Salvage (Hanako, post-bad), Chapter 3: Dust to Dust

The remainder of the long weekend comes and goes in solitude. I don't end up doing much during the day except going for morning runs to clear my head. There's also the added benefit of physically exhausting me to the point that I can actually sleep.

My mind's been too restless recently. Thinking about Hanako. About Lilly. About the apparent anger from both parties. Akira's judgment has especially weighed heavily on me.

I actually haven't talked to Lilly since then. I wake up. I run. I sleep. I read. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And so, today, we head back to the ordinary regimen of classes. Thankfully, I finished up all the homework assigned to us. Given my lack of sleep last night and my exercise this morning, though, I'm running on empty. It's going to be a long morning.

A familiar face greets me when I walk into classroom 3-3. Her bouncing pink hair makes her rather hard to miss. “Heya, Hicchan~!”

“Hey, Misha.” It's *way* too early for this shit.

Her second half makes a few gestures with her hands. “So, how was your long weekend? Do anything exciting~?” I'm presuming this is Shizune talking.

“Absolutely dreadful.”

Misha frowns as her comrade continues signing. “Awww~. What's wrong, Hicchan? As class representative, it's my~ responsibility to make sure all~ the students are happy!”

“I'd rather not talk about it,” I respond curtly. There's a double reason for that. One, Lilly and I are still under pact to not say anything. Two, I actually *don't* want to talk about it. Miss Bubblegum Hair seems disappointed with that answer.

“Well, Hicchan, if you want to talk about~ it, we're here to listen.” She puts her hands on her hips. “Well~, one of us anyway! Wahaha~!” Misha skips away to her desk, laughing as she goes. I'm assuming she added that last part.

I follow them over to our desks, noting that Hanako's desk is empty. She's often late, but I wonder if she'll come at all after what happened this weekend. I take my seat, and Mutou comes in literally seconds before the bell rings. He looks about as disheveled as I do. Hopefully he at least enjoyed his weekend.

The school day begins and proceeds as normal, without any appearance from the “class truant,” as people call her. I start to worry, then remind myself that this isn't exactly abnormal. She could just be having a bad day and wants her space.

Mutou drones on and on, and I find myself drifting further and further into dreamland....

...
...
...

“Nakai!” I bolt awake at the sound of my name. How long was I out? Mutou is practically glaring at me. “Nakai, I know you probably slept little over break, but I'd appreciate it if you stayed awake.”

“Y-yes, sir,” I mutter.

I struggle to pay attention for the remainder of class until lunch. Of course, I fail, but at least I'm able to stay conscious.

The bell rings. Finally, freedom. At least for a little while.

I pack my bag and start debating where to go for lunch. I could walk somewhere, but that would only make me more tired. There's also the cafeteria, or I might be able to grab something from my room...

“Nakai!” Oh, what now?

Wait, that's a girl's voice.

I spin around and am greeted by two girls from my class. I'm not the best with names, but I do recognize one of them as Naomi, head of the newspaper club. I assume the other one is some friend of hers. What was her name... Natsuko? Masumi? Natsume, that's it.

Naomi's hands are curled into fists resting on her hips: confident, but definitely angry. “What's up with Hanako?” she asks.

“Uh... What?” I respond.

“She wasn't in class today, moron!” Natsume bites back. Feisty.

“Oh, right! Hanako. Um... isn't that normal for her?”

Naomi takes the lead. “We haven't seen her since Friday, after Lilly got back. She won't come out of her room, for anyone or anything. There's sobbing behind her door, occasionally screaming. What the hell did you do to her?”

“Me? I didn't do anything!” At least I'm not *technically* lying.

Natsume calls bullshit. “One of you had to do something, because this didn't start until Lilly came back!”

“And if you don't tell us what you did or fix what's happening, well...” Well what? “We'll make sure you regret it!”

The two of them storm off down the hallway, presumably to the cafeteria. That's one option out of the picture. Although... they said Hanako hasn't been seen for days. I haven't spoken to Lilly in a while. Maybe it's time she and I talked. Something is terribly wrong here, maybe more than either of us understand.

I decide to head for the tea room. That's definitely the best place I have in mind for finding her right now. The door is almost closed when I arrived, save for a small crack. I nudge it open a bit and see a flash of blonde hair. Is she also taking the loner treatment?

“Who's there?” she pipes. She must have heard the door hinge creak. Well, no use turning back now.

“It's Hisao. Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all. Have a seat.” I take my place at the table, which is dressed with her tea set and a plate of a few small sandwiches. She obviously didn't feel like cooking today. “Help yourself. Would you like some tea?” She's already poured a cup, so I accept her offer. Maybe the light caffeine will help wake me up.

We sit in relative silence for a moment, save for the occasional sipping sounds. I have to break the tension it seems. “So... Hanako wasn't in class today.”

She releases her cup and folds her arms in her lap. “Yes, I know. She hasn't been seen out of her room since Friday.”

“Who told you?”

“Natsume found me this morning on my way down to classes and told me.”

