Follow My Lead (ch7)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY HIGH-PLEDGING PATRONS!!

Apologies for yesterday's small chapter. This one should make up for it a little.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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														Chapter 7.

It's been three days since Claudine's accident.

Three days since she'd been admitted to the hospital.

Three days since she'd forgotten Maya.

It's been determined by the nurses and the people who care about her that she's sustained no further injuries, other than her memory loss of her native language, and of Maya Tendo. The clinical explanation of selective amnesia, or simply an unexplained unfortunate coincidence, doesn't soothe Maya in any way.

It isn't known when Claudine will remember, or if she ever will.

But with her head trauma accounted for and her medication given, the doctors have no other reason to keep her.

They release Claudine on the fourth day, and naturally all of her friends come to walk her back to the academy.

As the others happily babble on about anything and everything, Maya makes an effort to place herself beside Claudine as they walk down the sidewalk. But she never ends up next to her like she intends, and she isn't sure if it's because Claudine is avoiding her, or if it's just poor placement and bad luck.

Either way she's glad to see Claudine dressed in her uniform again, walking without assistance on her own two feet, and without the bandages around her head.

It's a Tuesday, but classes aren't going to resume until next week. So when they arrive back at the academy, Karen has the excited idea of showing Claudine around the school to make sure she remembers everything correctly.

It's a fine suggestion, but Claudine herself playfully opposes it.

"There's no need to guide me. I remember everything perfectly."

She says it with her chin held high and her chest puffed out, but she doesn't glance at Maya even once.

The group migrates to the common room, where Claudine accurately points out their usual study place and recalls several memories.

"This is the spot where Kaoruko tutored Karen in math and Karen actually fell off her chair."

"Th-That was only one time, though!" Karen whimpers.

"And over there at that table is where Nana-san brought in her fried banana treats and Kagura-san got crumbs on the couch, so Mahiru-chan had to scold her in front of everyone."

"That's right!" Mahiru claps.

"Her memory seems fine," Hikari mutters.

It's the same everywhere they go. Claudine recalls every classroom, every lecture, every classmate and professor with impeccable detail.

All but one.

All of her retellings leave out only one person, only one name.

The few times she does get stuck in her remembering, the few times she does taper off in uncertainty, it's always to fill in that blank; the person who always sat next to her, the person whom she would always discuss and debate with, the person who was always looking for or at her...

Every time her eyes met Maya's the gaze wouldn't last longer than a few seconds before one or both of them looked away.

It was painful, not only for the two of them to experience, but for their friends to watch.

It's when they've just about finished their little 'tour' and Claudine has excused herself to the restroom, when everyone else turns to Maya in desperation.

"This can't go on," Junna says.

"It's awful," Nana agrees. "You two can't even look at each other."

"It's actually kind of sad," Kaoruko says.

"Geez, Kaoruko," Futaba sighs. "She doesn't mean that in a rotten way, Tendo."

"W-What should we do?" Karen wails. "What if Saijou-san never remembers...?"

Hikari's hiss of Karen's name and everyone's collective glare come too late.

But judging by Maya's solemn expression, they can all assume she's already considered that possibility very seriously. Her eyes are hard as stones, and it feels as though her heart has turned into one as well.

"There isn't much I can do."

Her voice is small and quiet, nothing like the tone Maya Tendo is supposed to use. The others look to each other helplessly.

"There must be something," Mahiru whispers.

"Why don't we go?" Hikari suggests. "All of us, except you. You can take her from here. Talk with her. Just the two of you."

Her proposal receives no opposition, only nods of approval from all around.

"Yes."

"You should try it."

"Just see if it helps anything."

Maya's gaze travels around to all of her friends' earnest expressions. It's strangely comforting in a way to realize they'd been upset all this time for her sake. Not even Kaoruko is selfish enough not to notice the distress it's been causing Maya.

A beat of emotion passes through her chest, and Maya's lips curve upward at the corners.

"Thank you, all of you. I'll do my best."

They all return the smile.

"Good luck, Tendo-san."

"You can do it!"

With words of encouragement from some, and tight hugs from others, the rest of them disperse and head off down the hallways in pairs or trios, until only Maya remains.

She's never been so nervous in all her life to be alone with Claudine. But she isn't going to let the nerves stop her. This could be her only chance – the only way – to help her remember.

