schizo love suicidal hungover

↓↓↓↓KLAGELIED-quatsch (but not so dramatic)

>Du bist echt auf Draht! Ich bin Ihnen sehr dankbar


Diese schone artwerk hatt bin gemacht für Herr Frederick Lothar Owart.
(or the person who calls himself with that name, isn't the same?)

(ok maybe not with umlaut dear friend but not sure so i better put it, and i suck at german and english so be thankfull i dont do all this shit in spanish, this is so you can read it, eventualy, and i dunno if that's you name but it sounded so cool, and maybe it was even done, maybe it happened, up to you)

This story begins from a “note to self”: dear me, next time when asked what you do say you're a writer and you're male and sz and not a writer and not a male but still paranoid.

THIS IS A FICTIONAL  SHORT STORY, CHARACTER ARE ALL INVENTED, DON'T KNOW WHO DID IT.
(yeah...right)
Me and all the voices reunited here focusing on you.
Who the fück are you anyways (good one huh, does it sound like fick to you?)
<Hirnmatsch> crymate. you must be the missing link then

Maybe we must start with a start point.

At the begining of this year, (south hemisphere summer) in some sz webchat realm, one very sharp tongued german came into the room, or was already there, but this desperate being could do nothing else than talking to him without caring how very little he was paying attention to her, cause all she wanted at the beggining was paying attention to that swirl of awesomeness (him), how couldn't she be captivated by him in that moment if he sent her links to videos of Sodom and GG Allin?
They spoke shallowly but he agreed on givin her his skype id, which he forgot the other day because he was too drunk when they met.

[insert lots of bullshits here things happening, they become friends, she got single, they went on 8hours video calls, get drunk together on cam with no genitaia flashing, and 8 months after, when they were already friends he stopped wanting to talk to her cause he's just happened to suffer from a grave case of Hörigkeitphobia or maybe the 20 emails per day dinamic was unbearable to him and the angst was slashing her meat off and pouring her with salt so she used some random nickname to talk to him while he was drunk, what happened in that conversation can be briefly resumed in “he may have got scared but if he barely knew her he could've easily spotted it was she cause of the tousand clues that were given in the conversation”]

reader: If you enjoy reading logs and monologues and human suffering this is the dope:

(Context: he confesses his life is void and he wishes to commit suicide, she decides to officially become a stalky psycho for him and revealing herself even if that implies an ultra certain anger reaction from cool Frederick)

[01:04:37] <sage> we're friends
[01:04:43] <sage> i thought we were
[01:05:13] <sage> maybe the fact that you're always very drunk when we speak
[01:05:29] <sage> could implie i'm not really noticeable
[01:06:26] <sage> ._.
[01:06:33] <sage> you still there?
[01:06:54] Die Verbindung zum Server wurde verloren
[01:07:15] Die Verbindung zum Server wurde hergestellt
[01:07:15] Keine gemeinsamen Channels mit Hirnmatsch [*@*]
[01:07:20] <sage> ¨bounce*
[01:07:33] <sage> hallo?
[01:07:48] <sage> lemme say his for you
[01:08:33] Hirnmatsch: No such nick/channel
[01:09:20] <sage> ......
[01:09:21] Hirnmatsch: No such nick/channel
[01:12:07] <sage> k
[01:12:17] <sage> i'm trying not to care
[01:12:23] <sage> as i crumble

/suiciquit ok i won't do it either but still...crave....emo..moments

STEP 2:

(he got disconected from serv so stalky spider uses suicidal powers and talks to him on skype even when he seems to be offline and they were speking just minutes ago ¡realization hazard is inminent!)

[22/09/2014 01:22:16 a.m.]  i'm fucking
[22/09/2014 01:22:21 a.m.]  thinking about you all day
[22/09/2014 01:22:28 a.m.] Frederick: i don't know shit
[22/09/2014 01:22:28 a.m.] so itf you think you're fucked
[22/09/2014 01:22:31 a.m.] there's someone worse than you
[22/09/2014 01:22:42 a.m.] :/
[22/09/2014 01:22:50 a.m.] Frederick: hey someoene hacked me
[22/09/2014 01:22:55 a.m.]  why would he/she
[22/09/2014 01:23:05 a.m.] Frederick: he told me everything
[22/09/2014 01:23:16 a.m.] Frederick: he hacked me
[22/09/2014 01:23:31 a.m.]  did you feel vurlnerable or important?
[22/09/2014 01:23:33 a.m.] Frederick: but he was an okay person
[22/09/2014 01:23:59 a.m.] got damn when i get hacked they just delete everything
[22/09/2014 01:24:01 a.m.] Frederick: i felt supervulnerarable.
[22/09/2014 01:24:23 a.m.] *cuddle*
[22/09/2014 01:24:30 a.m.] Frederick: thank you
YOU KNOW SHIT BROHAMSKI!
(thinks evil succubus for herself pretending the thinking for herlself travels to him)


WHEN SUDDENLY:

-THIS STORY IS MY DEATH SENTENCE!
(muttered the girl, this is resembling way too much hanging from the fan slowly spiraling with a dead cat hanging from the blades) >>i know, nonsense rules!
-WHAT PSYCHOPATHYC DOUBLE CROSSING PERSON DOES THAT TO A HUMAN????
-Well, me. If desperate. All in my reach to fell on my foot.