“Did she tell you about the crying? The screaming?”

She laughs, if you can call it that. It's definitely a grim sound, but most resembling a chuckle. “I live right across the hall from her. I've heard it since Saturday night. You have...” She pauses, like she's pushing away a bad memory. “You have no idea how hard it is to sleep at night hearing that.” Only now do I notice the bags under her eyes.

“We're both a right mess, aren't we?”

“It would seem so.” We both take a few sips of our tea before she continues. “Have you heard the rumors?”

“The... rumors?”

“Well, they're not quite rumors. But people are saying things.”

“Like what?”

A heavy sigh. “That she's finally gone off the deep end. No one except us knows why she's acting this way, Hisao. We know the problem. They don't. When people don't understand something, they make up stories. As far as I know, she hasn't heard any of them.”

I look down, rather dejected. Once again, I'm reminded how much of this is my fault. If I had only listened to Lilly when I had the chance.... “So, what do we do now?”

“I don't know. We've tried to reconcile with her. I think now... it's up to her. It's her life, and I can't bring myself to try interfering any more than I already have.”

I grab one of the sandwiches and nibble on it, not exactly feeling like eating anything. The rest of lunch passes quietly except for my chewing and the slurps of tea. The bell rings to summon us back to class, and we take our leave of each other.

Unsurprisingly, I'm one of the first ones back in the classroom. Misha and Shizune beat me, as always. Misha waves me down. “Hey, Hicchan~!”

I throw my bag next my desk - and I do mean throw - and sit down. “Geez, Hicchan, why so~ angry?” I just glare at her, and I think she gets the message. I really don't want to put up with Misha right now. Tired and too much to think about.

The rest of the class pours in before the bell rings. There's one more than the number that left. A straggler comes in last, her head hung so that her dark hair completely covers her face.

Hanako? But I thought she hadn't been out of her room since the weekend. Maybe she's finally ready to give people another chance.

She walks slowly, almost in a shuffle. Her arms and legs seem thinner. Has she even been eating? A brash voice interrupts her. “Hey, looks like the shut-in's come out to play!”

For a moment, she stops and glares at him. “What's the matter,” another chimes in, “finally gone insane? I guess the stories *are* true!” Cat's out of the bag.

She grits her teeth. Her tiny muscles clench. “Leave. Me. Alone,” she growls. This is more than mildly disturbing. This is actually terrifying. No one else in the room seems to be as affected as I am, though. I look back at Naomi. Why isn't she doing something? Why aren't *I* doing something?

Too late, apparently. Deciding she's had enough, the broken girl leaves the classroom. I don't blame her, after that display of cruelty. Naomi finally speaks up. “Takashi! What the hell was that about?”

“Just having a little bit of fun, what's wrong with that?” I knew I didn't like this guy.

“You do not, I repeat, do *not* use my friends as playthings! Got it, mister?”

The girl takes charge, but that doesn't excuse her inaction. Takashi notes that, too. “I didn't see you do anything to stop me when she was here! Afraid of being associated with a freak like her? I certainly would be.”

Naomi doesn't respond. She lets him have the last laugh.

I sure hope Hanako can't hear this from down the hall.

-----------

Thwack. My pillow hits the gray wall, venting my frustration.

Thwack. Another hit. And again. And again. Harder with each swing.

His words still linger, burning and stinging. In just one moment, Takashi was able to take me from sitting on the verge of normality to right back over the edge. I was so close... but he decided to drag me back down.

Tears stream down my face, raw emotion in physical form. “A freak, am I?” I mutter to myself. “Some psycho to have your way with, like some twisted game of cat and mouse?! I'll show you *psycho*!” I launch the pillow as hard as I can against the far wall. A direct hit.

Despite my recently poor nutrition, the throw had enough force to rattle one of the shelves. I can see it shaking, rocking back and forth. It's the same shelf with my dolls on it. Lilly's dolls.

And they're going to fall.

I rush over to hopefully catch them, but only one makes it. The newest gift descends to the floor, its face shattering from the drop. I set the red-haired doll back on the shelf and inspect the other, brushing aside its blonde hair to look at its shattered face. My last treasure... ruined. As damaged as I am.

As I examine the broken porcelain, I try to fight back the memories of my birthday party. Of that period of incredible happiness, when they showed me such boundless love.

I remember when he talked with me one day after... he told her to get this one because it would remind me of her. As I look at its broken complexion, sorrow. Memories come in floods, each more crushing than the last. They're all so simple, and yet so beautiful.

The worst ones are those since he came into my life. Of the festival fireworks at the Shanghai. Afternoons in the library, just reading and enjoying the other's company. That evening in the jazz club, when I finally opened up to him.

It's all gone. I pull the doll close to my breast and can only wail.

My best friend, who loved me like her own daughter. This gift, her doll, what was supposed to be an eye in the storm. And him... the man that I fell for and pushed away completely, which started this whole mess.

They've left me forever. No one to blame but me.

No one to punish but me.

“The wages of sin is death.”

A proper penance.