She fears if she doesn't reclaim her place in Claudine's memories soon, the opportunity may only dwindle further and further until it vanishes altogether.

She can't let that happen. She just can't.

The click of the bathroom door unlocking startles Maya back into the present. Claudine exits with the faint scent of soap coming from her hands. When her eyes meet Maya's, she gasps softly.

"Oh! Sorry."

She says this as though she doesn't know why she'd apologized. Maya isn't sure either.

"It's all right."

"Where did everyone go?"

"They didn't want to wear you out with so many people around." Maya folds her hands behind her back, gripping one of her wrists tightly, nervously. "If you'd like... I could take you to one last spot."

Claudine glances at the floor, as if too uncertain to look at Maya directly for so long. There's still not a spark of recognition in her eyes.

She contemplates for a moment, and Maya waits for a verdict as though she were a petty criminal. Thankfully, her judge is merciful, and very pretty.

"Of course. I would love to accompany you."

The words end up sending a twinge through Maya's heart. During their fight with Karen and Hikari, Claudine had proudly declared to Maya that she was the only one who could accompany her. But when she says the words this time, it's without any knowledge of how she'd meant them only a week earlier.

Maya doesn't realize she's started to lose herself in her thoughts again until Claudine prompts her.

"Tendo-san...?"

No. Call me Maya.

She can't say it, though. Not to a Claudine who still sees her as a stranger.

"Sorry. Shall we, then?"

Without thinking, she offers her elbow – a reflex that's become nothing less than innate when Claudine is at her side.

But of course, Claudine doesn't begrudgingly wrap her arm through hers this time. She simply tilts her head curiously. Maya quickly lets her arm slump at her side.

"It's this way." She turns and begins down the hallway; she wouldn't be surprised if Claudine didn't end up following.

But she does, trailing behind at a somewhat reserved pace. Maya slows down a little, waiting to see if Claudine will come up to walk beside her. But she seems content to stay behind.

"Where are we going?" she wonders.

Normally Maya would tease her and let things be a mystery. But she can't do that with her now.

"I was thinking the dance studio. We went... go there together quite often." Not past tense. She can't let them become the past.

Maya stops walking and turns back to catch her eye. "I was hoping if you went there with me, you might... remember..." Now that she's saying it out loud, it sounds awfully selfish. "We don't have to if you'd rather not. I don't want to put any strain on you. I understand it's difficult-"

"No-"

Suddenly Maya feels a warm, familiar hand on hers. Claudine has reached out in earnest, clinging to Maya's wrist with vigor. There's a gentle fierceness in her eyes.

"I want to. I want to remember..." You.

She doesn't say it, but Maya can see it in her eyes.

Claudine herself doesn't even know why she should want to remember her, but she does. Some part of her knows it's right.

There is something special about Maya Tendo, something she can't explain, and it isn't just because she doesn't remember her. It's something else, something her heart remembers when her mind has forgotten.

She can only imagine how hard it must be for Maya Tendo to be doing this. They must have been close. She knows she should let go of her hand, but for some reason Claudine doesn't feel inclined to. She feels like Maya doesn't want her to, and she feels she doesn't want to let go either.

So she holds on, and this time she doesn't avert her gaze.

Maya doesn't either. Just barely though, because Claudine's gaze is so incredibly intense, less with confusion this time, and more with conviction. It ignites a flicker in Maya's heart, and a smile on her lips.

"Thank you." She gives a squeeze back to the hand in hers.

Claudine doesn't understand the flutter that ripples through her chest, but she opts to walk beside her the rest of the way.

Maya guides them onward toward the studio, suddenly overcome with calm; and for the first time in four days it's less of melancholy and more of collectiveness. She's too cautious to be hopeful, but she'll grasp at any strings that present themselves.

It turns out Maya doesn't need to lead. Claudine knows exactly where they're headed; after all, she remembers the campus just fine.

They maintain their shared pace until they reach the sliding doors, which Claudine opens.

"It's so strange," she murmurs. "It's been less than a week since I've been here, but it feels like it's been months..."

She looks around at the familiar windows, the pale walls, the hardwood floors. The CD player is where it always is on the floor, and her leotard is neatly hanging in her locker of the changing room just like everyone else's.

Maya makes sure not to let go of her hand as they walk slowly around the room, but she ensures her grip isn't hard enough to prevent Claudine from freeing herself if she wants to. The girl has gone off muttering to herself, and Maya listens.

