Verizonifier

// ==UserScript==
// @name           Verizonifier
// @namespace
// @description    Makes all websites look like Verizon's view of the internet (http://publicpolicy.verizon.com/blog/entry/fccs-throwback-thursday-move-imposes-1930s-rules-on-the-internet)
// @description    Based on JoeSimmons's Replace Text on Webpages userscript (http://userscripts.org/users/23652)
// @include        http://*
// @include        https://*
// @include        file://*
// @exclude        http://userscripts.org/scripts/review/*
// @exclude        http://userscripts.org/scripts/edit/*
// @exclude        http://userscripts.org/scripts/edit_src/*
// @exclude        https://userscripts.org/scripts/review/*
// @exclude        https://userscripts.org/scripts/edit/*
// @exclude        https://userscripts.org/scripts/edit_src/*
// @copyright      CEnnis91
// @version        1.0.0
// @license        http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/
// ==/UserScript==
(function () {
    'use strict';


    /*
        NOTE:
            You can use \\* to match actual asterisks instead of using it as a wildcard!
            The examples below show a wildcard in use and a regular asterisk replacement.
    */

    var words = {
    ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////


        // Syntax: 'Search word' : 'Replace word',
        '/[aA]/g' : '.-',
        '/[bB]/g' : '-...',
        '/[cC]/g' : '-.-.',
        '/[dD]/g' : '-..',
        '/[eE]/g' : '.',
        '/[fF]/g' : '..-.',
        '/[gG]/g' : '--.',
        '/[hH]/g' : '....',
        '/[iI]/g' : '..',
        '/[jJ]/g' : '.---',
        '/[kK]/g' : '-.-',
        '/[lL]/g' : '.-..',
        '/[mM]/g' : '--',
        '/[nN]/g' : '-.',
        '/[oO]/g' : '---',
        '/[pP]/g' : '.--.',
        '/[qQ]/g' : '--.-',
        '/[rR]/g' : '.-.',
        '/[sS]/g' : '...',
        '/[tT]/g' : '-',
        '/[uU]/g' : '..-',
        '/[vV]/g' : '...-',
        '/[wW]/g' : '.--',
        '/[xX]/g' : '-..-',
        '/[yY]/g' : '-.--',
        '/[zZ]/g' : '--..',
        '/[0]/g' : '-----',
        '/[1]/g' : '.----',
        '/[2]/g' : '..---',
        '/[3]/g' : '...--',
        '/[4]/g' : '....-',
        '/[5]/g' : '.....',
        '/[6]/g' : '-....',
        '/[7]/g' : '--...',
        '/[8]/g' : '---..',
        '/[9]/g' : '----.',
        '/\\,/g' : '--..--',
        '/\\!/g' : '..--.',
        '/\\:/g' : '---...',
        '/\\"/g' : '.-..-.',
        '/\'/g' : '.----.',
        '/\\=/g' : '-...-',
        '/\//g' : '-..-.',
        '/[()]/g' : '-.--.-',
        '/[@]/g' : '.--.-.',
        '/[$]/g' : '...-..-',
        '/[\\[\\]]/g' : '-.--.-',
        '/[_]/g' : '..--.-',
        '?' : '..--..',
        '\\.' : '.-.-.-',




    ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////
    '':''};










    //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
    // This is where the real code is
    // Don't edit below this
    //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    var regexs = [], replacements = [],
        tagsWhitelist = ['PRE', 'BLOCKQUOTE', 'CODE', 'INPUT', 'BUTTON', 'TEXTAREA'],
        rIsRegexp = /^\/(.+)\/([gim]+)?$/,
        word, text, texts, i, userRegexp;

    // prepareRegex by JoeSimmons
    // used to take a string and ready it for use in new RegExp()
    function prepareRegex(string) {
        return string.replace(/([\[\]\^\&\$\.\(\)\?\/\\\+\{\}\|])/g, '\\$1');
    }

    // function to decide whether a parent tag will have its text replaced or not
    function isTagOk(tag) {
        return tagsWhitelist.indexOf(tag) === -1;
    }

    delete words['']; // so the user can add each entry ending with a comma,
                      // I put an extra empty key/value pair in the object.
                      // so we need to remove it before continuing

    // convert the 'words' JSON object to an Array
    for (word in words) {
        if ( typeof word === 'string' && words.hasOwnProperty(word) ) {
            userRegexp = word.match(rIsRegexp);

            // add the search/needle/query
            if (userRegexp) {
                regexs.push(
                    new RegExp(userRegexp[1], 'g')
                );
            } else {
                regexs.push(
                    new RegExp(prepareRegex(word).replace(/\\?\*/g, function (fullMatch) {
                        return fullMatch === '\\*' ? '*' : '[^ ]*';
                    }), 'g')
                );
            }

            // add the replacement
            replacements.push( words[word] );
        }
    }

    // do the replacement
    texts = document.evaluate('//body//text()[ normalize-space(.) != "" ]', document, null, 6, null);
    for (i = 0; text = texts.snapshotItem(i); i += 1) {
        if ( isTagOk(text.parentNode.tagName) ) {
            regexs.forEach(function (value, index) {
                text.data = text.data.replace( value, replacements[index] );
            });
        }
    }

}());