Interview with a Paladin (Short One-Shot)

"Good evening MGC. I’m Mary Flahmeo and welcome to another edition of Dragonfire! We're here today to interview Sir Michael Ducas, Founder and CEO of Gregari-Us Toys and Games." The celebrity blue dragon with a bob cut welcomes a man who walks in with a silver business suit patterned like plate mail.

"It's an honor to be here Mary." The gentleman gives her a warm smile and what used to be a visor-flipping salute and a mix of boos and cheers rises from the audience.

The dragon folds her wings tightly, settling into her overstuffed chair. "Michael, your story starts like many Paladins after the collapse of the Order. Tell us what went wrong, or what went right?"

Michael adjusts his throat mic and steeples his fingers. "Well Mary, when you lose the job you've been trained all your life to do, you feel lost.” He spreads his calloused gnarled hands in a gesture of helplessness. “Imagine one day you weren't a dragon anymore and became a simple human girl. You'd feel powerless and confused. Add to that the persecution of traditional dress and worship by district attorney H.G. Boxx at the time and no wonder so many of my brothers never dug their way out of depression and homelessness."

"But you did, to become the wealthiest man in Monstergirl City. What was your secret? How did you come up with the original Bad Pals?" An image of several paladin action figures in stylized classical plate mail from the major monster war eras projects onto the background screen: Ulric the Grim, Rinaldo the Blessed, and Holy Emperor Clancy.

"I embraced what my brothers could not. We are the bad guys. Monster slayers, pawns of the oppressors, they called us." He leans forward in his chair and smiles, revealing several missing teeth replaced with gold implants in the closeup. "Well good. Everybody loves to hate the bad guys. And kids love a bad guy in armor. Do you think Skywalker figures were more popular than old Vader or Fett?"

"Sky what?" Mary asks.

"It's a Newworlder thing. The point is, if you're not ashamed of your history, paladins are like Nazis in armor. They're perfect to exploit for the dashing and dangerous enemies for everyone. And what should a true paladin be ashamed of? Chivalry? Compassion? Securing the future of the human race?" The middle-aged man shakes his head. "But most of all, paladins are sexy. I believe your own show had them polled as the number one roleplay fantasy in the bedroom just last month: the defeated paladin made to submit to his new monster wife. I sold my own holy armor to a couple to get me the startup capital I needed for Bad Pals."

“Nobody can deny the popularity of paladins in the media: Paladin Fall, Chaste Race, Knight Breaker Mode for Demon War: Final Generation, Tiny Knight, Pally-Polly. You have even been a consultant for a number of these.” The pundit allows a few seconds for the stock slides to cycle through the viewer’s screens. “Paladins are undoubtedly at the heart of many monster fantasies in popular culture, some claim dangerous fantasies. How do you feel about kids acting out these fantasies with your toys and games?”

“I think our removable armor figures have had more simulated sex in bedrooms and backyards than all the Newworlder Barbies put together. If kids use them to fight their monster figures as well then that’s great too.” He shrugs. “As long as they’re having fun, then we’re doing our job."

"Those are some bold words endorsing actions that some consider illegal. Refusing to put a non-violent disclaimer on them has made you both friends and enemies.” The blue dragon breathes a soft flame with her next words. “How do you respond to the allegations that you are corrupting our youth to idolize the old Order and are funding splinter cells within the city to train new recruits in monster warfare?"

“That’s silly Mary. I’ve only ever said that I will never turn my back on my unfortunate brothers. Our policy has always been to give homeless and jobless paladins a chance here at my company. If untrained, they may have to swallow their pride and be a mailboy or a janitor but they will have a place. Our old armor tourneys have brought joy to children everywhere and provided critical extras to movies and tv. After the catastrophic failure of that sideshow Community Outreach Paladin program, nobody wants to deal with the real thing again. Tempers are too high on both sides. Why risk all I’ve struggled to build? But I will always speak my mind when asked about chastity or any other hotbutton issues. The church may be dead but God isn’t. You think I don't have the best tanuki lawyer in the city just waiting for someone dumb enough to start trouble with me over nothing but a few words protected by free speech?"  Boos erupt from the audience and a glob of something nasty splatters across the floor, congealed demonic energy. The Paladin dismisses it and gives them an ancient Order symbol of peace in return.

“You are quite the firebrand Michael.” Mary gives him a genuine grin and a nod of respect even as she tries to subtly cross her legs.

He shrugs and looks dead at the active camera behind her. “A man has to be to make it in this city, right guys?”

"And still single…" Mary’s tongue lightly touches her upper lip as a wisp of smoke leaks from her nose. The audience grumbles at that.

"I'm afraid I’m married to my work.” Michael laughs and someone in the crowd shouts “Being married should be your work tin dick!”

The host of Dragonfire smoothly ignores them and continues her line of questioning. “So you deny the rumors about you and your kikimora secretary, Miss Blake?”

“Miss Blake is a model employee that has been with me since the beginning.” Michael’s warm hazel eyes burn with a low flame, carefully banked but there for all to see. “These people trying to defame her into nothing more than a ladder-climber insult the strength and kindness she has always brought to my company. There would be no Gregari-Us without her contributions.”

“I’m not hearing a no…but it looks like we’re out of time.” Mary concludes with a disappointed sigh.

“A real pleasure to talk with you Mary.” The CEO stands to shake her claw.

“And you Michael.” The dragon holds on only a few seconds longer than what would be considered proper before letting him go. “Everyone be sure to check out the new Blackguard line from Gregari-Us coming out this fall and stay tuned for Witching Hour with Selene Curlyhorn next on MGCN.” The lights dim and the audience applauds as the two get up to leave.

Mary wraps her radiant azure-scaled arm over his shoulder as she steers him backstage. “So tell me Sir Ducas, have you ever played Princess in the Castle with a real dragon?”