"I've been coming here to practice every day for years, and now I've missed almost an entire week's worth of practice. I should do a bit now. I can't help myself."

"Hold on." Maya has to step in, tightening her hold on Claudine's hand. "You aren't supposed to do any dancing or rigorous physical activity for at least another few days."

"But maybe it'll help." Claudine reaches out to hold both of Maya's hands in hers now, and a sparkle has come to life in her eyes. "Maybe I can't remember you... but I know you, Tendo-san. I'm sure of it. It isn't fair to ask only us to start over. I don't want to forget you. So please... help me remember."

There's a tremor in her voice, the wobbling tone of a girl about to cry without fully understanding why.

Maya holds herself back from throwing both arms around Claudine and pulling her close. She draws in a sharp breath and lets it out slowly.

"Of course. I'll do anything I can to help you remember. But I don't want to put you at risk."

"You won't." Claudine smiles. "I know you would never put me at risk, Tendo-san. You're far too sweet."

The compliment hits Maya with the intensity of a party popper to the face. Her eyes widen and her jaw unhinges slightly as heat rushes to her cheeks. This is a side of Claudine she's never seen, even if she'd always expected it existed somewhere beneath the layers of pride and slight hotheadedness.

But even in spite of this less stubborn, more honest Claudine, Maya can't be happy about it for too long. Because it isn't her Claudine.

"All right." She turns her palms upward to curl her fingers through Claudine's. "We'll take it slowly. May I lead?"

"Please do."

Two words her Claudine would never say in response to that question.

As much as Maya loves this secret side of her, she wants to bring back the Claudine she knows and loves. So she begins this silent dance as always and pulls Claudine close, wrapping one arm around her waist.

"Is this all right?"

Claudine seems a bit flustered, but she rights herself promptly.

"Yes. Please continue." She positions one of her hands on Maya's shoulder in the traditional fashion and nods.

Maya takes things very slowly. They're in their school uniforms and without their dancing shoes, not to mention she's holding a girl who was just released from the hospital only a few hours earlier.

It's the most unnerving dance she's ever performed, a thousand times more terrifying than her first ever in front of an audience.

She moves with extreme care and caution, always sure to support Claudine's weight above anything else. She can't afford another stumble like last time. Even a twirl executed too quickly could cause her harm.

Maya only takes a few steps back and forth, letting Claudine follow each movement before repeating the motions side to side.

Claudine sways with her easily, almost effortlessly, moving in synch with her steps as though they were her own. She closes her eyes in the manner of someone who has done this a million times and knows the motions by heart. Her lack of care encourages Maya to move just a little faster, just by a fraction of a second.

"Are you feeling all right?"

"All right?" Claudine sighs, eyes still closed in bliss. "This feels wonderful. I haven't danced in days. I could feel I was starting to get rusty. This is just what I needed." She gives a slight tug to Maya's hand and shoulder, coaxing her to extend their number. "I can tell," she murmurs. "I can tell we've done this before. Many times."

Her body knows exactly how to move with Maya Tendo; her feet know just how to step to avoid crushing her toes, her body knows just how to press close or ease back, her lungs know just how to expect an intake or exhale of breath depending on the speed of her partner.

All minuscule nuances that would be slightly different with any other person, but fit just right with Maya Tendo.

It feels so right. It feels so wonderful.

Claudine begins to hum without realizing it, whatever random tune that comes to her mind.

It just so happens to be a tune Maya recognizes. She continues the dance as Claudine requests.

"That song," she says. "You remember it...?"

"Hm?" Claudine stops her humming and opens her eyes. "What song? Was I singing?"

"You were humming "Song of the Stars." It... well, it's nothing, I suppose."

"No, tell me!" Claudine begs. "What is it? I don't really remember it, I just... know it somehow..."

"Well..." Maya isn't used to being so insecure, so hesitant. "Everyone in the academy knows it. But you're particularly fond of it. Sometimes I'll sing it for you."

She brings them back a step, then forward again. Claudine blinks.

"You do...?"

Her mind flashes to a familiar room. It's this room. She's dancing with someone in her mind as well.

"You... do..."

It isn't a question this time.

Maya brings them to the left, then back again. Claudine moves with her in the present and in her mind.

She knows this dance.

She knows this body against hers.

