Definitely not acknowledgment.
  36. *2:56 - ERROR - "gods of yin and yang" --> "our chief" OR "occult leaders" -- 「陰陽頭」 is leader of Bureau of Divination.
  37. *4:37 - NUANCE - "We {\i1}are{\i0} talking about the same Myoue, I hope." --> "After all, it's Myoue we're talking about." OR "You know what kind of a man Myoue is." -- Want to clarify that Myoue is not an ordinary man in this line.
  38. *5:58 - CONTEXT - "Labrador" --> "Loverador" - There is no other reason to label the dog's breed other than to show "love" is all around them.
  39. 9:38 - CONSISTENCY/NEGLIGIBLE - "Kyo" --> "Kyou" -- The series title was "Kyousougiga". Either change title to "Kyosogiga" or change here to "Kyou".
  40. *11:27 - NUANCE - "Which means there is something {\i1}else{\i0} you are dissatisfied with." --> "So everything else bothers you?" -- Implies everything.
  41. **11:37 - ERROR - "How long do we have to remain as children?" OR "When do we ever grow up?"
  42. **12:08 - SCRIPTWRITING - "Dissatisfied with the lack of dissatisfaction, you could say." --> "It's disturbing that nothing bothers you here." OR "It makes you feel uneasy because everything's so perfect here." -- Line implies that they feel something will go horribly wrong because everything is so perfect, almost a yin/yang thing.
  43. 16:41 + 16:51 - STYLE/EDITING - Confusing negatives. Second part should be something like "Of course I'll still come." instead of sticking to "won't change" part.
  44. **23:37 - ERROR - "supervisor" --> "guardian" -- Sounds like looking for her parent (rabbit Koto?)
  45.  
  46. [Crunchyroll] ([HorribleSubs])
  47. *1:26 - LITERAL/NUANCE - "That's terrible, Koto" --> "That's harsh, Koto" OR "Ouch" -- Does not flow.
  48. *3:06 - ERROR - "occult gods" --> "our chief" OR "occult leaders" -- 「陰陽頭」 is leader of Bureau of Divination.
  49. **3:53 - CONTEXT - "was drawn on a whim to decorate the walls as a picture of the god of the capital." --> "was drawn on a whim as the god of the capital that decorated the doors." -- Koto was meant to be the god of the fictional capital. Not god of the real capital.
  50. *6:12 - CONTEXT - "Labrador" --> "Loverador" - There is no other reason to label the dog's breed other than to show "love" is all around them.
  51. **6:27+7:10 - LITERAL/LOGIC - "Third Son" --> "Third Child" OR "Second Boy" -- The order of their age is son, daughter, son. This would make the youngest "second son" rather than "third son". Same issue with the daughter.
  52. *7:23 - DETAIL/CONTEXT - "I hate you!" --> "I hate you, too!" -- Hard to tell who she's talking to in this scene with the current line.
  53. *8:12 - ERROR - "You don't have to make it sound good." -- "You don't have to make it sound funny." OR "You don't need to add humor to the message."
  54. **8:34 - ERROR/CONTEXT - "They have their roles to play." / "Very well, then." --> "You can't blame them." -- The translation does not make sense in context.
  55. **18:19 - ERROR/LOGIC - "until they come back, this'll still be the Looking Glass" --> "until they comeback, this'll still be the Wonderland" OR "until they come back, this'll still be the Capital through the Looking Glass." -- The place is definitely NOT "Looking Glass".
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