so is there a chance
i acknowledge all the things you said and yes i fucked up
i broke your trust, i was inconsiderate, and i put stress on you that i shouldn't have. i'm sorry
i'm not even going to try justifying how i thought or acted back then at this point
i'm not expecting us to be friends again just like that or anytime soon
i just want a chance to be on better/talking terms
like yea i acknowledge my mistakes and i'm running away from them at all
i do think that if i was more self aware or we had better communication from the start it could've been avoidable
or at least not reach the tipping point where everything was just spilled at once
being self aware would've made communication easier and communication would've made me self aware immediately
and possibly able to stop myself from further making you uncomfortable in other areas as well
communication is such an important thing in friendship for both of us and i think we just didn't handle it well
such that we communicated to each other about our own issues but not about each other unfortunately
in any case, right now the only perceptions you yourself have of me are from more than a month ago
a time where i was making mistake after mistake
so i don't blame that those are valid reasons for not wanting anything to do with me then
but i'm hoping by being on somewhat talking terms, i can at least be judged for what i've been doing since then and not the mistakes
such that in the long term future we might have something with a resemblance to a friendship again
for the short term, i'm not expecting things to just change. i'm not planning to try to be involved with your business anytime soon
for the most part, we'll still just be living our separate lives
because i do understand that if we were to be friends again in the future, it's going to take a lot more time than what has passed
and of course i know that when you lose trust in someone it's hard to regain it, and i can't guarantee you'll trust me like that again
but no one can tell how things will go
i guess my stance is that even if we can't be friends now, i don't want to shut the door completely on that potential
despite all my messups, considering how things were in the months before that
i'd like to believe we were both trying to be genuine in the friendship
and i don't want to give that up
to be honest, deep down, i wanted us to be like "partners in crime" i guess
where we'd just be really good friends with similar personalities that can support each other as we both go through life
because it's super hard to find someone that understands how i think so much
not trying to justify how i acted, but if i really were to think hard about why it felt like i was treating you differently
that would be it
obviously that's not possible now, and i realised towards the later months i wasn't letting the friendship develop in a healthy way
but i want to at least hold on to this connection instead of letting it die completely and permanently
i know all those things you said are justified
but a big part of why i took a month to say anything in the first place is that as much as i wanted to reach out to you sooner
i wanted to make sure i'd actively worked on myself to where i felt i was in a good enough spot
to never let this sort of thing happen again to anyone i interact with
regardless of how talking to you turned out, even though being able to show you would still be good
in any case, i'm really truly sorry for ever putting you through what i did

i know i said a lot but this is actually the last thing i'll badger you about
if after reading all that i said, you can see where i'm coming from
and think we can at least give that small shot at improving our terms
even if we're not going to be friends in the near future, to give time to potentially reconcile in the long term
or if you've something to ask/clarify regarding what i said
let me know
but if you genuinely think there's no chance and you want to end this completely
i promise you that i'll respect it and won't bother you
i just hope that even if that's the case, you'll forgive me for my mistakes