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lulzies

More Than Friends-Chapter 1-(Enter the Anonymity)

May 25th, 2012
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  1. 1
  2.  
  3. >”You ready, Mister Sparkle?”
  4. >”Don’t call me that, Annie.”
  5. >”Well, fuck you too.”
  6. >”Are we best friends?”
  7. >”The best.”
  8.  
  9. >”Now, remember the plan- do your ‘Shining Armor’ thing.”
  10. >”I’m not sure, Anon, what if-“
  11. >”Fuck the ‘if’s and fuck her too.”
  12. >”Remember, I’m the best fucking wingman you can get.”
  13. >You wink.
  14. >Time to get this done.
  15. >You fix your tie, your hair, and your sleeves.
  16. >Looking like a true gentleman, you take a deep breath and…
  17. >Kick the fucking door open.
  18. >Armor shuffles nervously behind you.
  19. >”WHAT’S UP, PARTY PEOPLE?” You shout to the surprised party guests.
  20. >Perhaps, doing the ‘Good cop, Bad cop’ pick up trick won’t work in a posh Canterlot dinner party.
  21. >Only a certain white princess laughs on the far end.
  22. >You turn to your sorry friend, giving him a nod.
  23. >He winces, before jumping out in front of you.
  24. >”I-I’m sorry every p0ny! Just my friend, out of control a little bit.”
  25. >Armor steps in front of you, trying to calm the crowd.
  26. >”What’s wrong, Shining? Afraid to PAR-TAY?”
  27. >”Anon, please.”
  28. >”Fine,” you give a fake defeated stance. “You win.”
  29. >The crowds of nobles whisper something to each other.
  30. >You sink into the crowd with Shining.
  31. >”Okay, we got the first square checked.” You whisper to him.
  32. >”Are you sure we’re doing this?” Oh Shining, too nice for your own good.
  33. >You give him a grim stare.
  34. >”Yes.” You mutter.
  35.  
  36. >Knowing he can’t persuade you, he follows you to the drink stand.
  37. >You pick out a glass of champagne, holding it like a sir.
  38. >Damn, you felt impressive.
  39. >You lean onto your friend.
  40. >”So, find any mare that your eye fancies?”
  41. >Shining Armor rubs his chin, and finally points at a pony in the far back.
  42. >Your mind processes the pony in question.
  43. >Unicorn
  44. >Pink mane.
  45. >Slender legs.
  46. >Tall and thin physique.
  47. >”*that* one?” You lower Armor’s hoof.
  48. >Pointing is rude, ya’know.
  49. >”Know who that is?”
  50. >”Do I?”
  51. >”Do you?”
  52. >”Uhm.”
  53. >Armor gives you a disdaining look.
  54. >”It’s Fleur De Lis.”
  55. >Armor whistles in surprise.
  56. >”Fancy.”
  57. >”Okay, as far as I know, she’s a model.”
  58. >Armor nods.
  59. >”And she doesn’t talk much.”
  60. >Another nod.
  61. >”Unless you make her- man, isn’t she loud.”
  62. >Nod.
  63. >”Also,” You lean in. “She’s a screamer.”
  64. >That elicits some stares from the pony-folk.
  65. >Noticing this, you raise your hands in defiance.
  66. >Yeah, what’chu gonna do about it, bitch?
  67. >They eventually ignore you.
  68. >”Sheesh, some pony folk, eh?”
  69. >You nudge your friend.
  70. >He doesn’t budge.
  71. >You turn to him, seeing that he is blushing. Hard.
  72. >Oh, that little fucker.
  73. >You love this guy.
  74. >No homo.
  75. >You give him a harder push.
  76. >”Well, you up for it?”
  77. >”Uhm, Anon I don’t think-“
  78. >”Yes, you don’t, now, go do it.”
  79. >”I don’t know, Anon…”
  80. >”Come on man. I’ll even help you this time.”
  81. >You proudly put your hand on your waist.
  82. >They grow up so fast.
  83. >”Anywho, you have no choice.”
  84. >”Really, what makes you say t-“
  85. >You pick up the stallion, and trot over to the mare.
  86. >You easily make your way there, since every p0ny tries to avoid you.
  87. >Except for some stallions you knew.
  88. >And some mares.
  89. >Okay, little mares.
  90. >As in an amount, not age.
  91. >Jesus, fuck Christ, what is wrong with you.
  92. >You see your target right there, alone.
  93. >Probably sipping on some of those nasty drinks.
  94. >You walk right over, pull a seat across her, and drop your little friend.
  95. >He does not object.
  96. >Fleur- or Flour, as you called her, seems surprised, but eases as she sees you.