                                                            ***
One rainy spring morning after being 30 hours awake (waiting for freh online) she started thinking about him. In that moment she was cold and hungry, fastening hikikomori day let her be nothin more than a dirty ghost mutant radish diaper, alone and inmersed in a chamber of nothing but traps that will kill you if you call them friends or loved ones, big guillotine hanging by the thread of trolling swinging above her head and frikkn router wont give any signal, alone to her thoughts, logs and feelings she armed herself with some self pity and said:


Nuff's nuff!
How can you feel INSIGNIFICANT Frederick?! At least you're a polite good looking respectable human being. Dunno if you really are but for me you're like the bloom of humanity, you're even prettier everyday for fucks sake! I just felt confortable with you cus you were like so average fine person and now you come out of your cocoon and you're so fucking out of reach man.

Hope you believe this man, hope you feel this man, HOPE. YOU.
(this following dialogue is actually the only real thing in this story)
ME: “When you like something, and you share it
do you really think it will cause same on others?
do you have that hope??”
YOU: “yes sire, im in that hope”

What if that mirror kills you man?

You're looking for yourself Narcissus, i'm ok with that, i'm not you so you will never find me.
I'm the evil force under the pond, the one who pulled you down after you saw your beauty. Hush.
It doesn't matter how hard or soft or simple or intrincated i say this to you, all my “i love you's” wont fit in, maybe i don't even love yous and magic charm protects you from falling for a cunt like me, it's just that i want to “suck up all of your junk” you know what for? Any Eyedea?

And the rain answered:  “rain”

As she realized he was never going to understand that, that she was never going anywhere, that she was trapped in a house, in a family, in a city, in a lack of opportunities, in a country that hates itself, trapped speaking a language that noone understands it's depths anymore, así, en esa amarga desesperación ella soñó una vez más con desaparecer, slowly being grinded inside a meat grinder, manually operated, stared by humanity, stared by herself, “DIE MADAFUCKAA DIEEEE DIEEE MYSELFFFFF MORD MY SELBST”- she thought- but felt a little overacted, shallow breathe, “it's ok, not like first crush in my life, i'll get over it”
Little did she know that she never overcame a crush, not that the love persisted but what persists is the eternal shame and blame for being dead serious when one's just a toy or a pesterer to a person who has it's eyes focused on how her real love oozed love and hormones when huggin in the sun.
What persists is being ridicule or the certain thought that you say a lot of unwanted bullshit when your tricky genes or imposed society ideas make you believe you're looking for someone.
When the loneliness takes over the machine and you're all rusty and see this person who's all made of oil and greedily you think that person could help you. (that is you F. I could use some help)
What persist is that haunting memories of being unconsentingly penetrated with a cucumber by a bunch of kids and remeber it even if you were passed out (really, where are those pics?)
Persists the shitting in your pants when walking drunk in a city you don't know.
That shame that doesn even embarrases me anymore, it just explains why people turn their back on me, no honor over here.
What persist is the permanent leak that hits my head, the haunting, the unvoices.... man if i could hear that voices i wouldn't be so lonely.
What persist is the shame of being oneself, being warm, being curious, being open, all of that,  what for?

WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BE NICE?
I don't even care the answer to that, you just have to try your nicer everyday. If not succed just mark it as vacation. When lucid. Do all you can for your peers. That's a motto that could be working. But that is  confusing me because now i don't know who's my peer, maybe if that Frederick and that psycho i'm writing about are my peers i could try my best on them. In order to not waste my OBVIOUS lucidity LAAAAWL.

No serious Frithu, i'm pretty screwed up here and specialist wont do much for me, i've seen a lot by now, they only try more pills and ECT, and shitty things,  i'm sick of all that drugs, they do nothing but numb me so i don't bother the others with my mutant versions of reality. It takes a while to recover crazyness after treatment and you have to be suppa ninja to avoid the pathologic label. Have to rethink insanity to make it plausible, even with plagues of non sequitur (who would care).

I know they're not true is just that plain reality bores me.

I need you. Not the whole of you just some minutes of your concentrated attention span.

I wonder why you do understand so perfectly the subtle meanings of every sentence in a movie or a song you like, and you like that a lot and it's like.... duuuudeee brohamski fuck you man! I've been writing you a lot and i just realized maybe i'm some unevolved spambot.

D:

I don't even have net connection now, i could be fixing the planet with my friend Cleverbot®
i know he doesn't understand shit but at least he answers back.





And so it was my dear friends, whatever creature was that was narrating this took her stuff and said to the indifferent spyware:

Folks, this is messed up, we're together in this no matter you don't know i'm here even if you're watching me, i haven't washed my teeth in months, i have a full grown mustache and beard and this room smells like ass and puke. If there was no people downstairs i'd be a rotting carcass typing this, i know, i just HAD to write this shit.

Thanks for spying,
see you bots in grammar-nazi-hell
don't forget to bring us booze.

And then she died killed by a giant rat months before all of this  happened.

######DIE ENDE######