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- >”You ready, Mister Sparkle?”
- >”Don’t call me that, Annie.”
- >”Well, fuck you too.”
- >”Are we best friends?”
- >”The best.”
- >”Now, remember the plan- do your ‘Shining Armor’ thing.”
- >”I’m not sure, Anon, what if-“
- >”Fuck the ‘if’s and fuck her too.”
- >”Remember, I’m the best fucking wingman you can get.”
- >You wink.
- >Time to get this done.
- >You fix your tie, your hair, and your sleeves.
- >Looking like a true gentleman, you take a deep breath and…
- >Kick the fucking door open.
- >Armor shuffles nervously behind you.
- >”WHAT’S UP, PARTY PEOPLE?” You shout to the surprised party guests.
- >Perhaps, doing the ‘Good cop, Bad cop’ pick up trick won’t work in a posh Canterlot dinner party.
- >Only a certain white princess laughs on the far end.
- >You turn to your sorry friend, giving him a nod.
- >He winces, before jumping out in front of you.
- >”I-I’m sorry every p0ny! Just my friend, out of control a little bit.”
- >Armor steps in front of you, trying to calm the crowd.
- >”What’s wrong, Shining? Afraid to PAR-TAY?”
- >”Anon, please.”
- >”Fine,” you give a fake defeated stance. “You win.”
- >The crowds of nobles whisper something to each other.
- >You sink into the crowd with Shining.
- >”Okay, we got the first square checked.” You whisper to him.
- >”Are you sure we’re doing this?” Oh Shining, too nice for your own good.
- >You give him a grim stare.
- >”Yes.” You mutter.
- >Knowing he can’t persuade you, he follows you to the drink stand.
- >You pick out a glass of champagne, holding it like a sir.
- >Damn, you felt impressive.
- >You lean onto your friend.
- >”So, find any mare that your eye fancies?”
- >Shining Armor rubs his chin, and finally points at a pony in the far back.
- >Your mind processes the pony in question.
- >Unicorn
- >Pink mane.
- >Slender legs.
- >Tall and thin physique.
- >”*that* one?” You lower Armor’s hoof.
- >Pointing is rude, ya’know.
- >”Know who that is?”
- >”Do I?”
- >”Do you?”
- >”Uhm.”
- >Armor gives you a disdaining look.
- >”It’s Fleur De Lis.”
- >Armor whistles in surprise.
- >”Fancy.”
- >”Okay, as far as I know, she’s a model.”
- >Armor nods.
- >”And she doesn’t talk much.”
- >Another nod.
- >”Unless you make her- man, isn’t she loud.”
- >Nod.
- >”Also,” You lean in. “She’s a screamer.”
- >That elicits some stares from the pony-folk.
- >Noticing this, you raise your hands in defiance.
- >Yeah, what’chu gonna do about it, bitch?
- >They eventually ignore you.
- >”Sheesh, some pony folk, eh?”
- >You nudge your friend.
- >He doesn’t budge.
- >You turn to him, seeing that he is blushing. Hard.
- >Oh, that little fucker.
- >You love this guy.
- >No homo.
- >You give him a harder push.
- >”Well, you up for it?”
- >”Uhm, Anon I don’t think-“
- >”Yes, you don’t, now, go do it.”
- >”I don’t know, Anon…”
- >”Come on man. I’ll even help you this time.”
- >You proudly put your hand on your waist.
- >They grow up so fast.
- >”Anywho, you have no choice.”
- >”Really, what makes you say t-“
- >You pick up the stallion, and trot over to the mare.
- >You easily make your way there, since every p0ny tries to avoid you.
- >Except for some stallions you knew.
- >And some mares.
- >Okay, little mares.
- >As in an amount, not age.
- >Jesus, fuck Christ, what is wrong with you.
- >You see your target right there, alone.
- >Probably sipping on some of those nasty drinks.
- >You walk right over, pull a seat across her, and drop your little friend.
- >He does not object.
- >Fleur- or Flour, as you called her, seems surprised, but eases as she sees you.
- >”Anon, is that you?” She asks.
