Anon Has No Brakes [ /mlp/ ]

>"Starting is easy! All you have to do is make a friend. Go out there, anon!"

>And with that being said Anon walked outside the castle.
>"I wish you luck!"
>The doors close behind you.
>You double check to make sure.
>Letting out a heavy sigh, you look at the town before you.
"This is gonna end so bad."
>Making your way into the town, you're already getting the "what the fuck is that" look?
>Beautiful.
>Well time to go find a pony to befriend.
>You walk up to the first one looking away from you.
>A wild carrot pony has appeared!
>She has a carrot on her flank, so she must like them.
"Hi, my name is Anon and-"
>She isn't moving.
>It's like she froze in time.
"H-hello?"
>You poke at her side.
>Yeah, she's pretty dead now.
>She must've contact deceased on verbal impact.
>Jesus Christ, Anon......
>Leaving the now pony mannequin alone you decide to make your way further into town.
>Walking up to a celery stand, the pony running it also has a jar of peanut butter being used.
"I know what else peanut butter is good on."
>"Excuse you?"
"Nothing."
>You smile and walk away, turning back the jar of peanut butter is now no longer on the stand.
>Time to head to the bakery called "Sugarcube Corner" that Twilight mentioned earlier.
>Something about a spaz living here or some shit.
>You walk inside, find that all the stools look like candy.
>You decide to lick the table since it looks like a giant peppermint.
>Looking up you see a pink pony laughing her sides off and a couple standing there confused.
>Time to evacuate.
>Upon exiting you almost get hit by a bag of Skittles.
>Turns out it was just a fruit loop.
"Gay pride?"
>"Wha?"
"Who?"
>You walk past the rainbow, instead of over.
>Making friends is progressively fun.
>Time to head over to the fancy clothes place.
>A snoo- I mean beaut lives here supposedly.
>You knock on the door.
>Some proper pone opens it.
>"Why hello there darling, Twilight said something about you going around making friends toda-"
"Dress."
>"Dress?"
"Dress."
>"Errr I don't understand darlin-"
"Dress."
>And with that you leave her in a state of confusion.
>You didn't mean to be socially awkward to everyone on the first day.
>But since you started this, and enjoy it, you are more than willing to see how far you can go now.
>Today, Ponyville.
>Tomorrow?
>Celestia and tin-foil hats.
>But wait there is one more of the bookreader's friends you haven't encountered!
>Actually, three Ano-
>Yeah no the equal sign don't count.
>And the last time I looked into a mirror, bacon poured out and it vibrated.
>Fuckthat.png
>Where was it again?
>Everclear forest?
>Sounds like heaven in a bottle.
>Walking outside the rattled town, you come across some mound on a mound.
>Actually, it's just a really round cottage house thing.
>You knock on the door.
>No response.
>That won't do.
>HERE COMES THE SLAM
>Door is dead, fred.
>After regaining composure, you look around.
"There is no cause for alarm! I'm only here for the zoo attraction!"
>You see a pink tail from behind the sofa.
"Crikey! A shy wombat!"
>Wait where did that sofa go?
>Not halfway across the room, I can assure you that.
>Now all you see is a scared yellow hermit.
>You bend over to look her straight in the eye.
>She seems to be tearing up a little.
>And now for the ultimate whisper.
"The only easy day was yesterday."
>You stand up and walk out.
>You're taking the door with you.
>Insurance
>Back in Ponyville with your new doorfriend you run into Twilight again.
>"Umm, Anon why are holding Fluttershy's door?"
"Everything is fine. There is no cause for concern."
>She is getting worried.
>Shit. Time for plan B.
"Remodeling."
>"Wow you've made that much progress in making friends?"
"Guess I'm a natural."
>"Well, sorry to cut this short but I'm needed in Canterlot for the next day or two. Spike will still be at the caste if you need anything.
"Okay, later Twilight."
>"See ya."
>She doesn't even know.
>And most importantly, she just said Spike was back at the castle by himself.