  97. >”Anon, is that you?” She asks.
  98. >”Well, could there be another god-loved good looking human in Canterlot?”
  99. >”Possibly.”
  100.  
  101. >The two of you share a laugh.
  102. >You met the mare in- *her* tea parties.
  103. >You don’t even know why you were dragged into it.
  104. >Fucking ponies.
  105. >”So, Flour, this is Shiny. Shiny Armor.”
  106. >She extends a hoof, and Shiny just stares at it.
  107. >ya-blew-it.jpg
  108. >You give a look of disapproval, and whisper into Flour’s ear-
  109. >”He likes you, go easy on him.”
  110. >She gasps lightly, before looking at the stallion in front of her.
  111. >Now you need spaghetti and it is complete.
  112. >”Well.” You clasp your and hand rise up.
  113. >”Some pony’s calling me and-“
  114. >You lean in to Flour’s ears again.
  115. >”He likes to listen. Trust me.”
  116. >She pouts at you, before you slowly back away.
  117. >As you leave, Armor is pelted with her words.
  118. >Celestia save that little fucker.
  119. >You start moving about aimlessly, before you’re pulled aside by a certain pony.
  120. >”Anon!” She calls to you, before giving you a warm hug.
  121. >You return the hug, feeling her wings.
  122. >You lean closer and whisper-
  123. >”You want to get out of here?” You ask.
  124. >She studies you, before letting go.
  125. >”Yeah.” She replies just as quickly.
  126.  
  127. >As the two of you teleport away, Shining returns his gaze back to the unicorn in front of him.
  128. >Best wingman, my ass.
  129. >He continues to sweat furiously, still unsure what to do.
  130. >”Celestia dammit, Anon.” He says, under his breath.
  131.  
  132. >You are now in the west wing, on one of the guard towers.
  133. >It was your normal post, and you loved the sight.
  134. >”So, this place again?” She asks.
  135. >”Well, I have to have a spot.”
  136. >”It could be *our* spot, you know.”
  137. >You sigh and turn around, resting your back and elbows on the unusually tall balcony wall.
  138. >You raise a brow and give her your trademark smirk.
  139. >Ah, you had a thing for special women.
  140. >That’s because she’s the only one, jackass.
  141. >Shut up, conscience.
  142. >You take a deeper breath, as the winds get stronger.
  143. >Cadance.
  144.  
  145. >You are woken by a light jab on your head.
  146. >”Five more minutes.” You wave off the anomaly.
  147. >”There will be no five minutes, young man.”
  148. >”Fine, Mister Sparkle.” You groan, as you jump down from your two story bed.
  149. >”You too, Shining.” The unicorn jabs another poor soul.
  150. >Another unicorn groans, just as you did, and jumps out.
  151. >He has a white coat, and wavy blue mane.
  152. >”Now, this is you first day in Magic school, and I need you to-“
  153. >The two boys are already gone.
  154. >”Why do I even bother.” He mutters to himself.
  155.  
  156. >You are ten, and you are the oldest EVAR.
  157. >With your best friend, Shining Armor.
  158. >You still wonder why Mistur Spahkle named him that way.
  159. >Must be a pony thing.
  160. >Fudging ponies.
  161.  
  162. >You can count to books, and do some light magic.
  163. >Or was it counting to light?
  164. >Not sure.
  165. >299,890.
  166.  
  167. >Breakfast was normal.
  168. >You only got the OJ over the bowl.
  169. >Baby sister Twilight seemed to enjoy it.
  170. >She’s like few months old.
  171. >You’re already Missus Sparkle’s height.
  172. >”Have a great day at school, kids!” Misses Sparkle waves to two of you out, placing a bag on each of you.
  173. >You tug on your orange shirt, and take a deep breath.
  174. >New day.
  175. >New adventures.
  176. >”Shine, ready for some more-“
  177. >”ADVENTURE?” The two of you shout in unison.
  178. >And then, the bus carriage passes the two of you.
  179. >”Oh man, we’re late for the bus- on the FIRST day!”
  180. >You take a hero stance.
  181. >”No worry, Shine, this means more-“
  182. >”ADVENTURE!” The two of you shout again.
  183.  
  184. >The two of you ended up coming late to the school.
  185. >By two hours.
  186. >But who could have caught up?
  187. >It was a FLYING, MAGIC bus.
  188. >Not even your hooman magic could solve that problem.
  189.  
  190. >You sit down on the chair and hum.
  191. >Shine shuffles in his seat, already sweating.
  192. >You are in front of the Headmaster’s office.
  193. >You’re all ice, and Shine gets the shivers.
