Overabundance of Katherines Chapter One

Chapter One:

	Today is my first day at high school, which by all accounts, would make me a freshman. My name is Kat, not to be mistaken with Katherine, although that is also my name. It’s just that, that’s the name of everyone else in my class. Including the boys. Oh, especially the boys. And they were all hot, so gorgeous and hot. Like, they’re probably all responsible for global warming. Or something, at least.
	My first class of the day was lunch. It was very difficult and the teacher was strict. Especially since it was only 8 am and I just had breakfast an hour ago. That’s when I noticed, the most beautiful face in the world: Grey hair, a giant mole on his cheek, and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. My heart skipped a beat. He was…not interesting.
	So I moved my attention to the boy he was sitting next to. Some biker dude who looked like he was in his 30’s, but if he was a freshman in high school, then that must mean that he’s only 15 years old, right? Damn. That was hot. He had that “John Travolta in Grease” look. He was totally a Greaser, was what I am trying to tell you. Now with him, my heart skipped two beats. That’s how I knew I had a crush. That, or I had heart problems and I should see a doctor.
	I scooted in close to him and leaned into his muscular ear and whispered “What’s your name?”
	“Katherine,” he said in a deep and husky voice.
	That was the most beautiful name I had ever heard.
	To put it in perspective, that was also the only name I had ever heard. Although I have obviously heard of the name “John” from watching Grease. For some strange reason, I couldn’t remember any of the other characters’ names. Wait. John Travolta was an actor, not a character. It doesn’t matter. I’m not good with names unless that name is Katherine.
	The teacher’s name, Katherine Katherine, was going over the syllabus, saying how we had to have a sandwich and a piece of fruit every day for lunch. That seemed irrelevant. I had a feeling I would fail the class.
When that got over, I knew what was in store for me: Second period.
Second period, I had math class. In this day and age, we don’t learn algebra in math class, as we have no use for that. Instead we learned how not to have babies because if we did, we wouldn’t be able to walk around on earth in a year from now.
	I slept in third period next. Third period was just some dumb class about “how to stop cloning ourselves”. I’m sure we needed to know that, but that sounded really boring on paper, don’t you think? Besides, isn’t it fun to have clones all named Katherine?
	Fourth period…well, there was no fourth period. There was lunch. Not to be mistaken with lunch, which I had first period. No, at lunch time, we eat food. Lunch at first period merely consists of telling us what to eat for lunch.
	Fifth period was Geography. The teacher, Dr. Katherine XX went over the syllabus as well. She told us how anywhere you went in the world, there was someone named Katherine. That surprised me, but then again, it didn’t.
That’s when there was something strange. There was this boy, with a bucket for hair, who sat in the back, all timid. I didn’t know what make of him, since he had a bucket for hair. So instead of trying to talk to him or be his friend, I threw a paper ball at him.
	The boy cried and ran out of the classroom. His bucket hair was blue. I couldn’t remember what shade of blue that day, but something was different about that boy. For one, he was not a greaser. Which, by the way, who at this school wasn’t a greaser, like, seriously? Isn’t that the first rule in the school handbook? Rule #1: You must be a greaser.
	Meanwhile in geography, we had to locate on the map Katherinasia was. The continent used to be called Asia, but that was many years ago, long before any of us were test tubed. Now it’s called Katherinasia for obvious reasons. Everyone paid no attention to the fact that the boy with blue bucket hair was gone. Well, I took notice, but only for a second before going back to studying the map.
	Sixth period did not exist, but everyone who took that class had to attend. So we stopped existing for a manner of 90 minutes before returning to existence and attending seventh period, which was skip class. In skip class, we go home. That’s it.

	Pause her story for a second, please. Well, please? I’m terribly sorry to interrupt, I’m sure you’re sorry too. I mean, how could I top that, right? But I have to. We’re all in danger. The government, the new world order, which by now is a rather old world order, they don’t want you to know this, but—
	Hi.
	My name is Mat. I am not Katherine. My mother gave birth to me. She got pregnant. Someone had impregnated her and nine months later, I popped out. At least, that’s what she would tell me. The medical records were burned and my mother was sent to an insane asylum, which I was surprised to find out, still exists in this day and age.
	No one must know that my name isn’t Katherine. No one except for whoever is reading this RIGHT NOW. THAT’S RIGHT, YOU. YOU, RIGHT THERE. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS A LIE. YOU ARE IN DANGER. PLEASE, FIND SOME PLACE TO HIDE AND WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’RE SAFE, WARN THE MASSES. THIS CANNOT GO ON. WE ARE ALL IN DANGER. I REPEAT—
	I have blue hair, and some describe my hair as a bucket. My hair is not a bucket, by the way. It’s just bucket-shaped. Since I cannot allow anyone to know that my name isn’t Katherine, I simply go by “K”. No one suspects a thing. But eventually, they will have to know. They will have to know the truth. Until then, however, I must run to my secret hideout, crying all the way there, because a girl in my class threw a paper ball at me and that was really mean of her. You can understand why I’d cry, right? Thank you. It means a lot, really.
	Now, if that girl, who happened, for the sake of the story, to be named Kat, would stop being side tracked, she would have said the second thing odd about me was. Well, I already told you. My name isn’t Katherine. IT’S MAT AND YOU’RE ALL IN DANGER. I will tell you more about that later. Don’t worry. There is no need to panic.
When I went home to my mother and my father, both named Katherine, I told them about how I saw attractive boys everywhere and that everyone loved me the end. They didn’t believe me. According to them, high school boys are not attractive. Of course, they are in their 40’s, so if they were attracted to high school boys, that would be a little weird, but hey, weirder things have happened. After telling them about my day, I ran straight upstairs to my room and slammed the door.
	In my room, I turned on the television. Lights flickered on and soon enough, the movie appeared on screen. It was a film called Grease. The only film to have survived throughout the thousands of years of technological advancement. And of course Grease would survive. It’s only the greatest movie in the history of anything and I’m totally not even being hyperbolic about that, it’s the truth. What reason would you have not to believe me?
I was watching intently at John Travolta’s characters’ hair. I would let that hair do so many things to me, I swear on all that is holy. Lusting after hair…so unhealthy, but so is eating ten snickers bars in a row. You don’t see anyone complaining when someone does that, now do you?
	Suddenly, I had an epiphany: John Travolta’s character was named Danny. I must have seen this movie over a hundred times, but, what? Danny? How did I never figure that out before? Danny? Really? What kind of a name is that? It’s nowhere even close to Katherine. Or John. Well, maybe John, but definitely not Katherine.
Wait…that’s one more name that isn’t Katherine. That’s three names.
	I was getting to the part where we would learn the names of other characters, but then, the TV shut off and the lights went out. The room was dark. I guess that with so many electronics plugged in, I must have blown a fuse. 	Oh well, maybe next time.