Fluffy Pony Power Armor

>Hi folks BILLIE MAYES here. Don't you just love fluffy ponies, they're so god damn adorable
>But everyone hates how quickly they die
>Well now, you no long need to worry about that, with the new FLUFFY PONY POWER ARMOR!
>Just strap your fluffy pony into our patented power armor and watch as your favorite pet spits in the grim reaper's eye-socket
>12 inches of reinforced titanium protects your fluffy pony from everyday dangers like: rocks, sticks, wolves, stairs, open sources of water, wind, and nothing
>Plus the fluffy pony power armor comes with enough ammunition to decimate a 3rd-world country! (Extra ammunition sold separately)
>Fluffy pony armor's defense system activates whenever the fluffy pony senses a threat (And sometimes for no reason). So no more worrying about your fluffy pony being mistreated by crazy perverts.
>And the best part is, once strapped in, your fluffy pony won't be able to get out! You can leave your fluffy pony alone for hours without it killing itself.
>And you won't need to feed it, thanks to the fluffy pony tube. It'll shoot fresh spaghetti right into the fluffy pony's stomach!
>The FLUFFY PONY POWER ARMOR: available where at all finer WMD stores and PonyCo!
>ORDER RIGHT NOW!