  194. >Mistur Sphakles says they found you holding onto a doughnut when they found you.
  195. >That’s silly, you don’t even like doughnuts.
  196. >You like DONUTS.
  197. >It’s like a soft nut with a hole in the middle.
  198. >Fudging ponies.
  199.  
  200. >Your sight glances about in the hallway, devoid of all life.
  201. >Then your sight is blocked by a large pony.
  202. >You think it’s a Pegasus, it has wings.
  203. >But it also has a horn, Unicorn?
  204. >Pegacorn?
  205. >Unisus?
  206. >Fudging ponies, you tell yourself.
  207.  
  208. >You leave your seat and immediately trot over.
  209. >”Anon, no!” Shine calls out.
  210. >He’s just a wussy.
  211. >”Excuse me miss,” You say, pulling her ever flowing mane that was colored like a painting.
  212. >She looks to you, curious.
  213. >”Are you a Pegacorn or an Unisus?” You ask, looking up to her.
  214. >She looks to your question and ‘D’awww’s.
  215. >You don’t like being babiefied.
  216. >”Wook, Miss- I don’t like bewing a baby to you, okay?” You point your finger at her.
  217. >She lets out a kind laugh.
  218. >”I’m sorry, Anon, I promise to not treat you like a baby.”
  219. >”How did you know my name?” You ask.
  220. >”Well, it’s simple actually, I’ve known you since you were an itsy bitsy wittle baby.” She coos.
  221. >Oh, she really done it now.
  222. >”I said no baby tweatment!” You cross your arm, and pout.
  223. >She laughs again, and apologizes.
  224. >She says something about a new friend or something, but you don’t like adult talk.
  225. >Its boring.
  226.  
  227. >Shine comes up behind you and pull you back, still sweating.
  228. >”Anon! That’s the princess!”
  229. >You glance over to the white Pegacorn, who is still rambling on.
  230. >You shrug.
  231. >”So?”
  232. >Shiny almost faints at this.
  233. >You free yourself from the grasps of the worry wart and walk over to the Princess.
  234. >You’re not done with her.
  235. >Shiny keeps calling out to you, to which you respond with a sharp stare.
  236. >”No, Anon, Not that behind yo-“
  237. >You crash onto a unicorn.
  238. >The two of you fall to the ground.
  239. >”Hey! Why don’t you watch where you’re going!” You snap.
  240. >She falls with an ‘Ow!’
  241. >Oh boy, *girls*.
  242. >”I see you met my niece, Cadance.” The big tall princess says.
  243. >She’s so funny sometimes.
  244. >”Say hello, Cadance.” Celestia motions the unicorn.
  245. >Wait a minute- SHE HAS WINGS TOO
  246. >ANOTHER PEGACORN
  247.  
  248. >This can’t get better.
  249.  
  250. >The pegacorn has a pink coat, and wavy pink, purple, and yellow mane, tied to a pony tail.
  251. >She looks over, still shocked by the crash.
  252. >”Uhm, hi, new pegacorn.” You say, extending your hand.
  253. >She just waves at you, silently.
  254. >Well, someone’s boring.
  255. >You grunt at her, still hands extended.
  256. >”Well, it ain’t gonna shake itself.” You say, point at it.
  257. >She says something you can’t hear.
  258. >She slowly extends her hoof over to you.
  259. >Slowly.
  260. >Slwoly.
  261. >SCHLAOWLY.
  262. >Fudging Ponies.
  263.  
  264. >You just sigh and push your hand over, grabbing her soft hoof.
  265. >She jumps in surprise.
  266. >You forcibly shake the hoof, and let go.
  267. >Celestia is barely holding back laughter and her D’awwww’s
  268. >You swear, if she does that-
  269.  
  270. >”Why don’t you kids run along now? How about some Adventure?”
  271. >Shiny and you perk up at the word.
  272. >You glance at each other.
  273. >”Adventure?”
  274. >Adventure.”
  275. >”ADVENTURE!”
  276. >The two of you shout, running off.
  277. >You don’t forget to drag this boring pegacorn with you; she needs to be less- boringfied.
  278. >And some cootie removal.
  279.  
  280. >She just screams at your tug, flailing helplessly, and forced to go with you.
  281. >”HiI’mAnonandit’sgreattoknowyouyournameiscandacerightthat’safunnynameIhaveafunnynamesoyoulikeorange?” You spew out questions and introductions, teaming up with Shiny.
  282. >Adventure time is best time.
  283. >Celestia looks at the trio.
  284. >These three will wreck havoc, she knows it.
  285. >And by golly, she will enjoy every moment.
  286.  
  287. >And she should keep her eyes on this ‘Anon’…
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