>Luna and "cosmic brownies" can wait.
>There is a dragon that needs attention.
>...and not that one, you pervert.
>Time to get payback for that mess a while back.
>Wasn't your fault that spike spilled blueberry juice on the center table, stained it, then proceeded to blame it you.
>Oh yeah, blame it on the new guy hurr dee durr.
>Well someone is about to get SPANKED.
>You go back to the castle and open the doors slowly.
>Just to find that Spike is sitting there in at Twilight's chair with that smug ass grin.
>"Oh hey, Anon. Sorry about the other day. No hard feelings right?"
>snapcracklepop.exe
"REEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
>You rush over to the small purple turtle before he can even get a chance.
>After grabbing him you move back over to Twilight's chair and proceed to sit down.
"Now the fun part!"
>He is bent over on your knee and you have your hand held up high.
>One motion later and purple becomes red.
>"OW!! A-Anon?! Did you just spank me?!"
>No words now, only spanking.
>You were too caught up in your endeavor to realize someone was about to enter the room.
>"Twilight? Are you here I need to talk to you abo-"
>That highway seemed to make a dead stop all of a sudden.
>Looking up, all you see is communism.
>You just stare at her, then proceed to put a finger up to your mouth.
"Shhhhhhh."
> Well, even equals know when to get the fuck out of dodge.
>You get up put the crying Spike on Twilight's chair and proceed back out of the castle.
>After closing the doors you turn around and let out a heavy sigh.
"This is gonna end so good."
>Well let's see what you did so far.
>You take out a notebook to jot everything down.
>Even got a crayon.
>You successfully made things awkward with Rarity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy
>Spike became your bitch and the equal rights movement was effectively lost.
>Wasn't she broken to begin with though.
>And Pinkie is just Pinkie.
>Is there even a way to break that?
>Wait, you forgot someone.
>The apple on the ground just made a clear realization.
>Can't believe you forgot about that background pony.
>Time to head to the apple farm.
>Things are about to get apple in here.
>Stop, don't apple my mind please.
>Apple, I meant break!
>NO that's damn!
>Stupid brainwashing fruit.
>Time to head over to the apple farm!
>It's gonna be a lovely time!
>...For you.
>Upon arriving, you see a very hard working pony bucking trees.
>It'd be a shame if you just happened to impede progress.
>You weren't going for awkward on this one.
>You were willing to die if it meant breaking her.
>"Well hey there, Anon! What brings ya to this side of the area?"
"Oh you know, stuff."
>The flint and tinderbox was ready.
>Now we wait for nightfall.
>But first you're reasoning with Applejack.
"So you wouldn't mind if I walk through the farm tonight would you? I like taking strolls through the night by myself and this seems open enough."
>She is somewhat wary of this but let's you regardless.
>"Well, I don't see why not. As long as y'all can find your way out at night."
"Won't be a problem."
>RAZE THIS BARN TIME
>Nightfall hits.
>Upon further inspection, you noticed that the apple tree are close enough to set off a chain reaction.
>Perfect.
>Time?
>2:30AM on the dot.
>They went to sleep a while ago.
>Time to deal the damage.
>Strategy Anon. Start with the outer area first so it isn't noticeable until it's too late.
>Then take a few random trees in the inner area for additional spread.
>It's like baking an apple pie, except we skipped a lot of steps and are just baking the trees as well.
>...Umm this may have got out of hand.
>The fire is spreading much faster than you anticipated.
>Well, no matter time to le-
>"Anon....."
>The way that was said just sent to most chilling shiver down you.
>You slowly turn around to something horrific.
>Smile and optimism, GONE.
"Oh h-hey AJ, wh-what are you up to?"
>There is no response.
>Just that cold lifeless stare.
>Time to get the fuck out of here.
>You may have just fucked up beyond all hope.
>Worth it? Slightly
>Not worth what you are bearing witness to right now.
>...Shit's creepy.
>You aren't actually willing to die, it was just the heat of the moment.
>......God help you.