- >”Well, could there be another god-loved good looking human in Canterlot?”
- >”Possibly.”
- >The two of you share a laugh.
- >You met the mare in- *her* tea parties.
- >You don’t even know why you were dragged into it.
- >Fucking ponies.
- >”So, Flour, this is Shiny. Shiny Armor.”
- >She extends a hoof, and Shiny just stares at it.
- >ya-blew-it.jpg
- >You give a look of disapproval, and whisper into Flour’s ear-
- >”He likes you, go easy on him.”
- >She gasps lightly, before looking at the stallion in front of her.
- >Now you need spaghetti and it is complete.
- >”Well.” You clasp your and hand rise up.
- >”Some pony’s calling me and-“
- >You lean in to Flour’s ears again.
- >”He likes to listen. Trust me.”
- >She pouts at you, before you slowly back away.
- >As you leave, Armor is pelted with her words.
- >Celestia save that little fucker.
- >You start moving about aimlessly, before you’re pulled aside by a certain pony.
- >”Anon!” She calls to you, before giving you a warm hug.
- >You return the hug, feeling her wings.
- >You lean closer and whisper-
- >”You want to get out of here?” You ask.
- >She studies you, before letting go.
- >”Yeah.” She replies just as quickly.
- >As the two of you teleport away, Shining returns his gaze back to the unicorn in front of him.
- >Best wingman, my ass.
- >He continues to sweat furiously, still unsure what to do.
- >”Celestia dammit, Anon.” He says, under his breath.
- >You are now in the west wing, on one of the guard towers.
- >It was your normal post, and you loved the sight.
- >”So, this place again?” She asks.
- >”Well, I have to have a spot.”
- >”It could be *our* spot, you know.”
- >You sigh and turn around, resting your back and elbows on the unusually tall balcony wall.
- >You raise a brow and give her your trademark smirk.
- >Ah, you had a thing for special women.
- >That’s because she’s the only one, jackass.
- >Shut up, conscience.
- >You take a deeper breath, as the winds get stronger.
- >Cadance.
- >You are woken by a light jab on your head.
- >”Five more minutes.” You wave off the anomaly.
- >”There will be no five minutes, young man.”
- >”Fine, Mister Sparkle.” You groan, as you jump down from your two story bed.
- >”You too, Shining.” The unicorn jabs another poor soul.
- >Another unicorn groans, just as you did, and jumps out.
- >He has a white coat, and wavy blue mane.
- >”Now, this is you first day in Magic school, and I need you to-“
- >The two boys are already gone.
- >”Why do I even bother.” He mutters to himself.
- >You are ten, and you are the oldest EVAR.
- >With your best friend, Shining Armor.
- >You still wonder why Mistur Spahkle named him that way.
- >Must be a pony thing.
- >Fudging ponies.
- >You can count to books, and do some light magic.
- >Or was it counting to light?
- >Not sure.
- >299,890.
- >Breakfast was normal.
- >You only got the OJ over the bowl.
- >Baby sister Twilight seemed to enjoy it.
- >She’s like few months old.
- >You’re already Missus Sparkle’s height.
- >”Have a great day at school, kids!” Misses Sparkle waves to two of you out, placing a bag on each of you.
- >You tug on your orange shirt, and take a deep breath.
- >New day.
- >New adventures.
- >”Shine, ready for some more-“
- >”ADVENTURE?” The two of you shout in unison.
- >And then, the bus carriage passes the two of you.
- >”Oh man, we’re late for the bus- on the FIRST day!”
- >You take a hero stance.
- >”No worry, Shine, this means more-“
- >”ADVENTURE!” The two of you shout again.
- >The two of you ended up coming late to the school.
- >By two hours.
- >But who could have caught up?
- >It was a FLYING, MAGIC bus.
- >Not even your hooman magic could solve that problem.
- >You sit down on the chair and hum.
- >Shine shuffles in his seat, already sweating.
- >You are in front of the Headmaster’s office.
- >You’re all ice, and Shine gets the shivers.
- >Mistur Sphakles says they found you holding onto a doughnut when they found you.
