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- >It was a joyful time in Equestria, before season 3 happened
- >You and Twilight were in her basement laboratory working on the formula for the perect breakfast
- >She looked so damn good without wings
- >But you couldn't possibly have sex with her, I mean she was a different species.
- >You weren't gonna become some nasty horsefucker.
- >That didn't stop her numerous advances on you though.
- >You were absolutely clueless as to anything scientific, and were merely working as an assistant for Twilight.
- >"Get me a cold soda, Anon!"
- "Yes ma'am."
- >The relationship may be strictly platonic for you, but you were still chivalrous, as your parents had raised you to be.
- >"Please, call me Twilight, Anon."
- "Yes, Twilight."
- >You bring her the cold soda.
- >"Oh, I'm afraid I can't drink that."
- "Why not?"
- >"It's not diet."
- "Why do you care?"
- >"I'm trying to lose weight."
- "Twilight! You don't need to lose weight! Who told you that? Was it Rarity?"
- >"Well...yes..."
- "I think you look fine just the way you are."
- >You started feeling a tingling in your pants.
- >Oh god no
- >You have to cling to your remaining dignity and honor.
- >You will not shame your late father by engaging in interspecies sex, even if you are trapped in this world dominated by ponies.
- >Your father would never have wanted a faggy fairy animal-fucking son.
- >You take a deep breath and calm yourself.
- >The tingling goes away.
- >"Anon, why don't you do me a favor and...wipe that can of soda on your bare face."
- "B-but it'll be so cold..."
- >"I know." She gave you bedroom eyes.
- >Goddamn this crazy unicorn
- "H-how about we work on finding the secret ingredient first?"
- >Twilight frowned. "Fine. You can be so boring sometimes, Anon. Don't you ever want to...spice up your life?"
- "I'm afraid I am not one to give in to temptation so easily."
- >"I see...I'll get you one of these days though, Anon."
- >Yeah sure.
- >That'll be the day you commit seppuku outside of the Canterlot Castle.
- >SUddenly you catch a sensual aroma of onions wafting through the air around your head and filling your nostrils.
- >You hear an ogrish whisper in your ear: "Give her the secret ingredient..."
- >Of course!
- You whisper, "Thank you based Shrek."
- "Hey Twilight!"
- >Twilight was electrocuting something in a sink.
- "TWILIGHT!"
- >"Not now, Anon! I'm making--" *BZZZT* "--TOAST!" Twilight held up a slice of toast. "Now what would go good with toast?"
- "Onions!"
- >"ONIONS!" Are you nuts? Onions are gross!"
- "B-but..."
- >"Give me that weak-ass shit."
- >Twilight took the onion that you had found in your pocket and threw it on the ground.
- >She stomped on it and yelled, "Stupid, good-for-nothing onion! You have no scientific value! And you smell disgusting! You are worthless! Die, onion scum!"
- >The smell of onions only intensifies.
- >You know exactly what is coming.
- >Large footsteps are pounding down the stairs.
- >You both swing around to see the massive, bare-naked green swamp ogre known as Shrek gracing you with his presence.
- >He is visibly angry.
- >You get on one knee and bow to him with your eyes closed.
- >Twilight snorts and yells "What the heck are you? Get out! I've got important work here that doesn't involve your nudity or foul onion stench!"
- >Shrek says, "You shouldn't have done that." then charges with his arms up, roaring.
- >Twilight manages to toss him back with her magic, and he lands in one of the many cloning pods.
- >A whirling sound occurs and the lights in the lab flicker.
- >Ten more Shreks burst out of the other cloning devices.
- >Shit's about to get real.
- >Twilight can't take all these Shreks.
- >They force her down to the ground with their eshrektions and force their skreksticles into her mouth.
- >They give her bukkake and fill her every whole with a poignant mixture of semen, mud and onion sauce.
- >She dies of exasperation.
- >You are free of ever being raped by Twilight Sparkle.
- You say, "Thank you Shrek," with tears in your eyes.
- >He pats you on the head and says, "That'll do, lad. That'll do."
- >The other main six come into the lab after hearing the noise.
- >They scream wildly at Twilight's crippled, cum-soaked body.
- >The army of Shreks turn to them.
- >The original Shrek says, "Thees is the part, where YOU, run away."
- >All the ponies flee.
- >Shrek and his new army of Shrekkies vanish into thin air, leaving behind a note.
- >You pick it up.
- >It reads, "I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE, UNTIL I DISCOVERED SHREK IS LOVE, SHREK IS LIFE."
- >You start bawling and fapping furiously to fantasties of Shrek humiliating you.
- >You suppose Twilight should have checked herself...
- "UNGH!" You blow your load in your pants.
- >Be-before she...shrekked herself...oh god that was good.
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