diary entry 2

Dear diary,

I still haven’t found home yet.

Are they worried about me? Is Bill doing okay without me? I know it’s customary to find the body before they appoint a new ruler, but how long are they willing to wait? There is no body. I’m here, in Tolaria, trying to find my way home. They don’t know that. They’re worried.

I miss everyone. I miss my teacher. I miss Bill. I miss Zerah before the blue hit him. I hope he’s okay. I miss the wizard in the bubbles… Jackin? Yes, that was his name. The one who taught me magic, and was so nice to me.

I even miss my sister.

I’m still angry, but I know I need to admit to myself that I’m not angry about the attempted murder. For all I know, she didn’t order that. Why would she do that? What would she have to gain by killing me? Intellectually, thinking as a ruler, I know that. If she has me killed, dragons storm her country. That’s bad for everyone.

Emotionally, though? Emotionally, I want to believe she did it just so I have a good reason to be pissed. Really, I’m angry because I feel abandoned. She set off, and it feels like the next day I got taken to the capital to be coronated. Then I saw her next as a foreign dignitary, and I haven’t been able to let it go. It could have been her in my seat, and that would have been fine. She has her shit together. I don’t. I’ve never had my shit together. I’m a mess and I probably have a low approval rating.

I want to go home, where there are others like me. I still haven’t seen anyone, across the planes, who’s even come close. I did find one plane with foxfolk like me, but they were so strange… they were a bright white color, they had multiple tails, and they looked like they had makeup permanently painted on their faces. At first, they said they thought I was a spirit. When I said I didn’t feel dead, they were confused. They called me Gray-Fur, and I got a cone hat from them that hides my horns.

I keep throwing myself out there in hopes I’ll find home someday soon. It’s a point of stability in a multiverse of uncertainty that I have a plane that I know how to return to, for sure. I like learning about the history of this place. It’s old and storied and I know I haven’t learned even close to half of what they have to offer here. The founder of this academy was a huge asshole, but don’t tell them I said that.

I finally know why everyone avoided me after that metal plane. The corpses of those things still turn up in places every now and again, and that oil is a virus. Fuck that.

There’s a strange sense of freedom that comes with being a planeswalker, despite the fact that I haven’t found anyone like me. I am alone, but I can go anywhere I want. If disaster strikes, I can run away if I want to.

But I can also choose to stay. And I know I would if it came down to it.

Someday I’ll prove that I’m not like other dragons out there. That all I want to do is help, and spread my music.

I wonder if I’ll find someone in a similar situation to me. Apparently, we’re pretty rare. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that makes having friends out there walking the planes with you that much more important. If I ever meet any, that is.

Maybe if I do, they can help me find my way home.