Belief in Belief in Belief in Belief, etc.

* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (...You know, I probably wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't Myra's.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (Probably not, no.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (Doesn't mean it isn't something that isn't worth doing, though.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It's depressing, cynical, has some viewpoints that are severely warped by time and trauma, and it reminds me of several of my early failures to understand that Myra was also a person.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (But in hindsight I can see her struggling to figure out whether her experiences meant a damn thing to anyone else, and /failing/.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I /can't/ let myself turn this into another "I should've done something about it when I could". But it's tempting and the grooves are worn deep in my shiny.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "ri" : (So how do you prevent the rut from getting deeper?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (A better question would be, what is my alternate explanation and how do I convince myself of it?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It was - it was a /statement/ about the things that humans need to believe are real. That the future can be planned for. That one has agency. That there is some sort of permanence. That acting well will be rewarded.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (And then the next sentence - the next sentence was her dryly pointing out that whether these things were true or not, they had to be /believed/, because they're the underpinnings of the way human beings make decisions.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (The fact that she had to say it had to be believed, whether it was true or not - that stands out to me, now, now in my Mind reroll and with years upon years of contemplation, that she was trying to convince herself of it.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (She /wanted/ to believe all these fundamental things. She couldn't.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Otherwise she would've just said they were true.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Convincing oneself of - of something that isn't true is /madness/.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (And you can't just /believe/ something. If you believe something you genuinely think it's reality. If you try to make yourself believe something, then you're just saying you believe that you believe something.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (The recursion here quickly stacks to incomprehensible levels.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (And me /seeing/ this, now, reinterpretation, new lens snapping into place to reveal the secret message printed in the special ink, and I can hardly believe I /hadn't/ seen it the first time.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It's the same - it's the same thing that I think, after I discover these things, every single time. That I /could've/ done something, even though I didn't. Even though I had been acting on what information I had, even though I myself was mired in a more basic struggle for how /I/ was going to interpret reality.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" ("Could" and "should" are first cousins, in what they imply for the scope of one's duty in reality and its interpretation.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (We might be Players, gods and goddesses wielding powers incomprehensible to those below us, but... we're still /people/, and fallible and damaged and desperately hoping to shirk our duties because we're given no rest.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I'm - and I don't know what to do with this information.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Please tell me I'm not going in circles again.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (I'm not entirely sure that you aren't. But if you are, it's with one hand on the wall.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Hah. You and your Magetalk.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (Sorry. I can try and unpack that, if it'd help?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (No, no, it's endearing.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (She was never fine, and I knew this, but now I have proof.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It's more devastating than I thought it would be, to face it.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (/me hugs)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (/me hugs)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (Finding out that someone you care about was hurting, and realizing that they were hurting worse than you thought, is always hard.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (...Yes. Yes, it is.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (...I wish you were here. It's not the same, talking to my coplayers here.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It's really not.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Not at all.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (I wish I were there with you, too.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : ('S not the same /anything/, without you.)
<epinephrineElectrified> [Congratulations! You're crying now. Again.]
<stanzicApparati> [You're getting a bit weepy as well. You /miss/ your brother.]
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I should probably go. You know. Things to do.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (/me hugs)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (/me hugs)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (Beat keep you steady and Word give you justice.)
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (And sleep well, when you do.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Path unfold, a thousandfold, before you.)
<stanzicApparati> [Hesitate. Wonder why the words are so difficult to say.]
<stanzicApparati> [One last superstition, perhaps.]
* stanzicApparati PMs "Ri" : (And I love you, my brother.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (same)
* epinephrineElectrified has disconnected from the server!