She knows this voice.

She knows this warmth.

Now it's a step to the right, then two forward.

She knows.

Two steps left, three to the right.

She knows.

Two steps forward, three steps back.

She knows.

Now it's a spin.

A spin.

She knows.

She remembers-

"Ah-!"

Maya hasn't even guided her into the twirl, but Claudine's head is spinning. The room swirls around her as though a silent tornado has torn through it. She loses her grip on reality and on Maya. And she falls.

She hears someone shout out her name again. A voice she's heard so many times before. A voice she knows... but can't remember...

"I... I can't remember..."

She next finds herself on her knees, pressed securely into someone else's chest.

Maya Tendo.

Maya Tendo.

"I'm sorry..."

She breaks down in a wail, clinging to the other girl's clothes meekly.

Maya covers her. Just like she had the last time this had happened, she covers Claudine with both arms, locking her in a safe embrace, cradling her close.

"Claudine...?"

Claudine shakes her head too quickly, causing pain. She grabs her head so tightly she nearly tears hair.

"I can't... I can't remember... I-"

Maya stops her, resting one hand gently over Claudine's on her head, easing the vice grip she has on herself.

"It's all right." She curls her other arm more firmly around Claudine's back, trying to prevent her from moving unnecessarily. She rests her head against Claudine's to help support her, spreading her fingers over her forehead and through her hair.

Claudine weeps into her shoulder, hiccuping harder between choked apologies. Maya can only chant her comforts like prayers.

"It's all right. I'm here. Just breathe."

It's all so terribly familiar.

Why?

She doesn't understand.

Why her? Why her?

Maya holds Claudine until she's grown quiet and her grip has slackened. She gently eases her back a little to wipe the tear stains off her sleeping face. She exhales a breath so heavy she can barely find the strength to draw another in.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have..."

She bites her lip, letting her forehead brush against hers. Her lips bump the porcelain skin, and Maya kisses her softly between her eyes.

"Je t'aime..."

She knows she can't hear her. And she knows that even if she could hear, she wouldn't understand.

Perhaps it's too late for Maya to be remembered.

Perhaps it is her fate to be forgotten.

Perhaps their story is a tragedy as well, just like Claire and Flora's.

Maya holds her for a long time, weaving secret kisses into her hair, planting them like seeds on her skin, hoping beyond hope that one day they might blossom.

She places one final kiss on the bridge of Claudine's nose and refrains from doing it again.

She has to stop this. She can't keep feeling this way.

Not if she no longer exists in Claudine's memory.

Not if they can't be how they once were.

Perhaps they can start over.

But it will never be the same...

"We will never be the same..."

Maya bows her head and sobs into Claudine's silvery-blonde curls.

She cries until she finds the strength to gather Claudine into her arms once again. Or maybe it isn't strength anymore. It certainly doesn't feel like strength.

She stands, cradling her princess – her goddess – in a bridal style.

Maya carries her all the way back to her room, nudging open the rusted lock, then laying Claudine onto her mattress fit for a queen.

Maya traces her fingers through those silken wavy locks a few times more, watching the rise and fall of her chest.

She told herself she'd stop.

But she can't help herself.

She leans down for one last kiss, pressing her lips to Claudine's head.

She holds it there, letting a tear slip free.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I lo-"

"Please... don't-"

Maya chokes back what she'd been about to say. Claudine stirs just slightly beneath her. Dark lashes flutter like the wings of mystic butterflies and reveal pools of cherry blossom pink.

And just for a split second, Maya believes Claudine knows exactly who she's looking at.

There's both confusion and clarity in those eyes, but Maya can't tell which has more weight.

"Please," Claudine breathes. Don't go..."

The lashes flutter again, and the pink is hidden once more behind pale white.

Maya sobs into her palm. She can't refuse the request.

Maya sits herself slowly on the edge of the bed, noting the indent she makes in the mattress and the lack thereof beneath Claudine. She reaches for her hand and cups it in both of hers.

Maya brings that hand to her lips, the same hand and wrist she'd kissed the night after their Audition.

It's the same hand.

The same body.

The same eyes.

The same lips.

The same heart.

The same girl.

But it isn't her Claudine.

Maya cries.

It's all she can do now.

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A/N: The only thing more difficult than writing Claudine as an uncertain helpless girl is writing Maya as an uncertain helpless girl ;v;