- >That’s silly, you don’t even like doughnuts.
- >You like DONUTS.
- >It’s like a soft nut with a hole in the middle.
- >Fudging ponies.
- >Your sight glances about in the hallway, devoid of all life.
- >Then your sight is blocked by a large pony.
- >You think it’s a Pegasus, it has wings.
- >But it also has a horn, Unicorn?
- >Pegacorn?
- >Unisus?
- >Fudging ponies, you tell yourself.
- >You leave your seat and immediately trot over.
- >”Anon, no!” Shine calls out.
- >He’s just a wussy.
- >”Excuse me miss,” You say, pulling her ever flowing mane that was colored like a painting.
- >She looks to you, curious.
- >”Are you a Pegacorn or an Unisus?” You ask, looking up to her.
- >She looks to your question and ‘D’awww’s.
- >You don’t like being babiefied.
- >”Wook, Miss- I don’t like bewing a baby to you, okay?” You point your finger at her.
- >She lets out a kind laugh.
- >”I’m sorry, Anon, I promise to not treat you like a baby.”
- >”How did you know my name?” You ask.
- >”Well, it’s simple actually, I’ve known you since you were an itsy bitsy wittle baby.” She coos.
- >Oh, she really done it now.
- >”I said no baby tweatment!” You cross your arm, and pout.
- >She laughs again, and apologizes.
- >She says something about a new friend or something, but you don’t like adult talk.
- >Its boring.
- >Shine comes up behind you and pull you back, still sweating.
- >”Anon! That’s the princess!”
- >You glance over to the white Pegacorn, who is still rambling on.
- >You shrug.
- >”So?”
- >Shiny almost faints at this.
- >You free yourself from the grasps of the worry wart and walk over to the Princess.
- >You’re not done with her.
- >Shiny keeps calling out to you, to which you respond with a sharp stare.
- >”No, Anon, Not that behind yo-“
- >You crash onto a unicorn.
- >The two of you fall to the ground.
- >”Hey! Why don’t you watch where you’re going!” You snap.
- >She falls with an ‘Ow!’
- >Oh boy, *girls*.
- >”I see you met my niece, Cadance.” The big tall princess says.
- >She’s so funny sometimes.
- >”Say hello, Cadance.” Celestia motions the unicorn.
- >Wait a minute- SHE HAS WINGS TOO
- >ANOTHER PEGACORN
- >This can’t get better.
- >The pegacorn has a pink coat, and wavy pink, purple, and yellow mane, tied to a pony tail.
- >She looks over, still shocked by the crash.
- >”Uhm, hi, new pegacorn.” You say, extending your hand.
- >She just waves at you, silently.
- >Well, someone’s boring.
- >You grunt at her, still hands extended.
- >”Well, it ain’t gonna shake itself.” You say, point at it.
- >She says something you can’t hear.
- >She slowly extends her hoof over to you.
- >Slowly.
- >Slwoly.
- >SCHLAOWLY.
- >Fudging Ponies.
- >You just sigh and push your hand over, grabbing her soft hoof.
- >She jumps in surprise.
- >You forcibly shake the hoof, and let go.
- >Celestia is barely holding back laughter and her D’awwww’s
- >You swear, if she does that-
- >”Why don’t you kids run along now? How about some Adventure?”
- >Shiny and you perk up at the word.
- >You glance at each other.
- >”Adventure?”
- >Adventure.”
- >”ADVENTURE!”
- >The two of you shout, running off.
- >You don’t forget to drag this boring pegacorn with you; she needs to be less- boringfied.
- >And some cootie removal.
- >She just screams at your tug, flailing helplessly, and forced to go with you.
- >”HiI’mAnonandit’sgreattoknowyouyournameiscandacerightthat’safunnynameIhaveafunnynamesoyoulikeorange?” You spew out questions and introductions, teaming up with Shiny.
- >Adventure time is best time.
- >Celestia looks at the trio.
- >These three will wreck havoc, she knows it.
- >And by golly, she will enjoy every moment.
- >And she should keep her eyes on this ‘Anon’…
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